so...how does one get dates in the real world?

[ooglesnboogles]

Thanks for starting this thread! I was just thinking that with the end of the semester fast approaching I'm going to need to get out a little more to try to find some girls. Lot's of good suggestions here, though implementing is always the hard part.

I will apologize in advance for minor hijackings but hopefully they're productive for you too

 

Yes. Yes you should. Are you nuts? You should be talking to all people as much as you can stand it. Like with anything, the more you do it, the better you will likely become at it.

 

I can attest to this. I don't get out much, but just finding people to talk to really does help. There was a girl in one of my classes this year who I tried to get something going with but she had other things going on. We still ended up talking every class though, and I've seen a large improvement in my conversation skills and how I think during conversations, simply from chatting with a cute girl on a regular basis.

 

 

I mean when I worked retail I talked to people all the time (co-workers, customers, etc.). I just thought that you know when you're at the grocery store or anywhere else no one wants to talk to strangers. I just don't want to be a bother to people.

 

I always feel the same way. I hate being bothered when I'm out and about (I even use automated checkout whenever it's been intelligently designed to avoid being bothered by incompetent register people; I seem to be a magnet for the stupid register people...)

It definitely is attitude, but how do you turn that attitude around? Sure, there are some days when I wake up and I think "Who wouldn't want to be with an awesome dude like me?" But quite often it's more like "Well, she'd like me once she got to know me but not in a cold approach" How do I get over that hump?

[GravityMan]

I agree with others that joining groups, clubs, Meetups, taking classes are good ideas. Make sure that you're genuinely interested in the group's purpose or the class.

 

A note of caution though: many (but not all) single people belonging to such groups prefer NOT to date others who are also members of the same group. The reason is because they are afraid that things may become awkward and uncomfortable during group activities and get-togethers should they date another member and it doesn't work out. They want to continue to feel comfortable and welcomed in the group. It is common that people befriend others in the club or Meetup...and that friend may introduce you to others in his social network outside the group - possibly including dating opportunities.

 

You may want to prioritize expanding your social circle over trying to get dates. Groups and clubs are excellent for that. Talk to people in general, build up a rapport with them. Have a genuine interest in them as people. A decent circle of friends consisting of both men and women may significantly improve your dating opportunities especially if you are well-liked by those friends.

 

I think it is true that most people beyond college-age meet their partners through friends and acquaintances. Cold-approaches such as the grocery store or bookstore can work too...but they require that the guy have a high level of self-confidence and assertiveness, and even then odds are on the low side.

[ooglesnboogles]

Ah, here's another question. Where best to find such groups and clubs? How do you track them down?

[fortyninethousand322]

RE: Social network/fixing you up:

 

Should I be concerned that nobody in my current social network has made any effort to set me up with a single woman they know?

 

I mean I don't think they know any single women, but then again, some of the posters here make it sound that it's probably not likely. So I don't know...