Start of NC

[Leigh 87]

I have started no contact. It really is one of those relationships where we will always care so much for each other, that when we want to be friends one day (when we are both okay with seeing each other with new partners, totally happy, as the NC guide explains)

 

Today was the last time I saw him. Strangely I am not upset. I have mourned the loss of him when he first left. You know, I collapsed and screamed out in pain, at the enormity of losing the closest person I have ever been to.

 

He drove over to give me my expensive vacuum. We did not know that it would be the last time before NC. I decided tonight. I just knew it had to start now.

 

We had a lovely time actually. We went for a walk; he initiated holding me hand and putting his arm around me the entire time. Something he never did with a girl before me. I am the second girl he has had a relationships with.

 

He acted like he still felt the same way about me as always; the thing is, I am not unsure that he ever felt enough passion to begin with. Although of course, he says he did.

 

He loved being able to hug me and have me hug him and tickle his back; he has always loved how my personality is, he has never met anyone like me. I am quiet strange lol. I am different.

 

Yet, I could not sense that he had strong sexual urges; I told him that it pains me to be around him, when he does not want me badly in ALL ways; including wanting to touch my body sexually.

 

He honestly believes he does want me badly; I am looking food atm due to not over eating all the time now, and he said he did have strong urges to have sex with me.

 

He says that he either needs to be fully together with me, or over me completely in order for him to be intimate with me; after the break up, he explained that he was very messed up, and could not just use me for sex, and in fact, could not bring himself to be intimate due to the fact we are neither over each other, or together in a secure relationship.

 

After he left, which I made him leave politely, it clicked that I am actually moving on, and seeing him his hindering that.

 

I am looking very forward to my Russia/Scandinavia trip. I hope that there is a guy on the tour that is into me, and who I can have casual fun with. Just a guy who likes and respects me, who I can have some fun with; nothing of a REMOTELY serious nature.

 

Unlike most exes, I DO know we will be close friends one day, in the distant future. I care deeply about Andrew, as does he about me. We really like being around each other, as people. We make each other laugh and genuinely like each other a LOT as people.

 

I feel very much like I have a genuine friend for life, in Andrew. A person that will always be there for me. Although once we move onto new loving partners, we will drop that back a bit, due to our new partners being our soul carer.

 

I know we will be great friends one day.

 

I cannot believe I have really let go. I thought I would agree to continue seeing him, like he wanted. He suggested tonight, during out walk while he was trying to hold my hand and hug me: that he would like to go for a walk with me once or twice a week together.

 

He told me how much he is not ready to just move on to another girl, as I am very much the girl he is crazy about; I have no doubt he IS crazy about me, as a person of interest; just not as a romantic partner who he loves deeply anymore. Or he would be with me, right?

 

He maintains he is still madly in love with me and does not want to let things go and move on entirely with us.

 

Oh well.

 

Why don't I feel gutted? I once felt so dependant on Andrew! The thought of moving on to new people killed my inside.

 

Now it excites me; moving on and having fun with new people; I look really forward to meeting my next loving partner.

 

I feel that next time around, I will be better equip for being in as long term relationship. I know myself better, I know what I need to work on with a therapist.

 

I will therefore enjoy my next serious relationship more, as I will have better tools to cope with life in general, which will avert unnecessary relationship dramas. I do plan to find a decent man lol that will not cause it himself.

 

I would rather me single for a long time, than just get together with a guy because I miss being in a relationship.

 

..........................................................

 

 

I am surprisingly calm and very happy about the future. I will cry some nights, but not tears of hopelessness or despair like I initially cried. The days after he first left.

 

.............................................................

 

I will head over to the " write here instead of contacting your ex" thread a fair bit from now on, I suspect:lmao:

[Leigh 87]

I think I deserve some credit here.

 

He wanted to keep hanging out, holding my hand and putting his arm around me when we walked. He wanted be to be close to him; he did not want to move on himself!

 

It would have been lovely in a sense - when with him I still feel total joy unlike I do when I am around any other person. Because we are very close and share a history.

 

I am being strong and not going to settle for fixes of him; a fix of closeness from him. I either need all of him or nothing.

 

He saw I am changing and bettering myself too. Things I will not talk about on here. So he has a good mental image of me being strong and bettering myself at least.

[TaraMaiden]

I have started no contact.....

I would rather me single for a long time, than just get together with a guy because I miss being in a relationship...

