so...how does one get dates in the real world?

[fortyninethousand322]

Rather than online?

 

Of the dates I've been on, 2 were from online dating and 1 was a girl I met in class back in college.

 

The class one happened kind of randomly. But otherwise I have never dated a girl I met while out and about.

 

I suppose most people meet the people they date through friends or extended social circle. But, that just doesn't happen for me. My friends are all guys who don't really know that many women. Most are married or in long term relationships so they're aren't bad with women.

 

So, given all of that, how do you get dates? Approach at the grocery store? The gym? Where do people usually find people to date?

 

I guess as an aside how do you get rid of the feeling that women don't want to be approached? Do women actually like being approached? I'm not really good at reading subtle body language so I'd prefer no one tell me to do that, because I won't do too well...

[Treasa]

OK, well, not a dude, but one guy I met through a shared hobby. We flirted with each other and then started dating.

 

Another time I was in line for a movie and I saw a really hot dude, and I smiled at him (he was with a couple of his friends and his parents), he smiled at me, and I started talking to him. We sat next to each other, talked a bit before the movie, a bit after, whispered a couple of times during the movie about the movie, and then I gave him my number when we parted ways.

[CryForNoOne]

Isn't the most obvious place a bar or a club? Even if that isn't your "thing", why not pick a night that has a theme such as live music, karaoke, dancing, or even a big sporting event like playoffs. That way even if you don't meet someone, you still can enjoy your time there. Only caveat on sports is to avoid straight sports bars - go to places that are popular even if a game isn't on... Maybe big city is different than a small town, but I've never had an issue meeting quality women in bars.

[fortyninethousand322]

Isn't the most obvious place a bar or a club? Even if that isn't your "thing", why not pick a night that has a theme such as live music, karaoke, dancing, or even a big sporting event like playoffs. That way even if you don't meet someone, you still can enjoy your time there. Only caveat on sports is to avoid straight sports bars - go to places that are popular even if a game isn't on... Maybe big city is different than a small town, but I've never had an issue meeting quality women in bars.

 

Ok. I live in the suburbs, about 45 minutes give or take from the city (probably an hour if I take the Metro, depending on the time of day of course). So somewhere between a small town and a big city.

 

I wrote this in the bar thread I posted a few months ago, but I don't typically go to bars. I have nothing against them, really, it's just none of my friends ever go and I always thought it would be weird to go by myself. I don't drink either so I guess I tended to make friends who didn't. If you think it would be a good idea to go to bars I could certainly try that. It's just not something I ever did.

[KathyM]

Meet up groups, start a hobby, cultivate your interests, strike up a conversation with women in public. Join a political organization, volunteer organization, religious organization, or activist group. Take dance classes, or some other type of classes where women will be.

[Treasa]

What are your hobbies?

[fortyninethousand322]

Meet up groups, start a hobby, cultivate your interests, strike up a conversation with women in public. Join a political organization, volunteer organization, religious organization, or activist group. Take dance classes, or some other type of classes where women will be.

 

That sounds good. But, how do you get dates out of these things?

 

I can imagine me making a lot of acquaintances or casual friends. But how do you get dates?

[fortyninethousand322]

What are your hobbies?

 

Basketball, mountain biking, working out, going to museums, going to movies, going to concerts.

[SensitiveTJ]

When I am single, I use OLD with great success, and supplement that with cold approaching at shopping malls, outlet stores, supermarkets, etc. I'm not into club/bar type stuff.

[KathyM]

That sounds good. But, how do you get dates out of these things?

 

I can imagine me making a lot of acquaintances or casual friends. But how do you get dates?

After starting up a conversation and talking for a bit, say something like "I'd like to call you sometime. Do you think we could exchange phone numbers." Or something to that effect.

[fortyninethousand322]

When I am single, I use OLD with great success, and supplement that with cold approaching at shopping malls, outlet stores, supermarkets, etc. I'm not into club/bar type stuff.

 

Which avenue nets you more successful results?

 

I've tried OLD pretty exclusively for the past 3 years. In that time I got 2 women to agree to meet up. None turned into anything beyond that.

[Treasa]

Basketball, mountain biking, working out, going to museums, going to movies, going to concerts.

