Maybe you "ugly" guys can try this

[Xinreeki]

 

Positive thinking, like being a great person is worthless if you bring nothing to the table that people value

 

Having a positive attitude may not get you results, but it certainly helps where dating is concerned and in many aspects of life.

 

Whereas in contrast, having a negative attitude will tend to decrease success in dating and in many other aspects of life.

 

In addition, having a positive attitude can help you feel better about your life as it is right now, while you work towards bettering things for yourself in the future.

 

No, its not worthless.

 

Many people DO value someone with a positive attitude and outlook on life.

 

And at the very least it helps you to feel better about yourself and your life as it is right now, while you work towards bettering things for yourself in the future.

[Revolver]

D

Having a positive attitude may not get you results, but it certainly helps where dating is concerned and in many aspects of life.

 

Whereas in contrast, having a negative attitude will tend to decrease success in dating and in many other aspects of life.

 

In addition, having a positive attitude can help you feel better about your life as it is right now, while you work towards bettering things for yourself in the future.

 

This is my entire point. It helps you get nothing. So stop lying to people and telling them the reason they struggle with dating is because they don't have a "positive attitude";). We don't do this with any other aspect of life.

 

I forgot who the poster was but he made a great point awhile back. Many times we try to over and psycho analyze struggling men and say how its because of "body language", "attitude", "lack of confidence" whatever but in reality its as simple as the women they are approaching are not physically attracted to them

[ThaWholigan]

OK, basically, lets strip all of it away. The moral of the story is:

 

Nobody likes a whiny bitch, male or female.

[somedude81]

OK, basically, lets strip all of it away. The moral of the story is:

 

Nobody likes a whiny bitch, male or female.

And you assume that the people who struggle are being whiny in public?

[ThaWholigan]

And you assume that the people who struggle are being whiny in public?

Wherever they are whiny, it's never appreciated - online or offline. Don't get me wrong, there are designated places - like this one - where you can vent and get it out of the way, but after a while nobody wants to hear about it anymore - at least not if you don't seem to be listening to anything people have to offer.

 

Ugly or not, Poor or not, whatever. You can vent and get it out of your system, but then after that you get on with it and try to figure it out. You can blame others for some sh*t, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. You still have to get on with it somehow. And whining about it - online or offline - is not exactly going to endear people to your cause, whether that is your goal or not.

 

You can be happy and have people at least attempt to support you even if sh*t is gong wrong for you. Or you can moan about how sh*t everything is and be ostracized - and then turn around and claim it's a gender thing .

[Treasa]

OK, basically, lets strip all of it away. The moral of the story is:

 

Nobody likes a whiny bitch, male or female.

 

I was going to take it a step further and tell those who just want to whine about it to just keep up, that they can be as miserable as they want, and that there are plenty of other males out there who will keep the human species going. Survival of the fittest and all.

[Xinreeki]

D

 

This is my entire point. It helps you get nothing. So stop lying to people and telling them the reason they struggle with dating is because they don't have a "positive attitude";). We don't do this with any other aspect of life.

 

I forgot who the poster was but he made a great point awhile back. Many times we try to over and psycho analyze struggling men and say how its because of "body language", "attitude", "lack of confidence" whatever but in reality its as simple as the women they are approaching are not physically attracted to them

 

If I were to come on here and whine on about-

 

• How all men are useless jerks
  
• How all men are the same
  
• How no man will ever find me attractive
  
• How changing my close minded and negative views about men won't help me to get dates
  

 

Would you seriously tell me-

 

Your negative close-minded attitude about men is not at all negatively affecting your success in dating.

 

It must purely be that you are too physically unattractive to get dates..

 

Therefore the only conclusion is that you should give up and accept your fate?

[ThaWholigan]

I was going to take it a step further and tell those who just want to whine about it to just keep up, that they can be as miserable as they want, and that there are plenty of other males out there who will keep the human species going. Survival of the fittest and all.

Yeah, but it's not just a male thing. They just seem to be more vocal on the net.

 

I admit, I'm usually more tolerant of the whining - even from the likes of somedude at times. However, I'm not a fan of some of the anti-female twist that shows itself in some of the comments made in frustration. And conversely, I have read the same from women here and also made a point of bringing that up to them too.

 

I just don't like to see pointless whinging and misery without any actual wholehearted attempt to at least change one's outlook and apply themselves to some kind of improvement or not even an improvement but just change of some kind.

[Treasa]

Once upon a time I did the chasing after the guys with the money, looks, whatever. Nothing but misery until I finally left them. Most of them had ****ty attitudes. I've also dated "ugly" guys with ****ty attitudes and no jobs.

 

I'll take a self-sufficient dude who's honest and has an amazing attitude any date of the week, regardless of anything else. I don't care what he looks like if he can make me laugh.

[Treasa]

 

I just don't like to see pointless whinging and misery without any actual wholehearted attempt to at least change one's outlook and apply themselves to some kind of improvement or not even an improvement but just change of some kind.

 

That's the part I don't get.

 

I guess I'll just start agreeing with them and telling them that, yes, they're right, no one will ever want them.

