jerryinva Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Interesting week...after all the drama of Monday and Tuesday..she contacted me on Wednesday...then Thursday she kept emotional distance, then Friday she bounced back a little, and today there has been no contact... She said she is not ready for the friendship to go back to where it was. I am actually ok with that... I have not initiated the contact...except once..and when she wasn't responsive....I backed off. I am confused by this warm/cold behavior...but I think she has some unresolved "issues" about her romantic getaway this week. For one, I still don't think she has told her ex-fiance...which is not going to go well...but she is running out of time. And, I think the trip is causing her anxiety..not to mention what he said he was going to do when they got back, by going to her father and asking him if it is ok to propose to her... All the while...I am just sitting back quietly like a cat...just watching this... emotional distance is good for me right now... Link to post Share on other sites
Notorious Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Oh brother. She is emasculating you. Do you not see this? I don't mean to sound rude, but dude, grab your balls. Enough is enough already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 26, 2004 Author Share Posted September 26, 2004 Hey guys...I am getting better... she has not called me at all today... and I have not called her.... Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 She sounds like a chick with alot of bagage. That's not good. So, she can be on this roller coaster ride like everything is fine to im depressed in like five minutes. I think I would keep my space. Maybe try the no contact thing if you have too. Since, she just got out a really serious relationship, she is going to be extremely emotional for a while and not know what the whe wants to do at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 26, 2004 Author Share Posted September 26, 2004 Well...I know she is carrying a lot of emotional "stuff." I agree about the breakup of her past relationship, and how that is affecting her choices...and moods... And I believe some of that is fueling her choice of the new guy. But, I GOT IT....I CAN'T give her advice or comment on it.... Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 Im glad to her that you got it, givin her advice right know wouldnt be the best thing to do at her emotional point. Well, the only think I have to say is do what you think is the right thing to do, sometimes the advice we give is not always the way to go on these things, follow your instints. Good Luck, wish you the best, hope everyhting gets better!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 26, 2004 Author Share Posted September 26, 2004 Well...I am not sure I am making the right choice. I was thinking tonight on the way home from work, "I wonder what she did today?" Then I realized, I may not want to know/hear the answer. For all I know, she could have been out buying slinky lingerie for their getaway Tues, Wed., and Thursday of this week. Then I had the vision in my head of her climbing into bed with another guy...was not pleasant. So, if all goes as planned, they will go on their trip...and then he will come back, and ask her dad if he can marry her. All disturbing images, so maybe her keeping her distance is doing me a favor. I am not sure why she is doing it...I didn't do anything this time...but like I said she is probably doing me a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 You are doin better Jerry, you haven't called her. I'm proud of you. Key here is don't contact her and don't respond to any of her attempts to contact you either! Here's my prediction: If you can manage to not contact her, as she leads up to this trip away - her attempts to reach you will become more and more - if you don't respond, don't answer her calls, don't answer her IMs, don't answer your door either - she will be trying harder to reach you. Why? Because then you aren't playing the game, and the game is what feeds her. She wants you to be tortured by those thoughts and visions - it gives her power, gives her control, and it keeps you in the "backup man" spot in case something goes wrong. You are finally starting to gain a lil tiny bit of distance and perspective - you know she's preparing for this trip, you know she'll give you (inappropriately) all the little details, and you know they'll make you feel crappy. So - don't give her the chance to do that to you! Be unavailable to her for her lil chatty session! She's gonna be gone for three days this week right? This week I wanna see posts from you on: At least one good movie you saw (buy, rent, or tv). A book you started reading for fun (library is free right?), and that you went to the gym or for a walk or a bike ride at least once. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 26, 2004 Author Share Posted September 26, 2004 Actually...thus far, she is not trying to talk to me. She last called me late Friday night, and feel asleep on the phone (just like the old days), I woke her up by accidently kneeing the redial button around 4 a.m. That was the last interaction was around 4 a.m. Saturday morning. So, at this point, I don't see any sign of her increasing her attempts to contact. I think right now she is hoping "out of sight, out of mind" works..that way she can go on the trip unhindered by thoughts of me..or guilt, or negative feelings as a result of anything I have said. I am just confused by the fact she initiated contact on Wednesday, and even told she loved me (albeit I am sure as a friend) on Wednesday afternoon...and then she has been slowly backing away since then... and told me she wasn't ready to take the friendship back to the level it had been at before..i.e. she didn't want to emotionally connect with me as closely as before, "yet." It could also be that this is the weekend she has been forced to tell the ex-fiance she is going out of town... and why... and so part of her silence is related to that. A lot of thinking I know...but I am a guy who tries to think things through... But I do believe she is doing me a favor, either by accident, or on purpose. Because if she is getting excited by this trip...she isn't going to want me to hear that...so the easiest way is to avoid me...or she isn't looking as forward to this trip as she once was...and she is afraid if she lets me see that...I will pounce on it... Either way... all is quiet. Funny though, how sometimes the smallest things will make stop, maybe just for a second, and pause. Last night, after I got out of the car, here at my house, from work, I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye. IT was a doe...it actually turned out to be three baby deer, and an adult deer, right in my front yard. I talked to one doe, and it actually cocked its head, and looked at me...then it made almost like a mewing sound..and they all ran off towards the highway that my street runs off of together. I quickly got my flashlight...and gently corralled them back into the yard, at that time of the morning, they would have tried to cross the highway, and probably gotten hit... I just marvelled at God's creatures...right here in suburbia... But then I thought, why can't life be that simple? Link to post Share on other sites
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