NateC Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) I'm not quite sure how to explain it, so that'll have to do. Basically...I met this girl about six months ago online. We had tons in common and all this and we've grown really close in recent months. She's in college still and I graduated last year, so I'm able to understand the stress that comes with it - plus she has her own personal things to deal with. To the point: she knows I like her and we talk about "us" every now and then ...just sort of comes up randomly. We've been able to hang out more often the past couple months and she told me a couple weeks ago that she does consider those "dates" as well since it's just the two of us and typically we spend the entire day together. About a week ago I got her a gift - a stuffed animal of all things...and she absolutely loved it. She told me that it was basically the first time she's ever gotten a gift outside holidays and such (which, considering she's had a boyfriend before, was kind of unexpected!). Now...what she said after and what she's told me today is where I'm confused. She told me then that if "she had herself together and knew what she wanted she'd be with me already". Then today we're talking and she's pretty upset about some family stuff - I calm her down and she tells me: Youre literally a lifesaver lately and youre one of the most caring people ive ever met and i probably would be totally lonely without you! Im not sure if we will ever be more than friends, but i know that 100 percent positively absolutely i will always be there for you and that youll always be an important person to me!!" Hence, "wishy-washy". I mean, honestly being friends with her is great because she's basically the only person that lives close enough to me to see on a regular basis and we get along great. I'm just a bit uh...at a loss of what I should do if anything. I do really like her and the feelings get stronger as the weeks go by, but my past being as it was (some of my other threads have background on my uh...non-success) I've been fairly guarded at letting my own feelings get too far. Should I just want and see what happens here? What do you guys think is the best thing to do? Edit: If it matters, physical closeness seems to be "more" recently...the hugs feel more genuine and that sort of thing. We haven't kissed yet, though. Edited May 13, 2013 by NateC Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I think she is being honest with you, which is nice to hear. I think you need to decide if you are willing to invest the time and energy to see if she ever wants more, like you do. My first "read" on this is she is not. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 IMHO, if she wanted you as more than a friend, she would know that already. The "if she had herself together" line is just to let you down gently. She is stringing you along with the "you're a lifesaver" line because she really truly needs a kind caring person in her life, but only until she meets the man of her dreams at which time you will be reduced, if not eliminated from her life. Sorry, you are in the friendzone. And more importantly, by stringing you along, she is preventing you from finding the woman of your dreams. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NateC Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 IMHO, if she wanted you as more than a friend, she would know that already. The "if she had herself together" line is just to let you down gently. She is stringing you along with the "you're a lifesaver" line because she really truly needs a kind caring person in her life, but only until she meets the man of her dreams at which time you will be reduced, if not eliminated from her life. Sorry, you are in the friendzone. And more importantly, by stringing you along, she is preventing you from finding the woman of your dreams. In a way she isn't because I'm not really "tied" to her in any way. Just not many people to meet really I feel like she's unsure because we've grown so close and I'm practically the only one who really listens to her and actually wants to spend time with her - so she's afraid to "lose" that if things don't work between us. Am I too far off-base in assuming that could be a reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Am I too far off-base in assuming that could be a reason? Yes, you are. You are not saying "No" and taking care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NateC Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 Yes, you are. You are not saying "No" and taking care of yourself. You're right, I should be. We talked today and decided that friends is jow we will stay and that will be that. She was unsure on what her feelings were and I was able to convince her to tell me without the risk of me just walking away, because I'm not going to. Many times the best friendships are made this way and I intend on keeping it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
JenFree2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I guess, you probably know by now where you stand ... So I hope you can move on and let things be. Anyway, what matters now are the good time you're enjoying... Even for as a friend... I would like to share you a gift ... Where you can share the fun and adventure to many people ... Dani's List ... this way you can be more connected to her and other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NateC Posted August 24, 2013 Author Share Posted August 24, 2013 So, after a few months I've decided to update this thread: We've been fairly close these past few months and the past month or so even more-so. She's invited me to different places and we get along awesome. For her birthday we went on a wine-tasting tour () and spent the entire day together. At the end, it felt right and we started holding hands. At first I didn't realize what happened but it felt great and I could tell she was happy with a giant smile on her face. Since then, it's been like that when we're together and it feels like she's figuring out what she wants. We talked and she does see us together but wants to take things slowly. I'm definitely okay with this because I've been dealing with some life/work/etc things and she's starting another year of college. This way, we can be each other's stress relief while letting things take its course. That said, when I look back we've come quite a ways and I see things progressing naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
Onward_Upward Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 ... That said, when I look back we've come quite a ways and I see things progressing naturally. Awesome stuff, Nate! I'm really happy for you mate... Just keep going as you are. Take things slowly, step by step. Don't push her, don't get antsy or emotionally demanding, and you'll be alright It would seem you have indeed progressed THROUGH the friend-zone! A rare feat indeed... And if so, you'll be the envy of friend-zone-trapped poor sods everywhere. All the best, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NateC Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 Awesome stuff, Nate! I'm really happy for you mate... Just keep going as you are. Take things slowly, step by step. Don't push her, don't get antsy or emotionally demanding, and you'll be alright It would seem you have indeed progressed THROUGH the friend-zone! A rare feat indeed... And if so, you'll be the envy of friend-zone-trapped poor sods everywhere. All the best, my friend. Thank you. All it really took was showing her how much I really did care for her no matter how things were progressing. Today we spent the day together again and it was great. Holding hands most of the time and just enjoying each other's company. No stress, no awkwardness. Link to post Share on other sites
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