9Lives Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 I need your help. I talked, (you know what I mean) about my situtation with the mm who said that he wanted to change because he had alot of problems. That was last week on [color=red]Saturday[/color], Sept 18th that we broke up. I asked him was it really over and he said yes on that day. He need to change. Okay so on [color=blue]Thursday[/color], Sept 23rd, he calls me. I am looking at the phone in SHOCK. I am like what! I did not answer the phone even though I am missing him like crazy. I just did not understand why he was calling me. So on [color=orange]Friday[/color], Sept 24, I see him at the gym with his wife. Just so happens this guy was trying to talk to me at the same time he came in the gym. He was into me. You could tell he was all interested and everything. Helping with my weights and all. I dont know if he saw us talking but it was clear that we were talking. I wind up walking away from the guy because I need to use another machine. Anyway I wish I wouldnt of. Well I had to walk past him, not very close at all to get to the work on my abs. I know he saw me and he know I saw him but we did not speak or make eye contact. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT HAS HAPPEN THAT WE HAVE BEEN IN THE SAME AREA AND DID NOT SPEAK. We have been there so many times and this was so weird not to talk especially since we have not talked to each other in a while. I feel awful. I did not like seeing him with her. I did not like not talking to him. I did not try to talk to him and I did not want to talk to him. The point is that I miss him. I dont know if I want him back. Sometimes I do. I just feel bad inside. I wish I did not see him. I just dont know how to feel right now. He probably thinks I dont want him because I did not return his call. I am not sure what to feel right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 You asked me by PM to reply - so here it is.... Your married to a man that was once a MM - he left his wife and kids for you and married you. Your still married, but don't want to be. You are cheating on your H with another MM. This MM dumped you, you later dumped him and from your posts/threads it seems like you are going in circles. One minute your done and the next you want him back. I'm I right here? Ok... so what you need to do is decide what YOU want in YOUR life. What do YOU need in YOUR life? Are you getting any of this from any of these men? Do you believe that you can only be happy if you have a man in your life? Start being honest with yourself, then start being honest with others. Tell your H how you feel and what has been going on. If he wants to work it out, would you want to? If you do this, can you give up any OM to make this marriage work? If you can't give up your flings - then let your H go. Now, if you don't want anything serious from this MM. You only want a "boyfriend" you say - your "not in love with him"..... if this is true then why are you whining and complaining about him and this situation? Point blank - decide what it is you want. If you don't "love" any of these men - then let them go. Stop hurting yourself and stop hurting others. Start over new - with yourself and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
MMBastard Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Oh ****, I didn't realize all that..... I gotta agree with breathe on this one...you need to figure out your stuff out here.....maybe even consider therapy if you're jumping from MM to MM (and actually getting married along the way...)...maybe you're just "addicted" to the adrenaline rush of the forbidden.... ....now going back to your current problem....yeah, the guy is failing at NC but still going to the gym with his wife (i'm not judging since i did the same thing...)......as i told ya before, yup he's hurting but he dumped you and is obviously not going to leave his wife....keep strong and let him go....find out what it is that attracts you to these kind of men..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted September 28, 2004 Author Share Posted September 28, 2004 Originally posted by Breathe You asked me by PM to reply - so here it is.... Your married to a man that was once a MM - he left his wife and kids for you and married you. Your still married, but don't want to be. You are cheating on your H with another MM. This MM dumped you, you later dumped him and from your posts/threads it seems like you are going in circles. One minute your done and the next you want him back. I'm I right here? Ok... so what you need to do is decide what YOU want in YOUR life. What do YOU need in YOUR life? Are you getting any of this from any of these men? Do you believe that you can only be happy if you have a man in your life? Start being honest with yourself, then start being honest with others. Tell your H how you feel and what has been going on. If he wants to work it out, would you want to? If you do this, can you give up any OM to make this marriage work? If you can't give up your flings - then let your H go. Now, if you don't want anything serious from this MM. You only want a "boyfriend" you say - your "not in love with him"..... if this is true then why are you whining and complaining about him and this situation? Point blank - decide what it is you want. If you don't "love" any of these men - then let them go. Stop hurting yourself and stop hurting others. Start over new - with yourself and go from there. Breathe, MMBastard