CailinPig Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Hello, I'm on and off loveshack over the past 5 years I'd say like a yo yo! I'm having quite a 'down' day and I just wanted to know if there's anyone here who's in their 20's or 30's and has been single for more than 5 years? I feel so lonely. I've been through all the phases - desperately unhappy and depressed, numb, finally acceptance and contentment. But in the last while, it's gona back to feeling sad that something's missing. Human's are social creatures by nature and I can't lie and say I'm happy without someone in my life. I've been single for 6 years of my twenties, what a waste of life really. Those of you who are single for quite a while, how do you feel? What do you think is holding you back? For me personally, I think it's my personality, which is an awful thing to say, but I can be quite scary to men I'd say. Also, I can be a bit kooky too. Unfortunatly. I wish I was like everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
baRx Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Hey, I'm 26, going on 27 and have been single for 10 years now. Yeah, I've had silly one night stands and even once came close to a relationship since, but nothing has worked out. There are a lot of things holding me back, mostly myself. I am my own worst enemy and the fact that I'm starting to really understand that is helping. I've been seeing a lot more confidence swing my way, although it's still alcohol induced, it's really helping. The last few years, even with alcohol my confidence has been down - but in the last 2 months or so it's finally getting to the point where I'm seeing things change. Baby steps, though. I posted up a thread the other day asking for advice on whether I should pursue 2 potential prospects, but nobody replied so today I'm feeling like it was a waste to a) create the thread and b) bother thinking I could have had a shot. ^--- that's what I mean by I'm my own worst enemy. Because I got no responses I'm back to thinking negatively. That needs to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CailinPig Posted May 8, 2013 Author Share Posted May 8, 2013 You have two prospects? I'm jealous!!! I don't know. I don't trust my own judgement anymore - I sometimes fancy men just because they're single. And then afterwards I think to myself 'wait a second, you didn't even really like him, you just want attention!' (by 'afterwards', I don't mean anything happens with those guys, just that as time passes...) Yeah I'm really shy too (which sounds like it could also be your problem) and men often think I don't like them, or I'm stuck up. Sucks ass though. Having had a long term relationship in the past makes you want one again. So I guess your bad point is being overly negative or self-critical? Link to post Share on other sites
baRx Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Well, I say I have two 'prospects' but it's probably just all in my mind, so nothing to be jealous of. One of them said hypothetically that if I were to ask her out, she'd say yes -- but I haven't bothered since then, and the other one I flirt with all the time but I highly doubt she'd actually say yes... I think she's just being nice.. but I'll have to gauge more into it on Saturday when I stop by her bar.....so really, they're just people I pretend that I'd have a shot with =). I'm not really shy, just completely unconfident unless I'm drinking. I suppose women have no idea when I'm into them. But, that's another thing I need to work on! I wouldn't say I'm overly negative or critical, my negative days have actually gone behind me -- I'm just more of a realist. While some people are like "go for it! what do you have to lose?!" i'm like "...the bar I hang out at all the time." Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 25 years old. Never kissed a girl. I "dated" a girl back in college (I think we were dating but maybe we weren't it was hard to tell) for a few months about 4 years ago. Other than that "thing", I've never been in a relationship. Yes, I feel like a waste. I think what holds me back is I have no idea how to create sexual tension or any of that stuff. I'm awkward when it comes to women I'm interested in and I don't really approach women because I'm afraid of them. I've tried online dating but that's a really depressing part of the internet, right next to stories about the accidental deaths of household pets. So, I feel your pain OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 I feel your pain. For reasons beyond my control--one of which is being the first of a brood of eight children where my family had nothing for me to go to college--I took a job at 18. I tried to work fulltime, do college and commute three hours a day on the rails and couldn't hack it all because the job was so demanding and the school so aimless U just didn't have the juice to force feed myself schoolwork for its own sake. So I dropped out. The job became even more demanding and I still commuted and before you knew it, I was 25 and sick to death of loneliness and no affection. So I took up with someone and lived together for the remaining five years of my 20's but I know exactly how it feels to fell that you've wasted time you won't get back. My 40's were pretty fallow too. But if and when you find someone, none of that will matter. Today is all we have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 You have to make an effort, work at new connections, also work on yourself. Spending lots of "I'm fine with being alone" time means that you end up really self-centered or you'll be suspicious of people/defensive and it's a big hump to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 I'm awkward when it comes to women I'm interested in and I don't really approach women because I'm afraid of them. I know exactly what you mean I was there for awhile. As stupid as it sounds you have to hit up the gym, dress nice and take some risks that you normally wouldn't. BIG RISKS. Like moving to another town, new job, talking to girls you normally wouldn't, you are talking life changing events. It's a pain in the ass but eventually can be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