[jma500]

I can't really use the example of a non-famous guy I know that they don't. It would mean nothing. I didn't say, "Look like Krasinski and be famous and have a lot of money." I said try doing what they were doing in that particular clip, which was letting go, having fun, exuding confidence, that kind of thing.

 

I'm not saying to emulate the men, I'm saying to emulate the behavior, or find something akin to it that works for them.

 

And no, I would not date a famous man. I don't even know where you got that from.

 

The "you" in question was meant for all the women posters not you in particular.

[somedude81]

Wherever they are whiny, it's never appreciated - online or offline. Don't get me wrong, there are designated places - like this one - where you can vent and get it out of the way,

Which is exactly why myself and many other people whine here.

 

But we are talking about real life and how having a positive attitude is supposed to attract women.

 

Whining online about the troubles of real life has no relevance to attracting women.

 

but after a while nobody wants to hear about it anymore - at least not if you don't seem to be listening to anything people have to offer.

 

Ugly or not, Poor or not, whatever. You can vent and get it out of your system, but then after that you get on with it and try to figure it out. You can blame others for some sh*t, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. You still have to get on with it somehow. And whining about it - online or offline - is not exactly going to endear people to your cause, whether that is your goal or not.

 

You can be happy and have people at least attempt to support you even if sh*t is gong wrong for you. Or you can moan about how sh*t everything is and be ostracized - and then turn around and claim it's a gender thing .

[Treasa]

The "you" in question was meant for all the women posters not you in particular.

 

I know, but I can only reply for myself.

[ThaWholigan]

That's the part I don't get.

 

I guess I'll just start agreeing with them and telling them that, yes, they're right, no one will ever want them.

 

I know, the difference is I actually get it from their POV.

 

It's hard, it's difficult to see anything other than what's in front of you and what's happening to you - especially if it's sh*t.

 

I expect people to be unhappy sometimes. I'm not happy all the time - hell, my life is NOWHERE near where I want it to be. But I manage to keep an even keel and keep an eye on the good that's happening. I re-prioritize my goals, make new plans and try to apply them as I go along. And I don't attach myself to my failings either - I truly believe for all my failures, they will ultimately lead to a success (funny, the aforementioned Michael Jordan had a similar mindset to that ).

 

When you are consumed by your unhappiness (not always bitterness), that's when you'll have a problem. It's hard to hear anyone say "Oh, just be happy and confident" - unless you give them a detailed, tangible, practical step-by-step guide to not just happiness and confidence, but RESULTS, then they won't accept it.

 

Sadly, they have to figure it out on their own. So usually I try to stay out of it nowadays - occasionally I chime in to at least lay my own little nugget of personal observations. But I can't make a horse drink from the trough.

 

And like I pointed out, it's not just men too, it's women aswell.

[Revolver]

If I were to come on here and whine on about-

 

• How all men are useless jerks
  
• How all men are the same
  
• How no man will ever find me attractive
  
• How changing my close minded and negative views about men won't help me to get dates
  

 

Would you seriously tell me-

 

Your negative close-minded attitude about men is not at all negatively affecting your success in dating.

 

It must purely be that you are too physically unattractive to get dates..

 

Therefore the only conclusion is that you should give up and accept your fate?

 

I would say The biggest reason would be physical. The reason most men get turned down is because that woman in particular isnt physically attracted to him, has nothing to do with attitude. The attitude happens AFTER the rejections

[Treasa]

I know, the difference is I actually get it from their POV.

 

It's hard, it's difficult to see anything other than what's in front of you and what's happening to you - especially if it's sh*t.

 

 

Actually, I get it. I was there for a while. The reason I get frustrated sometimes is because I DO know how it feels, except from the female side.

 

If I can change my life, I believe others could, too. There's nothing more special about me than other people.

[ThaWholigan]

Which is exactly why myself and many other people whine here.

 

But we are talking about real life and how having a positive attitude is supposed to attract women.

 

A positive attitude will have a better effect on your social environment in general than just a neutral one. Even a negative attitude is better than a neutral one .

 

Whining online about the troubles of real life has no relevance to attracting women.

No, but it is annoying if overdone . You might even have better luck if you were honest about your struggles in real life :lmao:

[Revolver]

Another big myth is the whole "well he or she doesn't/don't try". Again one of those things we mostly see in dating only. For example if I told you I sucked at basketball you wouldn't say "well the reason is you just don't try hard enough, you probably don't practice" you would probably accept it and say ,well he probably just sucks

 

It's very similar to the "well the reason your poor is because you you dont try hard enough" argument

[ThaWholigan]

Actually, I get it. I was there for a while. The reason I get frustrated sometimes is because I DO know how it feels, except from the female side.

 

If I can change my life, I believe others could, too. There's nothing more special about me than other people.

Sorry, that was a presumptuous comment on my part.

 

I believe others can change their lives too, but generally in their head, it doesn't matter what I believe. I'm just some overly optimistic delusional person who thinks everything is roses and flowers . I'm consciously aware of that - and instead of fighting it now, I'm just gonna accept it. I can put my words out there, but it's their choice to accept them. Not even as gospel (far from what I want, I'm no prophet ) but just as food for thought.