Hey, This message was LOADED. First of all, I am very clear about NOT WANTING MY HUSBAND BACK and have told him that. I was very loyal to my husband. My husband will tell you TODAY that HE is the reason for our marriage falling apart. I was very commited to our life together. I cried all the time and I begged him to pull himself together. We married 10 year after he was not with his wife. So that is that. There is more but I dont want to go into the whole thing. Second of all, I am not inlove with the mm but I DO MISS HIS COMPANY. I really do. For the most part we had a great relationship. NO, NO, NO I still dont want him to leave his wife for me. BUT I do miss the hell out of him. Sorry if you cant understand. that. I have shared myself with him for 9 months. I really enjoyed it for the most part and that is why I miss him. It is like having your favorite food and then suddenly having to leave it alone. Thats all. Third of all, I dont need therapy. I need to leave mm alone and try to find a man that is single that I like. That all. It is not rock science. I myself had to ask the question...why do I get myself into this mess? So I know that I dont need to mistreating myself. We all have a stupid side. Thanks for the response however. It was good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted September 28, 2004 Author Share Posted September 28, 2004 Originally posted by MMBastard Oh ****, I didn't realize all that..... I gotta agree with breathe on this one...you need to figure out your stuff out here.....maybe even consider therapy if you're jumping from MM to MM (and actually getting married along the way...)...maybe you're just "addicted" to the adrenaline rush of the forbidden.... ....now going back to your current problem....yeah, the guy is failing at NC but still going to the gym with his wife (i'm not judging since i did the same thing...)......as i told ya before, yup he's hurting but he dumped you and is obviously not going to leave his wife....keep strong and let him go....find out what it is that attracts you to these kind of men..... mmbastard, Dont agree with ANYONE!!!! You are MY counselor. Defend me!! Link to post Share on other sites
MMBastard Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 Originally posted by jvjrose mmbastard, Dont agree with ANYONE!!!! You are MY counselor. Defend me!! Hehehehe, don't get me wrong here - I'm not attacking you or anyone out here....I don't believe this forum is about attacking....rather a venting place. And yes, you're right, I've tried giving advice here that differs from "leave him alone, find a single guy, you're better than this...." since everyone in this situation knows this allready. Look, you need to be perfectly honest with yourself.....you're saying you're not in love with him....but at the same time hurting when you see him with his wife, you miss him.... So it's quite a bit more than friendship (we don't really miss our friends from the gut).....If you were in this just for fun, seeing him with his wife wouldn't hurt you a bit.....you'd just have that evil little smile on your face knowing you'd be jumping his bones in a while (I have a friend in a similar situation)......... I guess there is a time factor in all these relationships.....they start off being AMAZING...there's all this talking, laughing, then kissing........and then the OW can't take being second anymore. I'm not sure where you're at in this timeline......but I'll tell ya this (cuz you obviously wanna hear it).....you have complete control of him now in every aspect except one - yesssss, leaving his wife - after all he told ya he wouldn't......so if you wanna go ahead and play with it a little more..go ahead but beware of what's coming.....IT AIN'T GONNA BE GETTIN' ANY EASIER........Happy?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted September 29, 2004 Author Share Posted September 29, 2004 mmbaster, you keep me in check. I am NOT in love and I dont expect him to leave his wife. Like I said, I miss his company. I cant be inlove because I would have felt much, much, much worst. I know, because I have been inlove and the feelings I have now are not the same. SO I KNOW I AM NOT. But I do miss him. It is just that simple. Your advice helps me Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 The way you feel with each person is different. Seems to me that you are either attached to the man and you don't like being dumped. I don't mean to seem harsh on you but this is the impression that I got from your post. It is understandable that you miss his company. No matter how hard it is the best thing to do is to let it go. Any time I feel myself drifting into the nagging of "I miss him", I stop and remind myself that this is what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 I don t like being let go of. I dont feel dumped. Dumped is to strong of a word for a woman like me. I mean if you are comfortable with saying that about YOURSELF. Fine. It has been two weeks and I still miss him. I just wish it would go away. Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by jvjrose I don t like being let go of. I dont feel dumped. Dumped is to strong of a word for a woman like me. I mean if you are comfortable with saying that about YOURSELF. Fine. It has been two weeks and I still miss him. I just wish it would go away. i think that's the worst part - the being let go of. Link to post Share on other sites
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