theone44 Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 Believe me ya'll,i do believe that a person with a sane mine,will give the person they dump or broken up.... a second chance. You know every relationship is not perfect,and i know "lot of us" have made a lot of mistake in it too. A real man or woman,know that we are human being and are entitle to make mistake in our relationship,cause they made them themselves. Just keep during the "NO Contact" method and this process will work in time. I try it with my ex wife,and by me not begging,pleading and chasing after her to come back didn't work. I decided to do the opposite of not trying to get her back by not begging her to come back,but she came back on her own,but i found someone better then she was which i really love,so i didn't want a relationship with her anymore,but today we remain good friends. Now my other love have broke up with me "3 month"we haven't had contact in that 3 months period,now this woman i know was my soul-mate and true love,but u know how us men/women do sometime,we mess up sometime with our behavior,which cause i true love to break up with us,but don't worry i don't care,if they say their final "Good-Bye" with u. If u were very good to your partner and a very good friend,i promise if u stick to the "no contact" thing,that mean no visit,no phone call and yes that mean no text or e-mail. You need to break all form contact,to give them time to think about what they have lost. I don't care,if it been 4 week,4 months or years,since they broke it off,if u were good to them,they are going to miss u very much,no matter who the heck they with and they will return. First we need to move on and work on our yourself to become a better and productive person. Go to the gym or exercise....to make yourself very healthy. Just keep yourself busy and this will help keep your mind off your ex. Myself, i move on and is feeling great every day,and keeping my mind off my ex,if she or he do come back,don't be so easy to let them back in,play hard to get at first,cause people alway's want what they cannot have and don't be so quick to invite or go over to their house and get sexually with them,just hold that off. I promise u that if u back off and don't give in so easy,no matter how u feeling on the inside,just play hard to get and they will respect u more and want u back bad. Also,do not let them see,that what they did to u....didn't fade u one bit,when they do return...even u might still be hurting on the inside,just appear to look and be happy....that will turn them on more and appear very attractive to them. Just keep the faith....Trust in "God" and and believe in yourself and everything will be Al-right...... Link to post Share on other sites
lovehurts1255 Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 I was just wondering if it was ever too late to start NC....my ex bf and I have been separated for a little over two months....in the beginning he wanted to just date....he told me that he just needed time to focus on what he really wanted in life....we got together very quickly after he broken up with his last gf of 8 years off and on.... Well the issues I have is that I think I've pushed him further away by having contact with him....I really want to do the no contact but it is so hard.....I miss him very much.... So my question is.....is it too late to start no contact....we still talk...usually me calling him....he does tell me that he loves and cares for me a great deal... Please help!! Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 The answer is no. I am starting NC tonight. We have been broken up for 7 months. I am positive she will miss me and when the NC ends things will be better. The best thing about NC is that usually the dumper is taking the dumpee for granted and the NC changes that. They realize things about themselves and how they treated you. They will change....I positive of it. She loves me very much....she's just young. She calls me every day since we have been broken up. I dont know if NC would have worked back then or not cause every situation is different. I do know one thing though, I am positive that nobody out there can treat her the way I did.....and she will recognize that. So you and I can start NC together and keep each other informed. Good luck. p.s...sometimes you cant start NC til you are ready or pushed to the breaking point. I know that I couldnt have done it 7 months ago...but Im ready now. Link to post Share on other sites
lovehurts1255 Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Thank you for your reply.... Like you I don't think that the NC would have worked 2 months ago either....but I do think it will work now.....it does feel like he has complete control over our relationship....and has not gone though missing me because I've always called him or when he did call I would call right back.....I know that he will be back....I have been a complete mess since this whole thing started.....emotionally I think that we should start the NC together and keep each other posted....it is so nice to have someone to talk to that is going though the same thing that I am.... Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 No! No! No! The reason why he has complete control is cause you keep calling him. My ex broke up with me. If she wants to talk with me...SHE can call me....and thats what she does. I call her once in a blue moon to say hi or be sweet to remind her of how sweet she had it. But ya...she always calls me. Just lately is when I stopped answering all the time. Now I just answer probably about 1/3 of the time. But still I feel like Im being taken for granted so the NC will show her that I am not one to be taken lightly. I am almost positive that she will will worry and be mad at me at first for NC but in the end it will be best and she will realize me. Stop calling him....he has to call you....and when he calls you and you miss the call.....call him back the next day...NOT RIGHT AWAY. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