 

I don't play basketball anymore, and I have a feeling I'd manage to find a cliff and ride off it if I tried mountain biking, but the rest sounds good.

 

I know that there are women who do these things. Have you ever tried just smiling at a girl, making a comment about whatever it is you're both doing, and keeping it light?

[SensitiveTJ]

Which avenue nets you more successful results?

 

I've tried OLD pretty exclusively for the past 3 years. In that time I got 2 women to agree to meet up. None turned into anything beyond that.

 

Honestly, I prefer to approach in person. OLD gets old after awhile, and I rarely find a girl I want to see a second time. Besides, approaching is fun and shows the kind of initiative women find attractive.

[CryForNoOne]

I don't try to meet women outside of bars except until recently I tried OLD. I mean I've had opportunities going through the course of daily life - super market, gym, my PO box etc... but it like months between each "naturally" occurring opportunity. It would seem to me that one would need to employ PUA practices otherwise you're going to probably get like one date a year!

 

I'm not sure if the bar scene is great for you though if you don't drink, and have no friends who go to bars. You need to be relaxed in a bar scene, otherwise it's much more painful and expensive than just sitting home alone - been there done that in my early 20's.

 

I'm in a similar boat as you as I have virtually zero opportunities in my social circle. My work is a male dominated industry. I'm 41 so most of my friends are married. And ALL of my hobbies are nerdy except one... I love to play guitar and singing though, and am the lead singer in a band. I won't lie that it is a total chick magnet and I get a ton of mileage out of it. But five years ago I had hardly picked up a guitar in my life. I started playing because it's always something I regretted giving up on as a kid so I have a real passion for it. That can't be faked so don't play music to meet chicks. BUT In your situation maybe you should find a hobby that you can be passionate about that isn't a total sausage fest (i.e. comic books, video games, auto shows, spectator sports). Some things that come to mind:

 

Dancing (any kind)

Cooking

Yoga

Karaoke

Hiking

 

These are all activities where the M/F ratio is 50/50 or heavily in your favor. They are all social activities as well and you can meet people even in beginners classes.

[fortyninethousand322]

Honestly, I prefer to approach in person. OLD gets old after awhile, and I rarely find a girl I want to see a second time. Besides, approaching is fun and shows the kind of initiative women find attractive.

 

So how does approaching in person usually work? Like what do you do, and how does it lead to dates?

 

Pretend that I'm a Martian and I have no idea about the human courtship process.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't play basketball anymore, and I have a feeling I'd manage to find a cliff and ride off it if I tried mountain biking, but the rest sounds good.

 

I know that there are women who do these things. Have you ever tried just smiling at a girl, making a comment about whatever it is you're both doing, and keeping it light?

 

I would sometimes talk to girls on my co-ed basketball team (this was 2 years ago) but that never really went anywhere. Either the conversation was awkward or I just got tired of initiating a conversation every time (after a while I would hope that a woman would talk to me once she got comfortable you know?).

 

Otherwise, if I'm out at a museum or at a ball game or at the gym I don't really talk to anyone, much less women. Should I change that?

[KungFuJoe]

Here's a few ways I got dates:

 

Driving down the street with a bunch of friends...car with a couple girls pulls up next to us at red light. I roll down my window start talking to them, tell them we're heading to the beach and if they wanted to join us. They agree and long story short I end up going out with the cute one.

 

Another time I knew a guy who liked this girl. He kept trying to get her to hang out with him but she didn't like him and would always make an excuse until one day he mentioned he knew a half white/asian guy (me) and she was all over it...finally agreeing to hang out if he brought me along. That was a HUGE mistake on his part as this girl eventually became my gf.

 

Another time was at a house party. Saw a girl walk in and eventually found myself sitting next to her and we talked all night long. We probably would have ended up doing "something" that very night but her friends came and "rescued" her. But I was able to track her down and talk to her alone, got her number, and that was that.

 

Then there was a time at Knotts Halloween haunt. Went with some friends, including a girl who was a friend of a friend. She clung on to me the entire night and everyone had already known that I wanted to ask her out. At the end, I asked and got her number. Simple as that.

 

Most of other other dates I've gotten have been the result of a woman asking me out or making a move on me.

