To those who are in a marriage but are not happy..

[RonaldS]

What we need to get our heads around " hard I know" is that it's them with the issues here.

 

And this is the line of thinking that gets you into trouble.

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't know if he's having an affair. He wouldn't give me any details all he said is yes I slept with someone else and yes like you said I'm almost positive it is with someone he works with

Unfortunately, if he's slept with someone else either before or during your 3 days old separation, he's satisfied the criteria for having an affair .

 

There are some proactive steps you can take. Many AP's aren't that good at covering their tracks and some investigation into cell phone records and emails can yield a number if not a name. You should expose the affair to everyone in your circle - family, in-laws, friends, etc. If the OW is married, contact her husband. If they work together, contact his boss. Your husband is playing hardball in bailing on your marriage, so to survive you'll have to be equally tough...

 

Mr. Lucky

[GuyInLimbo]

Tina, a lot of it has to do with fear. When you are years into a relationship, you have kids, you have a house....and then you have the realization you don't have feelings for your partner can be psychologically paralyzing. I admire those who can communicate openly and freely, esp in the face of a lot of emotional pain. What's going to happen to my kids? Will I be bankrupt if I get divorced? There are a million scary questions one has rolling through his/her head day after day. I can tell you it's misery.

 

A lot of people want to just write it off to cowardice. I'm sorry, but it's a LOT deeper than that for most people (sure, there are your share of jerks, but I think they are in the minority). There is no simple answer (which you are searching for given what you've posted to date here so far). There are no simple answers when it comes to psychology.

[GuyInLimbo]

Unfortunately, if he's slept with someone else either before or during your 3 days old separation, he's satisfied the criteria for having an affair .

 

There are some proactive steps you can take. Many AP's aren't that good at covering their tracks and some investigation into cell phone records and emails can yield a number if not a name. You should expose the affair to everyone in your circle - family, in-laws, friends, etc. If the OW is married, contact her husband. If they work together, contact his boss. Your husband is playing hardball in bailing on your marriage, so to survive you'll have to be equally tough...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Are you kidding???? Expose the affair? What f'ing business is it of those other people? It's none of their business. Period. By telling everyone, you lower yourself to the partner's level. You are doing SO much more damage to the entire family by doing that.

 

You know who she'll be? She'll be the talk of the town. The center of gossip (Hey, did you hear? Her husband is sleeping around!). And what about the kids? You want their friends and friend's parents all knowing this stuff? How f'ing cruel. And they deserve to lose their jobs? Why? What does it have to do with that? And if the H DOES lose his job, how is he supposed to provide child support?

 

Sorry, but I think it's incredibly irresponsible and VERY damaging in the long run to go about news of an affair this way. It's white trash behavior and suggesting someone do that is incredibly irresponsible.

[Mr. Lucky]

Sorry, but I think it's incredibly irresponsible and VERY damaging in the long run to go about news of an affair this way. It's white trash behavior and suggesting someone do that is incredibly irresponsible.

GIL, I respect both your input and the parameters from which it's delivered.

 

And my advice presumes - perhaps incorrectly - that her spouse is engaged in a full blown affair. If he is, her best hope to save her marriage is to have her husband understand the cost of walking away. A married life with kids includes obligation, responsibility and commitment. And while I understand that, despite both partner's best efforts, things don't always work out, tinam at least deserves a chance to try. So far she's been blindsided with three days notice that he's not happy anymore and has slept with someone else. The only way to level that playing field is to expose the affair to the light of day. With friends and family asking him some hard questions, he might wake up and understand what he has to lose...

 

Mr. Lucky

[GuyInLimbo]

GIL, I respect both your input and the parameters from which it's delivered.

 

And my advice presumes - perhaps incorrectly - that her spouse is engaged in a full blown affair. If he is, her best hope to save her marriage is to have her husband understand the cost of walking away. A married life with kids includes obligation, responsibility and commitment. And while I understand that, despite both partner's best efforts, things don't always work out, tinam at least deserves a chance to try. So far she's been blindsided with three days notice that he's not happy anymore and has slept with someone else. The only way to level that playing field is to expose the affair to the light of day. With friends and family asking him some hard questions, he might wake up and understand what he has to lose...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I appreciate that. But once you open that barn door, it's never closing again in the eyes of the people that know. You think his in-laws will ever REALLY forgive him or let him forget about it? His neighbors? Friends? Exposing an affair does no good. And the damage can be widespread and long-lasting for everyone involved.