[Treasa]

Another big myth is the whole "well he or she doesn't/don't try". Again one of those things we mostly see in dating only. For example if I told you I sucked at basketball you wouldn't say "well the reason is you just don't try hard enough, you probably don't practice" you would probably accept it and say ,well he probably just sucks

 

It's very similar to the "well the reason your poor is because you you dont try hard enough" argument

 

Ok. As long as you're happy.

[Revolver]

Ok. As long as you're happy.

 

Ehh.. We just disagree. You think positive thinking matters more then I do, you also feel its impossible for a man to fail with women if he tries hard enough I disagree there too but whatever

[Treasa]

Ehh.. We just disagree. You think positive thinking matters more then I do, you also feel its impossible for a man to fail with women if he tries hard enough I disagree there too but whatever

 

Not if he continues to do the same thing without making any real, inner core changes. If he continues being someone who feels sorry for himself and continues to be unhappy, I completely agree he will continue to fail.

 

But again, as long as you are happy in your life, that is what is important.

[jma500]

Ok... well

is the type of guy that I'm attracted to! *swoons*

 

I've had a humongous crush on him for years!

 

So, the question is, does me admitting this make you feel any better about your chances with women?

 

I'm guessing not. As likely you will either not believe me, even if I were to swear on Zoidberg's life that I was telling the truth. Or else you likely will accuse me of being an incredibly rare exception among the female population, and thus proclaim that any "small percentage" of women out there who, like me, happen to be attracted to "regular" laid back, open minded guys, aren't even worth considering.

 

*Sighs*

 

Is there anything I could tell you that would make you feel more positive about your chances with women?

 

Because I honestly think that a positive attitude and outlook on life, together with a mind open enough to recognize that all women are different and are attracted to different things, would improve your chances with women no end.

I really hope the "you" in your post wasn't directed at me. If it is you have got me all wrong. My post had little to do with me. Just observations based on what i have read here. I am generally happy and having fun especially with my photography. Last friday i went to nyc with 9 other photo artists. I had a great time. I was laid back and had a lot of laughs which led to me being flirted with several times. So at least i can verify this part. In nyc anyway.

[Revolver]

I hear you, but 3 things.

 

1. How do you know having a positive outlook works or not? Have you tried it?

 

2. Whether you fail or not, having a positive outlook ensures people won't think you're a whiny annoying person who bitches all the time.

 

3. The focus on results and nothing else generally diminishes the significant of the journey to get there. Central importance to the individual themselves, rather than everyone else who only notices the results and draws their own conclusions.

 

 

And before you (general you) point out that only men aren't allowed to complain - let us consider the similarly extreme views/posts of a few female posters of a similar variety who have been similarly criticized for being whiny. Moaners of both genders annoy everybody

 

 

1. I have a generally positive attitude in life. I'm only successful and see results at the things I'm good at though. For example I have a very positive attitude in Math and I get good grades but that's only because I'm REALLY good at math. Similarly I have a positive attitude when playing Basketball, but I suck so I see no positive results. That's pretty much my point, The attitude is irrelavant when it comes to getting results and I think deep down you know I'm right:cool:

 

2. I agree but again that's irrelavant when it comes to romantic success which is pretty much the focus of this and every thread on this board. You can have a great attitude and women can like you as a friend but most men who struggle with women and women who struggle with men have alot of friends who like them already.... But if they Dont have anyone who likes them "in that way" who cares?

 

3. We're in a results oriented culture though, no one cares how fast or short the journey is if that reach the desired goal.

[ThaWholigan]

1. I have a generally positive attitude in life. I'm only successful and see results at the things I'm good at though. For example I have a very positive attitude in Math and I get good grades but that's only because I'm REALLY good at math. Similarly I have a positive attitude when playing Basketball, but I suck so I see no positive results. That's pretty much my point, The attitude is irrelavant when it comes to getting results and I think deep down you know I'm right:cool:

 

I never said you were wrong

 

All very well and good.

 

2. I agree but again that's irrelavant when it comes to romantic success which is pretty much the focus of this and every thread on this board. You can have a great attitude and women can like you as a friend but most men who struggle with women and women who struggle with men have alot of friends who like them already.... But if they Dont have anyone who likes them "in that way" who cares?

It is not that relevant to romantic success, but like I said - I don't think the agenda is to promote that only a good attitude will bring you romantic success - the agenda is simply to get people to stop bitching about it and get on with it .

 

3. We're in a results oriented culture though, no one cares how fast or short the journey is if that reach the desired goal.

.......That's what I said.

 

Nobody cares except the person on that journey. Sometimes the journey is great, sometimes it's sh*tty and hard - but bitching about it is not going to change anything.

 

The big key is not that the person is struggling, we are empathetic to that. The problem is the bitching. It's continuous, it's non-stop, it's ever-present.........and it's F*CKING ANNOYING!!!!

 

EDIT: I think if it wasn't so prevalent and constant, it wouldn't be so annoying.

Edited May 15, 2013 by ThaWholigan