 

But, for me, I can honestly say that my "success" with women have largely been due to my social circle and having always had a lot of friends. I'm not the kind of guy that goes out on my own and starts asking women out. Although, considering I haven't been single since I was 25, I guess I would have adapted in some way.

[fortyninethousand322]

I wish my social circle involved more women. But, whenever my friends and I hang out it's either a sausage fest or the only women involved are wives or girlfriends.

 

Which is why for me it's always been OLD, or clumsy attempts at approaching in public.

[CryForNoOne]

So how does approaching in person usually work? Like what do you do, and how does it lead to dates?

 

Pretend that I'm a Martian and I have no idea about the human courtship process.

 

Just try simple small talk when an opportunity arises. What worked for me in the past when I was really nervous about such things was to pretend I'm talking to a female friend I've known a really long time. Like if you are in line in a supermarket comment on something she is buying "Oooh I love those..." Frankly it doesn't matter what you say as long as it is not insulting or really weird. Awkwardness, forced delivery, excessive formality are all far worse than saying something silly or stupid. I've never done it but I'm astounded at how much success some of my friends have by walking up to a girl at a bar and saying "Hi! I'm Jon!" It really can be that simple because they have the right attitude...

[CryForNoOne]

Otherwise, if I'm out at a museum or at a ball game or at the gym I don't really talk to anyone, much less women. Should I change that?

 

The hobbies you listed are perfectly fine but unless you are an alpha male, (which I'm assuming you aren't otherwise you wouldn't be in this predicament) aren't really conducive to meeting women. Basketball, mountain biking, and working out (I assume lifting weights) are sausage fests. Aerobics, Zumba, pilates etc.. that's where all the women are. My buddy meets tons of women through coed beach volleyball but that is very LA and not geographically possible in most of the country...

 

Going to museums, concerts, and movies are all great activities ONCE dating but again not conducive to meeting people unless you are good at the cold approach. I keep on circling back to a new hobby with classes with a heavy co-ed mix - yoga, cooking, dancing etc... An of those interest you?

[fortyninethousand322]

The hobbies you listed are perfectly fine but unless you are an alpha male, (which I'm assuming you aren't otherwise you wouldn't be in this predicament) aren't really conducive to meeting women. Basketball, mountain biking, and working out (I assume lifting weights) are sausage fests. Aerobics, Zumba, pilates etc.. that's where all the women are. My buddy meets tons of women through coed beach volleyball but that is very LA and not geographically possible in most of the country...

 

Going to museums, concerts, and movies are all great activities ONCE dating but again not conducive to meeting people unless you are good at the cold approach. I keep on circling back to a new hobby with classes with a heavy co-ed mix - yoga, cooking, dancing etc... An of those interest you?

 

Cooking sounds good. I've never done dancing or yoga. Would those be easy to pick up as a beginner?

[PJKino]

Its otugh all my friends are married i have no single women in my social circle either

 

These groups arent a bad idea but then wheni iirc makes threads about meeting women there he gets ripped for joining those groups solely to meet women

[Treasa]

I would sometimes talk to girls on my co-ed basketball team (this was 2 years ago) but that never really went anywhere. Either the conversation was awkward or I just got tired of initiating a conversation every time (after a while I would hope that a woman would talk to me once she got comfortable you know?).

 

Otherwise, if I'm out at a museum or at a ball game or at the gym I don't really talk to anyone, much less women. Should I change that?

 

Yes. Yes you should. Are you nuts? You should be talking to all people as much as you can stand it. Like with anything, the more you do it, the better you will likely become at it.

[soccerrprp]

Yes. Yes you should. Are you nuts? You should be talking to all people as much as you can stand it. Like with anything, the more you do it, the better you will likely become at it.

 

...and more the opportunities for dating, friendships, relationships become apparent.

[CryForNoOne]

Its otugh all my friends are married i have no single women in my social circle either

 

These groups arent a bad idea but then wheni iirc makes threads about meeting women there he gets ripped for joining those groups solely to meet women

 

I don't know if one should be ripped for joining groups to meet women, but I will say I'd question it's effectiveness if you aren't a PUA. A women won't like you because you took a cooking class. They'll like you because you showed enthusiasm in whatever you are doing. A PUA by definition can fake that... normal guys can't. Find something you can be passionate about so you don't have to be a fake! You have to find something that brings out your confidence/alpha male...