My manager is Passive Aggressive in E-mails

[HokeyReligions]

Hm, I think I'll go by my excellent work history and references rather than one bat**** lunatic in a job I just stepped into and the responses from some know-it-alls on loveshack.

 

Good luck.

[nevadagirl]

I have a question. Who decided you "excelled" faster than expected -you or your boss? Actually I have two questions - who set the expectations? Maybe that person has more information about what needs to be done and how the tasks will effect other needs of the company.

 

 

Both my manager and the boss above her were surprised but very complimentary at how quickly I got them up to speed because when I started they were way way behind. Now they're more than a month ahead. I'm not a know-it-all, but I know a lot of it. But what I didn't know I asked about and received either condescending responses, vague responses, or no responses- but only through email of course, which is why I posted what I did. I don't understand why she is so two-faced.

[Star Gazer]

Hm, I think I'll go by my excellent work history and references rather than one bat**** lunatic in a job I just stepped into ...

 

Oh, so now she's a batsh*t lunatic? Not just PA?

 

I see... it gets worse and worse as the thread evolves and you don't get the validation you were seeking. Got it.

[Star Gazer]

I agree that I I stepped into the middle but I didn't step into the middle on purpose. I accidentally stepped on her toes because she is intentionally vague with not only me, but the other manager as well - for no reason I can gather other than being petty.

 

I give out information. Nice Manager says please clarify this. I say sure. Bitch Manager says I'll do it. Bitch manager does nothing. Nice Manager asks for some clarification about what is going on. Bitch Manager responds bitchily. Nice Manager asks me what is happening and Bitch Manager still responds bitchily. I, thinking I'm only doing my job and hoping to clear up some of the confusion, tell them both the only information I had on my end.

 

Bitch Manager rips my head off, accuses me of responding when I was told not to.

 

...

 

I'm really more curious as to why this woman is so ridiculous in her emails but so super sweet to my face.

 

You're seriously lacking in reading social cues and understanding the dynamics between people.

 

She made it clear she didn't want you meddling in this particular situation, that she wanted to handle it directly with the "Nice Manager." As her subordinate, it's not your place to go above her.

[tbf]

Oh, so now she's a batsh*t lunatic? Not just PA?

 

I see... it gets worse and worse as the thread evolves and you don't get the validation you were seeking. Got it.

She's like a bull in a china shop whether in her job or in this thread. If there's glass to be broken, she's the girl for the job!

[nevadagirl]

Oh, so now she's a batsh*t lunatic? Not just PA?

 

I see... it gets worse and worse as the thread evolves and you don't get the validation you were seeking. Got it.

 

Not sure how asking why people send passive aggressive emails from 10 feet away is me needing validation for a bitchy email I sent to a bitch, but okay.

[nevadagirl]

You're seriously lacking in reading social cues and understanding the dynamics between people.

 

She made it clear she didn't want you meddling in this particular situation, that she wanted to handle it directly with the "Nice Manager." As her subordinate, it's not your place to go above her.

 

Actually she didn't make it clear at all. If she had neither I nor the other manager would have had any follow-up questions or felt the need to respond to her period. But it didn't happen that way.

 

Either both the other manager and myself are just idiots unable to pick up on social cues - or bitchy manager has no idea how to come across as anything but petty and confusing.

[RachR]

You're seriously lacking in reading social cues and understanding the dynamics between people.

 

She made it clear she didn't want you meddling in this particular situation, that she wanted to handle it directly with the "Nice Manager." As her subordinate, it's not your place to go above her.

 

I have a question just for my own curiosity of how to handle things.

 

But the nice manager (who is bitch manager's boss i think) is still asking subordinate questions...does that not make subordinate look bad if she's not answering her? What will nice manager think of subordinate not answering her? I personally would have thought that I would need to answer to the boss' boss if that were to happen, but no? Or would you say, "Bitch manager has informed me she is handling the situation."

[HokeyReligions]

Both my manager and the boss above her were surprised but very complimentary at how quickly I got them up to speed because when I started they were way way behind. Now they're more than a month ahead. I'm not a know-it-all, but I know a lot of it. But what I didn't know I asked about and received either condescending responses, vague responses, or no responses- but only through email of course, which is why I posted what I did. I don't understand why she is so two-faced.

 

A lot of people in leadership roles can get very far behind in their work and not be able to accurately gauge how long it will take to catch up. A new hire who does a great technical job but lacks experience with corporate politics will often find themselves stressed and angry and end up with a very bad reputation. Every employer counts on a resume. Especially if you have not had many.

 

Take everything that's happened and learn from it - you will run into this situation again.

