Support for NO CONTACT - DAY 1

[Magpie_x]

Hi guys, it's been a VERY long time since i've been on here, hope everyone is well.

 

I have decided i am starting NO CONTACT with my ex, i can't actually be bothered going into detail about our break up as i don't even want to give his pathetic ass any thought, but to cut long story short, we broke up 8 weeks ago after getting back together for 8 months after we'd been split for a year ( been together 2 and a half years before the year split) and now he's seeing someone new after 6 weeks of breaking up.

 

It hurts BUT we have been in contact the whole time as i kicked him out of my house and i've still been recieving his post etc, but after us having a big argument yesterday i've decided to cut my losses and to go into NO CONTACT today

 

So...

 

I thought i would start a thread for anyone who has decided to also go the big NC today, i know how hard it is and thought we could all do with the support....

 

So let's start.... who's with me ?

 

[Magpie_x]

Nobody going day 1 of no contact today? :S

 

I thought this thread would be good for all of us to support eachother as i know how hard no contact is to get through alone....

 

hmmm.....

[maturityassets]

I'm on day 3! Its hard, so tempted to text her to hang out tonight. I know she would see me but it would hurt! We'll keep supporting each other as a community!

[Magpie_x]

i know exactly how you feel, me and him just spent all day arguing yesterday over him basically telling me he wanted me to give him all the gifts back he bought me over the 3 and a half years, one thing he has got is a Tiffany & Co ring he bought me and surprised me with when we went on our first holiday, it was a gift to say how much he loved me and even gave it me on his birthday.

 

I gave it him back a few weeks after we split as he knew how much the ring meant to me, but then i come to find yesterday he wanted the box and the certificate it came with so he could sell it.... for £50!!! to me that ring is priceless regardless of anything and any feelings i have for him, that ring means the world to me and to see the big dent on my finger where it has been for the last 3 and a half years, it's just sad as he knows how much that ring is to me and to tell me he's selling it for such little money, it's like he's selling all my memories that i have

 

So it's hard i snapped after that and told him i was done and i didn't want anything to do with him or anything that came along with our sham of a relationship and i havn't spoken to him since i said that last night.

 

I just feel i should apologize but he doesn't deserve it.

 

Also another thing that makes it hard is that him mum contacted me after he finally gave her my new number and says she wants us to meet for a coffee when we're both next free as she misses me...

 

I think the world of his mum, we did have a special bond, but obviously this will make it uncomfortable for his " ever so quick" new girlfriend in the future so i feel i shouldn't keep intouch with his mum.

 

It's so hard, but keep it up!! i can't remember the last time i ever went 3 days without speaking to him in all this time so i applaud you!!

 

don't give in xx

[Sunshine87]

Im not going through a break up per say, but I'm trying to create some distance between me and some guy. I've been getting mixed signals and it's starting to do my head in. Life really shouldn't be that complicated. So Ive decided to just cut off.

 

It's hard especially when you speak to someone everyday....what makes it difficult is the lack of companionship. The urge to send a message or something.

 

What's the hardest part and are you itching yet?lol

[youngnlove89]

I'm on day...err....ummm....who cares. I don't keep track anymore. Keeping track to me is still letting the heartbreak control you. It's allowing them to still be in your life in some way.

 

It's like counting calories, exhausting and in the end makes eating the damn cake harder to resist!

[Magpie_x]

Sunshine, i know what you mean as i am also giving some space to a guy that i did spend a couple of months seeing last year, he makes clear his feelings for me and as much as i love him as a person and a friend i feel it wouldn't be right to keep speaking to him as he hates my ex and i know how much he wants to be with me, creates too much confusion because i have moments where i feel like going back to him too, because he treated me like a queen but the thought of me walking away from him a second time would ruin him, so kind of doing no contact with him but i find thats abit easier lol in the nicest possible way.

 

I have to admit, yes it's killing me not contacting him, i go through periods throughout the day where all the good memories come flooding back and i feel numb with sadness, but then i get a bigger rush of all the bad memories and horrible things we've said to eachother.

 

It's hard knowing he's moved on so quick to someone knew, he's saying she's "not his girlfriend" but it's all the same to me, he said he fell out of love with me within 2 weeks of me kicking him out ( he didn't appreciate me) and we'd been through a second miscarriage this year, and i'm like thinking to myself "how can we go through what we have and he's fallen out of love with me in 2 weeks and 6 weeks later he's with someone else?!"

 

Now he's a stubborn bastard to say the least but can you fall out of love with someone in 2 weeks? considering we had been doing better than ever weeks before until i just couldn't handle him being a selfish ass an kicked him out.

 

He's always so angry, but if he really didn't care he wouldn't be aggressive would he?

 

But yes, it gets hard not to contact him when i can't help but think of some of the things he said yesterday that anger me.

 

I'm going to try my best to do the next 30 days NO CONTACT, because i know i need to for myself. but for some reason something in my gut tells me this isn't over :S

 

I'm trying hard not to think about him or anything but i can't help it

[cassy]

Hi today is day 1 for me too...but i actually did reply to his text so i guess its not really NC, huh? Well today is day 1 after i broke up with him though so it is probably the hardest day ever when it comes to breaking up, and every day forward will hopefully just get easier and easier...i know it may not seem like it but obviously it will because i have been through this enough times in my life...

[Magpie_x]

Ok well it's now 01.18 here in England, so i have officially gotten through day 1 of NC.

 

It was so/so, still obviously struggled with all the anger i have built up inside after our arguments yesterday, but i tried to keep myself busy, which did help a little.

 

I know how difficult this is going to be for all of us, BUT......

 

We CAN do it !!