 

And, again, why is he the bad guy (assuming he didn't have an affair - if he did, ok, he deserves some flak, but not a carpet bombing) for telling his wife he wants out? Yes, she may be blindsided, but we're also only getting one side of the story. And maybe it's best for everyone for him to now give her a chance to start a new, HAPPIER life.

[Mr. Lucky]

And, again, why is he the bad guy (assuming he didn't have an affair - if he did, ok, he deserves some flak, but not a carpet bombing) for telling his wife he wants out? Yes, she may be blindsided, but we're also only getting one side of the story. And maybe it's best for everyone for him to now give her a chance to start a new, HAPPIER life.

We're coming from two different POV's. You're looking at it dispassionately from the outside, I'm trying to help her advocate her position as someone that wants to keep the marriage together. He's acted selfishly to achieve his goals (in my opinion) and she deserves the opportunity to put her own priorities front and center.

 

You've stated that, in exposing the affair, she'd be damaging the family and acting irresponsibly. How do you characterize blindsiding you wife of 15 years and the mother of your children with the information that you're leaving with no notice or effort to address the marital issues ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[GuyInLimbo]

So essentially shaming the guy all over town is going to, in the end, patch things up nicely for anyone? I find that very hard to believe. You're just throwing a hand grenade into a brush fire.

 

Regardless, the hurt and pain are there. But by inviting your friends and family to the party are going to make it a hell of a lot worse. I fail to see the upside, other than pure revenge - but the H isn't the only one being affected. So is that even considered revenge?

[tinam]

Tina, a lot of it has to do with fear. When you are years into a relationship, you have kids, you have a house....and then you have the realization you don't have feelings for your partner can be psychologically paralyzing. I admire those who can communicate openly and freely, esp in the face of a lot of emotional pain. What's going to happen to my kids? Will I be bankrupt if I get divorced? There are a million scary questions one has rolling through his/her head day after day. I can tell you it's misery.

 

A lot of people want to just write it off to cowardice. I'm sorry, but it's a LOT deeper than that for most people (sure, there are your share of jerks, but I think they are in the minority). There is no simple answer (which you are searching for given what you've posted to date here so far). There are no simple answers when it comes to psychology.

 

That is pretty much the answer i got from him when asked why would you stick around and play the happy husband for so ling if you werent he. He said he felt burdain for the house could i make it alone kids for. I just can't get past how good he played happy. Im mean no clue. Everyone we know is shocked. If your not happy man up don't waste the last who knows how many years of my life then let it get so far to crush me to pieces and be unfaithful.

[tinam]

We're coming from two different POV's. You're looking at it dispassionately from the outside, I'm trying to help her advocate her position as someone that wants to keep the marriage together. He's acted selfishly to achieve his goals (in my opinion) and she deserves the opportunity to put her own priorities front and center.

 

You've stated that, in exposing the affair, she'd be damaging the family and acting irresponsibly. How do you characterize blindsiding you wife of 15 years and the mother of your children with the information that you're leaving with no notice or effort to address the marital issues ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I absolutely think he has acted selfehly. I honest to god thought we were happy. Yes we had our problems as all couples do. But at the end of the day we said i love you. Kissed held hands made other couples sick cause we were so lovey dovey . I still got those stupid butterflies for my husband after 15 years. How do i get ok with thinking i had forever one day to i haven't been happy and o btw been cheating too. Who are you! Who am i to be so blind!If he would have came to me and said im not happy. I think we need to split up. That would have been heartbreaking. But its that he let it get to where he cheated. I just don't know how to repair from that. As hurt and mad as i am. I do not plan on taking the affair public. Ive only told a few close people .Not for him. I don't want it to get back to my kids. They are going through enough confusion . Even though i do most of the time right now. They don't need to hate there daddy.

