Man introducing me to family after a month

[scorpio1978]

The guy I have been dating for about a month now wants to introduce me to his family next week and I am a bit of a stress ball over it. He is a very laidback, "anything goes" kind of guy and me being used to men who are more verbal and tell me their feelings, I find myself kind of deciphering things based off of his actions and I wonder a lot of the time "Is he really into me?" because I don't actually hear him say it. I am horrible at this dating thing, having been in a cocoon of one long term thing after another.

 

I questioned when he introduced me to his friends if it was because he was having a BBQ and we all just happened to be there or if it was because perhaps he thought I am the kind of girl he might like to keep around for a bit.

 

He is going through a divorce which is final this month and in my mind, I would imagine someone would want to take it easy and be cautious when getting back into the dating scene. Just a thought.

 

I want to make sure I am not a rebound and we have actually talked about that topic, but not much else in regards to us. I was tipsy and had the courage to bring that up. He reassures me I am no rebound.

 

He had dinner with his family the other night and the next thing I know, he is telling me that his family would like me to come to a party next week. So, he obviously talked about me during their dinner. It's a birthday party for his 5 yr old nephew and his whole family will be there. He even joked that they might try to "interrogate me".

 

My question is, does this seem fast to anyone? I am comfortable in any social setting, so it really hasn't phased me, but I am curious. Men, please feel free to comment. Would you introduce a girl to your family after one month if she was just someone you were just dating or does this seem more like the actions of a man who might be thinking more seriously?

 

I appreciate the input. Fingers crossed I can just enjoy myself and stop scrutinizing everything

[FitChick]

The biggest red flag is his being newly divorced. If you just want a boyfriend, then it's fine. He hasn't had steady sex for a while. He might want you to move in with him and be the housekeeper. If you want to get married within the next three years, he's not your man.

[scorpio1978]

The biggest red flag is his being newly divorced. If you just want a boyfriend, then it's fine. He hasn't had steady sex for a while. He might want you to move in with him and be the housekeeper. If you want to get married within the next three years, he's not your man.

 

I see your point, but if he was interested in just steady sex, wouldn't he be keeping me in the background and not bringing me around the important people in his life? I don't know, that's why I posted the thread. I just know that if it was me, I wouldn't want my family to meet someone who I wasn't thinking would be in my life for a while. He also invited me to Hawaii this summer on a vacation to meet some more distant relatives, which is pretty much a big deal in my eyes, but I don't want to inflate anything if it really is nothing. He and his wife haven't been together in 6 months. Not sure if that helps anything.

[sillyanswer]

I find myself kind of deciphering things based off of his actions and I wonder a lot of the time "Is he really into me?" because I don't actually hear him say it.

 

He's introduced you to his friends and now he wants to introduce you to his family and you're wondering if he's really into you?

 

When you typed "deciphering" I think you meant "over thinking".

[Ninjainpajamas]

I swear, it's like nothing a man does scares a woman off now does it? there's always some sort of reasoning and belief that it's exactly the opposite of what it actually feels like. Even when your gut is telling you something feels a bit....rushed.

 

Your intuition is telling you that he's rushing in, that he's already introducing you to family one month in and the guy is in the "final month" of his divorce. You're not uncomfortable with this dynamic, maybe this is even what you're looking for, but is this too good to be true you might be asking yourself? are you just over-analyzing this or is this just a genuine concern?

 

The fact of the matter is this, I can only imagine what you don't know about this guy, a helluva lot more than you actually do in one swooping month where everything is good and great. So am I slapping "true love" on this shot-gun relationship? not really...I think it's easy to get caught up in this and believe that maybe things are just magically going right but you're stepping in farther than you truly understand this man on an emotional and mental level. This is definitely not a bad feeling for the moment, but the less you know now, just means the more you're going to find out later, and this is just moving beyond a reasonable pace, especially when you have a newly divorced man to justify the caution.

 

Judging by his behavior he seems like he's used to the family dynamic and jumping back into the comfort of this "family unit", he seems to be incorporating you quickly into his life, because he seems like that kind of a guy to do that. I'm not sure if he's laid back as much as he's in the moment and along for the ride of what he thinks, is the right thing.

 

Is it making the best judgment? unless this guy was highly competent and really distanced from his wife for years before the "official divorce" I'm going to bet this is more of a impulsive reaction, rather than an genuine connection he just so happened to find in you, which is why he is proceeding down married lane again.