 

i'm currently trying to drill into my head that 1) the fact he can jump straight into a relationship in so little time, it's most likely a rebound ( considering a few days ago he had the cheek to have a go at me and said " it's amazing how you run straight back to **** and ***** since i've been off the scene) those two are two of my best male friends who i have been with in the past but he's always hated them, probably cos they treat me right. Now i havn't run back to anyone at all but i find it rich how he can say that when he's now with someone.

 

2) why would i ever want someone who's so cold and heartless and incensitive being in my life? i did everything and gave everything i could to him yet he's left me with nothing, i don't need that in my life.

 

The way i see it, and what i keep telling myself, is he's just a little boy sulking because i decided as much as i love him that i'd had enough, i thought i was doing the right thing by kicking him out and saying " if your going to try and take the piss with me then get out of my house, sort all your own problems out without me worrying about them and deal with you're own crap without me and see how you do !!" stupidly thinking he'd soon realize how much he'd taken me for granted, i admit it backfired but hey for once i decided i wasn't putting up with him being able to do one all the time and have me at home crying and worrying about him messing up his life and me trying to fix it for him, when it wasn't my job.

 

So thinking it over, he's sulking because he had no control, i was one up on him, if anything i know, he hates me taking charge because he knows i'd do absolutely anything on the planet for him and it was a shock.

 

Atleast i havn't ran to anyone, i'm a very insecure person especially when it comes to my looks, but i get a lot of attention and he knows that, and i had a lot of male attention when our relationship ended, so i could have easilly ran to the first person who wanted to be there for me, but i'm not stupid and i know the whole " oh i'll be you're shoulder to cry on" and people taking advantage and as i have been in one relationship before which in the end i worked out i had actually used as a rebound, i wouldn't do that to someone again, where as he, well i feel sorry for the girl.

 

The fact is lovely ladies and gents, as much as i know the pain we go through and the love we have for our ex's, is it worth the torture they've put us through? because deep down, me included, we know it isn't

 

I just recently started a new job working in a small bar and i love it, because not only do i get to meet new people on a daily basis, it's such a confidence boost when i get asked how could i be single, and i have made some great new friends who have all the time in the world to listen to me, that alone has made me feel a lot better as a person and makes me realize when people point out my great qualities, it makes me realize what my ex has thrown away.

 

I am always here to offer any support or advice as i know i wouldn't be here myself if i didn't need it, but i know how hard it is, the longest i've ever gone in the last over 3 and a half days of No Contact with the ex is 5 days, in all that time, even if we were arguing, it was great to know i was still getting to talk to him, but there comes a time where we should be the ones with the power, our ex's shouldn't have a hold on our lives, and it's time we make them number 2 and take back our dignity.

 

We can ALL do this !! i believe in everyone of you, yes we'll have ups and downs but if we stick together and discuss on here, we can all help eachother through this agonizingly difficult time.

 

Much Love xxxx

[aisuru]

Stay strong and stay no contact. You can do it.

 

Write a list of activities you can do to keep you distracted. If all else fails, write your feelings out on paper or here so you get the thoughts out of your head.

 

You'll be okay.

 

He sounds like a jerk. My ex wouldn't "allow" me to return a very nice Kate Spade purse he bought me a week before we broke up. Said if I did, there was no chance of ever speaking with him again. Believe me, I was still tempted to return it but heck, it's a Kate Spade purse (my fave). HA!

[SummerRain]

Day 17 here ... some days are easier than others. But I remind myself this is Day 17 AFTER a whole YEAR of realizing that he was actually drifting away and spending time with other girls Sad that I still miss him huh?

Stay strong everyone ... we need to remember that an ex is always an ex for a reason!

 

P/S not sure what to do if he contacts me first although I already had the "well this is the end" email and chat.

[lunar83]

Day ten here, still catching up, but there is no way I ever wanna hear from him, so it is not that bad :-D

And my I add that on monday I got a forwarded e-mail from him about Angels, so sweet.

I think I am at the anger stage :-/

Edited May 11, 2013 by lunar83

[swiftly333]

well... not that I am completely on the same page as you, I said I was going to go no contact at least for a short bit so I can stay focused on my priorities but its hard as hell! I keep finding myself in places or situations that remind me of my ex. I just went to the library hoping it would help me focus, then I remember as I walk into the building that we came here to study and some funny things happen. Makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time. When i remembered the incident I wanted to text him so he could get a laugh, too. But then I held back. I thought about texting a friend about it instead just the get it out of my system, but I decided against that, too. Talking about him all the time is almost just as bad as talking to him...

 

So now Im in the library, on here, because I cant focus even still because all I can think about is how I CANT talk to him and how I dont have what I used to have and it's killing me.

 

I have been working on positive self talk/CBT stuff. So every time I go to the bathroom and wash my hands I look in the mirror and tell myself that I am strong, and beautiful, and I deserve someone who will love me the way I want to be loved and will love me as much as I love them. That I am ok. That I am a GOOD PERSON and anybody would be lucky to have me in their life. I've done this 3 times today and each time I just cry. I don't know why I cry, but I do.

 

No contact sucks. It's no wonder why I break it every time I say I'm going to go NC. Its &%*! HARD!

[1908]

Technology makes it so hard It's days like these I wish I never had an email and cell.

 

The longest I've been NC with her was for a week and that was the week before this one. Ended up caving and emailing her on Monday night. Then we spent the rest of the week exchanging emails and texts. We also share an apartment lease and a few other bills together for a few more months so there's occasional dialogue about that.

 

But I wish everyone luck with their NC adventure. Stay strong.

[Kay_29]

Going on DAY 3 myself........... it gets better everyday just gotta keep strong, at the end of the day their out enjoying life time heals all wounds!!!