Pompeii Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 It always seems like a chore to get a woman's interest going. It seems like there's just so many hoops to jump through. You have to be extraordinarily interesting, you have to be extraordinarily confident, you have to be elite, you have to be extraordinarily aesthetic. It just seems like if you're a regular guy, you stand no chance. At least to me. People say this dating thing is supposed to be fun, but why does it seem like it's like playing Minesweeper? One wrong click and you're done? There's just so many things you can do wrong that will **** up the entire interaction? Then I hear this nonsense about "you gotta make things happen organically, man". What the hell does "organic" even mean? As far as I'm concerned, there doesn't seem like there will ever be an "organic" rapport between myself and someone of the opposite sex. The only instance I can think of is my crush, but then that's because she seems to be friendly to everyone. If I didn't feel attracted to women or a desire to be with one, I can guarantee that my life would be 150% better. I just wish there was some way to kill the attraction. Any other guys feel this way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Now just imagine what your life would be like if you took all that work and channeled it into being happy in your own life and with yourself. That would be freaking insane, hey? Being happy?? You know what, it might have the unintended side effect of attracting women, though. Since we illogical creatures are often drawn to happiness and not neediness. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Because it is a chore, unless you have something exceptional going on. For example, if you have a 13" personality you don't struggle to find women, or if you make 6 figures or if you look like, say, this guy. No hoops to jump through then, trust me. You know what all three of those are like? Also, you don't know a single person who doesn't possess all three of those things, or any of them, who doesn't have anyone who's ever liked them? Because, damn, only a few of my exes had more money than I do, and most of them weren't exceptionally handsome. And none of them had a 13" personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 You don't get it you have plenty of exes. That's what he means. What does that mean? Yes, I have exes. Let's follow this back, shall we? I have exes because I had boyfriends. I had boyfriends because I attracted them. I attracted them because of various things. Having a boyfriend doesn't make me get MORE boyfriends. What does this have to do with the fact that a lot of men who aren't a "10" (God, I hate that), don't have a lot of money, and don't have big dicks can get women? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 It's seems like a chore because all you are focused on is the end result. Dating is just a means to the end which is the woman, rather than an end itself. It can never be fun if you think of it like that, unless the thrill of getting a result is stronger than the dislike of having to go through the tribulations of the journey getting the result. Which in most guys case regarding dating and making themselves attractive, it isn't. I keep seeing guys say things like "You have to be extraordinarily this or extraordinarily that just to impress some chick, etc etc", but I'm like ".........so? You should want to be extraordinary irregardless of what she thinks!". Obviously, not everybody is going to be a superstar or some sh*t, but if you are happy with the person you are or you have a goal to be the person you want to become and are happy to go through that journey, then dating will become piss easy - because it won't have so much significance and therefore you won't be looking at it as "all this effort". Once again - I say it many times - stop taking dating so seriously. It will only piss you off if you do. If you attach such a serious mindset towards it and seeing anything towards improving your dating life as "a chore, effort and unnecessary", then you are going to keep having an unhappy time dating and you will consistently be passed over for guys who do not think that way and actually have a happier time dating. And sure, it's easy to go "but they are successful, that's why they are happy", but what if it's the other way around? Is it so illogical? Maybe it is, but attraction and dating itself, is HIGHLY illogical - accepting that is a key towards actually being able to navigate the dating world better. Try not taking it so ridiculously seriously - not attaching such importance to it such as to see it as a chore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 For the record, ThaWholigan is someone I would jump in a heartbeat. I vaguely know what he looks like from one pic a while ago, and I have no idea what his "net worth" is, nor do I know his penis size. But hey, what do I know? I'm only a woman who's had relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine87 Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Give it some time.