Are there any ways you can tell whether or not you want out?

[sk0r3]

I'm in a relationship right now that just doesnt seem to be working out. I've been dating this girl for 7 months now and i am beginning to question whether or not she is right for me. I honestly cannot quite put my finger on it.

 

Are there any signs that you want out in a relationship? Or is this just a slump that i'm going through? Or could there be underlying issues that haven't been resloved that makes me feel this way? There are times like now that i feel like this relationship is just dragging. We don't talk on the phone (not possible right now) but even if it was possible i don't think it would be very fun. A part from the 'how was your day?' conversation there wouldn't be much left to talk about. If we're lucky we'll see each other twice a week but usually it's just once and even that's starting to feel a little routine. Usually i'm SO excited to see her that i'd drop whatever i'm doing and Go.. but lately i haven't been feeling like it.

 

I have to add though that there IS a little something else that's bothering me (which has only happened within the last 5 days) and that's her talking about other guys and how a certain friend "always makes her day". Got a case of the green-eyed monster indeed. Haven't bothered asking. Maybe i'm being foolish by not putting down my pride but that's the way it's going. I know she won't cheat on me but she seems to click with this other guy and yeah, i have to say that it does make me insecure. More than i realized. And it doesn't help when she jokes about "some other guy". I guess this insecurity stems from feeling like i can't be as 'fun' is this other guy. I don't know. But at the end of the day though she always manages to say that she loves me. In a way i know she does but i can't explain why she does. It doesn't make sense. I'm not so sure if she loves me for ME. Rather, i reckon she 'loves' me for the way i treat her and the fact that i'm always there for her. Is that a valid reason to love someone? But if you ask me the insecurity is causing my defensive mechanism to kick in and causing me to act as if i don't care. Argh. I don't know. All i have is speculation.

 

I want this relationship to work somehow. But i really don't know if this is worth fighting for? How much do you think distance adds to the problem? Sometimes i feel that if we saw each other regularly we'd be Such better talkers.. but then there are other times where i felt that if we saw each other any more than twice a week we'd drive each other crazy or get sick of each other in no time. Again, all i have is speculation.

 

Sorry if the above didn't make a whole lot of sense. I've been a little scatterbrained lately.

[Shindig]

In a long distance relationship, you have all of the bad stuff (fighting, uncertainty, jealousy) and you miss out on a lot of the good stuff (dates, physical contact, seeing eachother smile). Its pretty easy to build a wall around our emotions so we don't hurt so much that they're so far away. The thing is that just because we distance ourselves from our emotions doesn't mean they're not there.

 

Communication is key. Cell phones and computers make it easier than ever but it still doesn't erase the distance. I've discovered that it helps to pick out a topic that I know will interest us both and bring it up when we talk on the phone. A good debate is always a good way to peek into your significant other's brain and maybe even bring some emotion into a conversation. Even if the topic is as simple as "Boxers of briefs?".

 

It sounds like you need to talk to your girl about her guy friends. You don't want to keep it to yourself so long that you end up hating her for it. Preface it with "I know you would never cheat on me, but I still get uncomfortable when I think about ..." When fidelity is an issue, I remind myself that even if my significant other were to be unfaithful to me, I can't control that. What I can control is what kind of person I am.

 

Good luck, the LDR is never easy but if its worth it, its worth it.

[holler21]

hey,

 

i dont fink u want out by the sounds of it, ur just feeling the strain of the

relationship, uve bin with her 7months now, and so are starting to settle down with her (not literally), that initial dating period has gone, so it can

feel like the relationship is starting to drag, and it dont help

it being a LD. thats summat im dreading, but im hoping to move down

to be closer to my bf in a few months (its bin 2months so far)

 

insecurity, jealousy, paranoia will all kick in yeah, uve bin

with her this long ur wondering what is it about U that shes

interested in, and shes prob feeling the same way, its okay that

she has made friends with a guy who she gets along with, dont

deprive of her that, she has her life too, if you seem possessive

and untrustworthy then ur days mite be numbered, cos it can drive

someone away!

 

how long is the distance between u? try to call her, and vice versa,

every few days, why aint it possible? i hate fone conversations, but

it is second best and u get to hear the otha person's voice, it

will keep a level of intimacy between u...its just bin a week since

my bf has left, we talk but im doing most of the

talking and its starting to feel like im talking to myself and just

rambling on, and wen he texts me he mostly talks bout what hes doing

and dont ask ne questions!! what helps me, which mite help u, is if

u write down topics u can talk bout b4 u talk/meet her, usually

when u first start talking u will ask "what u bin upto" and "how ru",

but that soon trails off, so look at what u have in common (music,

hobbies, etc), find out what more u can talk about..., usually i speak

loadz of **** but it seems to make him laugh! and i tell him how nervous i

get and that i dont know what to say! that seems to pass a few mins!

end the conversation if u really cant fink of what to say, and wait

till u meet her:)...

 

tell ur girl how u bin feeling, being honest is good, and work

through it, MAKE it work, if u cant be bothered then why u still with her, if this relationship dont work out at least u can tell urself u tried hard, dont worry bout it, looks like u think bout it all too much, DONT! keep urself busy, and let things flow, something im gna do from now on!! cos im just like u and av a

tendency to worry bout things but my own bf told me to CHILL! lol