so...how does one get dates in the real world?

[fortyninethousand322]

Yes. Yes you should. Are you nuts? You should be talking to all people as much as you can stand it. Like with anything, the more you do it, the better you will likely become at it.

 

I mean when I worked retail I talked to people all the time (co-workers, customers, etc.). I just thought that you know when you're at the grocery store or anywhere else no one wants to talk to strangers. I just don't want to be a bother to people.

[CryForNoOne]

 

Attitude dude! You're word choice is very telling. You view it as "bothering" women. Creeping a girl out or making her feel uncomfortable is "bothering". Being friendly is "being friendly"...

[crederer]

Man, you're over thinking it. Just start a casual conversation, and if it goes well, ask for her number. You WILL get rejected plenty of times. It really isn't that bad getting rejected. But you WILL also be single forever if you don't put yourself out on a line.

 

Good luck, you seem like a nice guy but lack confidence.

[Treasa]

I don't know that I'd hit up someone at the grocery store, but at a museum or something? Sure, why not?

[KungFuJoe]

I don't know that I'd hit up someone at the grocery store, but at a museum or something? Sure, why not?

 

Yeah...museum might be a good spot...common interests and all.

 

Sports are NOT a good way to meet chicks, unless you play pro or for a school. If you're just playing recreationally, the only chicks you'll meet are the ones that are there watching their bfs play. I've played basketball almost all my life and can honestly say that it didn't help ONE BIT in terms of my success with women.

 

Although, there ARE exceptions, but it requires you play a co-ed sport, like volleyball.

 

But volleyball is gay.

[KungFuJoe]

Grocery stores are the best place. I've been approached or at least flirted at grocery stores. You just need to relax and talk. Just pretend they are uglier than you.

 

Worst. Advice. Ever.

 

But thanks for playing...don't forget your consolation prize on your way out.

[crederer]

The last date I got was a girl I met at the grocery store. It didn't turn out well but it had more to do with her personality than the place where we met.

[Treasa]

Yeah...museum might be a good spot...common interests and all.

 

Sports are NOT a good way to meet chicks, unless you play pro or for a school. If you're just playing recreationally, the only chicks you'll meet are the ones that are there watching their bfs play. I've played basketball almost all my life and can honestly say that it didn't help ONE BIT in terms of my success with women.

 

Although, there ARE exceptions, but it requires you play a co-ed sport, like volleyball.

 

But volleyball is gay.

 

I'm not disputing the volleyball comment, but the rest is ridiculous. A lot of women run, lift weights, do martial arts, etc.

[mn311601]

Attitude dude! You're word choice is very telling. You view it as "bothering" women. Creeping a girl out or making her feel uncomfortable is "bothering". Being friendly is "being friendly"...

 

 

It is a bother, I would find it very bothersome if I were a woman. I wouldn't want some ugly ass dude coming up to me and talking to me out of the blue, so I don't do it. I agree with the OP. Clearly no one I have ever seen in my entire life is missing my talking to them, seeing as how no women has ever said a single word to me when I am going about my daily life, except for the obvious retail people saying hi.

 

P.S. I'm not calling the OP an ugly ass dude, I'm talking about myself.

Edited May 10, 2013 by mn311601

[KungFuJoe]

I'm not disputing the volleyball comment, but the rest is ridiculous. A lot of women run, lift weights, do martial arts, etc.

 

Those aren't sports. They're activities.

 

I'm talking REAL sports...basketball, baseball, football, etc.

[Estate]

Rather than online?

 

Of the dates I've been on, 2 were from online dating and 1 was a girl I met in class back in college.

 

The class one happened kind of randomly. But otherwise I have never dated a girl I met while out and about.

 

I suppose most people meet the people they date through friends or extended social circle. But, that just doesn't happen for me. My friends are all guys who don't really know that many women. Most are married or in long term relationships so they're aren't bad with women.

 

So, given all of that, how do you get dates? Approach at the grocery store? The gym? Where do people usually find people to date?

 

I guess as an aside how do you get rid of the feeling that women don't want to be approached? Do women actually like being approached? I'm not really good at reading subtle body language so I'd prefer no one tell me to do that, because I won't do too well...