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pompeii Posted May 8, 2013 Author Share Posted May 8, 2013 Now just imagine what your life would be like if you took all that work and channeled it into being happy in your own life and with yourself. That would be freaking insane, hey? Being happy?? You know what, it might have the unintended side effect of attracting women, though. Since we illogical creatures are often drawn to happiness and not neediness. You know what, I am satisfied with my life. I am in a better position than most. Still, it makes you feel like a reject when you see all your friends have easy success with girls but you are cast aside like a broken toy. I have channeled myself into all of my endeavors but like most useless dating advice out there: it doesn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 You know what, I am satisfied with my life. I am in a better position than most. Still, it makes you feel like a reject when you see all your friends have easy success with girls but you are cast aside like a broken toy. I have channeled myself into all of my endeavors but like most useless dating advice out there: it doesn't work. Hon, why are you comparing yourself? I used to do it, but I can't really put myself in that mindset anymore. You aren't in a race with anyone...except maybe yourself. No one but you honestly thinks about you often enough to think you're a reject or not. And, as I often say, if you're going to listen to someone's opinion, why not make it your own, and make it a good opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pompeii Posted May 8, 2013 Author Share Posted May 8, 2013 How old are you? It probably just hasnt happened yet. It is a numbers game as well. I am 19, however in college, you would think that *something* would have happened by now. I'm just getting older and stuck with the same level of inexperience by the day. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 is it wrong that I feel women have higher standards than men do? It's not wrong - maybe men should start to have higher standards then? I'm musing ....... Sometimes I wonder what kind of girls you guys are meeting and how you guys are around them and people in general. You have to remember that once upon a time I was an awkward guy who could barely speak to a girl. I'm only now starting to discover more of myself and rather than act accordingly (which I used to do as a template), I'm starting to infuse a little more of who I truly am into my outward persona. I get more attention as a result. And by the way, dating still isn't "easy" for me - I don't get a plethora of dates all the time. But I can get them and when I do, I don't sweat it the same way that some of you guys do because as far as I'm concerned, I just see an interesting girl and talk - then ask em out. If they say no (and trust me, once upon a time they ALWAYS said no) then it's no biggie. It was torture before, but once I stopped caring about it, one day it all started to click. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 I am 19, however in college, you would think that *something* would have happened by now. I'm just getting older and stuck with the same level of inexperience by the day. I didn't realize you were that young. Geez, you're just a babe. You'll be fine when you get older and stop thinking silly things. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Hon, why are you comparing yourself? I used to do it, but I can't really put myself in that mindset anymore. You aren't in a race with anyone...except maybe yourself. No one but you honestly thinks about you often enough to think you're a reject or not. And, as I often say, if you're going to listen to someone's opinion, why not make it your own, and make it a good opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pompeii Posted May 8, 2013 Author Share Posted May 8, 2013 This is why even boys meaning under 18 are turning to porn instead of actually going out with a girl. it's easier, no headaches. Warren Farrell talked about this. They protested him at the University of Toronto. It's a shame, because he actually knows what he's talking about and is very insightful. Many young men went there to go see him talk but they kept getting scared away by the hordes of angry feminists. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 It always seems like a chore to get a woman's interest going. It seems like there's just so many hoops to jump through. You have to be extraordinarily interesting, you have to be extraordinarily confident, you have to be elite, you have to be extraordinarily aesthetic. It just seems like if you're a regular guy, you stand no chance. At least to me. People say this dating thing is supposed to be fun, but why does it seem like it's like playing Minesweeper? One wrong click and you're done? There's just so many things you can do wrong that will **** up the entire interaction? Then I hear this nonsense about "you gotta make things happen organically, man". What the hell does "organic" even mean? As far as I'm concerned, there doesn't seem like there will ever be an "organic" rapport between myself and someone of the opposite sex. The only instance I can think of is my crush, but then that's because she seems to be friendly to everyone. If I didn't feel attracted to women or a desire to be with one, I can guarantee that my life would be 150% better. I just wish there was some way to kill the attraction. Any other guys feel this way? Why does it feel like a chore? Because for some men, it is a chore. Truth. I wish dating was as easy as minesweeper. I hate that game by the way, not because it's hard (it's actually pretty easy to complete the highest difficulty level in under 3 minutes) but because a girl who broke my heart taught me how to play. Anyway, dating is literally the most difficult thing I've ever done. And trust me I've done some pretty difficult stuff in my life: ran 5 miles in 100 degree weather, lost 70 pounds when I was 15, driven in Northern Virginia traffic, etc. None of it compares to trying to understand how dating works. