Im getting effed drinking up with ex rignt now. really weird!

[cavalier99]

I think it was just a temptation.

 

It's like wanting to try something so badly, then you try it and realize it isn't all that great.

 

Better get your ass back on the right track Cav. Can't believe you slept with your ex though there wasn't sex, you are basically cheating on your new girl emotionally. The girl didn't do anything wrong to deserve this.

 

Better clear your head and make a decision. If your ex still matters, better come clean with your new gf.

 

I'm still rooting for you! Don't be a douche. There are things that should stay in the past. You're giving an impression that you're really excited to find out whether this reunion with the ex will **** you up or not than feeling any remorse for the wrongdoings that were done tonight.

 

Be a man!

 

Ok so here are my thoughs.. First of all I appreciate everyones advise and concern. Sorry if anyone feels let down or doesnt agree with me seeing my ex. I also understand people concern because im starting a new RS and that is a valid point.

 

Anyway. I am in a good place emotionally. I dont want back with the ex. And she doent want back with me. We are both happy in our new RS's. we spent alot of the night laughing reminising. Looking at photos of our new significant others ecetera.

 

It was very comfortable. We have know each other so long. We will both always care for one another and she holds a special place in my heart. I am happy for her and she is happy for me and we are glad we caught up.

 

admitidy the night went a little sideways at the end. I think just more out of us being so comfortable with one another than attraction per se. (She has gained some weight..I look awesome according to her!)

 

there are qualities i posses that her new boyfirend doent show. I am a lot more fun loving and out going. I even convinced her to send him a text that was sexual in nature because she complained he doesnt loosen up enough. Anyway she might have had some passing second thoughts about getting back with me because she remebered what good time we had.

 

but we both know that isnt happeneing and he is a great guy for her i think and i will not mess up her RS and she isnt going to mess up mine. We even joked about going on a double date.

 

All in all im really glad we saw each other. There is no NC for me anymore. I guess ill talk to her when we do on occasion.

 

at the end of the day I really appreciate everyones advise but i am the only one who knows what is right for me. I am not delusional and am not pining after the ex or lying to my self.

 

Id have no problem meeting her BF now and being friendly. Im not jealous at all. That realtionship ran its course and i am very happy with how the journey has ended and being friendly with her on ooccasion.

 

NC got me over my EX. I just dont need it any more. i really dont even need LS anymore but i figured this thread was part of the journey. Ill probably still hang around some and will continure to preach NC to those that need it.

 

hopefully people will feel i still have some credibility. although i guess i could understand people second guessing. lol

 

Thanks every one. Rock on! Cav

Edited May 10, 2013 by cavalier99

[StraylightRun24]

Ok so here are my thoughs.. First of all I appreciate everyones advise and concern. Sorry if anyone feels let down or doesnt agree with me seeing my ex. I also understand people concern because im starting a new RS and that is a valid point.

 

Anyway. I am in a good place emotionally. I dont want back with the ex. And she doent want back with me. We are both happy in our new RS's. we spent alot of the night laughing reminising. Looking at photos of our new significant others ecetera.

 

It was very comfortable. We have know each other so long. We will both always care for one another and she holds a special place in my heart. I am happy for her and she is happy for me and we are glad we caught up.

 

admitidy the night went a little sideways at the end. I think just more out of us being so comfortable with one another than attraction per se. (She has gained some weight..I look awesome according to her!)

 

there are qualities i posses that her new boyfirend doent show. I am a lot more fun loving and out going. I even convinced her to send him a text that was sexual in nature because she complained he doesnt loosen up enough. Anyway she might have had some passing second thoughts about getting back with me because she remebered what good time we had.

 

but we both know that isnt happeneing and he is a great guy for her i think and i will not mess up her RS and she isnt going to mess up mine. We even joked about going on a double date.

 

All in all im really glad we saw each other. There is no NC for me anymore. I guess ill talk to her when we do on occasion.

 

at the end of the day I really appreciate everyones advise but i am the only one who knows what is right for me. I am not delusional and am not pining after the ex or lying to my self.

