miserable

[kathy]

I have a boyfriend that I love very much. But all I get from him is heartache. I don't want to leave him. What should I do???

 

My friends say that they can see him using me. He may have feelings such as caring but not love. I asked him seriously if he loves me or not. And he responds that he does. The way he answered wasn't firmly. I know that we need to communicate with each other but he is not a kind of guy who willing to sit down for more than five minutes. He is not abusive or anything like that. I just think he is inconsiderate for my feelings.

 

Help.

[Dan]

Hi Kathy,

 

I find that women always have good instincts when it comes to emotions and feelings. (We men are not often encouraged by society to sharpen these skills.) Your instincts come across clearly in your message. You are doubtful if he really cares for you. Your friends think he could be using you. You have a lot of heartache....It sounds clear to me that this relationship is not working out.

 

In relationships, both people need to contribute to the relationship in a somewhat balanced way. If you feel you are giving more, and he isn't reciprocating, and doesn't feel the same way, don't you feel you deserve more? You can't force someone to love you you know...If your needs are not being met and he is not willing to work on it (don't simply believe his words, look for actions) then maybe you should consider leaving....

 

Make sure you speak clearly about things with him. He may not be being inconsiderate on purpose....If he cares, and he knows something is important to you, he will listen (unless he really doesn't care about you).

 

I wonder also why you have stuck with this guy so long...Honestly, Is there some problem or issue in your life that is keeping you with him (perhaps some reason other than love)?

 

Just a few things to think about....

 

Dan