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pompeii Posted May 8, 2013 Author Share Posted May 8, 2013 Hon, why are you comparing yourself? I used to do it, but I can't really put myself in that mindset anymore. You aren't in a race with anyone...except maybe yourself. No one but you honestly thinks about you often enough to think you're a reject or not. And, as I often say, if you're going to listen to someone's opinion, why not make it your own, and make it a good opinion? If you show up to a dress coded party wearing red and everyone's wearing black, then you have to ask yourself where you messed up along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 It always seems like a chore to get a woman's interest going. The times when it feels like a chore are the times when I realise that the woman isn't interested in me, so I stop trying to date her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 If you show up to a dress coded party wearing red and everyone's wearing black, then you have to ask yourself where you messed up along the way. It depends. Do you get kicked out if you aren't wearing black? If not, own it and enjoy the attention, and if you are, find another party where people don't have sticks shoved up their asses. I assure you that you will find life a lot more fun when you stop taking certain parts of it so seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 The times when it feels like a chore are the times when I realise that the woman isn't interested in me, so I stop trying to date her. Some guys invest emotional energy into women before they even talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pompeii Posted May 8, 2013 Author Share Posted May 8, 2013 I assure you that you will find life a lot more fun when you stop taking certain parts of it so seriously. The only reason why I'm where I am today is because I took "certain parts" of it seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Some guys invest emotional energy into women before they even talk to her. Yeah, I've spotted that - the ones who talk here about how rejection hurts so much for example. These guys wouldn't last long at poker - they'd go all-in on the first 2 cards and then be upset when they don't even have a pair. Not sure how to help them much more than telling them to both worry less and care less about dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 Yeah, I've spotted that - the ones who talk here about how rejection hurts so much for example. These guys wouldn't last long at poker - they'd go all-in on the first 2 cards and then be upset when they don't even have a pair. Not sure how to help them much more than telling them to both worry less and care less about dating. The bolded part above made me giggle in such an immature way. That was so perfectly phrased. Gents, you have to have a huge set to be happy and fearless in life. Sadly, I have a bigger set than a lot of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 The bolded part above made me giggle in such an immature way. That was so perfectly phrased. Gents, you have to have a huge set to be happy and fearless in life. Sadly, I have a bigger set than a lot of you. It started out as an unintended pun and then I reworked the sentence to make it work properly. I'm glad you got it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Estate Posted May 8, 2013 Share Posted May 8, 2013 It always seems like a chore to get a woman's interest going. It seems like there's just so many hoops to jump through. You have to be extraordinarily interesting, you have to be extraordinarily confident, you have to be elite, you have to be extraordinarily aesthetic. It just seems like if you're a regular guy, you stand no chance. At least to me. People say this dating thing is supposed to be fun, but why does it seem like it's like playing Minesweeper? One wrong click and you're done? There's just so many things you can do wrong that will **** up the entire interaction? Then I hear this nonsense about "you gotta make things happen organically, man". What the hell does "organic" even mean? As far as I'm concerned, there doesn't seem like there will ever be an "organic" rapport between myself and someone of the opposite sex. The only instance I can think of is my crush, but then that's because she seems to be friendly to everyone. If I didn't feel attracted to women or a desire to be with one, I can guarantee that my life would be 150% better. I just wish there was some way to kill the attraction. Any other guys feel this way? It seems like a chore because you are lazy and don't ACTUALLY have any interest in the girl beyond your own ego. Im sick and tired of your threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pompeii Posted May 8, 2013 Author Share Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) It seems like a chore because you are lazy and don't ACTUALLY have any interest in the girl beyond your own ego. Im sick and tired of your threads. Then go **** yourself then. No one asked you to open the damn threads. If I didn't have an interest in any girls, I wouldn't be trying to date them. And I'm not lazy, you piece of ****. I work harder than most people I know. I put more energy and dedication into **** than most ever will be able to muster. So go **** off. I don't give a **** how supposedly cool you are and how you're doing well with women. So go take a hike. Edited May 8, 2013 by Pompeii Link to post Share on other sites
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