 

Would have been sufficient.

We don't need the blow-by-blow extra pointless elaborations, Leigh.

 

because every time you do that, it honestly feels like you're pouring half a ton of Aspartame down our throats.

 

Very sweet.

 

But frankly, very sickly, and ultimately toxic.

 

The only person who cares, or needs to know about the sex talk, the desire, the lack of it, the kissing, the hugs, the holding hands, the back-stroking the laughing and giggling, is you.

 

To be blunt, we don't care.

 

What we care about is that you completely move on, and consider this whole episode Over and Done with.

 

No matter what you say, you can't paint a rosy picture of him in our eyes, and we don't need to have one either.

We just want to know you're completely done here.

 

Full stop and end of story....

[Leigh 87]

I get it. I guess I will change the content of my posts now on.

 

I am looking very much forward to me future, but I will cry some nights and miss having him in my life.

 

He left me on a good note, so I decided this was a good way to go out.

 

My mum agreed with me about the therapy. We talk a lot daily, and I explained to her that people who have observed me for quiet some time, have noticed some worrying habits and patterns I have demonstrated.

 

She just sees that I am a happy person in general, and have come a long way; I seem to live a pretty happy life these days ( I am around friends a lot, studying towards the degree I truly love, and am starting to work part time).

 

She sees me as on the right track, and she is right; I just need help to ensure I stay on this path. I need to ensure I do not drive the next man who falls for me away.

 

I was not trying to paint a rosy picture; just emphasising that this was a REAL relationship, rather than the half baked ones where one party is not that invested. We were everything to each other. It was not what a lot of people think it is.

 

Tara, your the only one that understands my stance on Monogamy. We can both see that a man can be deeply in love and see hookers. Unfortunately, people on here tend to misconstrue that as Andrew being some jerk who just living with me so I would wash up after him and use me for sex. I wish such people would but out of my threads, and leave it for people offering real support. People who realise that Andrew was and still is crazy about me.

 

..............................

 

 

He always alluded to still loving me the same way and not wanting to let go entirely; that he wanted to have a chance to be together in every way again.

 

Walking away from a guy who leaves things open like that is easy.

 

 

If it were not for loveshack, however, I am sure that I would be one of those women who held on to a guy who still loved her, yet could not be with her for one reason or another.

 

I am actually feeling very empowered that I have made the best decision.

 

I am HAPPY that I Have a lot to look forward to in life, and I would never let this failed relationship ruin it for me.

[Leigh 87]

I had to break no contact today - I texted

 

" Please let me know when your dad has left and your at soccer practice one day soon, so I can drop off your lap top and the rest of your clothes that are left here"

 

 

 

I ALSO broke no contact yesterday ( UGH well at least I am being accountable).

 

The second I texted something (something funny and stupid) he texted back immediately. Then sent me a second text telling me to ring him.

 

Which I did. AGHHH. I really suck.

 

He hates no contact and thinks it is a shame not to talk when he still loves me the same as always.

 

Later I had dinner with a friend and stayed over at her place. A good friend, who has a long term partner and her own fair share of issues.

 

I was having a really nice time, when I had a few glasses of wine. I became very upset.

 

I ended up crying some of the night.

 

It really clicked that I do FAR BETTER when we have no contact.

 

Yes it is nice to know he still takes an interest in me and does not want to move on from me yet, but the thing is: I will only be tortured if we continue to talk when we are not in a committed relationship.

 

.....................................

 

So I am back to DAY ONE of no contact. I will not be responding when he replies to my latest text regarding when I can deliver the last of his things.

 

He truly hates no contact more than I do to be honest. I don't cry or feel like crap when we are not talking.

 

He does not THINK about the implications of contacting me!

 

He WILL NOT move on unless he stops talking to me entirely! He still has too strong a feelings for me to talk to ME, and be able to find someone else.

 

He will realise one day that NC was the best thing for him too!

 

He just hates thinking about the facts and the break up, and would have preferred to just hang out with me and have my heart on hold for him, and to have me there for him to hug and be close to him like always.

 

Some men are just not deep thinkers. They have no foresight or even the WILL to want to do what is best for the long run; they just tend to do what feels best FOR THEM at he time.

 

Rant over.

