Is this cheating?

[Tinie]

I have a friend, let's call him K. I met him in a class two semesters ago. He initiated contact, and introduced me to his girlfriend who was also taking the class and sitting beside me. Then he proceeded to ask me some questions about the class and complement me to a point where his girlfriend made a sarcastic remark about it. He also said he's been observing me, and he thinks I'm super intelligent, and he values that trait in people.

 

Anyways, at the end of the semester, on a day when his girlfriend wasn't in class, he got my number. His hands were shaking really badly, it was so obvious. Since then, we've been spending time together, but the whole time, I just think this is weird. I feel really weird about it.

 

He takes me out to fancy dinners, drives me for hours around in his sportscar, takes me anywhere I want to go. He took a picture of me on his phone, and says things like "I love us" or "I love spending time with you". He once spent 8 hours straight hanging out with me. He's super attentive, very caring, and honestly I think he has feelings for me, I have a gut feeling. I feel like when I'm with him, we're on a date. Not hanging out as friends.

 

Despite all that, I don't have feelings for him whatsoever. I have told him this. I asked him to tell his girlfriend that absolutely nothing is going on, because he complained to me that she doesn't like how we spend so much time together. His girlfriend lives with him, they've been together for 7 years or something very long. From what I've figured out, he doesn't do these things with her, he even spent most of New Years Day with me. There's more still, but I won't write it unless someone wants me to.

 

I don't want to be breaking up a relationship. K is not going to be dating me if that happens because I don't want to be in a relationship with him. I don't want this girl to think I'm some kind of boyfriend stealer. And it's not fair to her. But I'm torn because he's a friend, he's done a lot for me and it just seems heartless to toss it all away.

 

So what's the deal? Is he cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we haven't had sex or anything, and I wouldn't let that happen, but maybe cheating isn't always about sex? Or am I just paranoid? If this girl's complaining, something's up.

[KraftDinner]

Yeah, he's cheating. He's seeing another girl (you) and rubbing his girlfriend's face in it.

 

You're kind of letting this happen. Even though you've said you don't want a relationship, I guess you're kind of sending out mixed signals.

[class85]

llllllllllllll

[freetolove]

this is your fault, you're letting him take you out. don't act like you don't know.

[Treasa]

I have a friend, let's call him K. I met him in a class two semesters ago. He initiated contact, and introduced me to his girlfriend who was also taking the class and sitting beside me. Then he proceeded to ask me some questions about the class and complement me to a point where his girlfriend made a sarcastic remark about it. He also said he's been observing me, and he thinks I'm super intelligent, and he values that trait in people.

 

Anyways, at the end of the semester, on a day when his girlfriend wasn't in class, he got my number. His hands were shaking really badly, it was so obvious. Since then, we've been spending time together, but the whole time, I just think this is weird. I feel really weird about it.

 

He takes me out to fancy dinners, drives me for hours around in his sportscar, takes me anywhere I want to go. He took a picture of me on his phone, and says things like "I love us" or "I love spending time with you". He once spent 8 hours straight hanging out with me. He's super attentive, very caring, and honestly I think he has feelings for me, I have a gut feeling. I feel like when I'm with him, we're on a date. Not hanging out as friends.

 

Despite all that, I don't have feelings for him whatsoever. I have told him this. I asked him to tell his girlfriend that absolutely nothing is going on, because he complained to me that she doesn't like how we spend so much time together. His girlfriend lives with him, they've been together for 7 years or something very long. From what I've figured out, he doesn't do these things with her, he even spent most of New Years Day with me. There's more still, but I won't write it unless someone wants me to.

 

I don't want to be breaking up a relationship. K is not going to be dating me if that happens because I don't want to be in a relationship with him. I don't want this girl to think I'm some kind of boyfriend stealer. And it's not fair to her. But I'm torn because he's a friend, he's done a lot for me and it just seems heartless to toss it all away.

 

So what's the deal? Is he cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we haven't had sex or anything, and I wouldn't let that happen, but maybe cheating isn't always about sex? Or am I just paranoid? If this girl's complaining, something's up.

 

Who does it seem heartless to? Him, or you?

 

It sounds like you're using him. If he have no feelings for him, then you're being selfish and not exhibiting a lot of self-respect, nor respect for the other girl.

 

You could choose to stop seeing him, letting him do things for you, etc.

 

I feel kind of bad for his girlfriend, although it sounds like she's not exactly setting any boundaries, either.

[carhill]

The easiest way to discern whether it's 'cheating' or not is to do exactly what you do in front of his girlfriend. Her response will be all the information you need to know. Good luck.

[Tinie]

No, I don't care about fancy meals. I make enough money to pay for fancy dinners. Actually that's something me and K argue about often. I really hate it when he pays for me.

 

I don't think I'm leading him on. Since when does "I'm not interested in a relationship with you" mean the opposite? I have said this to him often, and he says, "Yeah, absolutely, we're just friends". How is that leading him on? I'm not pretending to like him, and I don't act like I do. I'm tired of repeating myself to him, and he's old enough to get it.

 

I don't know why people are assuming I haven't tried to make this clear. He KNOWS nothing will come out of it. Otherwise why else would he confirm we're just friends? I don't act any different with him than with other guys. Maybe it would be better if I asked him to bring his girlfriend to hang out with us, so that she sees there's nothing there. At least not from my side. But maybe that's a stupid idea.

 

Using him? Huh, I didn't think so. If I explicitly show that I'm not interested, and he still insists on taking me everywhere, how am I the one who's using him? It's his choice. He's not a kid. He knows what's right and what's wrong.

 

In fact, he always comes to me and initiates contact. It pisses me off that people automatically have assumed that I'm this despicable bitch who has purposely pushed my attention onto some poor, unsuspecting, innocent guy who hasn't done anything to deserve this, and I'm this manipulating leech who's sucking away at the relationship between two people. Stop. It's absolutely not true. I'm here to get help. I have frequently overreacted and overanalyzed in the past, and I was worried I'd be throwing a perfectly good friendship away because of my immaturity and inexperience. Until I signed up on LS, I thought cheating was strictly sex-based...until I read some threads and this started bothering me...

 

Either way- someone's going to end up unhappy. Whether it is the girl, or K. And I meant, I'm being heartless to K, by simply throwing away everything he's done for me. My friend said I'm overreacting and making waves for no reason, but I wouldn't be on this site if I agreed with her. My mom said the same thing, that I'm overreacting, but my dad thinks K's behaviour is really fishy and he's not ok with it.

 

Anyways, I can cut ties with K no problem. I'm not attached in any way, I didn't initiate anything with him, and I haven't known him long enough to have put a true value into what we had. If that's the best way out.