 

You just ask another person... a woman if you are so inclined.

 

/thread.

[Treasa]

Those aren't sports. They're activities.

 

I'm talking REAL sports...basketball, baseball, football, etc.

 

My momma taught me how to throw a perfect spiral.

 

Also.. *facepalm*

 

Dude, just...no. No on calling my stuff not real sports.

[fortyninethousand322]

Yeah...museum might be a good spot...common interests and all.

 

Sports are NOT a good way to meet chicks, unless you play pro or for a school. If you're just playing recreationally, the only chicks you'll meet are the ones that are there watching their bfs play. I've played basketball almost all my life and can honestly say that it didn't help ONE BIT in terms of my success with women.

 

Although, there ARE exceptions, but it requires you play a co-ed sport, like volleyball.

 

But volleyball is gay.

 

Well, when we got the co-ed basketball team together two years ago, it included 3 single women. All three of whom got boyfriends within 3 months (and those guys had nothing to do with the team). Prior to that, I hadn't met a single woman playing basketball in the 8-9 years I had played. So I guess it's a bit of a mixed bag. Except, when there were single women around, I didn't do anything about it so there you go...

[StanMusial]

I gotta tell you, not liking the bar scene is definitely going to limit you if you are in your 20's. But all is not lost!

 

First of all, I don't know why anyone would go on OLD if they are in their 20's. I guess it could work OK if you meet a certain level of looks or if you live in a major metropolitan area. However I still wouldn't recommend it. I'm only going to write about stuff that worked for me. I'm an average guy.

 

Here's a list of things to try to not only meet girls but also get your social life on track. I'm only going to include things for people out of college and in their early to mid-20's.

 

1. Work. If you are employed, you spend 40 hours or more per week at a job. At this job there are people. Talk to these people and make friends. Some of them will want to go out for happy hour from time to time and there will be girls there. There are also girls at your job. Most places I have worked have a customer service staff and that is where the young, pretty girls tend to be grouped together. YMMV on that one but it's worth a shot. I dated girls I met through work, and I have lifelong friends I met through work as well.

 

2. Professional organizations. When I was fresh out of college I joined the Jaycees. This is an organization for young professionals and they do volunteer work and fundraisers and things like that. You can meet people close to your age and go to parties and events, etc. I met some good friends this way and I also met and dated girls either directly or indirectly as a result of joining.

 

3. Networking, introductions. Your friends and acquaintances are a good resource. I am somewhat surprised at some of the posts on here by guys who say no one ever tries to fix them up. It happens to me somewhat frequently. It actually happened this week and a couple of weeks ago. I met my gf when my hairstylist introduced me. I have had friends and coworkers try to fix me up, and even family members. You have to know who you can trust to do right by you though - I learned that through experience LOL.

 

4. Running clubs. I have never met a gf at the gym. The single girls that I've ever met at any gym I've been to have been similar to the girls I met at bars. Not relationship material. I have noticed that the relationship material girls at the gym tend to be GASP, in a relationship. You might pull some strange though if you're so inclined.

However, I have met girls that I dated through running clubs. I used to train with an informal group that met in a nearby park. You have to be willing to get up early on a Saturday morning though. Some of the people are social and you can invite them to run during the week or to do a race with you. It's a common experience. The crew that I met up with had people who ran at all paces, and there were girls there that you would not meet in a bar but they were attractive.

 

5. Community events/concerts. I enjoy going to outdoor concerts and block parties and street fairs. It's fun and there are girls there. It's not like the bar scene but there are still people mingling and socializing. If you don't have any friends who drink they still might want to come out with you and people watch and listen to some music. Summertime is upon us and there are events like this going on all around. Try to round up a buddy or two and go check one out.

 

6. Wine festivals. This tends to be a popular thing right now around my area. The M:F ratio will be in your favor. If you don't drink at all this is probably not an option but I am going to throw it out there because it really is a place where single women will congregate. Many of them will be three sheets to the wind by late afternoon, if you just want to get there late and pull a drunk one LOL.