 

My TRUE aim is to move on and have casual fun with a guy on my tour. I would like to find a guy who is into me, who I can hang with and fool around with (although no sex, as I save that for relationships)

 

I will not be ready to move onto another relationship for a while, as I want to stay single until I come across someone truly special again.

 

Casual dating is what I need from now on.... To seek out men who are into me and think highly of me and respect me, without wanting to have a rebound relationship though.

 

There may not be any guys on my tour who are into me, which is fine lol. I can't lie though, I really do think some casual appreciation from a guy would do me wonders. To help me move on from Andrew.

[mtnbiker3000]

You seem like a really nice person!! But I believe you are headed for a major header into the concrete. Your posts seem like you are looking at this like some sort of delusional fairytale that only you can see. I wish you luck, but I feel like you need to go NC and stay away from this for a while (months) to gain some real clarity of this situation. I'm still pretty F'd up myself, but I know there is no fairytale happening in my life. Just the cold, hard facts that I am trying to deal with. Ain't reality a bitch??

[Leigh 87]

I am stopping by tonight to bring his stuff back - as I am seeing a movie with a friend around the corner from where he lives, and also have to take library books back near there too. I have to kill several bird with one stone, as I am on a student allowance with infrequent work, and therefore cannot afford to just drive 30 mins out of my way more than I have to.

 

He texted back " dad is gone already"

 

" are you ok"

 

" I got a job yay"

 

He also said hello on facebook.

 

When I drop his things around, I am going to explain that he is to not contact me again, unless he realises that he is madly in love with me and desperately wants to give things another go.

 

No texting or facebooking.

 

The only contact I am agreeing to is: when I go overseas, he wants to se my pics. As it means a lot to him, me going overseas and living my life.

 

And no there will not be pictures of him on facebook with another girl - he is rarely on facebook and only goes on to chat to people on chat. He NEVER puts new pics of him up with girls. And he is in no position to get a new gf yet anyway.

 

After my trip I will block him on facebook, after he has seen my pics.

 

He took 6 months to find someone new after his ex, and they were only together 3 months. And he loves me far more than he did her.

 

 

 

And he would be beyond hurt if I deprived him of my travel pics.

[aisuru]

Can I give you tough love ala Tara?

 

You're not ready for No Contact. It feels like you want to use it as a technique to gain power or control over him to make him want you more.

 

Then all those details Tara basically told you nobody wants to know, won't matter when you're talking about no contact. You will want to truly get over him. Right now this is a game for you.

 

You're not ready.

 

When you're ready, you'll know.

[Leigh 87]

I guess I will block him on facebook then when I am ready for NC.

 

I am honestly considering it before my trip now.

 

Until then I am adamant that I do not WANT to communicate with Andrew in any way, shape or form, UNLESS he realises that he is madly in love with me and wants me back desperately.

 

He just VERY badly wanted me to at least keep him there, so he could see my trip.

 

I do want to get over him. Unless he realises that he is madly in love with me and wants me back, I actually DO NOT want to hold onto him.

 

I WANT to know if something bad ever happens to him though! His family and friends do NOT have my number or have me on facebook.

Honestly, I only have ONE of his friends on fb. Without him, I WOULD NOT even be informed if Andrew were to die even.

I guess I will give his friend my ph number instead, and get him to notify me if anything happened to Andrew.

This friend I am talking about had already told me that he totally understands my situation and will gladly inform me if Andrew is in any trouble.

 

I will be ready for NC after my trip then.

 

Although I am debating as to whether I should just delete his facebook and deprive him of my overseas pics lol. Seriously.

[aisuru]

I guess I will block him on facebook then when I am ready for NC.

 

I am honestly considering it before my trip now.

 

Until then I am adamant that I do not WANT to communicate with Andrew in any way, shape or form, UNLESS he realises that he is madly in love with me and wants me back desperately.

 

He just VERY badly wanted me to at least keep him there, so he could see my trip.

 

I do want to get over him. Unless he realises that he is madly in love with me and wants me back, I actually DO NOT want to hold onto him.

 

I WANT to know if something bad ever happens to him though! His family and friends do NOT have my number or have me on facebook.

Honestly, I only have ONE of his friends on fb. Without him, I WOULD NOT even be informed if Andrew were to die even.

I guess I will give his friend my ph number instead, and get him to notify me if anything happened to Andrew.

This friend I am talking about had already told me that he totally understands my situation and will gladly inform me if Andrew is in any trouble.

 

I will be ready for NC after my trip then.