 

Id have no problem meeting her BF now and being friendly. Im not jealous at all. That realtionship ran its course and i am very happy with how the journey has ended and being friendly with her on ooccasion.

 

NC got me over my EX. I just dont need it any more. i really dont even need LS anymore but i figured this thread was part of the journey. Ill probably still hang around some and will continure to preach NC to those that need it.

 

hopefully people will feel i still have some credibility. although i guess i could understand people second guessing. lol

 

Thanks every one. Rock on! Cav

 

First Cav I'd like to thank you for making me feel not so bad for the occasional slip up of looking at my ex's facebook!

 

All joking aside I whole heartily agree with everything you just wrote here. I'm not advising anybody else to do what Cav did but I tend to believe him and think he used NC the way it is designed to work. While I'm not sure you can ever be completely indifferent to someone you were in love with and spent years with I honestly believe you can eventually be friends or at least friendly with your ex. I would hope we all fell in love with our exes for more than the physical attraction, right?

 

So as you always say in your posts Cav...Rock on!

 

Unless you make me look stupid and end up messing with your new girl's head! Then you'll get this

[siankat]

Ok so here are my thoughs.. First of all I appreciate everyones advise and concern. Sorry if anyone feels let down or doesnt agree with me seeing my ex. I also understand people concern because im starting a new RS and that is a valid point.

 

Anyway. I am in a good place emotionally. I dont want back with the ex. And she doent want back with me. We are both happy in our new RS's. we spent alot of the night laughing reminising. Looking at photos of our new significant others ecetera.

 

It was very comfortable. We have know each other so long. We will both always care for one another and she holds a special place in my heart. I am happy for her and she is happy for me and we are glad we caught up.

 

admitidy the night went a little sideways at the end. I think just more out of us being so comfortable with one another than attraction per se. (She has gained some weight..I look awesome according to her!)

 

there are qualities i posses that her new boyfirend doent show. I am a lot more fun loving and out going. I even convinced her to send him a text that was sexual in nature because she complained he doesnt loosen up enough. Anyway she might have had some passing second thoughts about getting back with me because she remebered what good time we had.

 

but we both know that isnt happeneing and he is a great guy for her i think and i will not mess up her RS and she isnt going to mess up mine. We even joked about going on a double date.

 

All in all im really glad we saw each other. There is no NC for me anymore. I guess ill talk to her when we do on occasion.

 

at the end of the day I really appreciate everyones advise but i am the only one who knows what is right for me. I am not delusional and am not pining after the ex or lying to my self.

 

Id have no problem meeting her BF now and being friendly. Im not jealous at all. That realtionship ran its course and i am very happy with how the journey has ended and being friendly with her on ooccasion.

 

NC got me over my EX. I just dont need it any more. i really dont even need LS anymore but i figured this thread was part of the journey. Ill probably still hang around some and will continure to preach NC to those that need it.

 

hopefully people will feel i still have some credibility. although i guess i could understand people second guessing. lol

 

Thanks every one. Rock on! Cav

 

You were so sure nc was the way to go last time and now you are so sure you could meet her new guy etc and be cool with it. This meet up all started with you texting her when you just happened to drive by her work. Then the meet up...then...

 

Thanks for writing it up here and i guess sharing your story and how it's panning out! I do wish the very best for all those involved in this situation.

 

I would not feel happy if my new partner/date etc got with the ex and showed them my photo and then got advice from the ex what to text me! Seems immature, irrelevant and a bit seedy.

 

Everyone does what they are gonna do anyway. Same goes for all of us on here, i don't like the jargon and the rules but i guess it helps with first time break ups and stuff. Once you have enough experience, strict nc is not always the only way to go, but listening to your gut instinct is.

[TaraMaiden]

Ok so here are my thoughs.. First of all I appreciate everyones advise and concern. Sorry if anyone feels let down or doesnt agree with me seeing my ex. I also understand people concern because im starting a new RS and that is a valid point.