[KungFuJoe]

My momma taught me how to throw a perfect spiral.

 

Also.. *facepalm*

 

Dude, just...no. No on calling my stuff not real sports.

 

Sports involves competition. Keeping score...someone ends up winning in the end, etc.

 

Weight lifting is only a sport if you're at competition level. Same with martial arts.

 

Otherwise, you're just "practicing".

[KungFuJoe]

That's your opinion. I've seen hit on so much at grocery store/corner way more than any other place.

 

Problem is OP is focusing purely on picking up a woman. For me I prefer to have fun talking to people. I don't just talk to women but men also. When you are humorous you tend to relax.

 

I was referring the "pretend they're uglier than you are" part.

[Cutiepie1976]

Grocery stores are the best place. I've been approached or at least flirted at grocery stores. You just need to relax and talk.

 

I agree. Grocery stores are a fantastic place to meet women. It's pretty obvious who's single and who isn't. If she has 8 bags of salad, popcorn, cereal, fruit, and a carton of soy milk, she doesn't have a family and she doesn't have a live-in boyfriend. Ditto if she's shopping at 9 or 10 on a weeknight. No kids. I get hit on while standing on line or in the parking lot every single time I grocery shop. About the only place I haven't been asked for a date is at a funeral.

 

Wherever there are women, and they aren't in a rush, you have an opportunity to make a connection. About the only times I personally am not open to being approached are when I'm in a rush or if I'm at the gym. It breaks my concentration and focus during my workout. I also typically schedule something immediately after my workout, so I'm not a fan of idle chitchat because it will make me late. But there are clearly some women whose sole purpose in walking through the gym's doors is to get date. They are obvious.

 

Some coed sports are also great avenues...soccer, tennis, or volleyball. I've gone on dates with guys I met playing softball, soccer, tennis, and tag football. They were friendly and gave me tips during the game, chatted me up when we went out as a group for drinks afterwards, and offered to coach me on my technique.

 

No women in your social circle? What do you mean? By your own account, your friends all have girlfriend and wives. Join your friends whenever they invite you somewhere...parties, barbecues, outings, whatever. These women's friends will be there. Be social. Be friendly. Chat them up. Tell the woman who interests you the most, that you would like to continue the conversation and get to know her better. If she responds positively, exchange phone numbers. There have been women on your teams. There are most certainly women in museums. Chat them up while you're both staring at a painting. If it's positive suggest coffee or mention an upcoming exhibit that excites you and suggest going together.

 

You are the only person limiting how often you date.

[PJKino]

 

No women in your social circle? What do you mean? By your own account, your friends all have girlfriend and wives. Join your friends whenever they invite you somewhere...parties, barbecues, outings, whatever. These women's friends will be there. Be social. Be friendly. Chat them up. Tell the woman who interests you the most, that you would like to continue the conversation and get to know her better. If she responds positively, exchange phone numbers. There have been women on your teams. There are most certainly women in museums. Chat them up while you're both staring at a painting. If it's positive suggest coffee or mention an upcoming exhibit that excites you and suggest going together.

 

 

Its possible to have no single women in your social circle,my friends all have wives and all their friends are also in relationships

[StanMusial]

I agree. Grocery stores are a fantastic place to meet women. It's pretty obvious who's single and who isn't. If she has 8 bags of salad, popcorn, cereal, fruit, and a carton of soy milk, she doesn't have a family and she doesn't have a live-in boyfriend. Ditto if she's shopping at 9 or 10 on a weeknight. No kids. I get hit on while standing on line or in the parking lot every single time I grocery shop. About the only place I haven't been asked for a date is at a funeral.

 

Wherever there are women, and they aren't in a rush, you have an opportunity to make a connection. About the only times I personally am not open to being approached are when I'm in a rush or if I'm at the gym. It breaks my concentration and focus during my workout. I also typically schedule something immediately after my workout, so I'm not a fan of idle chitchat because it will make me late. But there are clearly some women whose sole purpose in walking through the gym's doors is to get date. They are obvious.

