How can I help My best Friend

[Lanna]

Okay How do I get my best friend out of a deep funk. She recently broke up with her boyfriend(everyone close to her including her thought he was "the one") and I think she is also feeling the baggage of a bad past relationship. She has kind of withdrawn and recognizes that she is very sad and she doesn't know how to snap out of it. I have tried to be myself and make her laugh as I have in the past. I have made myself very available for her(nothing new there). We have been friends for about a year and she has lived here for about two years(knew no on when she came here). She is far from her family and friends from her old home town. I am one of the only friends she has here and we are like her family. She is also not feeling the greatest about her job. I am often at a loss for words even though I have been in her shoes before. I hate to see her in soo much pain and I don't know what to do for her. Luckily she realizes that she needs to get some counseling. But in the meantime what can I do to help to my best friend?

[Tony T]

There is absolutely nothing you can do that you aren't already more than generously doing. This is her issue, her pain and hurt, and she must go through it in her own way.

 

If you make her problems yours much more than you already have, you may actually be the one who needs counselling.

 

Just be there, be kind, be understanding, be available but live your own life and don't be consumed with the hurt of your friend. This is something she needs to go through. Don't worry, you'll get your share someday and I'm sure she'll be there for you.

[Lanna]

I guess I can admit to being a little co-dependant here. When I see someone I care about hurting I want to make it all better. I know in my head that I can't, that they have to work it out, But I guess I just wish I had something profound that I could say that would open her eyes and let her know its not that bad, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. She has helped me through some issues( I was going through some bumpy marriage stuff) and always seems to know just what to say and do to lift my spirits and ligthen my load. I guess I want to recipricate that and when I'm at a loss for words I feel like I'm not doing that. She knows I'm always here for her and that is just about the best I can do for her right now. But man, it just totally sucks to see her so sad when she is someone who has brought so much joy into my life.

[Tony T]

I feel your pain...I suppose that's a bit codependent as well.

 

As long as you are there for her, that's enough. When people are going through rough stuff, they often resent people making an overt effort to make them feel better.