Maybe you "ugly" guys can try this

[SteveC80]

I was happy at times, because of the situations, not because of the men. If I were happy with them, I'd still be with them.

 

Yes, I've had good sexual experiences. You could, too, if you'd stop acting like women who are overweight are SO LOW.

 

I have never, before today, actually seen you as ugly. It's crazy, because I can almost always see the beauty in everyone.

 

Sd sleeping with a fat women he has no attraction to is not something that would advise either that would hurt sd and the women he used to try to kickstart some confidence in himself.

 

People are attracted to what they are attracted to he should stick to that

[ltjg45]

Sd sleeping with a fat women he has no attraction to is not something that would advise

 

I wouldn't advise that either because there is absolutely nothing to gain from it.

[Xinreeki]

They don't know any better.

 

BTW just because someone is starving in India doesn't mean that I haven't suffered.

 

Exactly. And it doesn't mean that Treasa hasn't suffered either. Or that I haven't suffered. We've all suffered in one way or another during our lifetime.

 

I've battled with anxiety and depression for years now. Was bullied pretty much the entire time I was at school and university. And struggled through some really bad relationships where I despaired more than smiled.

 

The point is, that you can slowly change your thinking to a more positive mind set and feel better.

 

Sure it takes time. Many years sometimes, and you can and should reach out for help if you're struggling, but ultimately you are the only one who can work to change how you think.

Edited May 15, 2013 by Xinreeki

[somedude81]

Exactly. And it doesn't mean that Treasa hasn't suffered either. Or that I haven't suffered. We've all suffered in one way or another during our lifetime.

 

I've battled with anxiety and depression for years now.

I'm not denying that she hasn't suffered. I am saying that the suffering is on a different level.

 

You saw those questions I asked her?

 

"And you never dated a guy you liked? Were never happy in a relationship? Never had a good sexual experience?"

 

I have never experienced any of those things.

 

As bad as she's had it, she has at least known what it was like to experience joy. It actually seems like she's had it pretty good several times in her life.

 

My current standard belief is that nobody loves me, nobody has ever loved me, and no one ever will. That is hardcore truth in my mind.

 

Can you say you share my mindset?

[neowulf]

The reason why people are getting upset is because you're commenting on something that you know nothing about. You're saying that it's the fault of the guys that they're not getting girls. But this isn't always the case.

 

There in, is the single biggest lie that people tell themselves.

That they are completely powerless to change their situation.

 

A far more scary (and unpleasant) thought is that they *are* in fact responsible for their situation. Because that would mean there isn't anyone else to blame.

 

I look around and see people in the most unfortunate of circumstances, finding love and making something of their lives.

 

Unless a person is suffering from crippling mental illness or severe substance addiction, I doubt there is anything really stopping them from working to improve themselves and their lot in life.

 

Before dating, people might want to spend some energy healing themselves. I see a lot of pain, anger and self-loathing around here. Dating is another problem entirely.

[Xinreeki]

I'm not denying that she hasn't suffered. I am saying that the suffering is on a different level.

 

You saw those questions I asked her?

 

"And you never dated a guy you liked? Were never happy in a relationship? Never had a good sexual experience?"

 

I have never experienced any of those things.

 

As bad as she's had it, she has at least known what it was like to experience joy. It actually seems like she's had it pretty good several times in her life.

 

My current standard belief is that nobody loves me, nobody has ever loved me, and no one ever will. That is hardcore truth in my mind.

 

Can you say you share my mindset?

 

I can say that I have in the past shared your mind set. Yes. And I am living proof that it is possible to get better.

 

It takes a lot of time, sure, and often a lot of help from others too (mainly doctors if its serious depression that you are suffering from, and it sounds like it from what you describe).

 

I've tried several medications to help me with my depression in the past and yes its been trial an error to some extent. But the tablets I'm on now are helping me to feel a bit better I think.

 

So I really do recommend that you go see a doctor and explain just how bad you are feeling as soon as possible (if you haven't already) as that is probably the best first step to dealing with depression.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

As a side note, I know its likely a very small comfort, but if it helps at all, I honestly do really care about you.

 

That is why I am trying soo hard to help you see the light that positivity can bring and to encourage you to get help for your depression. Because I really do want you to feel better, in the same way that I'm starting to.

[neowulf]

My current standard belief is that nobody loves me, nobody has ever loved me, and no one ever will. That is hardcore truth in my mind.

 

If that is what you truly believe, log off, pick up the phone, and seek some professional help.