 

Some coed sports are also great avenues...soccer, tennis, or volleyball. I've gone on dates with guys I met playing softball, soccer, tennis, and tag football. They were friendly and gave me tips during the game, chatted me up when we went out as a group for drinks afterwards, and offered to coach me on my technique.

 

No women in your social circle? What do you mean? By your own account, your friends all have girlfriend and wives. Join your friends whenever they invite you somewhere...parties, barbecues, outings, whatever. These women's friends will be there. Be social. Be friendly. Chat them up. Tell the woman who interests you the most, that you would like to continue the conversation and get to know her better. If she responds positively, exchange phone numbers. There have been women on your teams. There are most certainly women in museums. Chat them up while you're both staring at a painting. If it's positive suggest coffee or mention an upcoming exhibit that excites you and suggest going together.

 

You are the only person limiting how often you date.

 

I've never tried to pick up a girl at the grocery store. When I am running errands or whatever I am usually in a rush. I hate shopping, even grocery shopping, and I always have a million things going on anyway. I have always heard that was a good way to meet women but I never understood it. I'm not much of a browser in stores I guess. I don't even like running into acquaintances when I'm out running errands LOL.

 

In my opinion it is better to try with girls in social settings where people are mingling and having fun. It is just a better vibe. Plus there are plenty of places where this happens, outside of bars and clubs... but if someone feels compelled to chat up a girl in a store, go for it.

[Keenly]

My new thing is to wave at / talk to girls in data when we pull up to red lights. They are usually so stunned that its almost always a positive response. Its good practice for interactions where you can get a number.

[StanMusial]

Its possible to have no single women in your social circle,my friends all have wives and all their friends are also in relationships

 

That doesn't matter, some of them might know some single girls. It all depends though. Many of my friends are married with kids and some of them kind of do their own thing, married life and single life is like East and West and never the twain shall meet. But a few of them (especially the ones without kids) still are pretty active socially and have tried to fix me up from time to time.

[BluEyeL]

Hm, I had men talk to me in line at the grocery store before, but I never thought they were hitting on me. But it certainly doesn't happen every single time, Cutiepie, you must be hot. If it happened every single time, I'd spend a lot more time in grocery stores

[fortyninethousand322]

I agree. Grocery stores are a fantastic place to meet women. It's pretty obvious who's single and who isn't. If she has 8 bags of salad, popcorn, cereal, fruit, and a carton of soy milk, she doesn't have a family and she doesn't have a live-in boyfriend. Ditto if she's shopping at 9 or 10 on a weeknight. No kids. I get hit on while standing on line or in the parking lot every single time I grocery shop. About the only place I haven't been asked for a date is at a funeral.

 

Wherever there are women, and they aren't in a rush, you have an opportunity to make a connection. About the only times I personally am not open to being approached are when I'm in a rush or if I'm at the gym. It breaks my concentration and focus during my workout. I also typically schedule something immediately after my workout, so I'm not a fan of idle chitchat because it will make me late. But there are clearly some women whose sole purpose in walking through the gym's doors is to get date. They are obvious.

 

Some coed sports are also great avenues...soccer, tennis, or volleyball. I've gone on dates with guys I met playing softball, soccer, tennis, and tag football. They were friendly and gave me tips during the game, chatted me up when we went out as a group for drinks afterwards, and offered to coach me on my technique.

 

Ok, so have you been receptive to men talking to you at the grocery store? Does it ever lead to dates or just some talk/flirting?

 

No women in your social circle? What do you mean? By your own account, your friends all have girlfriend and wives. Join your friends whenever they invite you somewhere...parties, barbecues, outings, whatever. These women's friends will be there. Be social. Be friendly. Chat them up. Tell the woman who interests you the most, that you would like to continue the conversation and get to know her better. If she responds positively, exchange phone numbers. There have been women on your teams. There are most certainly women in museums. Chat them up while you're both staring at a painting. If it's positive suggest coffee or mention an upcoming exhibit that excites you and suggest going together.

 

You are the only person limiting how often you date.

 

Yeah I don't know. Whenever I'm with my married or in relationship friends out or they do something they never bring anyone else. The only women I met through my social circle were the three women from my co-ed basketball team. Only one of them still plays basketball with us, but she's got a boyfriend now. I literally never see any single women I'm with them. None.