 

Although I am debating as to whether I should just delete his facebook and deprive him of my overseas pics lol. Seriously.

 

No contact means neither of you contacts the other when you die. Just sayin'

[Leigh 87]

yeah your right though. F8ck depriving him of my overseas picks.

 

I do not want to wait until we die to talk again though lol.

 

And I WILL Be sticking to no contact. And I was generally a great girlfriend. I didn't cheat, I was always there for him and probably did too much for him, I looked after him after his mother bloody died.

 

Really, I was a very sweet and nice girlfriend to him. I have mental issues, which is why he left me...but we were good most of the time.

 

I want to go full no contact until we both move on and find new loving partners, and are totally comfortable with being around each other and our new partners.

 

This will take a very long time, and I am sure HE will be the one to break no contact. Not me.

 

I grasp the reality. He does not - he just thinks " well, I am still in love with her and want her in my life too badly, but she is messed up and cannot be in a R with her... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm TEXT"

 

He will eventually get it though.

 

I will have to be extremely clear tonight when I dump his stuff off. NO contact to me, not for a few years, this IS goodbye for real.

 

I will not respond to him unless he wants me back and begs me to try again.

 

He knows where I live so..... And he has my number in his phone.

 

I mean, I do not know WHAT I will do if he asks to meet me after my trip.

 

I will cross that bridge if and WHEN it comes.

[Leigh 87]

The only way I can see myself breaking NC is if anything terrible happens, in which case I may need him for support. Like if my parents die or something.

 

Or if I have a bit too much to drink. I learnt last nigh to NOT drink until I am well and truly getting over him.

 

So. If I am not drunk and if I have not lost either of my parents or found out that I have a serious disease, then I will be sticking to no contact.

 

Honest to GOD here - HE is the one who is more likely to break it than I am.

[PogoStick]

If you erase his phone number, email, facebook, and everything else...then you can't contact him no matter how drunk you become. If you're serious about getting over him then you will lose all contact information.

 

When I erased my ex from FB, it even included our mutual friends. If they were connected to her, they got the axe.

[OzHeartache]

 

When I erased my ex from FB, it even included our mutual friends. If they were connected to her, they got the axe.

 

Ditto....I emailed them and explained first and got some really nice replies that they were sorry it didn't work out, Actually made me feel a little better (ego perhaps??)

[TaraMaiden]

Leigh, I take it you have gone complete, total across-the-board No Contact as of today?

 

If not, please don't waste our time with more failed 'Mills & Boon' drama-chapters....

 

Honey - you know what they say Drama means, don't you?

 

Damn

Retards

After

More

Attention.

 

Now, I don't like the term 'retards' because it's actually beyond disrespectful... I'm trying to think of another word which may be...."kinder".... but basically, you're creating/playing into a drama, that, rather than make us want to run to you and hug you, is actually making us want to rip our hair out in frustration and irritation.

 

Fer Krissakes, Leigh - ! Just go Phukking total NC and be done with it!!!

[MidwestUSA]

Tara,

 

You are pissing in the wind and getting wet.

 

The only way for this drama to end...

 

When her idiot co-dependent Ex gets a new GF, gets so sick of Leigh that he has no choice but to file a restraining order that she violates several times and ends up in jail.

 

But she doesn't need therapy... According to her or her mother. LOL!

 

Problem is, we are stuck in a front row seat being forced to watch this unfold over a series of YEARS unless LS has a block feature.

We're not stuck, and I believe there's an ignore feature.

[TaraMaiden]

I do believe the thread title needs revision, though....

 

Start of NC

I did have a title in mind but I ran out of space.

 

It did however, contain the terms 'eventually', 'drama', 'Andrew', 'therapy' and 'future'...

 

Come on Leigh - get a grip girl - less 'talk' more 'do'!

[PogoStick]

 

Damn

Retards

After

More

Attention.

 

Is that a Busey-ism?

[TaraMaiden]

Do I LOOK Like a Busey??

 

[TaraMaiden]

Found an 'R' word!!

 

:laugh:

 

Damn

Rabunchy

After

More

Attention.

[BC1980]

I'm not trying to be rude but trying to be helpful. You have said more than once that he will break NC before you, but haven't you already broken it twice?