[Sofienoneya]

I'm scared of this happoning to me. I feel like my Husband and I are jusr roommates, since our last child, we lack communication, and my patients for him is less, and he irritates me, and I feel like I have to do everything, and he just cost by. I have not changed my love for him I know deep down in my heart I still love him, but there is just days I can't stand him & I want to scream when he i s around.I mentioned going to marage counsling, and he was totaly floored, "Why he even said"? I tryed to explain it to him and he just dosen't get it, and I'm at my wits end? Like for Mothers Day, he bought me the most beautiful card's I cryed they were so nice, and kissed, & thanked him. He told me he has been to busy to buy me some thing, but he was going to. I told him it was not necessary, the cards were perfect, he was animate to buy me something, so I told him ok fine I'm a very practial woman, and we just redid our entire bathroom so i he wanted to get me something to buy some wash cloths to match the bathroom. I came home from work to two huge stacks of towels all kinds. I asked him what's that? He told me for you happy Mothers Day! I know it's the thought that counts and I shouldn't be this way, but we live in a very small house, and we only needed wash cloths. We only had $90.00 in our checking account to begin with and the towels cost $70.00 and that had to last us until the 24th of May, we still need grocerys and Gas in two cars. It's so frusterating this goes on alot of the time. I know his intentions were good, but I feel like he total disrespected me and my request, and I don't know how we are going to survive off of $20.00 for the next week and 1/2. then when I try to tell him how I feel he gets so upset stops off and says I can't do anything right to please you I'm never buying you any thing again !!!!!!! UGH I don't know how to comunicate any more I'm so frusterated, and I feel like this horrible monster. I'm just so upset, and I know I'm ranting, but I'm ready for a divorce and I don't want one.

[Shocked Suzie]

I absolutely think he has acted selfehly. I honest to god thought we were happy. Yes we had our problems as all couples do. But at the end of the day we said i love you. Kissed held hands made other couples sick cause we were so lovey dovey . I still got those stupid butterflies for my husband after 15 years. How do i get ok with thinking i had forever one day to i haven't been happy and o btw been cheating too. Who are you! Who am i to be so blind!If he would have came to me and said im not happy. I think we need to split up. That would have been heartbreaking. But its that he let it get to where he cheated. I just don't know how to repair from that. As hurt and mad as i am. I do not plan on taking the affair public. Ive only told a few close people .Not for him. I don't want it to get back to my kids. They are going through enough confusion . Even though i do most of the time right now. They don't need to hate there daddy.

 

I can totally relate to how upset and confused you are...how you felt for him and how you guys were, was just like us....this still torments me so much in so many ways... although it does get easier. it for me got easier because my Exh has been so detached and heartless...he's not the man i married, in a way his actions have helped me disconnect from him emotionally....its just our history together and the confusion of why that's hard

 

I also agree on being able to hold your head up high and take the higher ground on dealing with the aftermath of what has happened, i too did this and feel i can walk away knowing that i've dealt with this as best as i could and that i didnt walk out on anyone...my kids are my priority in all this.

 

How old are your children??

 

One bit of advice i will give you, 'once you have decided that there is no going back'....be honest with your children this doesn't have to be done in a nasty way, you need to give children the opportunity to feel that they can talk, open up....hiding this information from them is not a good idea..they need to understand what has happened, that its not the right thing to do, that you both still love them, that its not their fault, that there will be change but you will all be ok, and most importantly they can talk to you any time about this...not allowing them to talk, respecting them as individuals with their own minds and suppressing them from being able to ask questions when they need to because they dont know whats going on will have a long term impact on them....its essential that they talk about this to you and your H ... trust me they know that something big is going down....it all depends on their age as to how you tell them and your not telling them to score points or make him look bad...your telling them so they arent left confused...tell them with you H together, so they can see that yes there's gonna be change, but yes your both gonna be there for them

 

hope ive not gone on too much just think honesty in the correct manner is always important with kids....(its a red button thing with me ) kids are pretty tough, you may be very surprised how they deal with it and what they already know

 

xxx

[tinam]

I can totally relate to how upset and confused you are...how you felt for him and how you guys were, was just like us....this still torments me so much in so many ways... although it does get easier. it for me got easier because my Exh has been so detached and heartless...he's not the man i married, in a way his actions have helped me disconnect from him emotionally....its just our history together and the confusion of why that's hard

 

I also agree on being able to hold your head up high and take the higher ground on dealing with the aftermath of what has happened, i too did this and feel i can walk away knowing that i've dealt with this as best as i could and that i didnt walk out on anyone...my kids are my priority in all this.

 

How old are your children??