[anna121]

Yup and yup.

[Star Gazer]

I have a question just for my own curiosity of how to handle things.

 

But the nice manager (who is bitch manager's boss i think) is still asking subordinate questions...does that not make subordinate look bad if she's not answering her? What will nice manager think of subordinate not answering her? I personally would have thought that I would need to answer to the boss' boss if that were to happen, but no? Or would you say, "Bitch manager has informed me she is handling the situation."

 

Well, for one, I don't see the connection you do, that Nice Manager is (alleged) Bitch Manager's boss. She writes as though they are equal managers, but it doesn't really matter in my analysis. Even if Nice is Bitch's boss, my position still stands. OP shouldn't have involved herself in the situation.

 

How would I have handled it? In order to maintain a good working relationship with my direct boss, that is, the so-called "Bitch Manager," I would have responded not to Nice Manager, but to Bitch Manager, simply volunteering my help because I have the information on hand, and I would have provided it to Bitch Manager, to allow her to decide what to do with it. Sort of like, "Hey, don't know if you saw or had time to respond to Nice Manager, but I have the information right here. It's ___________. Do you want to pass that on? I can if you'd prefer, just let me know."

 

Why do this? Managers like employees who HELP them look good, not make them look bad (as the OP did here). Further, OP's direct boss/Bitch Manager will be the person deciding her fate, writing her reviews, etc., not the Nice Manager. This is especially true given that she's only been there TWO WEEKS!!! Why ruffle feathers and make waves? Now is the time to prove yourself competent and helpful to your direct manager/supervisor.

 

A lot of people in leadership roles can get very far behind in their work and not be able to accurately gauge how long it will take to catch up. A new hire who does a great technical job but lacks experience with corporate politics will often find themselves stressed and angry and end up with a very bad reputation. Every employer counts on a resume. Especially if you have not had many.

 

Take everything that's happened and learn from it - you will run into this situation again.

 

Bingo!

 

And that's what you're left with, OP: Being stressed, angry, and with a bad reputation. Learn fr

Edited May 12, 2013 by Star Gazer

[RachR]

 

Her email to me went like this:

"OMG I worked on this yesterday I asked you not to respond to this cluster & make it even worse. I responded to her emails and cc'd you on them let it GO"

 

Just curious, did she actually write "omg" and "let it GO" like that to you? If so, regardless of anything else being discussed in this thread, I wouldn't want to work for an employer who wrote unprofessional emails like that.

 

And like others have said, she criticized because while you were just trying to be helpful, you second guessed her and did not follow instruction. I'm guilty of this. I did things I thought was just trying to be helpful, but - and especially for those bosses sensitive to challenges to their authority - this is not seen that way. So you have to play the game, so I have recently learned. That doesn't mean disrespect though.

 

If I were you I wouldn't bother to show up on Monday. I would send an official notice by mail of your resignation and also give them a phone call and say you have mailed it. Say that it hasn't been a good fit but thanks for the opportunity.

[Balzac]

One purpose of professionalism is to avoid/prevent

the personalizing of work place dynamics. In most work places

the chain of command follows the corporate structure. This

pathway serves to save everyone from personal confrontations.

 

In the cubicle world communication is often written to preserve

the privacy/integrity of all employees.

 

Personalizing written comments made by your immediate supervisor

is where this train jumped the tracks. That's my read on it.

Who among readers/posters here has not had to endure a

difficult supervisor?

[Star Gazer]

Actually she didn't make it clear at all.

 

You yourself wrote that "Bitch Manager" said she will handle it.

 

That is plainly stating, "I will handle it. You are not to handle it."

 

Gosh, it's surprising you didn't pick up on that...

[Taramere]

Why do this? Managers like employees who HELP them look good, not make them look bad (as the OP did here). Further, OP's direct boss/Bitch Manager will be the person deciding her fate, writing her reviews, etc., not the Nice Manager. This is especially true given that she's only been there TWO WEEKS!!! Why ruffle feathers and make waves? Now is the time to prove yourself competent and helpful to your direct manager/supervisor.

 

Yep. Basic rule for the workplace. Workload permitting, making other people's jobs easier rather than more difficult generally makes for more pleasant office time.

[RachR]

Well, for one, I don't see the connection you do, that Nice Manager is (alleged) Bitch Manager's boss. She writes as though they are equal managers, but it doesn't really matter in my analysis. Even if Nice is Bitch's boss, my position still stands. OP shouldn't have involved herself in the situation.

