How do deal with not being good enough?

[roger100]

Oooowwwcchhhh!

 

A girl rejected me implying I was too short. I am 5'9". She was nice but pretty cold about it. Then she picked up with another guy not more than 1/2" taller! This hurt because this guy was a real jerk. He eventually dumped her real cold like just picking up with another girl and dumping her like it was nothing.

 

Then she hooked up with another guy within 1" of my height. I liked this guy but he did not resepct her either.

 

Then she finally got married. I loved this girl and had to watch her easily used by two other guys and finally marry another. All the while I was there, caring for real, but just not good enough in her eyes.

 

I'm no Brad Pitt, but I didn't think I was that bad. Ok looks, great physical shape and have a full head of hair. Aside from being sad for losing the girl, my ego has been flushed down the toilet. How do you deal with being deemed a loser?

Edited May 8, 2013 by roger100

[fiftyofsomethin]

Well. I have recently been soul-searching a bit in my own head and also been doing serious research on this topic.

 

What I seem to have boiled it down to with partners and what they are attracted to is simply confidence.

 

In fact, if you find some way to build up self-confidence and lower self-doubt, I guarantee that you will find that your life in general will improve. You will stop worrying and dwelling and over-analyzing past events and you will stop planning, preparing, and worrying about the future.

 

In my experience, I seemed to always just expect the worst. If something bad happens, I wouldn't be surprised. Hell, even when I was with my ex, I sort of half-expected that we would break up because I just didn't feel good enough for her. Or also if someone gave me an odd look in the hallways, I would assume something was wrong with my hair, my clothes, whatever.

 

And then if something good happened, I would just assume it was a fluke, mistake, or stroke of amazingly good luck.

 

So how do you build up better confidence, you ask? Well of course, if I had the absolute answer, I would have implemented it better by now, but alas I am still researching. Right now, I have found an interesting website that seems to do an analysis of your current confidence state and it directs you on the path towards becoming more confident.

 

Here it is, I hope this helps you and anyone else who shares this struggle:

How Self-Confident Are You? - Discover tools that can help you - Stress Management from MindTools.com

[dougmccoy]

you know they are treating her bad but you just watched. if you really loved here then you wouldn't have let her being used by those other guys. you let her feel and know what you feel.