 

It's only a few of my friends who are currently in relationships or married though. The vast majority of my friends are single, most by choice (just enjoying their "freedom" I guess).

[fortyninethousand322]

I gotta tell you, not liking the bar scene is definitely going to limit you if you are in your 20's. But all is not lost!

 

It's not that I don't like it. I've just never tried it. One of my friends who doesn't drink does go out clubbing 1-2x a week, perhaps I should join him for some of his wild nights.

 

First of all, I don't know why anyone would go on OLD if they are in their 20's. I guess it could work OK if you meet a certain level of looks or if you live in a major metropolitan area. However I still wouldn't recommend it. I'm only going to write about stuff that worked for me. I'm an average guy.

 

Believe me, I'd prefer not to use OLD. I guess I just never knew what else to do.

 

1. Work. If you are employed, you spend 40 hours or more per week at a job. At this job there are people. Talk to these people and make friends. Some of them will want to go out for happy hour from time to time and there will be girls there. There are also girls at your job. Most places I have worked have a customer service staff and that is where the young, pretty girls tend to be grouped together. YMMV on that one but it's worth a shot. I dated girls I met through work, and I have lifelong friends I met through work as well.

 

2. Professional organizations. When I was fresh out of college I joined the Jaycees. This is an organization for young professionals and they do volunteer work and fundraisers and things like that. You can meet people close to your age and go to parties and events, etc. I met some good friends this way and I also met and dated girls either directly or indirectly as a result of joining.

 

These sound pretty straightforward. On the job thing, I need another/a better one though. At my current one I make zero dollars. Literally nothing.

 

3. Networking, introductions. Your friends and acquaintances are a good resource. I am somewhat surprised at some of the posts on here by guys who say no one ever tries to fix them up. It happens to me somewhat frequently. It actually happened this week and a couple of weeks ago. I met my gf when my hairstylist introduced me. I have had friends and coworkers try to fix me up, and even family members. You have to know who you can trust to do right by you though - I learned that through experience LOL.

 

One time (and only once) a friend of mine said to me "there's a girl I'd like you to meet". I even made a thread about it. He showed her facebook, she looked and seemed like a really cute and interesting woman and I told him I was interested. That was summer 2011...

 

The fact that nobody tries to set me up with people they know, tells me I either have the worst luck with my social network or I must not be somebody worth being set up.

 

4. Running clubs. I have never met a gf at the gym. The single girls that I've ever met at any gym I've been to have been similar to the girls I met at bars. Not relationship material. I have noticed that the relationship material girls at the gym tend to be GASP, in a relationship. You might pull some strange though if you're so inclined.

However, I have met girls that I dated through running clubs. I used to train with an informal group that met in a nearby park. You have to be willing to get up early on a Saturday morning though. Some of the people are social and you can invite them to run during the week or to do a race with you. It's a common experience. The crew that I met up with had people who ran at all paces, and there were girls there that you would not meet in a bar but they were attractive.

 

That sounds good. I could definitely do that.

 

5. Community events/concerts. I enjoy going to outdoor concerts and block parties and street fairs. It's fun and there are girls there. It's not like the bar scene but there are still people mingling and socializing. If you don't have any friends who drink they still might want to come out with you and people watch and listen to some music. Summertime is upon us and there are events like this going on all around. Try to round up a buddy or two and go check one out.

 

6. Wine festivals. This tends to be a popular thing right now around my area. The M:F ratio will be in your favor. If you don't drink at all this is probably not an option but I am going to throw it out there because it really is a place where single women will congregate. Many of them will be three sheets to the wind by late afternoon, if you just want to get there late and pull a drunk one LOL.

 

Ok these sounds good too. I will look into these. Thanks.

[Weezy1973]

I would also add volunteering as a great place to meet good quality people. Most of us after a certain age realize that helping others is very gratifying. Selfish altruism if you will. If there's a cause you feel passionate, see if you can volunteer your time, even just a few hours a week. I have found that the kind of women that volunteer regularly are the kind of women I want to be in a relationship with.