Maybe you "ugly" guys can try this

[joystickd]

A relationship would be amazing but I'm not so greedy to say that it's the only thing I'd be happy with.

 

I'd probably be fine if I found a girl who just wanted a casual thing. I'd most likely end up wanting more but a FWB should still be more fulfilling than the emptiness I have now.

 

Realistically what I need now is to go on a few dates with a girl that likes me and see how I can do in that situation. So far I have never experienced a situation where both me and a girl like each other. Then I'd start wondering about an actual relationship later on.

Do you have a way of achieving that goal?

[PJKino]

The case in question doesn't need pills just some pu$$y. He just needs some validation that he is a desirable male. I was exactly in the same situation my validation came in a different way so I had to deal with the learning of how to handle the fickle single female that can say one thing do another then say something that is congruent with what she is doing and in one swoop say it was never like that to begin with. Got some residual anger sorry about that. Its been a tough few days for me

 

Yep i can attest that going 30 plus years without any female validation of being attracted to women is an awful feeling

[joystickd]

Perhaps this can be explained in different terms.

 

We can't control externalities but we can control our response to them.

His response come from a repetition of an external experience which became evidence to support his beliefs. Once he gets a favorable response it will get the ball rolling on a path to change. He is not going to move until he sees something that starts to work. It's just like the advice you give on here. It goes on deaf ears because he hasn't seen it in action. He sees that he gets rejected and has terrible luck.

[PJKino]

i meant to say "atttractive" not attracted in my post

[joystickd]

Yep i can attest that going 30 plus years without any female validation of being attracted to women is an awful feeling

See what I am saying.

[tbf]

His response come from a repetition of an external experience which became evidence to support his beliefs. Once he gets a favorable response it will get the ball rolling on a path to change. He is not going to move until he sees something that starts to work. It's just like the advice you give on here. It goes on deaf ears because he hasn't seen it in action. He sees that he gets rejected and has terrible luck.

Have you read his car towing thread? His attitude and perceptions are exactly why he's being rejected.

 

Enabling his beliefs isn't helping him. But then, I'm uncertain what will beyond him falling to rock bottom and then, having his survival instinct kick in to augment change.

[PJKino]

Have you read his car towing thread? His attitude and perceptions are exactly why he's being rejected.

 

Enabling his beliefs isn't helping him. But then, I'm uncertain what will beyond him falling to rock bottom and then, having his survival instinct kick in to augment change.

 

Im sorry but simply not being negative doesnt get you women,im as laid back and happy go lucky as can be hasnt helped me attract women

[hppr]

i agree with joystickd but the validation has to come from a variety of sources. If it's just getting laid that is really easy to do, any guy with a few bucks in his pocket can get pu$$y it's not difficult once you try. Validation that you have value comes from doing things that you are good at, good job, hobbies, something that proves to people around you that you are intelligent and have something to offer.

[ThaWholigan]

His response come from a repetition of an external experience which became evidence to support his beliefs. Once he gets a favorable response it will get the ball rolling on a path to change. He is not going to move until he sees something that starts to work. It's just like the advice you give on here. It goes on deaf ears because he hasn't seen it in action. He sees that he gets rejected and has terrible luck.

Well if he doesn't believe anything's gonna work and he's waiting on fate to do it, then he's screwed IMO.

[hppr]

Im sorry but simply not being negative doesnt get you women,im as laid back and happy go lucky as can be hasnt helped me attract women

 

You have to be physically attractive. I went on about a 1-2 year odyssey before I figured that one out. Working out, different clothes, hairstyles, how you carry yourself. Honestly it's really tough and if you don't do it naturally it will tire you out but it is what you have to do to meet decent girls these days (unless you get lucky, some guys do, it happens at every age).

[joystickd]

Have you read his car towing thread? His attitude and perceptions are exactly why he's being rejected.