 

One bit of advice i will give you, 'once you have decided that there is no going back'....be honest with your children this doesn't have to be done in a nasty way, you need to give children the opportunity to feel that they can talk, open up....hiding this information from them is not a good idea..they need to understand what has happened, that its not the right thing to do, that you both still love them, that its not their fault, that there will be change but you will all be ok, and most importantly they can talk to you any time about this...not allowing them to talk, respecting them as individuals with their own minds and suppressing them from being able to ask questions when they need to because they dont know whats going on will have a long term impact on them....its essential that they talk about this to you and your H ... trust me they know that something big is going down....it all depends on their age as to how you tell them and your not telling them to score points or make him look bad...your telling them so they arent left confused...tell them with you H together, so they can see that yes there's gonna be change, but yes your both gonna be there for them

 

hope ive not gone on too much just think honesty in the correct manner is always important with kids....(its a red button thing with me ) kids are pretty tough, you may be very surprised how they deal with it and what they already know

 

xxx

 

God am i trying to hold my head up high. I woke up today after another horribly night sleep. Feel like a truck ran over me. Have barely eaten or slept in 5 days. Forcing bites of things down feel like im gonna choke. Im a erect this morning cause i saw him for the first time last night when he dropped kids off. They are 16,12 and 11. He only stayed to say bye to them and ask if he could have them one weekend day. I kept my composure then. But im a mess right now. I know is his day off. I want to call him so bad and say do you want to talk. But talk about what .i know i need to be strong. Its killing me. My oldest son asked if he could stay some today cause he needed to think. Said had a horrible day yesterday. My youngest son said he cried two times in school. My daughter is the worse. She's always upset. Crying when i tucked her in asking me what happened. I tried to say as much as i could to help without putting it all on her father wanting to leave and be with another woman! I suggested talking to her school counselor . She's great. I just feel thud isn't real. Im gonna open my bedroom door and he's gonna be there waiting for us to go back to bed a few hours and cuddle like we always did on his days off.

[Shocked Suzie]

At the ages they are you need to sit them down and tell the ASAP, I actually did this with my H, it was awful but it had to be done... For the first week n half of me finding out about his affair we said to the kids that he was depressed and needed time out... Once I knew there was no chance for us, It was time to tell them the truth.

 

How do you feel?? What do you want? Do you want to try to work through this?? Does he??

 

The eating thing is crap! When You try to eat It's like eating cardboard... It does pass, I know it's the last thing you want to do but try to do an early am rise and walk... It will help you sleep and seriously helps your mood! That and work kept me sane. I used to walk and cry most of the way, but It helped so much.

[tinam]

You think its a good idea they know about his affair? I dint want to hurt them more. What if down the line just say daddy has a new girlfriend now. I really think they'll hate him if they know that's a part of why he left us. Did. Why do i care!! I should want to make him hurt! Just don't want them to. I dint know what i want besides this all to go away. Part of me wants him to say he was so stupid and wrong and wants to make it right. Then when i really think aboutit i wonder if it could be ok if he did. Could i trust him again. It just sucks so bad. I loved him so much and i don't know which way to turn now. No kidding about food. Im trying. I made myself eat toast this morning barley got it down then git so upset crying i threw it up anyway i feel like a walking zombie. You have a point about the walk maybe . I had s moment yesterday of i feel strong and screw him and threw on my worout cloths and did my zumba .felt great .if i can get a little sleep and energy i may do it again today. Thanks for responding. Its so helpful!

[Shocked Suzie]

You think its a good idea they know about his affair? I dint want to hurt them more. What if down the line just say daddy has a new girlfriend now. I really think they'll hate him if they know that's a part of why he left us. Did. Why do i care!! I should want to make him hurt! Just don't want them to. I dint know what i want besides this all to go away. Part of me wants him to say he was so stupid and wrong and wants to make it right. Then when i really think aboutit i wonder if it could be ok if he did. Could i trust him again. It just sucks so bad. I loved him so much and i don't know which way to turn now. No kidding about food. Im trying. I made myself eat toast this morning barley got it down then git so upset crying i threw it up anyway i feel like a walking zombie. You have a point about the walk maybe . I had s moment yesterday of i feel strong and screw him and threw on my worout cloths and did my zumba .felt great .if i can get a little sleep and energy i may do it again today. Thanks for responding. Its so helpful!

 

 

That's ok, I just fully understand how you are feeling, it's not long ago that I was how you are now...