 

So for the time being, everything can go great and seem like it's "perfect", like you're back in your teens again. But if this guy is anything goes, do you think he truly takes this seriously at this point or is he just acting like wild fire? is this a personality trait or a true emotion?

 

I realize I'm going to lose you and confuse you if I keep asking more questions than giving answers but here's the bottom line.

 

I think you should be careful and press on the breaks a little bit on this rollercoaster. A newly divorced man can be highly unpredictable emotionally, yet completely predictable in his nature/behavior if you understand the situation and background he is coming from.

 

Get to know more about him on the deeper more emotional level, ask about his relationship, his divorce, how he feels about this relationship and what is he ultimately looking for...be playful and cunning/clever, women are really good at this they just fail to use their talents by playing the guessing game, men are stupid, they don't see things coming or where you're going with questions if they're half sugar-coated. This whole "he doesn't express himself" isn't going to cut it, you need to be bold and brave, there shouldn't be anything for you to fear...try to have the ovaries to speak up and talk to him about this, silence is passivity and you shouldn't be trying to do more than the typical "let me read his actions and behavior but never communicate with the man" female popular strategy, it doesn't work.

 

I've seen certain people, men and women just to be this type. Every time there is a family function they got someone new on their arm, and they have no shame in bringing absolutely anything around...as if it's some kind of trophy. The thing is, you move too fast in this relationship while keeping your head up your butt, you're going to find a lot of things you should have known before you got into it that deep emotionally with this guy...then you'll be blaming him and yourself for not having these conversations earlier...but you're just at fault if you just sit there and buckle in for the ride and let this guy drive you off into the sunset...for all you know you could end up in the middle of nowhere in a cheap motel with pink letters flickering in and out.

 

Personally If I introduced a girl within one month to all my family like that...I'm either crazy, or stupid in which I can admit to being both because it's way too fast to know at that point, no matter what the butterflies coming out of my @ss are saying. I have the sense and experience to know better than that, and some of it comes from watching other people make that mistake as well.

[Revolver]

I would say Just because you meet a mans family doesn't necessarily mean your close to actually joining his family. I remember a few years a go my brother over 4th of July weekend brought about 5 or 6 girls to meet my mom:confused:

 

7 years later none are his wife nor the mother of any of his children

[candie13]

If he has a cool relationship with his parents, he may be the type of guy to bring home the girls he fancies and not think that this is "official". He can simple be cool.

 

My ex was like that. We were dating for 2 months, barely become intimate, when his mom invited me to have Easter lunch with them. It meant nothing in particular to him. Turns out... his family adored me. Not just his dad, but his mom too. It instantly brought us closer. What if they hated me? Disliked me? Didn't particularly appreciate me... ?

 

In your Case, the biggest red flag is his divorce. In a normal family, the man mourns the loss of his wife, but his family should be affected as well. As a sign of respect towards the previous woman, his family should not be at ease with you around .... Unless they had been separated for years, and his family didn't think much or was too close to their daughter in law.

 

Either way, it is risky business. I would say, invent an excuse, a business trip, smth and avoid seeing them just yet. If after 3 or 4 months you still like the guy, sure, go meet his folks. I just don't see the benefit of meeting the parents just yet. You didn't even really fight with your bf. You don't know him. Wait.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I would say Just because you meet a mans family doesn't necessarily mean your close to actually joining his family. I remember a few years a go my brother over 4th of July weekend brought about 5 or 6 girls to meet my mom:confused:

 

7 years later none are his wife nor the mother of any of his children

 

Yes, but I'm guessing your brother was quite young and not newly divorced, even if having ever married before that.

 

Revolver has a good point. I hate going to family functions as a single when all my siblings are pretty much coupled up. You kind of feel like the odd man out.

 

I've taken guys that I only knew for a short while to family barbecues etc. because I wanted to have their company there and didn't want to go alone. It didn't mean anything significant (at least not to me, anyway).

 

Depends on the function and age of the person, when you're young nobody really pays too much attention. But if you're older, been married then divorced and especially have any kids. Taking your new GF to your nephews 5 year old birthday party isn't just the same as a bbq.

 

Family will be talking and thinking beyond someone they would consider just casually dating people. Unless this is normal behavior of this guy, some people are this way.

