I feel like the other woman to his flirtations...

[emva07]

I've never seen any sexual back and forth between him and any girls....

 

but I don't like the "hey honey, what are you doing?.....What did you have for dinner? are you going to bed soon? ok sweet dream honey?" "hey baby, cant sleep?"

 

all of these being different txts he's sent girls. The girls never seem to follow his lead but I wonder what would he do if they did???

 

I saw a "i dreamt about you last night" last week to which the girl didn't respond but once again, what if she had gotten dirty with it, would he have played along and maybe even cheated?

 

One time he asked a girl "if i invited you out to eat friday would you accept?" she didn't answer. Once again, if she had said yes, would he have gone?

 

He always says it's all just in joking and that if it were to turn into more he would not keep going with it. But I find that hard to believe. He's a guy, initiating a girl to think he's into her....of course he'd follow through if she was willing to make it something.

 

Am I right or could it be that he is "just joking"

[chaser0195]

I've never seen any sexual back and forth between him and any girls....

 

but I don't like the "hey honey, what are you doing?.....What did you have for dinner? are you going to bed soon? ok sweet dream honey?" "hey baby, cant sleep?"

 

all of these being different txts he's sent girls. The girls never seem to follow his lead but I wonder what would he do if they did???

 

I saw a "i dreamt about you last night" last week to which the girl didn't respond but once again, what if she had gotten dirty with it, would he have played along and maybe even cheated?

 

One time he asked a girl "if i invited you out to eat friday would you accept?" she didn't answer. Once again, if she had said yes, would he have gone?

 

He always says it's all just in joking and that if it were to turn into more he would not keep going with it. But I find that hard to believe. He's a guy, initiating a girl to think he's into her....of course he'd follow through if she was willing to make it something.

 

Am I right or could it be that he is "just joking"

 

There is always some truth in jest....

[underwater2010]

I used to think it was joking/silly flirtation, but guess what....one of the women took the bait. Now it is something we are working on.

 

If he could not stand to read those comments from you to other guys, then he should not do it either.

[emva07]

If he could not stand to read those comments from you to other guys, then he should not do it either.

 

he says as long as he knew it was me joking he'd be fine with it.

[obladi]

Nah when I was looking for a AP Id write stuff like that and when she came round we started our affiar here i am.

[emva07]

Nah when I was looking for a AP Id write stuff like that and when she came round we started our affiar here i am.

 

Sorry, AP?

[underwater2010]

Care to try it and see how he reacts?

[2sure]

He is clearly fishing. And from the responses so far , those women know it too.

And from the sounds of it, he is sending out feelers to every woman he knows.

 

This is a train wreck

[emva07]

He is clearly fishing. And from the responses so far , those women know it too.

And from the sounds of it, he is sending out feelers to every woman he knows.

 

This is a train wreck

 

exactly! i've told him if you're not happy with me just leave me, if you want to be alone to be able to flirt your heart away leave me, i don't want to be with you anymore. You are not the man that makes me happy anymore.

And despite all of this he keeps saying he wants to be with ME, loves ME, and that he is just joking.

 

I was the one to break up with him. Because I am just tired of being hurt. Let him free to "joke" all he wants.

[MissBee]

I've never seen any sexual back and forth between him and any girls....

 

but I don't like the "hey honey, what are you doing?.....What did you have for dinner? are you going to bed soon? ok sweet dream honey?" "hey baby, cant sleep?"

 

all of these being different txts he's sent girls. The girls never seem to follow his lead but I wonder what would he do if they did???

 

I saw a "i dreamt about you last night" last week to which the girl didn't respond but once again, what if she had gotten dirty with it, would he have played along and maybe even cheated?

 

One time he asked a girl "if i invited you out to eat friday would you accept?" she didn't answer. Once again, if she had said yes, would he have gone?

 

He always says it's all just in joking and that if it were to turn into more he would not keep going with it. But I find that hard to believe. He's a guy, initiating a girl to think he's into her....of course he'd follow through if she was willing to make it something.

 

Am I right or could it be that he is "just joking"

 

 

Is this your spouse or boyfriend?

 

These aren't "jokes", these are signs of a person who has ZERO boundaries and who has no respect for his relationship. This is how cheating starts. It starts with people who have no boundaries and then before they know it they slip and slide right into an A.

