Maybe you "ugly" guys can try this

[Treasa]

You know, I always had a boyfriend if I wanted one. I could always get a guy because I could project enough charisma to get a guy, and eventually I would revert back to being who I was at the time, which was a miserable and insecure person.

 

In my teen years I didn't have a weight problem. I was attractive, and I liked doing sexual things, so getting guys was EASY. I did find a nice guy and got engaged to him, but I broke up with him in my very early 20s. He was just a dud, and my life was going nowhere, and it was a rather codependent relationship. I wasn't really happy in either my teen years or with him.

 

During my 20s I was sometimes incredibly overweight and sometimes not. It didn't matter. Although I had a lot of fun when I did things for myself, that was rare, and I would let other people...sorry, my PERCEPTION of other people....determine my worth by how they treated me.

 

At one point I was 120 pounds overweight. I had a boyfriend, but he was a narcissist. I wasn't very happy. I would get moo'd at when out on walks to lose weight by morons driving by in their cars. I'd let people treat me like **** because, even though they were the ones with the problems the majority of the time, I felt like they were somehow better than me, and if only I could get them to all like me and somehow be a part of this inner circle, I would finally be happy.

 

I lost the weight. I was still with the narcissist, though. I got hit on A TON. It didn't change how I felt about myself or change how desperately I wanted even more guys to like me, and how I wanted others to treat me as awesomely as I imagined they would if I were good enough.

 

I cried A LOT. Between my late teens and my mid thirties I would cry probably at least a few times a month, and at my worst, I was crying every single day and having panic attacks three times a week.

 

Look back at one of my posts from 2009 (I think that's when it was) when I was shyly reaching out here for friends. I was practically begging people to like me. That's how little I liked myself.

 

Finally, last year, something snapped in me. I was very sick physically, in a very bad place emotionally, and I had done everything...or so I had thought. In my despair I finally said, "**** it. I can't control how others behave. I can't control what they think about me. I CAN, however, smile, be positive no matter what is thrown my way, and fake it. I can at least control MY actions."

 

And so I started doing it. Boy, there was a LOT of faking it in the beginning. But then...the more I would smile, and the happier I would be, and the more focused I was on catching those first thoughts when I'd have an experience ("Uh oh...that person is frowning at me. I must have pissed him off last week in class. Wait...Traci, stop it! You didn't do anything wrong. He's probably frowning because his manager has been riding his ass lately.") and changing them to something neutral or positive, the happier I started becoming.

 

I became a lot less sensitive about everything, I took blame when I was at fault and realized that it's totally acceptable for me to make mistakes, I learned to laugh at myself, and I very naturally stopped apologizing for everything.

 

People used to tell me that there was nothing wrong with me....except that I constantly felt like there was something wrong with me. My constantl negative attitude and energy was something people could just sense. We give off a lot more non-verbal communication than we realize. We can't fool people for too long.

 

Ironically, now that people seem to freaking love me (or maybe that's just my perception, but who cares, because I LOVE that perception), I no longer really care. I stopped caring before they started showing that they loved me. I started really enjoying Traci for who Traci is. That doesn't mean I don't have ambitions. It just means that I don't sit there and tell myself I'm not good enough until I accomplish XYZ. Yes, I can still push myself to accomplish XYZ, but I don't love myself less until I do.

 

My signature should say it all, but it doesn't go far enough to explain to people who assume that I could NEVER know what it feels like to be in their situation.

 

I've been miserable. I've been, and am, extremely happy. Both were a choice. You can guess which one I like better.

[Treasa]

By "a while" I mean 15 years. Fifteen years of being miserable on the inside, and unhappy, and not getting what I thought I wanted.

[Revolver]

Not if he continues to do the same thing without making any real, inner core changes. If he continues being someone who feels sorry for himself and continues to be unhappy, I completely agree he will continue to fail.

 

But again, as long as you are happy in your life, that is what is important.

 

I consider this apart of trying though, the problem is you feel it's impossible for a dude to do everything and still fail. But you probably wouldn't feel the same way if I was talking about another subject

 

It's not just you though, you're not alone. I just disagree with that theory because i disagree with it in every aspect of life. It is possible to suck at something and still try hard.