 

Enabling his beliefs isn't helping him. But then, I'm uncertain what will beyond him falling to rock bottom and then, having his survival instinct kick in to augment change.

Which formed from his experiences. I have been in his position I know exactly what its like. i wanted to kill myself at 17 because of so many rejection. I wrote the note but didnt have the balls to go through with it. I went to college and tried to have a different attitude but the same thing happened it drove me further. I drank alcohol and got high everyday to deal with it. During my junior year I got so drunk I passed out and if my friends hadn't found me I would have choked on my own vomit. I still drank after that and some moments I would think about drinking myself to death. I sold weed at the time hoping it would destroy the nice guy image all it did was nothing more rejection. I did everything I could think of crazy. I'm lucky some crazy person didn't kill me. I got out of college and worked at Wal-Mart. That lead to the reason I first came up here. A married woman and it went ugly but it helped me realize someone out there wanted me. I did what I could to be the guy women wanted. I'm a 360 of what I was 7 years ago.

[neowulf]

I did what I could to be the guy women wanted. I'm a 360 of what I was 7 years ago.

 

Sounds like you hit rock bottom, took a hard look at yourself and made the changes required to get a better result?

 

That's pretty much the same advice people are offering in this thread.

 

As much as it hurts, it's a fallacy that people will love you "just as you are".

 

If you are cruel, self centered, spiteful, bitter, angry, jealous, controlling, aimless, shallow or any other number of unfavorable personality traits; know this, you will struggle to be loved.

 

Once you accept this fact, you let go of "I am the way I am" and dare to challenge yourself to change.

Edited May 16, 2013 by neowulf

[Treasa]

You did a 180. I don't say this to be insulting. A 360 is a full circle. A 180 is changing direction completely. A lot of people say 360 and they mean a 180.

[jma500]

I'm not denying that she hasn't suffered. I am saying that the suffering is on a different level.

 

You saw those questions I asked her?

 

"And you never dated a guy you liked? Were never happy in a relationship? Never had a good sexual experience?"

 

I have never experienced any of those things.

 

As bad as she's had it, she has at least known what it was like to experience joy. It actually seems like she's had it pretty good several times in her life.

 

My current standard belief is that nobody loves me, nobody has ever loved me, and no one ever will. That is hardcore truth in my mind.

 

Can you say you share my mindset?

I can say that and it cost me roughly 15 years of my life and several women who were very good to me. I was 40 when i finally stopped and took a hard look back at my life and what i lost. I still deal with this mindset every day but i have learned to control it and push it away. Having a hobby (photography) helps me not to dwell on my loneliness and put my energies towards creativity which makes me happy. Being happy has lead me, a person with decent looks at best, to become attractive to women. As i said in an earlier post, i was flirted with several times last friday in nyc. You should definately find a creative hobby that you enjoy because all your energies will be directed on creating and not dwelling on your problems. Also going to the gym works out the negative energies as well.

[somedude81]

Which formed from his experiences. I have been in his position I know exactly what its like. i wanted to kill myself at 17 because of so many rejection. I wrote the note but didnt have the balls to go through with it. I went to college and tried to have a different attitude but the same thing happened it drove me further. I drank alcohol and got high everyday to deal with it. During my junior year I got so drunk I passed out and if my friends hadn't found me I would have choked on my own vomit. I still drank after that and some moments I would think about drinking myself to death. I sold weed at the time hoping it would destroy the nice guy image all it did was nothing more rejection. I did everything I could think of crazy. I'm lucky some crazy person didn't kill me. I got out of college and worked at Wal-Mart. That lead to the reason I first came up here. A married woman and it went ugly but it helped me realize someone out there wanted me. I did what I could to be the guy women wanted. I'm a 360 of what I was 7 years ago.

That is some pretty crazy stuff. I'm lucky I didn't have to go through what you did.

 

For some reason I just never got into alcohol or drugs. All drinking ever does is give me a headache and drugs, I think I payed too much attention in health class to try drugs. My HS buddies used to try to get me to smoke with them but I was never into it.

