Still think about my ex, even though our relationship was short.

[Nicoleiia]

I dated a girl in 2011 and we dated for about 3 months and then she broke up with me. And til this day I still think about her and I can't stop.. HELP!!

 

I'm in a new relationship and it is going well, but I can't stop thinking about how great she was. I recently looked her up on facebook and i see shes in a new relationship and I feel terrible. I don't know how to forget her. I've been NC since we broke up and that was January of last year. I feel like NC didn't help me heal at all?????

[siankat]

I dated a girl in 2011 and we dated for about 3 months and then she broke up with me. And til this day I still think about her and I can't stop.. HELP!!

 

I'm in a new relationship and it is going well, but I can't stop thinking how great she was. I recently looked her up on facebook and i see shes in a new relationship and I feel terrible. I don't know how to forget her. I've been NC since we broke up and that was January of last year. I feel like NC didn't help me heal at all?????

 

Did you think she was 'too good for you' in some way?

Do you think you idealised her?

Maybe then no on will measure up. Try and pinpoint what it was you liked, and demystify it because in 3 months you probably just saw the best of her, and were on the receiving end of the best she had to give (in a certain way) that left you feeling dazzled (?) by her.

[Nicoleiia]

She wasn't "too good for me"..she said quite the contrary when breaking up..she said I was too good for her (letting me down easy). but she treated me better than ANY other person I have ever dated. She was sweet and generous and just an all around great person. She said she loved me and then BAM! I was dumped. She wanted to remain friends, but it was just too painful for me, so I initiated NC. I guess we were in the "honeymoon stage" so i was dazzled by her but nonetheless, shes on my mind and I can't ignore it...Im really puzzled on this one..I could care less about all of my exes except her.

[CelticGibson]

It's always the short intense relationships that leave you wondering. Why? Because you are still in the idealization phase where you don't really know them. You only know what you have built up inside your head about them. So it's harder to let go. Just keep telling yourself that you fell for the "best of her" and not the "real her". Who knows, she may have been the worst of your ex's had you lasted....

[StraylightRun24]

It's always the short intense relationships that leave you wondering. Why? Because you are still in the idealization phase where you don't really know them. You only know what you have built up inside your head about them. So it's harder to let go. Just keep telling yourself that you fell for the "best of her" and not the "real her". Who knows, she may have been the worst of your ex's had you lasted....

 

CelticGibson is spot on in this assessment of the short intense relationship. How do I know? I'm here struggling with dealing with the end of one 4 months later.

 

The part I put in bold is really good stuff CelticGibson! I know it's hard Nicoleiia, but you should really try to think along those lines.

[siankat]

Because you have this image in your head of perfection which hasn't faded (or has magnified now you are close to another woman and are comparing?), i'm gonna suggest something contraversial as this isn't fair on the new girl and is difficult for you but...why don't you get in touch with her, be friends, i wonder if this wouldn't lead you to putting this one to rest. Just a thought

[Nicoleiia]

You guys are right, but its just SO difficult. I keep thinking what did I do SOO wrong to get dumped in the early stages of the relationship?? But I think she went back to her ex. Even so, I have to let this go and see that she DOES have flaws and it was meant to be. Even though it was a short relationship, she said she was scared to lose me because I am probably her soulmate. Now, if thats true, do you think she still thinks about me even a little?? ( I know this is a stretch because shes probably been in her current relationship longer than ours lasted, but still).

[Nicoleiia]

Because you have this image in your head of perfection which hasn't faded (or has magnified now you are close to another woman and are comparing?), i'm gonna suggest something contraversial as this isn't fair on the new girl and is difficult for you but...why don't you get in touch with her, be friends, i wonder if this wouldn't lead you to putting this one to rest. Just a thought

I feel like I have too much pride to contact her again. I made a big ruckus and said I never wanted to see or speak to her again and then I changed my number ( i know, that was stupid)..so now, how do i talk her? I can't. lol...

[CelticGibson]

Nicoleiia, I am always wary when people say that you or anyone is their "soulmate". You see the reality is that there is no ONE for us. We get into relationships because there are enough traits that connect us together to make it work. Nothing is perfect and people have their flaws as well as their positives. The key is to keep the positives more than the flaws because it's the flaws that eventually tear asunder any relationship. If she left you, she wasn't that interested enough to make it work and may have been just in it for the spark of the honeymoon phase. Some people just like the excitement of this phase and are unwilling to continue past it to make the relationship work in the long term.