 

The most difficult part is we don't know the age, whether he has any kids and what this divorce was like, if they had a house together, or how long they were married etc...but I'm guessing he's in his 30's or 40's and you guys are in your 20's.

 

I don't suspect they are in their early 20's or even mid 20's but the way things happen sometimes who knows, and that can make a difference here.

[Jadedbyluv]

It definitely says something for a newly divorced man to bring you to a family function. Like he said they are going to interrogate you to see who the new girl is so he definitely is interested in you. Dating again is probably new for him too.

 

If you think it is too fast then tell him you want to take it slower. It depends how you feel about everything.

[Yookie]

A few years go I dated an newly divorced man. A month in I met his Mom who he cherished. He also took me to his church where I met more family and friends. 2 months later he pulled a disappearing act. lol

 

YMMV

[scorpio1978]

Thank you all so much for your input, especially Ninja, with the very detailed response. I greatly appreciate it and you all have some valid points.

 

I am going to get the "ovaries" as Ninja put it and just ask about the situation with his divorce and where we sees this going, etc. instead of thinking and waiting.

 

I am not certain if this piece of information is helpful or anything, but he was married for 3 years and spent 2 of those in a long distance relationship with his wife. So, I am not certain exactly why (and I will ask), but they only actually lived together as man and wife for a year, got married in their early 20's and she left. I do know she lived across the country from him with her family as he traveled a lot or work and once he got settled in, she followed. To me, that isn't much of a marriage, but who am I to say?

 

I know why she left just in hearing a conversation this new guy had with one of my co-workers that he hangs out with, but I am going to talk to him directly. It's nothing horrible or scandalous.

 

Point is, to me, it almost seems like he was in a basic relationship like any one of us could be in. It doesn't seem like a traditional marriage in which when a divorce happens, people are emotionally scarred and scared about getting back out there, etc. My co-worker mentioned "Oh, that marriage was over long before she left". Who knows?

 

I am just rambling now. Thank you all again and I am going to do some thinking about the situation and actually talk to him about it. I have nothing to lose and need to know.

[scorpio1978]

What are you even doing with a men that stills married?

 

He is married men! Even if his divorce will be finalizing after a couple of hours from now.

And after that he just got divorced so he still not a dating material cause

he will have to go true the healing period and get himself together.

 

So i think this all is messy. And i think you are grown enough to know that you are being use for what ever reason.

He can tell you whatever but you have your own eyes and brain to think further then

your nose and see thats its not normal and okay that he is inviting you and being with you while you barely know him.

 

You are noting special if he do this to you ...

I think you will put your self in a battle field and make a fool of yourself.

Cause people know him and his story better then you and better then you know him

so they will judge you by that and they shore know his wife so they will see you as a messy girl trying to get a men that is not divorced.

 

He is a messy dude, and have no respect for his wife. Or

family or you. He is not even divorced but jet he have the nerves to invite the next one to meet his family at a 5 years old family members party.

 

If his family wants to meet you they are more disrespectfull then ever to even consider you something knowing that he is married.

If you continue this know that thats the same way he and his family will handle it when he breakup with you.

Are you really asking us this?

 

Yes, Rosas, I am really asking you this. That is why it is a post. I am asking. I appreciate your opinion and will not do anything to change it, but you should know that times have changed and in this day and age, people get divorced and sometimes due to the dividing of property, kids, or whatever, things can drag out several months, even years. Does that mean that someone who knows that they are not in love with their spouse anymore and who knows that their marriage is long over in their hearts should shut their lives down and not date someone until a judge somewhere says "Ok, your divorce is final. You can date now". I don't think so. That's just my opinion.

 

It may be offensive to people that we are dating and I have said he is newly divorced, though the final time frame is in a few days for it be to completely 100% over, but both he and his ex have moved on. He is as good as divorced to me and clearly those around him. By the time I meet this family next week, it's completely filed, signed, and done. Yes, we were dating beforehand, but she has been gone for close to 7 months now.

 

Sorry if you or anyone else doesn't like that. We all have our views. Maybe his "healing period" is over. Everyone is different.

 

If I am nothing special, then I will see that in the future, but I don't feel that he is being disrespectful in any way to me. I was just wondering what people think about meeting the family in a time frame such as this and how people in general view bringing a new love interest around their family. That's all. Thank you, though for your input.