[Treasa]

Oops.

 

 

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." - Marcus Aurelius

[Treasa]

I consider this apart of trying though, the problem is you feel it's impossible for a dude to do everything and still fail. But you probably wouldn't feel the same way if I was talking about another subject

 

It's not just you though, you're not alone. I just disagree with that theory because i disagree with it in every aspect of life. It is possible to suck at something and still try hard.

 

Fine. Give up, then. I'm not a quitter. There is nothing in my life that hasn't been improved in some way by practice.

[Xinreeki]

Ehh.. We just disagree. You think positive thinking matters more then I do, you also feel its impossible for a man to fail with women if he tries hard enough I disagree there too but whatever

 

No one said positive thinking can guarantee you anything in life, of course it can't, that would be ridiculous.

 

But having a positive attitude can increase your chances of success with women.

 

And conversely, having a negative attitude can decrease your chances of success with women.

 

No guarantees of course either way. Nothing in life guarantees you anything. You could be a rich and famous super star and still drop dead of heart failure tomorrow. Equally you could be a bitter lonely guy and win the lottery tomorrow.

 

But things you do can increase the chance of you getting certain results. Having a positive attitude can increase how attractive you appear to others.

 

Yes physical attraction is a factor, but having a positive attitude can increase how attractive you appear to others, the same way that having a negative attitude can decrease how attractive you appear to others.

 

Also to use your examples, yes you are good at Maths, but that would mean nothing if you had a negative attitude towards maths and wanted to just give up on it. You need that positive attitude you have towards maths to motivate you to keep doing it, to keep trying and to keep improving.

 

Same with basket ball, the more often you play, the greater the chance you have to improve your skill at the game and get better. If you have a negative attitude towards basket ball, see trying as pointless and just give up, you reduce your chances of having success at basket ball back down to zero. Of course, it may be that no matter how positive your attitude, you can never get any better at basket ball, but if you have a negative attitude towards it (view the possibility of you having success at basket ball as impossible / improbable and trying as pointless) that is only going to hurt your chances of improving your basket ball skill.

[Xinreeki]

 

It is possible to suck at something and still try hard.

 

Of course it is.

 

But giving up isn't going to help you get better at it.

[ThaWholigan]

Of course it is.

 

But giving up isn't going to help you get better at it.

All those years I completely SUCKED at socializing - if I gave up, I'd be nowhere near where I am now.

 

I suck at a lot of things - I loved football (soccer) but I had the sh*ttest coordination and couldn't play. I sucked. I still tried hard at it - and crucially, I never bitched about being crap at it.

 

This is my only stance on this argument. OK, so things aren't working out, no matter what you try. Vent it out, let it out your system . We encourage that. But after a while, let it go man. Yeah it's hard, but a lot of things in life are hard. We have to get over it.

[Treasa]

I suck at a lot of things - I loved football (soccer) but I had the sh*ttest coordination and couldn't play. I sucked.

 

Maybe you could play for Everton.

 

I'm kidding.

 

COYB!

[somedude81]

A positive attitude will have a better effect on your social environment in general than just a neutral one. Even a negative attitude is better than a neutral one .

 

No, but it is annoying if overdone . You might even have better luck if you were honest about your struggles in real life :lmao:

LOL, so I should just tell everybody how I hate my life and want to die. Maybe I'll find a girl who will try to save me.

 

I guess that will be my hook.

[joystickd]

Guys just get out here and lie to get in these women's pants. I mean they lie all the time. It's natural for them

[somedude81]

You know, I always had a boyfriend if I wanted one. I could always get a guy because I could project enough charisma to get a guy, and eventually I would revert back to being who I was at the time, which was a miserable and insecure person.

 

In my teen years I didn't have a weight problem. I was attractive, and I liked doing sexual things, so getting guys was EASY. I did find a nice guy and got engaged to him, but I broke up with him in my very early 20s. He was just a dud, and my life was going nowhere, and it was a rather codependent relationship. I wasn't really happy in either my teen years or with him.