 

Your kids are old enough to take this info, they probably know already... Where is your ex?? Is he living with the GF? If he is what is he telling the kids?

 

Is it worth talking to your exh about this? It's not that you are doing this to make him look bad, it's to allow them to speak .... How about getting your kids together and saying that your confused about what is going on but you want them to know that if there is anything they want to ask or talk about then they can, it may lead to an opening. With mine we was just honest, we told the kids that the past few weeks of dad saying he was a bit confused was true but the reason for this is because sadly dad has met someone else and decided to that he wants to live with her.... We spent most of the time from that point on reassuring them that they will always see him, that it wasn't their fault and how much we both love them.... You will see many emotions and It is hard, but the most important thing is here Is that they can talk to you about this. Both my kids have counselling it's not heavy, it's just an unbiased outlet for them both...they find it helps.

 

Thing is also I knew that it was over! So it was time to tell my kids .... If they are showing signs of upset/confusion reassure them ask them to talk to you

 

Exercising is great! Try and do the Zumba again

Edited May 14, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[tinam]

He is staying with his father. According to kids has room set up and everything i don't know how serious it is with this girl morning. He wouldnt say is just has me wondering and using my imagination. Which is so not fun!! I think that's it too. Its still so fresh. We havent even talked yet. A part of me is still wondering if this is really happening and if its really over and. I suppose when it hits me it is I'll have no house but to do what i got to do. For my kids if no one else.

[GuyInLimbo]

Tina, have you seen a therapist yet?

[Shocked Suzie]

It's still really early days, he's really not being very fair! GIL is right, how about chatting to GP or arranging some therapy, I did this pretty early on, in the really early days it was just a huge off load... maybe some temporary medication to settle you?. I hope you are chatting to a good friend or family, you can't bottle all this up on your own. Think if he is willing you may need to chat with your H, he seems to have left you in real limbo?? Said his bit and gone!? What I found really hard in the early days is the not knowing 'my H was very confused' I was convinced he was depressed and was hoping he'd realise he was making a mistake and wake up! It's not knowing where or what is ahead that is hard... One a decision was made I had direction and started to make decisions... Move forward and was able to tell my kids.

 

I does get easier

[Mr. Lucky]

With mine we was just honest, we told the kids that the past few weeks of dad saying he was a bit confused was true but the reason for this is because sadly dad has met someone else and decided to that he wants to live with her....

I think it's important to note that this isn't some biased or slanted interpretation or Mom bad-mouthing Dad, this is the truth. The actual facts. And if your kids are teenagers, they can handle and deserve the truth. The decisions being made by the departing spouse affect them also...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Shocked Suzie]

I think Tina you could probably do with speaking with your H first, try to understand what's going on and if he and you are pretty certain that his decision is final, 'also considering how you feel long term too'... Then you both need to join together for the children's sake and tell them... You have one thing in your favour, he's living with his dad! Mine went straight into living with his GF, sort of 'dad staying with a friend' wore thin after a few weeks! I also knew that my relationship was over 'my H had chosen another woman' pretty much nailed it lol ... I also believe although its awful, people should be happy, if my H was unhappy then 'although I think there are ways of doing things' it is his life to choose how he wishes to live.... I truly believe that myself and the children 'in time' will get positives out of this awful negative....we already have! Just had some hurt along the way... It will improve in time xxxx

[tinam]

Tina, have you seen a therapist yet?

 

I've been considering it. But can't really afford it. I have been talking with a couple close friends and my family. It helps

. I just feel their gonna get tired of hearing it.

[tinam]

It's still really early days, he's really not being very fair! GIL is right, how about chatting to GP or arranging some therapy, I did this pretty early on, in the really early days it was just a huge off load... maybe some temporary medication to settle you?. I hope you are chatting to a good friend or family, you can't bottle all this up on your own. Think if he is willing you may need to chat with your H, he seems to have left you in real limbo?? Said his bit and gone!? What I found really hard in the early days is the not knowing 'my H was very confused' I was convinced he was depressed and was hoping he'd realise he was making a mistake and wake up! It's not knowing where or what is ahead that is hard... One a decision was made I had direction and started to make decisions... Move forward and was able to tell my kids.