 

Anyway. I am in a good place emotionally. I dont want back with the ex. And she doent want back with me. We are both happy in our new RS's. we spent alot of the night laughing reminising. Looking at photos of our new significant others ecetera.

 

It was very comfortable. We have know each other so long. We will both always care for one another and she holds a special place in my heart. I am happy for her and she is happy for me and we are glad we caught up.

 

admitidy the night went a little sideways at the end. I think just more out of us being so comfortable with one another than attraction per se. (She has gained some weight..I look awesome according to her!)

 

there are qualities i posses that her new boyfirend doent show. I am a lot more fun loving and out going. I even convinced her to send him a text that was sexual in nature because she complained he doesnt loosen up enough. Anyway she might have had some passing second thoughts about getting back with me because she remebered what good time we had.

 

but we both know that isnt happeneing and he is a great guy for her i think and i will not mess up her RS and she isnt going to mess up mine. We even joked about going on a double date.

 

All in all im really glad we saw each other. There is no NC for me anymore. I guess ill talk to her when we do on occasion.

 

at the end of the day I really appreciate everyones advise but i am the only one who knows what is right for me. I am not delusional and am not pining after the ex or lying to my self.

 

Id have no problem meeting her BF now and being friendly. Im not jealous at all. That realtionship ran its course and i am very happy with how the journey has ended and being friendly with her on ooccasion.

 

NC got me over my EX. I just dont need it any more. i really dont even need LS anymore but i figured this thread was part of the journey. Ill probably still hang around some and will continure to preach NC to those that need it.

 

hopefully people will feel i still have some credibility. although i guess i could understand people second guessing. lol

 

Thanks every one. Rock on! Cav

 

..."admitidy".....?

 

 

If you feel you can be completely open with your current GF and let her know you had a fun evening reminiscing with your ex- then you are skating on thin ice.

 

if you can share this with the new "Ms Cav.99" then you're not in a bad place at all...

[cavalier99]

You were so sure nc was the way to go last time and now you are so sure you could meet her new guy etc and be cool with it. This meet up all started with you texting her when you just happened to drive by her work. Then the meet up...then...

 

Thanks for writing it up here and i guess sharing your story and how it's panning out! I do wish the very best for all those involved in this situation.

 

I would not feel happy if my new partner/date etc got with the ex and showed them my photo and then got advice from the ex what to text me! Seems immature, irrelevant and a bit seedy.

 

Everyone does what they are gonna do anyway. Same goes for all of us on here, i don't like the jargon and the rules but i guess it helps with first time break ups and stuff. Once you have enough experience, strict nc is not always the only way to go, but listening to your gut instinct is.

 

hmm well. It was a weird night. Ive texted her once and seen her 1 time since the BU end of Sept early oct. I* always had hoped i could be on cordial tems with her after recovering and catch up every once in a while. I Posted about the as far back as Jan.

 

the night did go a little sideways as I stated and it wasnt my intention when i saw her to get drunk ecetera. Anyways it is the 1st i know of anything in her life since oct 3 2012. Id say i did what i needed to do.

 

if it goes south it will be the 1st thing i do to post about it and admit any mistakes ecetera. Cav

[TaraMaiden]

..."admitidy".....?

 

 

If you DON'T* feel you can be completely open with your current GF and let her know you had a fun evening reminiscing with your ex- then you are skating on thin ice.

 

if you can share this with the new "Ms Cav.99" then you're not in a bad place at all...

 

*Correction.

[ViciousCycle]

Cav, I applaud you for being upfront about what happened. I don't think it is good to put on a show. It seems like everyone here has helped you out in the past, and I think they will continue to do so.

 

What you did seems very foolish. It's something that I myself would do. It's impossible for me to see how this isn't going to affect you going forward. If you are able to resist having feelings or thoughts about her or what happened, then you're doing well. Hard to see that happening though.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience, the good and the bad.

[youngnlove89]

I guess im a scum bag. But im not leaving new girl. Nor am i getting back with ex. Of that i can guarantee everyone. But everone likes drama so ill keep posting.