 

If she does think of you, she probably thinks of you fondly, as a good memory that you both shared. If she felt that you were for her, she would not be with someone else now. So to be honest it's better to not over think about whether she thinks of you or not. The reality is in her actions.

 

Take from that what you will and stay No Contact until such time as you reach indifference. You are in a new relationship and if it's going well, you should focus your efforts on that. If you can't then it's not fair on that person to harbour feelings for another while being with them. Think about it and best of luck.

[Nicoleiia]

Wow! You're right, CelticGibson, and the truth hurts...if we were "soulmates" she wouldn't have dumped me that fast. So basically, I didn't mean anything to her..this is painful but I am glad I came on here to hear what u guys had to say. I think you are right about maintaining NC. There's no point in talking to her anyways I guess.

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Im SO glad I found this thread! I have just been dumped after 2 months of intense, passion filled love, and she said I was the man of her dreams, she wanted to marry me etc, I was her future, all the lines that sadly I am seeing appear on these web pages. I thought I was different, but it is in fact reassuring to see I am not alone.

 

People say "man, grow up, it was only 2 months, thats nothing", but if in that 2 months you have shared countless experiences, it IS something. Its hit me very hard, but I never thought about it from the point of view you have all suggested, , so thank you.

[Nicoleiia]

Im SO glad I found this thread! I have just been dumped after 2 months of intense, passion filled love, and she said I was the man of her dreams, she wanted to marry me etc, I was her future, all the lines that sadly I am seeing appear on these web pages. I thought I was different, but it is in fact reassuring to see I am not alone.

 

People say "man, grow up, it was only 2 months, thats nothing", but if in that 2 months you have shared countless experiences, it IS something. Its hit me very hard, but I never thought about it from the point of view you have all suggested, , so thank you.

 

Yea, we are in the same boat...she told me we were gonna get married, have children, move in together. I met all her friends and she took me home with her to meet her family just so she could dump me 3 weeks later..it caught me off guard and I haven't been right since... and now she's moved on with someone she's been with for about a year and they are so "in love". And i'm left holding the bag...this is so unfair. I wish I never met her. Whether its 2 month or 3 months or a day, a connection is a connection. Simple as that. It hurts anyway u look at it.

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Yea, we are in the same boat...she told me we were gonna get married, have children, move in together. I met all her friends and she took me home with her to meet her family just so she could dump me 3 weeks later..it caught me off guard and I haven't been right since... and now she's moved on with someone she's been with for about a year and they are so "in love". And i'm left holding the bag...this is so unfair. I wish I never met her. Whether its 2 month or 3 months or a day, a connection is a connection. Simple as that. It hurts anyway u look at it.

 

Precisely. A connection is a connection. I have known people to stay together for years, and then just break apart and both were kind of ok, because the connection was never there in the first place. With me and my ex, we were on fire, emotionally, sexually, spiritually. We met each each others friends and family, I spent Easter with hers, and the very day she dumped me she had met most of my closest friends at a party, and discussed future plans with them. What is up with that?! Who would do that??? When I asked her about it on day BU+1, she said she was trying to convince herself all was ok. Wow, thanks, you fooled me but not yourself. Ouch. I hate weekends.

[Nicoleiia]

I just have to realize that she moved on, and so will I. Short relationships are the worst. I don't care what anyone else says. I will learn from this and NEVER talk to her again.

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Wish I had your strength. I cant get her out of my head and I am CONSTANTLY battling with myself.

[Nicoleiia]

Wish I had your strength. I cant get her out of my head and I am CONSTANTLY battling with myself.

 

I'm with you on that..im dealing with a breakup from 2011!!! Lol this was a LONG time ago...this is an ongoing saga... I just wish I could forgive and forget but I can't for some reason.You're breakup was more recent, so I know the pain is awful..it does get better, but in my situation, im still thinking about her. We just have to forge ahead without them sadly...

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

I feel like I've had no closure. No real answers. Should I contact her and ask her to talk to me, just so she can explain why she did what she did?