 

So a woman wanted you, and it made you realize that you are worth something. How do you think you'd be now if you never had the experience with that woman or any others?

Do you have a way of achieving that goal?

Sadly, no.

 

All my efforts of trying to get a girl to like me have failed. This last semester at college was really my last big try. And all I manged to do was make two female "friends." I met about 10 girls that I would really have liked to date but I just wasn't able to connect the dots with any of them.

 

I don't know where to go from here.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

That is some pretty crazy stuff. I'm lucky I didn't have to go through what you did.

 

For some reason I just never got into alcohol or drugs. All drinking ever does is give me a headache and drugs, I think I payed too much attention in health class to try drugs. My HS buddies used to try to get me to smoke with them but I was never into it.

 

So a woman wanted you, and it made you realize that you are worth something. How do you think you'd be now if you never had the experience with that woman or any others?

 

Sadly, no.

 

All my efforts of trying to get a girl to like me have failed. This last semester at college was really my last big try. And all I manged to do was make two female "friends." I met about 10 girls that I would really have liked to date but I just wasn't able to connect the dots with any of them.

 

I don't know where to go from here.

 

This is the worst attitude in the world....and it's what's holding men back these days.

 

Do not value yourself on whether or not a woman values you. Look at what they value (hypergamy, materialistic things, etc).

 

Take it from the source it comes from bro.

[joystickd]

That is some pretty crazy stuff. I'm lucky I didn't have to go through what you did.

 

For some reason I just never got into alcohol or drugs. All drinking ever does is give me a headache and drugs, I think I payed too much attention in health class to try drugs. My HS buddies used to try to get me to smoke with them but I was never into it.

 

So a woman wanted you, and it made you realize that you are worth something. How do you think you'd be now if you never had the experience with that woman or any others?

I don't know. It did in a way. That woman was horrible to me and a lot of it was because I thought no one else wanted me. I took a lot of humiliation and bad behavior from her. I actually fully changed when I saw there were other women that wanted me too. After the first woman I went back to school and got into the profession I'm in now. During that time I met lots of women and quite a few were into me. I made a transformation from crazy nerd to guy you see now.

[joystickd]

This is the worst attitude in the world....and it's what's holding men back these days.

 

Do not value yourself on whether or not a woman values you. Look at what they value (hypergamy, materialistic things, etc).

 

Take it from the source it comes from bro.

It's not like that. After being told or seen enough times something it has an effect on you no matter how strong you are. It's easy to say on the outside looking in.

[Xinreeki]

 

I don't know where to go from here.

 

You have to treat your depression first and feel better in yourself.

 

Once you do that, you will in turn improve your chances of success with women.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How do people

, some of whom have literally been born in a pit, manage to remain so positive about their life and situation then?

 

Explain that one?

 

Even poor people discriminate on looks and even poor people who have problems attracting the opposite sex have those problems ON TOP of the other problems they have.

 

Just like people living in slums in Dharavi, those of us who are more fortunate in terms of income can tell the less fortunate to STFU and keep a positive attitude, or we can do something to help them (maybe not those in Dharavi, but closer to us).

 

And just in like dating, those who have the upper hand can keep chasing the best they can get, or they can be less shallow and petty and go after substance.

[PJKino]

PUA's always try to sell fact that women are not as turned on by looks,

 

Which is a lie women vlaue looks a whole lot

 

The op is a quirky person turned on by different things shes into men and women most women dont operate like her they simply like good looking men

[Xinreeki]

Even poor people discriminate on looks and even poor people who have problems attracting the opposite sex have those problems ON TOP of the other problems they have.

 

Just like people living in slums in Dharavi, those of us who are more fortunate in terms of income can tell the less fortunate to STFU and keep a positive attitude, or we can do something to help them (maybe not those in Dharavi, but closer to us).