 

I'm sorry but it seems pretty obvious to me that none of this is appropriate. Telling other women he's dreaming about them, asking them out to eat, calling them baby etc. Emva, the question for me is: what are YOUR boundaries? What do you find unacceptable for your SO to do?

[spice4life]

If I were you I would check his phone for filtering software. I once got mad at xMMb and downloaded blocking software and blocked his number. I could send messages to him but his responses would go into a folder within the software. Only my responses would show up in my text log to him. Search his phone and look at the bill...either will tell you if they are responding or not. He can read the responses in the blocking software logs because it doesn't block them from responding...it directs their responses into a hidden file in the software. Some cheating MMs also put spyware on their wife's or gf's phone so thy can monitor whether or not they are suspicious and starting to check up on him.. crafty,but cheating knows no bounds!

[emva07]

 

Is this your spouse or boyfriend?

 

These aren't "jokes", these are signs of a person who has ZERO boundaries and who has no respect for his relationship. This is how cheating starts. It starts with people who have no boundaries and then before they know it they slip and slide right into an A.

 

I'm sorry but it seems pretty obvious to me that none of this is appropriate. Telling other women he's dreaming about them, asking them out to eat, calling them baby etc. Emva, the question for me is: what are YOUR boundaries? What do you find unacceptable for your SO to do?

 

Boyfriend. And yes, I decided to cut it off, I deserve much better.

 

But why are people like that?? what makes them tic? why waste a great relationship in which he says i am the perfect woman? If he "loves" so much why be like that? If the sex is so great, why be like that?

 

Is it for his own reassurance? Because at one point I thought it was him needing needing needing people's affection. Mine alone wasn't enough.

[MissBee]

Boyfriend. And yes, I decided to cut it off, I deserve much better.

 

But why are people like that?? what makes them tic? why waste a great relationship in which he says i am the perfect woman? If he "loves" so much why be like that? If the sex is so great, why be like that?

Is it for his own reassurance? Because at one point I thought it was him needing needing needing people's affection. Mine alone wasn't enough.

 

Yes some people are indeed this way. They have a chronic need for outside validation and attention. My dad is a serial cheater and although married, he never stopped being flirtatious, has never had boundaries and keeps cheating although he claims to love my mom and has never tried to divorce. I wouldn't get caught up analyzing him though. Good for you for choosing better!

[emva07]

Update: He comes over today telling me I'm the one that's looking into things, that why does it matter that he jokes to women as long as he's with me. That I'm losing him over ridiculous jealousy issues. That he will never leave me for anyone. I'm like not leave me but i'm sure you'd be ok with being with two women at one and that if the women were to reply in a way that signals wanting more he'd cut it off because he knows it'd be disrespectful to me. That he's willing to change.

But like they say, you can't treat a dog new tricks....he might stop for a few weeks/months but he will strike again....my fear is that if this is how he is now, how is he going to be as a husband, when i' m fat and pregnant, when i get old and wrinkly, when we fight....all those things that send weak men to look for other women.

 

so i say and the texting itself isn't??? he's like it's only a joke, this old 45 year old who knows i'm a joker, any woman who i joke with knows i'm a joker and doesn't take me seriously.

 

Long story short, he's "just joking"....it's my fault for making a big deal out of it and that I will lose him over something that isn't even there.

 

 

He told me it's ok if i don't want to be with him but he'll wait for me to call him once i realize i was being irrational.....how generous of him *sarcastically*

[emva07]

hello out there?

[spice4life]

It's hard to say, but the fact that he's trying to turn it around on you isn't good. He is the one who stepped over the line and therefore should be tripping over himself to apologize to you for making you feel uncomfortable and threatened like that. It disrespectful behavior for sure and making you feel like you're over reacting is wrong. If he truly felt bad about it and understood how it impacted you and made you feel, he would be apologizing profusely! Until he shows that he gets that it hurt you and is truly remorseful he will do it again. A person needs to see and feel the impact of their actions before they can change them. If he thinks an "I'm sorry, it was only a joke" will clear the air then he doesn't understand how this truly made you feel. He's trying to take the easy way out and not accept responsibility for his actions. I'm sorry to say this, but he doesnt "get it" and will more than likely do it again once the dust settles.