 

How would I have handled it? In order to maintain a good working relationship with my direct boss, that is, the so-called "Bitch Manager," I would have responded not to Nice Manager, but to Bitch Manager, simply volunteering my help because I have the information on hand, and I would have provided it to Bitch Manager, to allow her to decide what to do with it. Sort of like, "Hey, don't know if you saw or had time to respond to Nice Manager, but I have the information right here. It's ___________. Do you want to pass that on? I can if you'd prefer, just let me know."

 

Why do this? Managers like employees who HELP them look good, not make them look bad (as the OP did here). Further, OP's direct boss/Bitch Manager will be the person deciding her fate, writing her reviews, etc., not the Nice Manager. This is especially true given that she's only been there TWO WEEKS!!! Why ruffle feathers and make waves? Now is the time to prove yourself competent and helpful to your direct manager/supervisor.

 

I didn't make a connection, I just mistakenly thought she wrote it that she was her boss. I was just interested on how to handle the situation, I myself have been learning in just the last year about how to navigate office politics, so thanks.

[Star Gazer]

I didn't make a connection, I just mistakenly thought she wrote it that she was her boss. I was just interested on how to handle the situation, I myself have been learning in just the last year about how to navigate office politics, so thanks.

 

Easiest thing to do? Make your boss' life EASIER for him/her. Prove yourself useful. Look for the possible legitimate reasons they want/don't want things from you, rather than getting defensive. Above all else, act professionally at all times.

[nevadagirl]

Just curious, did she actually write "omg" and "let it GO" like that to you? If so, regardless of anything else being discussed in this thread, I wouldn't want to work for an employer who wrote unprofessional emails like that.

 

And like others have said, she criticized because while you were just trying to be helpful, you second guessed her and did not follow instruction. I'm guilty of this. I did things I thought was just trying to be helpful, but - and especially for those bosses sensitive to challenges to their authority - this is not seen that way. So you have to play the game, so I have recently learned. That doesn't mean disrespect though.

 

If I were you I wouldn't bother to show up on Monday. I would send an official notice by mail of your resignation and also give them a phone call and say you have mailed it. Say that it hasn't been a good fit but thanks for the opportunity.

 

Her email was exactly as I copied it. I understand she felt like I was challenging her authority but what she failed to do was be clear on what was going on with this particular situation which would have prevented me from unintentionally challenging her authority. Many hands are always involved in these cases and we are all only trying to do our jobs.

 

Everyone in this thread who doesn't like that I didn't roll over and play nice after I reached a point where I didn't care if I worked there or not is unable to admit that the woman was vague and unclear, nasty and incredibly petty. Yet there are so many details that support this.

 

On another note: I was told on my first day there to always reply to every email and to CC everyone who was originally included on it. This was heavily[/i] stressed and their email protocol seems to be pretty sacred and that played a large part into why I responded to both of them. The one time I forgot to CC someone on an email, I received a curt "As we discussed previously you need to CC everyone on your emails" - email. I did not want to make that mistake twice.

 

I suspected Bitch Manager was just being a Bitch to Nice Manager because of their political power struggle, but at the same time she was making me look bad by saying that my information was wrong but not giving any clarification to either Nice Manager or myself about what was -actually- right.

[Treasa]

I've had difficult managers, including my current one. You can't just quit every time you encounter difficulties or have a personality conflict with someone. Even though my boss is insane sometimes, I am always pleasant and always agreeing with her when I can tell that she's done discussing something. I've been there for eight years, so I know when I have some flex and when I don't. If I ever talked to her this way, I'd be out the door.

 

You don't have to like who you report to. You don't even have to respect them on the inside. But you have to appear to, and you have to respect their position and seniority.

 

This isn't a civil rights movement. You have to pay the game (unless they are breaking the law.)

 

Smile and agree to what she says. It will be good experience in dealing with difficult people whose cooperation you need. And you will always encounter people like that.

 

You can either "win" and be "right" and unemployed, or you can learn to play the game, please people, and ultimately get what you want so you can be happy.

Edited May 13, 2013 by Treasa

[Treasa]

Oh, and do not just up and quit. You need to face whatever you have coming at you and learn how to deal with it. In the real world, we don't run from hardships. We face them so we learn how to better deal with them the next time around.

 

You want your boss to think you are her co-conspirator, not her rival.

[green_tea]

Overall I agree with the advice given in this thread - learn how to deal with difficult people, but if they are your direct manager then I personally would not stay long term in a job like that. You spend too much time at work to put up with a bad manager. I wouldn't quit without another job to go to though - I'm in a similar situation right now with a difficult co-worker that I can't get away from. But I'm just being nice to him while I look for another job - it makes life much easier just to be pleasant and agree, as Treasa mentioned.