Fiance takes nude photos w/o consent

[LKell]

I found out about some photos my fiance took of me in a REALLY weird and embarrassing way. He called me to tell me that two detectives were at his house and wanted to ask me some questions. He had developed a roll of film at this store and the roll had pictures of children (clothed) as well as me (also clothed) and two of the photos were of a nude female w/o a face (photo was taken from the waist down) and the store is required by law to report stuff like this to the police re: child pornography. The detective asks me about the night in question. We had gone out drinking w/ a friend of his to celebrate an occasion and afterwards, my fiance and I went back to his house. He took some pictures of me fully clothed, then we had sex and I had immediately fallen asleep w/ my butt hanging out of the sheets.

 

The subject of nude photographs had come up before, over the year and three mos. that we have dated: I had explicitly told him that I have never had nude pictures of myself taken and that I absolutely would NEVER do this unless I was married. Because I'd heard stories about boyfriends/ husbands showing nude pictures of their girlfriends/wives &/or posting them on the internet, etc. after they split up and that I ABSOLUTELY did not want pictures like that of me floating around for him to show people because he was pissed off.

 

well, at that point (looking at me asleep) he knew he shouldn't take pictures but we have had a rocky relationship, he thought we might be breaking up soon and he wanted a "momento" and he'd been drinking. Trying to be as respectful as possible, he deliberately did not move or "pose" me and deliberately took the pictures w/o my face so there would be no connection to me.

 

Then when he took them to be developed, he forgot about the pictures of me (b/c he was drunk when he took them), otherwise, I guess he would have taken them somewhere else (?). well, he has children and there were pictures of his children and their friends (fully clothed, of course) and b/c they were on the same roll, the detectives have to investigate (i.e. if the whole roll had been of me, the store wouldn't have called the police). well, naturally I'm completely shocked and freaking out. But I calmly tell them I don't know anything about the nude photos but that he would never take pictures like that of his or any other children, that he is a great father, has an excellent relationship w/ his kids, etc. and I give physical descriptions of how it should be obvious that the pictures are in fact of me. So after talking to me, the detectives were certain he was telling the truth (I saw them - they are of me), gave him the pictures, said there were no other copies (which is b.s. - I worked at a couple of film-processing places and the guys ALWAYS made copies of such pictures) and there would be nothing reported on the incident.

 

After the detectives left, my fiance calls me, apologizes profusely, especially about the way I found out, was EXTREMELY embarrassed that two detectives had come to his house to question him re: child pornography, said he owed me "BIG time", how horrible he felt (I know he is sincerely sorry) and that he would do anything to make up for this screw-up. Yes, I was extremely pissed, for obvious reasons - the pictures showed much more than my butt (I was on my side and the angle was from below like a gynecologist's view but w/ my legs closed) and I was extremely embarrassed that the photo guys and the police had seen such personal pictures of me.

 

We burned the negatives and I have forgiven him but I don't feel like I can completely trust him anymore, especially b/c he's always saying that we shouldn't have ANY secrets from each other - that we should tell each other EVERYTHING (which I think is ridiculous - I'm not going to tell him every little thing I do and think - only the important stuff) -- I think that's being very hypocritical.

 

What should I do? We do have other major issues that I don't want to go into (thank god! you're probably saying but up until recently, trust was not one of them . Should I break it off?

[mudobber]

The guy really likes your bottom. He saw something very beautiful very beautiful about the woman he loves and couldn’t resist! A real compliment for your buns, but perhaps not your dignity.

 

My take on this is that the event is not something easily forgotten. This will be one of those lives changing moments for the man. I doubt that you will have to remind him… there is no sense in being mean and rubbing the egg into his face. Be mad, but let it go somehow.

 

That alcohol stuff is no good. You all don’t need that stuff to have fun. Alcohol is the ultimate solvent; it dissolves relationships, jobs, families, lives. Part with it and watch many problems go away.