 

And just in like dating, those who have the upper hand can keep chasing the best they can get, or they can be less shallow and petty and go after substance.

 

My bf has great substance. As even though at first, I admit, I was not very physically attracted to him, his loving, caring, open-minded, and positive attitude is HUGELY attractive to me. After a year together, I find myself loving him more and more. And our relationship is stronger than ever and growing stronger each day.

 

I know you probably can't see it. But I honestly am trying to help out those who are struggling with dating (as I struggled in the past), by attempting to show them the benefits and happiness that a positive attitude and outlook on life can bring.

 

I realize that it is a VERY difficult task, that I may never succeed in my goal, and that my efforts may ultimately end up helping noone. But I am honestly trying my best to help.

[Xinreeki]

Even poor people discriminate on looks and even poor people who have problems attracting the opposite sex have those problems ON TOP of the other problems they have.

 

Just like people living in slums in Dharavi, those of us who are more fortunate in terms of income can tell the less fortunate to STFU and keep a positive attitude, or we can do something to help them (maybe not those in Dharavi, but closer to us).

 

And just in like dating, those who have the upper hand can keep chasing the best they can get, or they can be less shallow and petty and go after substance.

 

Just to add to my previous post, have you ever heard the old proverb -

 

"Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day, but teach a man to fish and he can feed himself for a lifetime"

 

Well I think that can be applied when trying to help out those struggling with dating too, i.e. -

 

"Give a man a woman and he can have sex for a day, but teach a man how to attract women and he can have sex and female companionship for a lifetime"

 

It really is true that all women are different, just as all men are different. But even if all us women were the same, or even if the majority of us women were the same, its impossible for one of us, or even a few of us, to change the dating patterns of every woman out there. Just as it would be impossible for one man, or even a group of men, to change the behavior of every man out there, to ensure that no man would ever choose looks over personality again.

 

Instead, all I can do to try and help those who have had even less success with dating than me, is to try and help them become more attractive to women in general, and thus hopefully give them some of the tools they need to have a better chance out there in the dating world.

 

Again, I know you may not see it, may not believe it, but I honestly am just trying to help those who are struggling with dating.

 

And even though I know sharing my experiences and ideas about how fighting to maintain a positive attitude and outlook on life (despite what it may throw at you) can help you become a happier and thus more attractive person to others, may predominantly fall on deaf ears..

 

But I still think its worth the effort to try and get these ideas across. Even if these ideas, ultimately, are only heard and applied by one man who has been struggling with dating, to help him attract one woman.

Edited May 17, 2013 by Xinreeki

[Xinreeki]

The main point I'm trying to get across, is that, ultimately, its not our situations which make us unhappy (because, as I've shown, there are people out there with much less who are happier)... but instead it is our reactions to those situations and our thoughts which make us so persistently unhappy.

 

The tragic side of it is, that the more unhappy and negative about life we become, the more unattractive we become to others, again feeding back into our unhappiness... and forever perpetuating the cycle.

 

And I suppose I feel so compelled to try and help those struggling with negativity, because I know how horrible that cycle of negative feedback can be.

 

I've been struggling with anxiety and depression most of my life , and I'm STILL struggling with it even now, when I'm in a fantastic relationship. So, I know it isn't an easy cycle to beat, but at least when you can recognize that negative cycle and admit to yourself that you're stuck in it, you can start to get help and try to break the pattern.

[jma500]

Just to add to my previous post, have you ever heard the old proverb -

 

"Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day, but teach a man to fish and he can feed himself for a lifetime"

 

Well I think that can be applied when trying to help out those struggling with dating too, i.e. -

 

"Give a man a woman and he can have sex for a day, but teach a man how to attract women and he can have sex and female companionship for a lifetime.

 

For me, i would refuse to be taught. If it doesn't happen naturally, like i have seen with friends and relatives, then it isn't meant to be. There are a lot of guys who also subscribe to this view as well.