 

I'm not saying that to be cruel. I'm serious.

 

Because with that kind of pain and crippling self-loathing at your heart, you'll never really be able to trust love, even if you do find it.

 

If you truly believe you are unloveable, then you are. Because your filters of the world will make it so.

[joystickd]

I can say that I have in the past shared your mind set. Yes. And I am living proof that it is possible to get better.

 

It takes a lot of time, sure, and often a lot of help from others too (mainly doctors if its serious depression that you are suffering from, and it sounds like it from what you describe).

 

I've tried several medications to help me with my depression in the past and yes its been trial an error to some extent. But the tablets I'm on now are helping me to feel a bit better I think.

 

So I really do recommend that you go see a doctor and explain just how bad you are feeling as soon as possible (if you haven't already) as that is probably the best first step to dealing with depression.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

As a side note, I know its likely a very small comfort, but if it helps at all, I honestly do really care about you.

 

That is why I am trying soo hard to help you see the light that positivity can bring and to encourage you to get help for your depression. Because I really do want you to feel better, in the same way that I'm starting to.

Better living though chemistry. There are horrible side effects to those medications sometimes.

[neowulf]

Better living though chemistry. There are horrible side effects to those medications sometimes.

 

There's horrible side effects to living with crippling depression too...

Having lived through (and with) this.. I'll take my chances with the medication.

Edited May 15, 2013 by neowulf

[pteromom]

Better living though chemistry. There are horrible side effects to those medications sometimes.

 

Yes, sometimes. But there is no harm in trying, then trying something different if there are side effects. Can't live in fear of trying something because of possible negative outcomes, and decisions to try something do not have to be permanent decisions.

[joystickd]

There's horrible side effects to living with crippling depression too...

There are alternative to medication in dealing with depression. I have been in the place somedude is in. Its has more to do with what he sees around him everyday than some brain issue that needs pills. Once he gets evidence to support opposite his beliefs he will come around. No pill for that. Who want to take something that may drive them to suicide, make you have to avoid certain foods, or cause someone to have parkinsonian like symptoms. Every case doesn't need pill to help them. Better living through chemistry is not the answer all the time.

[Xinreeki]

Better living though chemistry. There are horrible side effects to those medications sometimes.

 

Yes some of them have dodgy side effects its true. That is why it has been trial and error to find one that works for me. But now I think I have, at least to some degree, no bad side effects and I can sleep better most nights, which is good.

 

Also I have medication for my anxiety and I think that has helped me too, along with self therapy where I have slowly learnt to adjust my mindset to a more positive one. True I still struggle with anxiety / despair attacks at times, but overall I'm much better than I was, and getting better all the time. And the more I focus on the light (benefits) that positive thinking can bring, the more motivated I am to continue working to adjust my thought patterns and outlook on life.

Edited May 15, 2013 by Xinreeki

[Xinreeki]

There are alternative to medication in dealing with depression. I have been in the place somedude is in. Its has more to do with what he sees around him everyday than some brain issue that needs pills. Once he gets evidence to support opposite his beliefs he will come around. No pill for that. Who want to take something that may drive them to suicide, make you have to avoid certain foods, or cause someone to have parkinsonian like symptoms. Every case doesn't need pill to help them. Better living through chemistry is not the answer all the time.

 

I agree, not every case will require medication and there are alternative ways to try and treat depression.

 

I suggest trying various things to find what works for you, and different things will work for different people of course, because we're all different and every case of depression is different

[neowulf]

Every case doesn't need pill to help them. Better living through chemistry is not the answer all the time.

 

Except in the cases where it is the answer. The trick to being opened minded is to leave all your options on the table.

 

I didn't run to pills as my first option. It took me 5 years to finally give in and decide it was worth trying medication for my own issues.

 

I wasted 5 years struggling when I could have simply sucked it up and taken the risk with meds.

 

Somedude seems plagued by a hyper-negative outlook on life and himself. That is a position that is extremely difficult to just 'think' your way out of.

 

The goal isn't to go on meds and stay on them. The goal is to use them to open you up enough to make long lasting changes.

[joystickd]

Except in the cases where it is the answer. The trick to being opened minded is to leave all your options on the table.

 

I didn't run to pills as my first option. It took me 5 years to finally give in and decide it was worth trying medication for my own issues.

 

I wasted 5 years struggling when I could have simply sucked it up and taken the risk with meds.

 

Somedude seems plagued by a hyper-negative outlook on life and himself. That is a position that is extremely difficult to just 'think' your way out of.

