FitChick Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 If you wouldn't like to be the one to give up everything why not choose someone more likely to move to you... I have no problem moving because I have no ties. Every man has family, property and/or important job so it's easier for me. Besides, I plan to move anyway at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 (edited) we ended it... nothing matters anymore. kiwildr I really wish it works for you two. I will be really happy to know that at least someone gets all the love one wanted from this kind of a relationship. Edited May 15, 2013 by missunshine Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 There is not a way to see each other in person (at least not until next year), and even afterwards, there is no way to stay together, it would all be too complicated... and we have different priorities at the moment which is the biggest reason. I guess that was the case since the very beginning, but we were holding on to something called love... which is still present, but there is no need to waste time and to suffer if we don't really want the same things. The only thing we want is each other, but that's not enough, you can't have only that without the rest. I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe we don't really want this and maybe we are not trying hard enough. We want to, but we don't actually. That would be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 I can't really say that here for certain reasons... anyway, it doesn't really matter anymore. it is over. Link to post Share on other sites
daletom Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 There is not a way to see each other in person (at least not until next year), and even afterwards, there is no way to stay together, it would all be too complicated... and we have different priorities at the moment which is the biggest reason. . . . It makes me truly sad to hear this. I admire your honesty, maturity, and self evaluation. Right now those probably seem like empty words but in time you will come to appreciate the character qualities you have. Each of you valued and admired the other, and those valuable and admirable people are still there. Please be open to the possibility, however unlikely, of reconciliation after both of you have given serious thought and consideration. I was very sad when my son broke up with a long-term girlfriend . . . but a little over a year later, they married each other. I wish peace and purpose for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 Thank you Daletom. I know you never know what's gonna happen in the future. But I want to be sure in this and this is my final decision. No more anything. I am in the middle of my twenties, I feel like I want to become a mom and make a family as soon as possible. I am tired of the going outs, and of unseriousness... I want to settle down. And that I can't have with him. At least not in the near future. Too bad for us. We would have been a great couple if only we were closer. But that's how life is. Unfair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daletom Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 . . . I am in the middle of my twenties, I feel like I want to become a mom and make a family as soon as possible . . . I think most people get a similar feeling. I felt it at 22 - not wanting to have kids per se, but wanting to find and be with the life partner I would have the kids with. Human people are made for relationship. My oldest son was 32 when he married. The day before, he said it felt so wonderful to be starting to really build something significant; that for ten years he had just been waiting for the chance and getting ready, but now he could actually start doing it. Please don't let your wants and desires in this area subvert your good sense. I don't believe there is only one "right person" for you, but don't let "good enough" keep you from finding a great match. It's as much about BEING the right person as FINDING the right person. If you looked up the posts I mentioned previously, you know that for me it took an older and wiser person to help point me in the right direction. Link to post Share on other sites
kiwildr Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Oh gosh I just read your post - I am glad lamo asked why as that is the first thing that came to my mind. But it has to be right for you and at least you are honest enough to know that at the moment it doesn't feel right, but like Daletom said at least be open to the possibility of a reconciliation, if you both are open to it again in the future. Of course no matter what happens I will let you know how I get on with my first meeting in person, this is the first ever online romance i have ever had. There will always be a great bunch of people on here to give you advice too, big hugs to you misssunshine and stay tuned:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 That's what he proposed as well. To let time give us answers and be good friends in the meantime. But I can't be a friend to him, and he can't be as well, he just doesn't know that yet. It is hard to pretend and it will be painful and we would end up hating each other. I can't live my life in suspense and hope for something that might never happen. I need to move on. That is why I don't want to consider reconciliation. And yes, thank you guys for your honest and helpful answers... In a way, you helped me get to this decision by reading your stories and experiences plus the talks we had with him. It helped me see the things much clearer. hugs for you too kiwildr, I will stay tuned for sure 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Hi missunshine, Just a few considerations for you. 1. First you should meet someone to settle down with and then be willing to settle down, not the other way round (let's hope you don't go round in circles for the next 5/10 years, in search of your soulmate: just know that's a possibility too). 2. If the feelings you have for him are really powerful and strong, he's not exactly as replaceable as a dishwasher. 3. Succeeding in anything requires effort, unless you take a shortcut to it. 4. Fears don't go away just because you avoid them. 5. If you're scared to love a man more than he can love you, just know that such feeling can happen regardless of the distance separating the two of you. 6. If you think that you can't deal with missing your far away love, start wondering how you would deal with infidelity, falling out of love while in a marriage, lack of sex long term, and other very sad events. Because that's what life may bring. Then, you'll start seeing things more in perspective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 Well you do need two people for everything. And how things look, one starts to think the other cares less. So you start to look at the things from that perspective. If someone is not willing to make any sacrifice (or it's not able to,as it's said,but who knows, that is yet to be cleared), then there is no reason why I should as well. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Well you do need two people for everything. And how things look, one starts to think the other cares less. So you start to look at the things from that perspective. If someone is not willing to make any sacrifice (or it's not able to,as it's said,but who knows, that is yet to be cleared), then there is no reason why I should as well. For what I read in this thread it looks like you backed off... he just followed. Now you're making it sound as if he didn't care enough. This must be one of those cases where you made up your own movie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) made up my own movie? huh? I am not blaming anyone. I said maybe `we`, not maybe `him`. You know nothing about it from what I can see, but thanks for the replies. Edited May 16, 2013 by missunshine Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 You know nothing about it from what I can see I know what you made known. My points are still valid. All of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missunshine Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 whatever... Link to post Share on other sites
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