 

This is why I left my recent ex....because he started seeing HIS ex. I'm not okay with that. You shouldn't need to visit the past if you have the future in your arms.

 

If I were your new girlfriend, I'd be ticked.

[na49]

I'm in the same boat as you cav. I advocate NC and then my ex comes knocking, I break NC and we're back together.

 

but seriously what's gotten into you? You've been done with this girl forever and all of a sudden you're showing up at her work and going out for drinks with her? Sounds like you're using your new girl to get over your ex.

[mtnbiker3000]

Gotta admit, this confuses me too. Of course, you can do whatever it is you want. But I have gained so much encouragement from you and others about going and staying NC. Just feels weird, but whatever...

 

I, myself, am staying NC. I just don't see any upside to contact, yet huge downside. NC for me, with or without you Cav

 

BTW - hope this turn into another CopingV*tex situation...

Edited May 10, 2013 by mtnbiker3000

[cavalier99]

Gotta admit, this confuses me too. Of course, you can do whatever it is you want. But I have gained so much encouragement from you and others about going and staying NC. Just feels weird, but whatever...

 

I, myself, am staying NC. I just don't see any upside to contact, yet huge downside. NC for me, with or without you Cav

 

BTW - hope this turn into another CopingV*tex situation...

 

Hahaha please dont compare me to Coping Vortex. That is a scary thought. Im perfectly fine. Im a little surprised by the backlash at me breaking NC. I guess nobody believes me!

 

Is it that impossible to heal and be ok contacting an ex???? I seem fine with it.

 

I saw pictures of her and new guy kissing on vacation ecetera last night. Doesnt phase me. We just laughed and had fun and were happy to have seen each other. Am i that wacked out of my mind??? You would think i committed some sorta crime. Lol Cav

Edited May 10, 2013 by cavalier99

[mtnbiker3000]

Nah. You're fine. It's just weird to read about you going from such hard-core NC to hanging happily with the ex. Takes some getting used to is all

[CelticGibson]

I think that people are sceptical because it wasn't just contacting an ex to see how she was and that was it, you stayed with her and even slept in an intimate way with her (with or without sex, it's still intimate and just a tad too close for someone who is with another partner).

 

While you may think there's nothing wrong with what happened, the reaction of others proves that it isn't. You would not have gone as far as you did if you were completely indifferent.

 

I am in agreement that the only reason this didn't go further is because you have the excuse of having someone new to logically reason as to why you couldn't cross that line. This doesn't mean that you wouldn't have done it because you were within an inch of it and someone that is over their ex completely would never have got to that point, let alone stayed the whole evening having beers.

 

Will you tell your new girl exactly what happened and accept that she may not be happy with what went down? Take the reactions on this site as a reminder that you may be playing with fire.

[cavalier99]

This is why I left my recent ex....because he started seeing HIS ex. I'm not okay with that. You shouldn't need to visit the past if you have the future in your arms.

 

If I were your new girlfriend, I'd be ticked.

 

I was just going to post about this. I understand the backlash bacause i broke NC. But I think underlying this is if i continued seeing her. I potentially could be the cause or2 new LS member with 2 threads titled.

 

"Just got dumped BF/GF is getting back with EX?

 

So i do understand and im not going this route.

Edited May 10, 2013 by cavalier99

[TaraMaiden]

 

...So i do understand and im not going this route.

 

Everyone is entitled to be a prime dang fool for 10 minutes a day.

 

Wisdom consists of not exceeding that limit.....

 

[youngnlove89]

I was just going to post about this. I understand the backlash bacause i broke NC. But I think underlying this is if i continued seeing her. I potentially could be the cause or2 new LS member with 2 threads titled.

 

"Just got dumped BF/GF is getting back with EX?

 

So i do understand and im not going this route.

 

But you laid with your ex in bed? How do you think your gf will feel about that? That's if you even tell her...secrets aren't good Cav. If you have to keep something from someone, you know you are doing wrong.

 

UGH. Makes me stomach churn.

 

YOU made the decision to go to her work and go get drinks with her. This was all you.