 

Look, I know how hard NC is. I mean, we've all been there. Staring at your cell phone and constantly checking it to see if the ex has texted or called. And yes, it does make you feel pretty pathetic. Just keep remembering how badly you feel when you talk to your ex. It's just rubbing salt into old wounds because you are reminded that their life is going on without you, and they sure don't seem to give a d*mn. Don't put yourself through it.

[Leigh 87]

Cal toe - your a moron.

 

I am moving on just fine thanks. I DO have a lot to look forward to in life and I am very happy without having to have Andrew as a partner.

 

I am sure that I will find the right guy later on.

 

And he is not just co dependant. He genuinely loves me and left because I have personal issues.

 

 

I have deleted his facebook., phone, etc. He knows what he deal is.

 

He is highly offended and upset about the facebook block though. '

 

He seems to want to get back together after I sort myself out.

 

I am not an idiot. I do realise that I DO NOT want to wait around for him to come back to me. I WILL move on in the meanwhile.

[Leigh 87]

I have implemented no contact. Including a facebook block. I cannot be bothered BLOCKING his number, what if his father dies? He does have skin cancer, his dad... I AM going to support him if a close family member of his dies! SHeesh.

 

In any case: I will not reply to his texts and I have been ignoring them so far. No contact from me.

 

He has gotten the message.

 

He was VERY upset and offended about the facebook block. I mean really, he DOES realise that seeing pictures of me partying overseas WOULD have upset him? He tends to cling to what feels good for the MOMENT, rather than THINKING about the consequences of being "comfortable" ( aka, potentially upsetting pics on facebook for him, and maybe me one day)

 

Last time we saw each other he still talks as though he has not let go of me, and wants me back when I Have been to therapy and blablabla.

 

Whenever I mentioned forever (aka, it will be weird never having sex ever again, or cuddling in bed every again) he was like STOP NO it is NOT forever wa wa waaa boo hoo.

 

I cannot say what I will do in a few months. By then I SHOULD be more or less over him. I don't cry or feel depressed now, 3 weeks post break up.

 

The thing about NC is: by the time he would want me back, I would have moved on anyway. Hence why NC is not for getting your ex back.

 

On the rare occasions the ex comes back begging for another chance with you, you would be OVER it already.

 

I feel sorry for the people on here I read about who are still crying over their ex months and months and even a year or more AFTER the break up. I really do feel for people like that.

 

I cannot see how people can still cry and be depressive and dark about their ex, if they are genuinely living their life to the fullest, and have their friends, career and studies in order, and are physically git and healthy.

 

People need to realise that they are not alone; at least in my case, my ex is hurting a LOT too. It is very hard for both of us.

 

I do not have it as bad as most people anyways... I mean, my ex did not screw me over, leave me for someone else, or fall out of love with me.

 

Yes I Have read his journal and yes I am 100% sure he left because I have issues I need to address.

 

Trust issues is probably one of them.

[Leigh 87]

Why was he so upset about the facebook block, and the whole NC thing?

 

What the hell dis he expect? He wanted to hang out once or twice a week. He wanted to hold my hand and put his arm around me and feel happy with me AFTER the break up. He WANTED to see my holiday snaps on facebook.

 

To me, it is as simple as: If you do not desperately want to be with me in the near future, then cutting all ties with you is the fastest way for BOTH of us to move on with our lives, and start having fun with other people, and eventually find another long term R.

 

Unlike what camel toe says: I have a feeling that I am the one who will find love again before him. I could be wrong though.

Either way though, NC will prevent me finding out on facebook once he moves on to another love.

By the time I see him with his new girl in the future, walking together, I should either have my own new love, and only feel a slight sting (at he prospect of him falling in love with another women).

 

I DO THINK it will take Andrew to fall in love again, in order to move on from me.

He is very much like that; with his last ex, he was still into her and would have had her back, until he met me, and he only shut off his feelings totally once he fell for me.

It takes some men to invest their feelings into another women, to let go of the old one.

I am 99% sure Andrew is like that. If I saw him in the street months later, and he has not fallen for another girl, I have a hunch that he would probably start realising that he feels the same way about me and perhaps try for another go with me.

 

It will be interesting to see if he ever breaks the NC. As I said earlier though: once I follow NC for long enough and I am genuinely moving on with my life, I will stop actually caring if he will break NC or not.

[aisuru]

Now it's a race for who can find a new boyfriend/girlfriend first?

 

Healthy.

 

I wish you would take a step back and really hear yourself as an outside observer.