[Nicoleiia]

I feel like I've had no closure. No real answers. Should I contact her and ask her to talk to me, just so she can explain why she did what she did?

 

NO! Because if you guys had a connection, she will start to regret what she did. Have NO CONTACT with her. It will somewhat punish her by giving her the silent treatment and you will gain some control over the situation. I know I would've been WAY worse off if I would have stayed in her life like she wanted me to. Just ignore her and try your best to move on. Its not easy, but talking to her will make things worse for you. Guaranteed.

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Thanks, I think its because its the weekend, I am really struggling as im not at work etc. I will try my hardest to not contact her.

[Nicoleiia]

Thanks, I think its because its the weekend, I am really struggling as im not at work etc. I will try my hardest to not contact her.

 

I know...when you have idle time it makes things worse because you can't help but think about your ex, but it will get better. I promise. Im not as miserable as I was last year, but I still have ways to go. But please stay NC if anything and stay busy. Try not to sit around and mope, because your ex isn't. She's probably out having a good time. Try to do the same.

[StraylightRun24]

I'm also in a similar situations as the two of you. A little under 4 month relationship and now it's been over 4 months and I still think of her constantly. This was my original thread and there is some good insight and advice from the wise and experienced LS posters in it.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/369938-broken-up-because-lack-spark

[Nicoleiia]

I'm also in a similar situations as the two of you. A little under 4 month relationship and now it's been over 4 months and I still think of her constantly. This was my original thread and there is some good insight and advice from the wise and experienced LS posters in it.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/369938-broken-up-because-lack-spark

 

Thanks for posting your thread. I will definitely read it. Its funny how these short relationships have left such a big impact on our lives. I thought I was the only one going through this until I started reading posts on LS. It definitely helps to talk about it, instead of keeping it to yourself, like I did before.

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

Wow, Straylightrun, great post (Well, not great, but you know what I mean). Its really insightful and you have had some great advice, and have made me think of lots of things.

 

My ex was telling me she loved me right up to and including the night she left me. We were out with friends and she was all over me, really horny etc, and we got home and she dropped the bombshell. Not the "screwing" I imagined....ha.....

 

She said she wanted to love me but couldnt/didnt. She had lied for half of our 2 months together, to try and make it work. WTF?!

 

Also, she has had a string of pretty bad relationships in the past, and 1 in particular that lasted years and was very destructive. She said she could see similarities forming in our relationship, even though I was Mr Nice guy, all the time. She mentioned co-dependancy, but this is something I dont know about, could anybody put it in context for me?

 

Thanks

[Nicoleiia]

Wow, Straylightrun, great post (Well, not great, but you know what I mean). Its really insightful and you have had some great advice, and have made me think of lots of things.

 

My ex was telling me she loved me right up to and including the night she left me. We were out with friends and she was all over me, really horny etc, and we got home and she dropped the bombshell. Not the "screwing" I imagined....ha.....

 

She said she wanted to love me but couldnt/didnt. She had lied for half of our 2 months together, to try and make it work. WTF?!

 

Also, she has had a string of pretty bad relationships in the past, and 1 in particular that lasted years and was very destructive. She said she could see similarities forming in our relationship, even though I was Mr Nice guy, all the time. She mentioned co-dependancy, but this is something I dont know about, could anybody put it in context for me?

 

Thanks

I can't figure out why your ex would break up with you or would lie to you for that long?? I'm pretty sure my ex broke up with me to get back together with her ex. Maybe you were TOO nice? Whatever that means. What puzzles me about everyones post is why do they introduce us to their families and friends, etc to just to break up with us later??? You dont just break up with someone impromptu. They thought about their decision. It makes me question if these people are just insane. lol.

[WhatamIdoingwrong]

I can't figure out why your ex would break up with you or would lie to you for that long?? I'm pretty sure my ex broke up with me to get back together with her ex. Maybe you were TOO nice? Whatever that means. What puzzles me about everyones post is why do they introduce us to their families and friends, etc to just to break up with us later??? You dont just break up with someone impromptu. They thought about their decision. It makes me question if these people are just insane. lol.

 

Thats what puzzles me too.....insane I reckon.