 

During my 20s I was sometimes incredibly overweight and sometimes not. It didn't matter. Although I had a lot of fun when I did things for myself, that was rare, and I would let other people...sorry, my PERCEPTION of other people....determine my worth by how they treated me.

 

At one point I was 120 pounds overweight. I had a boyfriend, but he was a narcissist. I wasn't very happy. I would get moo'd at when out on walks to lose weight by morons driving by in their cars. I'd let people treat me like **** because, even though they were the ones with the problems the majority of the time, I felt like they were somehow better than me, and if only I could get them to all like me and somehow be a part of this inner circle, I would finally be happy.

 

I lost the weight. I was still with the narcissist, though. I got hit on A TON. It didn't change how I felt about myself or change how desperately I wanted even more guys to like me, and how I wanted others to treat me as awesomely as I imagined they would if I were good enough.

 

I cried A LOT. Between my late teens and my mid thirties I would cry probably at least a few times a month, and at my worst, I was crying every single day and having panic attacks three times a week.

 

Look back at one of my posts from 2009 (I think that's when it was) when I was shyly reaching out here for friends. I was practically begging people to like me. That's how little I liked myself.

 

Finally, last year, something snapped in me. I was very sick physically, in a very bad place emotionally, and I had done everything...or so I had thought. In my despair I finally said, "**** it. I can't control how others behave. I can't control what they think about me. I CAN, however, smile, be positive no matter what is thrown my way, and fake it. I can at least control MY actions."

 

And so I started doing it. Boy, there was a LOT of faking it in the beginning. But then...the more I would smile, and the happier I would be, and the more focused I was on catching those first thoughts when I'd have an experience ("Uh oh...that person is frowning at me. I must have pissed him off last week in class. Wait...Traci, stop it! You didn't do anything wrong. He's probably frowning because his manager has been riding his ass lately.") and changing them to something neutral or positive, the happier I started becoming.

 

I became a lot less sensitive about everything, I took blame when I was at fault and realized that it's totally acceptable for me to make mistakes, I learned to laugh at myself, and I very naturally stopped apologizing for everything.

 

People used to tell me that there was nothing wrong with me....except that I constantly felt like there was something wrong with me. My constantl negative attitude and energy was something people could just sense. We give off a lot more non-verbal communication than we realize. We can't fool people for too long.

 

Ironically, now that people seem to freaking love me (or maybe that's just my perception, but who cares, because I LOVE that perception), I no longer really care. I stopped caring before they started showing that they loved me. I started really enjoying Traci for who Traci is. That doesn't mean I don't have ambitions. It just means that I don't sit there and tell myself I'm not good enough until I accomplish XYZ. Yes, I can still push myself to accomplish XYZ, but I don't love myself less until I do.

 

My signature should say it all, but it doesn't go far enough to explain to people who assume that I could NEVER know what it feels like to be in their situation.

 

I've been miserable. I've been, and am, extremely happy. Both were a choice. You can guess which one I like better.

I don't understand what message you are trying to get across.

 

You start your post with "You know, I always had a boyfriend if I wanted one. I could always get a guy because I could project enough charisma to get a guy." Then you say, "In my teen years I didn't have a weight problem. I was attractive, and I liked doing sexual things, so getting guys was EASY. I did find a nice guy and got engaged to him." Even when you were very overweight (which many men consider to be very unattractive) you still had a boyfriend. When you lost you got hit "on A Ton."

 

Then you go on to claim that you know how it feels.

 

Excuse me? No, you don't.

 

You have had a balance of good and bad in your life. You have felt what happiness is.

 

Your post reads, my life was great, then I fell in a pit. But I climbed out and now it's great again.

 

There are people posting here who feel they were born in the pit. It's all they know. Desperately they try to get out but they are pulled back.

[Treasa]

Give me a break. Dating most of those guys wasn't fun. They were below me (in hindsight), just as you consider some girls to be below you. I just didn't have a ratings scale. I would give anyone a chance if they were nice, or seemed nice. The men who hit on me were guys I'd never date because they were too shallow. I guess I did have standards, just not looks-related.

 

My life was never "great" until I decided to be happy.

 

You're never going to get it.