 

The goal isn't to go on meds and stay on them. The goal is to use them to open you up enough to make long lasting changes.

You know anybody that has took them temporarily?

[neowulf]

You know anybody that has took them temporarily?

 

Hell yeah. HEAPS of people. It really depends on the nature of the depressive illness.

 

There's a lot of misinformation about anti-depressants floating about. There are risks, but there are risks with every medication.

 

A book that really helped me get my head around the pros,cons and risks;

Amazon.com: Taking Antidepressants: Your Comprehensive Guide to Starting, Staying On, and Safely Quitting (9781934716069): Michael Banov: Books

[joystickd]

Hell yeah. HEAPS of people. It really depends on the nature of the depressive illness.

 

There's a lot of misinformation about anti-depressants floating about. There are risks, but there are risks with every medication.

 

A book that really helped me get my head around the pros,cons and risks;

Amazon.com: Taking Antidepressants: Your Comprehensive Guide to Starting, Staying On, and Safely Quitting (9781934716069): Michael Banov: Books

The case in question doesn't need pills just some pu$$y. He just needs some validation that he is a desirable male. I was exactly in the same situation my validation came in a different way so I had to deal with the learning of how to handle the fickle single female that can say one thing do another then say something that is congruent with what she is doing and in one swoop say it was never like that to begin with. Got some residual anger sorry about that. Its been a tough few days for me

[neowulf]

He just needs some validation that he is a desirable male.

 

Yeah, except that's the core of the issue.

 

As he is today, feeling the way he does about himself... he's not desirable.

He sounds, at his core, miserable, bitter and unhappy. About himself, about life.

 

You can't expect something external to fix that kind of issue. It doesn't work.

 

I'm not pushing meds. It's a very personal decision. Professional help doesn't always have to mean "meds" either. There are options. You just have find the courage to suck it up and take a risk.

[joystickd]

Yeah, except that's the core of the issue.

 

As he is today, feeling the way he does about himself... he's not desirable.

He sounds, at his core, miserable, bitter and unhappy. About himself, about life.

 

You can't expect something external to fix that kind of issue. It doesn't work.

 

I'm not pushing meds. It's a very personal decision. Professional help doesn't always have to mean "meds" either. There are options. You just have find the courage to suck it up and take a risk.

It's something external that caused these feelings so an internal option is the answer

[Treasa]

It's something external that caused these feelings so an internal option is the answer

 

I have to disagree strongly with this. I'm not going to explain, yet again, for those who don't get it.

[somedude81]

The case in question doesn't need pills just some pu$$y. He just needs some validation that he is a desirable male. I was exactly in the same situation my validation came in a different way so I had to deal with the learning of how to handle the fickle single female that can say one thing do another then say something that is congruent with what she is doing and in one swoop say it was never like that to begin with. Got some residual anger sorry about that. Its been a tough few days for me

That's exactly what it is.

 

I want someone to love me

For who I am.

I want someone to need me.

Is that so bad?

 

Of course it has to be someone I'm attracted to but that's hardly a difficult requirement.

 

But the trick is trying to get someone to be into me while I'm depressed.

 

I think it's completely screwed up how I'm depressed because I'm alone, and the depression is keeping me alone.

[joystickd]

That's exactly what it is.

 

I want someone to love me

For who I am.

I want someone to need me.

Is that so bad?

 

Of course it has to be someone I'm attracted to but that's hardly a difficult requirement.

 

But the trick is trying to get someone to be into me while I'm depressed.

 

I think it's completely screwed up how I'm depressed because I'm alone, and the depression is keeping me alone.

So you want a relationship?

[joystickd]

I have to disagree strongly with this. I'm not going to explain, yet again, for those who don't get it.

explain! it's annoying to start something and not finish.

[somedude81]

So you want a relationship?

A relationship would be amazing but I'm not so greedy to say that it's the only thing I'd be happy with.

 

I'd probably be fine if I found a girl who just wanted a casual thing. I'd most likely end up wanting more but a FWB should still be more fulfilling than the emptiness I have now.

 

Realistically what I need now is to go on a few dates with a girl that likes me and see how I can do in that situation. So far I have never experienced a situation where both me and a girl like each other. Then I'd start wondering about an actual relationship later on.

[tbf]

I have to disagree strongly with this. I'm not going to explain, yet again, for those who don't get it.

Perhaps this can be explained in different terms.

 

We can't control externalities but we can control our response to them.