littlelaxer Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 hey i have a question about this NC thing. ok my ex and i havent talked since last wen. the 6th. today is the 16th beucase i dont answer the phone when he calls, and i dont text him when he textes me back. we have only been broken up for about 3 weeks. He went back home today which is very very far away. I kind of have hope that him going home and us not talking he will begin to think about miss me. does anyone have any insite on this?? i do miss him and him and i had a good relationship but he said he doesnt know what he wants and is not ready for a long term relationship even though we dated for a year. can anyone help to give me some hope on this issue................... Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Yes...the tyme away will definitely be good for you both. This means no emails, no IMs, no texts and no phone calls. It means total NC. If you do it you will have a better chance at getting back. Link to post Share on other sites
Truetoself Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I'm trying to believe that there is hope for a second chance w/NC. Maybe you can help me or anyone else who has some good advise. I was involved in a 3 1/2 yr. relationship with my ex. We live together for most of the relationship. We had our arguments, but most of the time we got along really well. Around this time last year was when things really got ruff. NC began after Dec 26 and lasted until June 2004. I couldn't believe it lasted that long seeing as though we were so close. A conversation initiated by me in June went really well. He spoke of how he wanted to come by and see me and also said that he had left me a message(text) on my b-day in May, but I never received it. While not hearing back from him in June after our good little conversation. I couldn't take it anymore and in July I call him and told him that he should come and get his things. (He left a lot of stuff at my house as if he was either coming back or just wanted to mark his territory) He procrastinated with coming to get his things, but he eventually came to get them. 1st time I saw him in 6 mos. When he came to get them he talk about how good I looked and he claimed he couldn't find the key to my house that I also asked him to bring. Nothing was said about our relationship or why we weren't together. No apologies or anything. He did say that he never stopped loving me or even being in love with me. He wanted to get together the next day and told me to call him. I thought he was being arrogant, because if he wanted to get together that bad then he could call me. Needless to say, it's the 16th of October and that was the last time I talked to him. In July. It's funny, but I really feel this man is my soul-mate. Never have I felt this way about anyone before. Do you really think NC will work in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author theone44 Posted October 17, 2004 Author Share Posted October 17, 2004 Originally posted by Truetoself I'm trying to believe that there is hope for a second chance w/NC. Maybe you can help me or anyone else who has some good advise. I was involved in a 3 1/2 yr. relationship with my ex. We live together for most of the relationship. We had our arguments, but most of the time we got along really well. Around this time last year was when things really got ruff. NC began after Dec 26 and lasted until June 2004. I couldn't believe it lasted that long seeing as though we were so close. A conversation initiated by me in June went really well. He spoke of how he wanted to come by and see me and also said that he had left me a message(text) on my b-day in May, but I never received it. While not hearing back from him in June after our good little conversation. I couldn't take it anymore and in July I call him and told him that he should come and get his things. (He left a lot of stuff at my house as if he was either coming back or just wanted to mark his territory) He procrastinated with coming to get his things, but he eventually came to get them. 1st time I saw him in 6 mos. When he came to get them he talk about how good I looked and he claimed he couldn't find the key to my house that I also asked him to bring. Nothing was said about our relationship or why we weren't together. No apologies or anything. He did say that he never stopped loving me or even being in love with me. He wanted to get together the next day and told me to call him. I thought he was being arrogant, because if he wanted to get together that bad then he could call me. Needless to say, it's the 16th of October and that was the last time I talked to him. In July. It's funny, but I really feel this man is my soul-mate. Never have I felt this way about anyone before. Do you really think NC will work in this situation? Well I hear ya and i'm going thru the same thing. I would like to know,who broke up with who,if he did.........then u need to continue with "No Contact",but if u broke it off with him,then u did the right thing by contacting him,but like i said earlier,if he broke it then continue with 100% total contact with,but before u do the no contact thing,ask him out for a cup of coffee,but don't talk about the relationship or the pass. Before u meet him,just make yourself look very sexy.....with some very good smelling perfume......and let him see what he is missing,but when u do meet him......appear very happy and act like u don't need him, and u can live this life with-out him.....then after that meeting........break all contact with him and see what happen. Well about his stuff........i believe like u said he is still marking his territory like a daggy old mutt.... Just my .50 cents minus .48 cents.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theone44 Posted October 17, 2004 Author Share Posted October 17, 2004 Originally posted by lovehurts1255 Thank you for your reply.... Like you I don't think that the NC would have worked 2 months ago either....but I do think it will work now.....it does feel like he has complete control over our relationship....and has not gone though missing me because I've always called him or when he did call I would call right back.....I know that he will be back....I have been a complete mess since this whole thing started.....emotionally I think that we should start the NC together and keep each other posted....it is so nice to have someone to talk to that is going though the same thing that I am.... Well "No Contact" is the best policy. I promise you they will miss u very much and will be crawling back to u like a worm........ .........askiing u to take them back,but then u are in control whether u want them back or not.........God Bless!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
april Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Well "No Contact" is the best policy. I promise you they will miss u very much and will be crawling back to u like a worm........ Not in all cases, I'm sorry to say. Link to post Share on other sites
littlelaxer Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 hey about no contact..........................how long does it start to effect the person who ended the relationship. like if there is a chance of them commin back for a second chance..............i was jus wondering. i am a beliver that NC is probably the best thing for yourself, u know gettin back on track and all that. But i was just wondering if anyone had anything about that. ive heard after two weeks and stuff like that, does anyone have anything to say about that?!?! ~thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 It depends on how close the relationship was. If you spoke everday and you were a huge part of their lives then its going to take alot less time than a couple that spoke on occasions and kept their social lives while dating. I was a huge part of my ex's life, we spoke everday while we were seeing each other and went out every 2nd or 3rd night. We'd been talking the past couple of weeks but I started no contact today and well I'm doing fine. I see her talking to me before this time next week though I'm not sure about the second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
darhma Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 My ex is running off with a Russian Bride...HELP Post: 1 | Quote: I just got out of an on off relationship of 6 years. The last 2 years we have spent pretty much off due to the fact that I told him we would not be exclusive unless he married me. The biggest reason we ended was because I do not want to have children. I am 40 have a 20 year old daughter and my ex and I completely disagree on how a child is to be raised religiously. 5 months ago I finally said marry me or get out of my life. Well not only has he got out of my life he is dating a Ukraine girl he met on the Internet. He has already gone to meet her. She looks just like me. He even said she is a Russian Julie (me). He has been completely cold since this girl entered the picture. He is already talking to her about marriage. I lost my mind and even said I would have a child anything when I found out he met this women. He has said it is to late. I even did the no no and went to his house and spent the night with him...I know I was an idiot. He is so cold he doesn't even act like himself it is almost like he is possessed. He is such a very soft hearted person by nature. When I mention things about how we were he totally discounts it like we were nothing. Mind you this man so loved me and could not stand losing me. We had the most incredible chemistry and we liked so many of the same things. I can honestly say the sex is as good today as it was the first time we met it never waned in any way. We both like such a diverse range of activities...hiking, fine dining, bed and breakfast, camping, art galleries etc. I have never met a man that could keep up with me in either area like we do. We just blended so well except on the religion and kid thing. He has never had a relationship last longer than 1.5 years before me. I really appreciate what we have because I have been married and had several long term relationships and know how rare all this is. My question is do you think he will ever wake up and remember how we were and come back to me? If he doesn't love me anymore why is he going out with someone who looks just like me? Is he going to compare her to me and maybe come back to me? How could he even think about marraige with some chick he hardly knows? This whole thing has killed me!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
littlelaxer Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Sukotto~ thanks for responding........my ex and i were very close. we talked often throughout the day, and we even saw eachother often throughout the week. the thing i was most worried about when we broke up was how different it was gonna be not talking to him everyday, ya know! but ive been able to deal with it. It has been about a week and a half since him and i have talked because i stopped answering him when he would call and junk........... i hope hes missin me, ya know. with ur relationship, are u looking for a second chance?? i wasnt sure Link to post Share on other sites