[ThaWholigan]

Give me a break. Dating most of those guys wasn't fun. They were below me (in hindsight), just as you consider some girls to be below you. I just didn't have a ratings scale. I would give anyone a chance if they were nice, or seemed nice. The men who hit on me were guys I'd never date because they were too shallow. I guess I did have standards, just not looks-related.

 

My life was never "great" until I decided to be happy.

 

You're never going to get it.

I thought you knew that?

[SmileFace]

I don't understand what message you are trying to get across.

 

You start your post with "You know, I always had a boyfriend if I wanted one. I could always get a guy because I could project enough charisma to get a guy." Then you say, "In my teen years I didn't have a weight problem. I was attractive, and I liked doing sexual things, so getting guys was EASY. I did find a nice guy and got engaged to him." Even when you were very overweight (which many men consider to be very unattractive) you still had a boyfriend. When you lost you got hit "on A Ton."

 

Then you go on to claim that you know how it feels.

 

Excuse me? No, you don't.

 

You have had a balance of good and bad in your life. You have felt what happiness is.

 

Your post reads, my life was great, then I fell in a pit. But I climbed out and now it's great again.

 

There are people posting here who feel they were born in the pit. It's all they know. Desperately they try to get out but they are pulled back.

 

So what... Ugh

Never mind

 

Good for you Op

[somedude81]

Give me a break. Dating most of those guys wasn't fun. They were below me, just as you consider some girls to be below you. I just didn't have a ratings scale. I would give anyone a chance if they were nice, or seemed nice.

 

My life was never "great" until I decided to be happy.

 

You're never going to get it.

And you never dated a guy you liked? Were never happy in a relationship? Never had a good sexual experience?

[Treasa]

And you never dated a guy you liked? Were never happy in a relationship? Never had a good sexual experience?

 

I was happy at times, because of the situations, not because of the men. If I were happy with them, I'd still be with them.

 

Yes, I've had good sexual experiences. You could, too, if you'd stop acting like women who are overweight are SO LOW.

 

I have never, before today, actually seen you as ugly. It's crazy, because I can almost always see the beauty in everyone.

[ThaWholigan]

I was happy at times, because of the situations, not because of the men. If I were happy with them, I'd still be with them.

 

Yes, I've had good sexual experiences. You could, too, if you'd stop acting like women who are overweight are SO LOW.

 

I have never, before today, actually seen you as ugly. It's crazy, because I can almost always see the beauty in everyone.

Doesn't matter, Treasa.....deaf ears, love. Deaf ears, sadly.

 

Leave em be - they'll either figure it out or never will.

[Treasa]

Mother Theresa lives in a cloud castle high above us right next to the care bears who care which is why her notions come across as so whimsical.

 

I prefer My Little Ponies.

 

I am really honestly enjoying your attention.

[joystickd]

If you are just looking to get laid sure but you will get embroiled in more drama.

Women are drama either way. Plus they will get what they want. I'm just not in a great mood right now.

[Treasa]

Women are drama either way. Plus they will get what they want. I'm just not in a great mood right now.

 

Yeah, I can see why you're hurting.

[somedude81]

I was happy at times, because of the situations, not because of the men. If I were happy with them, I'd still be with them.

So you were happy because you had a boyfriend and not because of who the guy was?

 

You really expect me to believe that you never liked any of them?

 

Yes, I've had good sexual experiences. You could, too, if you'd stop acting like women who are overweight are SO LOW.

Do you enjoy having sex with men you have no attraction to?

 

I have never, before today, actually seen you as ugly. It's crazy, because I can almost always see the beauty in everyone.

That says a lot more about you than it does about me.

[Treasa]

I could explain it, but you wouldn't "get it."

 

That song is catchy, by the way.

[Xinreeki]

 

There are people posting here who feel they were born in the pit. It's all they know. Desperately they try to get out but they are pulled back.

 

How do people

, some of whom have literally been born in a pit, manage to remain so positive about their life and situation then?

 

Explain that one?

[somedude81]

How do people

, some of whom have literally been born in a pit, manage to remain so positive about their life and situation then?

 

Explain that one?

They don't know any better.

 

BTW just because someone is starving in India doesn't mean that I haven't suffered.