 

I does get easier

 

Wow. You could not have spoke almost my exact thoughts more clear. I text him for the first time since he left yesterday and asked if he wanted to talk. Took him 2 hours to reply. Talk about what? Really? I was like how about what's next? And how do i talk to my daughter who cries every night im tucking her in saying can't you just tell me why. This is all on meThits exactly what i feel. Like im in limbo. It was just an all day cry fest saying i m feel not happy, yes i cheated. Wouldn't give me more than that. Don't know how serious it is. Letting me sit with my imagination. Then an im sorry and just leaves. Most of me believes it'd over but there's that part that just wonder and hopes he's sitting on it and realizing how stupid he's being. Our lives were normal in my mind less than a week ago. I have been physisically ill for 6 days and its catching up with me. I would love to look into therapy but can't afford it.

[Shocked Suzie]

Wow. You could not have spoke almost my exact thoughts more clear. I text him for the first time since he left yesterday and asked if he wanted to talk. Took him 2 hours to reply. Talk about what? Really? I was like how about what's next? And how do i talk to my daughter who cries every night im tucking her in saying can't you just tell me why. This is all on meThits exactly what i feel. Like im in limbo. It was just an all day cry fest saying i m feel not happy, yes i cheated. Wouldn't give me more than that. Don't know how serious it is. Letting me sit with my imagination. Then an im sorry and just leaves. Most of me believes it'd over but there's that part that just wonder and hopes he's sitting on it and realizing how stupid he's being. Our lives were normal in my mind less than a week ago. I have been physisically ill for 6 days and its catching up with me. I would love to look into therapy but can't afford it.

 

 

Over here you can get what is called a mental health plan, this gives you 6 or 10 'can't remember' free counselling sessions (do they offer anything like that where you are??) also your doctor should be able to advise you, also look up for local support groups... Think doctor is a good start, although 'I know this works for some' but try not to let your GP push you into antidepressant so early on, maybe something to help you relax... Exercise to help you sleep and lift your mood xxx

 

I kills me how detached they can be, but after reading heaps! This is because they have done all their grieving/decision making way before we even knew. Think maybe you need to get a little direct, stand your ground and say to him that you want to talk about YOUR children and the effect this is having on them! And that you feel they need to know what's going on and that you want him to be involved in that conversation with the kids...if he's not interested then inform him you intend to tell the children as they have a right to know and should be able to express themselves....

Edited May 15, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[WreckedDan]

Tina,

 

This is going to be the hardest time in your life.

 

I know that sounds lame, but think of it this way, nothing will ever be as bad as this ever again. If you can get through this you will have beat the worst moments and survived.

 

If you are working or your husband has a good job, it's possible that you can get with the HR department and ask if they have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) often they offer free counseling or other services free to employees and their families.

 

As for the children in your life.. this is devastating to you more than them. IF you handle things right.

#1 Assure them: This has nothing to do with them. Some times adults make choices that can be confusing to the people close to them. Everything will work out soon. It's change and sometimes change can be difficult.

#2 Beware of your words: Say nothing negative about your spouse. Avoid talking about them. But if you are asked questions, just be positive in return. "Why is daddy leaving?" ans: "I'm sure he has a good reason, he loves you very much."

#3 At some point your child/ren will start showing a change in their normal attitude, angry, depressed, argumentative... at that point (I'm watching for this myself) I intend to seek counseling for my daughter and I would suggest you do the same.

 

You will hear a lot of the same thing over this ...

1. Time heals all wounds (This is bull ****.... but it does turn wounds to scars and scars are a reminder)

2. Work on yourself (Unrealistic at this point... who you are/were was a wife and a mother. This is going to change who you are. What should be said is LEARN to be yourself again. Stay strong as you can and relearn how to be you... take your time, this will not happen fast by any means...)

3. Suck it up and live for your kids (Tell who ever tells you to suck it up to F*ck off... do not talk to these people any more! You have to grieve, you HAVE to. It's going to happen and it sucks hard.)

 

I'm telling you all this as I myself am processing this for me. I so wish I could get with 4 or 5 people from this group and get together in some safe quiet place where we can all sob and hold each-other. But this is the best I can do. Keep your head up, live each day, the past is something you take with you, it matters, but your future is the life you will live. And the past is what made you who you will become, don't give it up, but recognize it has served a purpose. A painful rending purpose...

 

Love and hugs,

Dan