 

I wouldn't budge if I were you. Don't give him a pass with that sorry excuse he tossed at you. He needs to feel the consequences of his actions. That means he doesn't have you unless he straightens up and stops invalidating your feelings and knocks this crap off! Your feelings are very valid and I'd give him the boot unless he proves otherwise.

Edited May 11, 2013 by spice4life

[emva07]

He's a d*ck.

 

You don't need someone "just joking" like that.

 

I'm sorry, but people in a committed relationship do NOT send inappropriate texts like that. Period. He isn't that into you. He likes having more than 1 woman fawning all over him.

 

I hope you showed him the curb and you shut the door on any relationship with him. He will make you regret it.

 

I sure did show him the curve. He is an insecure man. Insecure men need multiple women fawning over them to help them get that self worth.

 

I'm not trying to be in a relationship where I am getting cheated on over and over again just because HE needs to get his validation from multiple women.

 

True love is out there, I just have to be patient.

[emva07]

I wouldn't budge if I were you. Don't give him a pass with that sorry excuse he tossed at you. He needs to feel the consequences of his actions. That means he doesn't have you unless he straightens up and stops invalidating your feelings and knocks this crap off! Your feelings are very valid and I'd give him the boot unless he proves otherwise.

 

i think that even if he claims to straighten up it would be a lie to stay with me. This has happened many times. He comes back begging that he will change.....then a few months later it's the same.

 

Whenever we breakup the next day he is already sending multiple ex's "do you want to get back with me?"

 

So i think for him it doesn't matter what woman he is with as long as he has one.

[canuckprincess]

I've never seen any sexual back and forth between him and any girls....

 

but I don't like the "hey honey, what are you doing?.....What did you have for dinner? are you going to bed soon? ok sweet dream honey?" "hey baby, cant sleep?"

 

all of these being different txts he's sent girls. The girls never seem to follow his lead but I wonder what would he do if they did???

 

I saw a "i dreamt about you last night" last week to which the girl didn't respond but once again, what if she had gotten dirty with it, would he have played along and maybe even cheated?

 

One time he asked a girl "if i invited you out to eat friday would you accept?" she didn't answer. Once again, if she had said yes, would he have gone?

 

He always says it's all just in joking and that if it were to turn into more he would not keep going with it. But I find that hard to believe. He's a guy, initiating a girl to think he's into her....of course he'd follow through if she was willing to make it something.

 

Am I right or could it be that he is "just joking"

 

 

If you think for a minute he's joking then you may be in complete denial. Sounds like you are married to a master manipulator.

[emva07]

He broke NC today, wanted to go out and talk....so I accepted as just friends to get his last words to me.

 

Said he was going to change blah blah, that he saw no harm in what he did because he would never go further. To which I answered you've cheated before....

 

So he goes into this crazy segway of not seeing anything wrong with cheating, that what is cheating? nothing, he's still the same guy, isn't going anywhere and that any other girl wouldn't mean anything to him. That it's just something guys do until they're around 35 then nobody wants them anymore. That I'm the ONE and that he loves ME. So that I am stressing over nothing....that he would never do it even if he doesn't see anything wrong and that he WILL change for my sake and because he knows that it's wrong and that he wants me.

So does he find it wrong or not?

 

That everything would be fine if i just stopped checking his phone because that way i would never get upset. WTF! That I need to stop being so jealous. and he doesn't understand why women are so selfish as if his penis is going to fall off.

 

So i told him i don't want a guy like that, so he said ok good night. I got out the car....a few steps later he got out and followed me, i said "you are NOT coming in, I do not want sex with you!" he thought i was joking saying "baby, come on" so i said no no no. so he finally said "fine, but know that you will never see me again....no calls. no txts. i'm changing my number." so i said ok, night. and he said "more so like good luck because you're never seeing me again"

 

It does hurt....3 years of this and he never wanted to change but at the same time glad I'm finally able to move on.

Edited May 14, 2013 by emva07

[HonestNeurotic]

Serial cheater guys that I know of are ALWAYS throwing stuff like that out there to have something waiting - it's a game. And if they do it all the time, they are bound to catch one or two here and there.

 

He's just not ready for ONE relationship, and doesn't seem to be able to admit that to himself. He needs to get honest with himself, as to what he really wants. Time to move on. Hugs.