hermit Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Yes, I'm 28 and have been single for 5 1/2 and celibate for 4 1/2 years... I'm certain that the problem lies in my past - I was always the weird, unpopular girl that guys would recoil at the thought of being with. I was also shy, but somehow my mum convinced me to ask the guy out that I liked. Of course he rejected me, and everyone found out about it and I was a complete laughing stock for the remaining years at school. No guys ever asked me out. Despite the my awful experience I plucked up the courage to ask out guys on two other occasions but they also rejected me - it felt like the whole world knew and was laughing at me. I had a boyfriend between the ages of 21 and 23. He was much older. It was one of those amazing things that just kind of happened. The first time he held me I cried hot tears for sheer happiness and disbelief that this could happen to me. It felt so right. But he dumped me for someone else. I went into complete meltdown for months. About a year later I initiated sex with someone I knew at university. I was delighted when he didn't reject me but he handled the situation extremely disgustingly, basically bragging about his 'conquest' on Facebook. I felt so ashamed and disrespected and vowed never to go for one night stands again. The only time that a guy has shown any interest in me since then was last November - he wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me but had no intention of having a relationship with me. I'm ashamed to say that rejecting him was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, simply because it felt like that might have been my last chance. I get on great with guys. I have grown as a person to a point where I have many great friends of both genders. But men never give me a second glance show any kind of interest in me beyond just being platonic friends. Lately I've been looking in the mirror and noticing my first wrinkles and saggs appearing and realizing that 'young love' was not something I was ever going to experience again. That slowly but surely I am growing old, and I am growing old alone. Somehow I'm still the girl at the school disco that was always left sitting on the side for the entire evening watching everyone else get a dancing partner, only the disco has turned out to be my entire life! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I've been single for 6 years of my twenties, what a waste of life really. Those of you who are single for quite a while, how do you feel? What do you think is holding you back? Now that my 20's are almost over, I feel disappointed and regretful that I wasted a lot of my 20's. I was/am held back by preconceived notions and perceptions of how women judge my appearance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I've been single for 6 years of my twenties, what a waste of life really. Yeah, because all that matters in life is your finding a man... Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 been there, done that. moving on? Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Oh, you poor babies! I've been single all of my 45 years and I haven't found anything worth whining about... except I kind of wish Meetup had been around back in '88. Guess I'm just a late bloomer. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 26 years of age, never had a girlfriend. Take that for what it is worth. I'm content at best, depressed at the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
i11 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Have had two relationships at the beginning of my 20's, had very ugly breakups, badly hurt and some recovery time. Still not fully recovered and I find myself just detached from those relationship related possibilities. And my 20's almost gone and I am single for over 5 years. I am barely struggling to be alive and I am grateful for each day that I can be alive. I am gonna do that very single day and intend to get the most magnificant part of that day out of it. Girls or guys, relationship is no longer my concern. But I just hope everyone else is just doing fine. Not just they come across some hurdles in their life and do not dare to try it again. Sometimes it is worth the effort and you will not be disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Have had two relationships at the beginning of my 20's, had very ugly breakups, badly hurt and some recovery time. Still not fully recovered and I find myself just detached from those relationship related possibilities. And my 20's almost gone and I am single for over 5 years. I am barely struggling to be alive and I am grateful for each day that I can be alive. I am gonna do that very single day and intend to get the most magnificant part of that day out of it. Girls or guys, relationship is no longer my concern. But I just hope everyone else is just doing fine. Not just they come across some hurdles in their life and do not dare to try it again. Sometimes it is worth the effort and you will not be disappointed. I was in the same boat, it's not the end of the world but yeah it really does suck the big one. Link to post Share on other sites
ooglesnboogles Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Yep. Same boat. And, without some serious luck, I'll likely be significantly hampered for another year or two, thanks to health things I can't speed up or control. I'm fighting through it by improving my physique, since I have the potential build for an awesome body but I've never really focused on making it awesome. So I figure if I can't get a girl now, I'll make sure I got the best damn tools prepared for when I can! You have to make an effort, work at new connections, also work on yourself. Spending lots of "I'm fine with being alone" time means that you end up really self-centered or you'll be suspicious of people/defensive and it's a big hump to get over. After about a year of having no friends, then trying to find new friends/just talk to people, I've seen exactly what you said here. The defensive/suspicious part at least. When friends bail out cause of other things, or when nobody responds to texts for a few days, I start thinking it's cause they all wanna get away from me. While I can't be 100% certain (), I'm pretty sure that's not the case. They just have active lives. Can't be petty, now can we? Link to post Share on other sites
warriorguy Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I have said this in another post as well. There are worse things than being single. Don't change because if you find someone that likes you, you can be yourself for ever. Everyone has a need to be with someone, and I believ that at the right time you will find someone. I was married young, and guess what DIVORCED by the age of 28, thats why I say there is worse things than being single. Enjoy life even if there is no one close, dance in the rain, go and watch a movie, go out dancing and whilest you are doing all of these things and enjoying life you may just meet the person you need to be with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I have said this in another post as well. There are worse things than being single. Don't change because if you find someone that likes you, you can be yourself for ever. Everyone has a need to be with someone, and I believ that at the right time you will find someone. I was married young, and guess what DIVORCED by the age of 28, thats why I say there is worse things than being single. Enjoy life even if there is no one close, dance in the rain, go and watch a movie, go out dancing and whilest you are doing all of these things and enjoying life you may just meet the person you need to be with. Warriorguy I know from observation that you are right about how miserable a bad marriage can be. Relationships don't solve everything. However, when you really want one, you just want one. Ever heard that something is usually better than nothing at all? Link to post Share on other sites
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