 

I'm indifferent with quite a few ex's, guess what... I don't CARE to talk to any of them or ever re-visit the past again! It's in the past for a reason, I'll keep it there.

 

But good luck to you.

 

PS dump the new girl, it's obvious where your feelings are. Be fair to her.

[Simon Phoenix]

Like I said a couple days ago, this was a dumb move not because I thought it would hurt your recovery (doesn't seem like it did), but it is disrespectful to the woman you are currently seeing. You show up at your ex's work, have drinks with her, then lie down in the same bed? That's not cool. If you were single I wouldn't care in the slightest about this and what it means to NC, but when you are dating someone that's pretty sketch.

[cavalier99]

Wow my thread sure got under a lot of peoples skin on multiple levels. Sorry. Just being honest and sharing. Im going to let my moral compas guide me and it might not be the same as many here. Cav

[Simon Phoenix]

Wow my thread sure got under a lot of peoples skin on multiple levels. Sorry. Just being honest and sharing. Im going to let my moral compas guide me and it might not be the same as many here. Cav

 

You are going to do what you are going to do regardless. But can you see how your actions could be interpreted negatively by your current g/f?

[cavalier99]

You are going to do what you are going to do regardless. But can you see how your actions could be interpreted negatively by your current g/f?

 

Absolutly. Last night was a one off situation and there will be no repeat performance. Im just going to have to go with my moral compas on this one and contemplate. And decide what is approriate to share after a 1 month rs. I know what most here will say. May need to start another thread!

 

im getting scorched here! Getting very hot! Cav

[Simon Phoenix]

Absolutly. Last night was a one off situation and there will be no repeat performance. Im just going to have to go with my moral compas on this one and contemplate. And decide what is approriate to share after a 1 month rs. I know what most here will say. May need to start another thread!

 

im getting scorched here! Getting very hot! Cav

 

I'm not going to continue to belabor the point, but you had to expect some blowback. It's a simple question for you to ponder -- do you care about this new girl or not. If you do, stop the song and dance with your ex and work on making that work. If you don't, cut her loose, go down the rabbit hole with your ex or just chill and be single.

[youngnlove89]

Absolutly. Last night was a one off situation and there will be no repeat performance. Im just going to have to go with my moral compas on this one and contemplate. And decide what is approriate to share after a 1 month rs. I know what most here will say. May need to start another thread!

 

im getting scorched here! Getting very hot! Cav

 

 

Letting people down does this.

 

I still like you Cav, but just let down because of how you are treating your current gf.

[Simon Phoenix]

Had there been no other girl in the picture, I'd be defending you against the "Boo, you broke NC you hypocrite" crowd. I'm all for letting a player play in most situations.

[crederer]

I don't really know how you truly feel about your ex, but I find the strict NC thing kind of BS. I want to be with my ex, but I'm okay with not being with her. I will move on and I will find someone else.

 

I keep in contact in some shape or form with all of my ex's and it isn't a huge emotional thing for me. They were all very important people in my life at one time or another and I find comfort in knowing what's going on with them.

 

NC is important for yourself, but if you are comfortable and in the right mind to speak with an ex, then go for it.

 

Although, by the sounds of it you are not.

 

I kind of feel that you're parading of NC for so long was a way of you to convince yourself of staying NC. Which is okay, we're all human.

[cavalier99]

I like my EX and care for her. I love new girl. It was a mistake in that sense but succesful in another sense. I put a lot of effort into recovering and seeing her was somthing i had always wanted to do when recovered. She put my self esteem in the toilet and i just got some of it back..maybe it was rub it in you face sorta thing to an extent! So i scrached that itch.

 

I guess my desire to completly knock her off that pedestal eliminate all mystery and be fine seeing her and indifferent overcame my common sense. It was definitly a egotisitcal move. I used ex to get an ego boost i think. And it wasnt fair to new girl.

 

There is no permanent damage and i guess i dont regret it. Its done and it was a good lesson, i know my priorities now. Thanks for all the responses. Cav

Edited May 10, 2013 by cavalier99