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He's coming back - can I play it casual without getting burnt again??


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Hi, about a year ago I began a casual relationship with someone I work with. We became very good friends and slept together on the side. We ended the sexual relationship eventually because he was seeing other women and I was getting emotionally involved. Anyway, he got a transfer to Europe soon after but he's coming back next week. The whole time he's been away he's been sending me emails and messages saying he misses me. I've not replied to any of them.

 

It's been 6 months without seeing this guy but I still lust after him. I haven't been interested in any one since. Even more than that, I miss him as a friend. I know I won't be able to ignore him when he comes back to the office next week. I want to stay friends with him, but the line always get crossed somehow because there is this amazing sexual chemistry between us.

 

What to do? Can I stay friends and continue sleeping with him for the next 3 months (after that i am going overseas)? Or should I try to keep things platonic?? It hurts when we sleep together and he doesn't make a commitment. But on the other hand I am in desperate need of some action between the sheets!

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Sounds like you already know the deal here, and have already gotten a small dose of the pain that accompanies relationship withdrawal. Do you relapse?

 

Only you know what your limits are and how much you can handle. It's clear that there will be another separation. It's also evident that even if you weren't relocating, this man is unlikely ready to make any commitments to you or any of the other women he may be sleeping with already.

 

Remember---What you see is what you get. ;)

 

So what are you trying to save? Your heart or your dignity? If you feel that three months of action between the sheets is fair compensation for the price you'll eventually have to pay later, then make the trade. But if you're worried about burning yourself again, then resist the temptation to put your hand over that fire. You have far more control over your actions and emotions than you give yourself credit for. It sounds like you have a good understanding of yourself and your own limitations already. And that is key.

 

Whatever boundaries you choose to drawl, you'll only step over that line if and when you want to. He has no power over you except that which you choose to give him. Decide what you need to keep for yourself and what you are willing to give away. Then orchestrate your life and relationships as you see fit.

 

Good luck! :bunny:

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