renouf Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 My girlfriend of 5 years dumped me 3 weeks ago... I spent the first 2 weeks after the break up beging her to come back to me.... bad idea. All it did was push her away and make things worse. I then started N/C, and had N/C for three days in a row...but by the 4th day I gave in (I coulden't take it anymore). I called her and she seemed happy I called. I could hear her beggining to cry, but she tried to hold it back...i could tell she misses me but she doesn't want me to know. That was just yesterday... and today I have started the No Contact again, but I'm already about to give in and call again. I can't stand not hearing her voice. I don't want to give in... I want to continue with N/C untill she finaly calls me. How long should continue with N/C? I'm sinking into depression. I find myself thinking about her every second of the day, regardless what im doing. Being with friends helps, but I'm still thinking constantly. I'm also affriad she has been with another guy latly. Should I ask her to meet me somewhere so we can talk things out? Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 WHat if he did something wrong and I dumped lets say and he is seeing someone the same girl that he cheated on me with and now he thinks I am seeing someone he will never call and apologize? Link to post Share on other sites
Truetoself Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 Originally posted by theone44 Well I hear ya and i'm going thru the same thing. I would like to know,who broke up with who,if he did.........then u need to continue with "No Contact",but if u broke it off with him,then u did the right thing by contacting him,but like i said earlier,if he broke it then continue with 100% total contact with,but before u do the no contact thing,ask him out for a cup of coffee,but don't talk about the relationship or the pass. Before u meet him,just make yourself look very sexy.....with some very good smelling perfume......and let him see what he is missing,but when u do meet him......appear very happy and act like u don't need him, and u can live this life with-out him.....then after that meeting........break all contact with him and see what happen. Well about his stuff........i believe like u said he is still marking his territory like a daggy old mutt.... Just my .50 cents minus .48 cents.. Well to answer your question, He iniciated the break because he bagan distancing himself. He never said " I want to end it or I don't want to be with you anymore" so there was never any real closure. After 6 mos. of NC I said, ok I get the picture. It's weird, but when I asked him to come and get his things in July, he acted like I was breaking up with him because I told him to come get his things. Then he even said, you're the one who said it, not me, like he wanted it to go on record or something that I was breaking up with him. Like it was my decision to end it. It was like he was on vacation from the relationship and I just wasn't told he was taking one. I mean, when you stop communicating with you girlfriend of the last 3 1/2 years, you are the one ending it. So as far as calling him and asking him to meet me for coffee, I really don't know about that! Am I just being stubborn like him or should I continue with No Contact? So, what do you think now about a second chance for this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 theone44, well said! I agree with you totally! Link to post Share on other sites
John1 Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 I wish NC worked for me.. I was with my ex girlfriend for 4 years... 16 months ago we split up because I drunkenly kissed another girl .. It shouldnt have happened.. I confessed to my ex and 4 years evaporated between my very eyes... I took the breakup badly.. I kept calling her and begging etc etc etc.. I was stupid.. I realise that now... She changed her phone number , i started writing her letters .. 1 letter every month for about 4-5 months.. Now we split up in June 2003... When we split up it was like she fell off the face of the earth.. I would never see or hear from her ... Thats why I suppose i rang her so many times.. Anyway I saw her in June 2004 ( 1 year to the day that we split up) I had not seen her for ages .. We talked in the street.. The subject of getting back together was brought up by me ( stupidly ), she said we will never be getting back together.. that i dont deserve a 2nd chance and she is enjoying been single so why would she give me a 2nd chance... This was 4 months ago.. I have not contacted her or tried to contact her in this time.. A few weeks ago we passed each other in the street. We just passed and said hello and that was it. .she said "Hiya" and that was it.. that was 3 weeks ago.. I miss her sooo much.. We were together for 4 years and were planning to move in together.. We had our whole future planned out.. we were thinking of getting married etc. we were talking babies names.. we were so sure we were going to be together forever. .we were even planning our wedding ( which would be in a few years) but we were very excited about the prospect of spending the rest of our lives together. .she used to live 150 miles away from me so we would speak to each other 4-5 times a day... Now she only lives 5 miles away from me and we havent spoke in 4 months ... We have spoken only a handful of times in the 16 months apart... I dont know if NC will work.. Its 4 months now .. I still love her so much... I just wish she could offer a 2nd chance.. I know i betrayed her trust but it was a genuine mistake... I have learned my lesson... I was stupid.. I shouldnt have been begging / pleading etc.. I know now looking back how pathetic it was... The last time she rang me was at xmas.. she rang me to say to stop ringing her house ( she has since moved out, she was moving out anyway though as we were due to move in together ) I have ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.. Its a pity really.. People say that Im better off that if she cant forgive 1 mistake then im better off without her , although I KNOW that I was in the wrong and that if it was the other way round I would probably do the same.. But its a pity.. We were involved in each others life so much... We did nearly everything together.. Hopefully NC will work but for me so far it hasn't.. I must admit she is 1 stubborn girl though.. even b4 we split she was stubborn . But I liked that about her.. Typical Taurus I suppose. Best of luck to the rest of ye out there. I hope NC works for ye... Link to post Share on other sites
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