rebound?

[anne]

i was just wondering.....

 

i recently broke up with someone who i loved very much (he broke it off with me). i was wondering if meeting a new guy would help me deal with the break up better. i don't want to just settle for anyone though.

 

part of me thinks it would feel so wrong touching someone else, because i still love my ex. but another part of me wonders if it might help me get over him. i feel very lonely and really enjoy being part of a couple.

 

i'm 23 and have had 2 serious boyfriends. i met my last one a year after my first boyfriend, so i've obviously never done this sort of thing before. i've spent a lot of time on my own in the past before, but i'm just curious if it's a good thing.

 

advice from anyone who has ever done this sort of thing would be much, much appreciated. would it help me?

[Anastasia]

Hon,

 

I feel you are still hurting from your break up (obviously!), you need to give yourself time to get over your loss, to grieve. Getting involved with someone else right now would be for the wrong reasons, you are asking 'is it OK to hook up with someone else to help me forget my ex', no it's not a good thing, it wouldn't be fair to you or the other guy, he'll sense you are still loving someone else in your heart.

 

Find yourself again. Cherish you again. You are a unique and loving person.

 

Hope this helps,

 

*HUGS*

[Tony T]

You seem pretty casual about this. You say the break up was recent and you really loved him.

 

Something's fishy in all this. People who just break up with someone are usually going through a lot of pain and hurt and going out is the last thing they want to do.

 

However, everybody feels differently and I respect that you may be going through your pain in your own unique way.

 

For most people, I would recommend some down time...time to deal with the hurt, time to reflect, time to do things for themselves, etc. However, you sound pretty resilient.

 

I think dating people for the purpose of getting your mind off someone else is not constructive and could cause a lot of hurt feelings on the part of the unsuspecting people you go out with.

 

Why not go out with guys and try to have some fun but let them know very clearly right up front that you are just out of a relationship and you are not ready for anything serious. That might be the route to take.

 

I always admire people who are very emotionally resilient. If I have gotten the wrong impression, I apologize. But you do not express a great deal of sadness, only loneliness and the desire to be part of a couple. If that is genuine, that's great. If you are still in shock or in denial, you need to pull back and deal with it before you get back out into the dating scene.

[Jammie]

dd

i was just wondering..... i recently broke up with someone who i loved very much (he broke it off with me). i was wondering if meeting a new guy would help me deal with the break up better. i don't want to just settle for anyone though. part of me thinks it would feel so wrong touching someone else, because i still love my ex. but another part of me wonders if it might help me get over him. i feel very lonely and really enjoy being part of a couple. i'm 23 and have had 2 serious boyfriends. i met my last one a year after my first boyfriend, so i've obviously never done this sort of thing before. i've spent a lot of time on my own in the past before, but i'm just curious if it's a good thing. advice from anyone who has ever done this sort of thing would be much, much appreciated. would it help me?

[Deejette]

Going out to show yourself you can have fun with other guys might be a good solution for you. It doesn't have to lead to anything serious. You can just prove to yourself that other guys find you attractive and that you can have fun without your ex.

 

But I agree with Tony, hooking up with a guy just to get over the other guy is a way of avoiding the mourning process that accompanies a loss. If you don't face the mourning and try to bury it under the carpet of forced merriment, it will come back to bite you in the butt in other ways.

 

So have fun, allow yourself to feel the loss, and when the time is right, a new person will come into your life and you will see: They will be better for you than the one you just lost.

dd