I'm afraid that if I tell him how strong my feelings are, I'll lose what I have now.

[heatherc]

I need a mans opinion!!!!!!

 

I've know this guy for 15 years now. We dated a few years back and had some problems and broke up. We still remain friends and we've both gone our separate ways with dating, but whenever we are together we are extremely close. He's not very open when he's sober, but get him a few drinks and he tells all!!! He tells me how special I am to him and will always be there for me, and he loves hanging out. We have gone on a couple of weekend trips and have a great time but never got back to the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. We go out here and there and usually alway wind up hooking up. A friend of his said to me that he can tell he has feelings for me.

 

I really want him back, and not sure what to do about it. I'm afraid that if I tell him how strong my feelings are for him what we have now will be ruined, but I wont know unless I try right?? He does tell me that I was the best girlfriend he ever had but that I had crushed him by dating someone he knew. I didn't think at that time he cared for me, but now I know he did!! I really believe that he is the one for me and that I'm in love with him. How should I go about telling him without screwing everything up?????

[Moose]

I say sure, go for it. One thing that has my radar chirping is his drinking. How often and how much does he drink. Do you think he has it under control? I don't know him personally that's why I'm asking. You won't mess everything up if you ask him what his feelings are towards you. Ask him where he would like to see this relationship move to.

[heatherc]

Thanx Moose. Rejection is the hardest thing for me right now. The drinking, well he does drink often on the weekends, and he even says that he thinks he drinks because its easier for him to open up. We do cuddle a lot, and he tells me that im beautiful. He has asked me though why I dont have a boyfriend, and that guys are probably intimidated by me, so thats why I wonder why he hasnt made any kind of move forward with me yet. Relationships are too tough!!!!

[Wellnowuknow]

You have to wait for him to have a couple of drinks so that he can tell you your special? ...

 

Beer goggles?

 

If it takes him getting drunk to tell you your special...c'mon he only wants one thing and thats why he hasn't committed his friend said he THINKS he has feelings for you..

Get over it.NEXT!

[Moose]

Then he probably thinks that you're way out of his league too!!! I say go for it! He's probably afraid to make the first move out of fear that you'll reject him.......go for it girl friend!!

[She's Come Undone]

Wow!

 

This will be such a wonderful relationship, so long as you can keep him liquored up!

 

And I mean how hard can that be, right?

[Moose]

Originally posted by Wellnowuknow

You have to wait for him to have a couple of drinks so that he can tell you your special? ...

 

Beer goggles?

 

If it takes him getting drunk to tell you your special...c'mon he only wants one thing and thats why he hasn't committed his friend said he THINKS he has feelings for you..

Get over it.NEXT!

 

For some guys it's hard to let feeling out.....give me a break will ya? You don't just get over it and say next just like that.......

[heatherc]

I understand what beer goggles is saying. Its not only when he drinks he says that, and its not a sex thing. Knowing him for 15 years I know that. Besides its very hard to explain the whole story in a couple of paragraphs!!

[Fayebelle]

It's not as though they have a history of him getting drunk, saying "you're so fly", and her jumping into bed w/him.

 

How often have we told people that alcohol alone won't make someone cheat, say mean things, etc.. unless the person already had a tendency to do so and the alcohol gives them "courage" to proceed? So why can't it be applied in the reverse- maybe he says he cares at that time b/c he needs the "courage" to voice his feelings.

 

My BF is sweet and wonderful all the time- but when he drinks- everyone in a 50 mile radius gets to hear how fabulous I am- he's like a parent w/their 1st child- he can't stop cooing and exclaiming on the perfection (kinda gross analagy but you get the point )

 

Well this guy may be too shy to say sober what he admits drunk.

 

Go for it- and if you get him- be prepared- he may start crowing even nicer things after he has you- drunk or sober

 

Good Luck!

[heatherc]

Thanx everyone, good or not so good advice I guess it really doesnt matter right. I did leave him a card with a letter at his house, I'll let u all know what happens.

[Lonestar]

Oh cut it out, people. Alcohol is liquid confidence. We all know that! My X is not a man of many words, but he is very emotional inside and he doesn't feel safe sharing his feelings all the time. A few drinks helps him relax. It friggin helps me relax at times too, so please let's not categorize everyone as a problem drinker.

 

I didn't know how to tell my X either about the feelings I was beginning to have for him again, so I made him a CD of songs that made me think of him. Some were a little bold, because they really told how I felt, but the easy thing about it was that "I" was not saying these things, and I could always tell him that he misinterpreted the song, or not to take every word so literally. Play the game, spell it out, but be vague. Understand?

[heatherc]

OK Moose and Faye,

 

Thanks for all your advice. Sent my friend the card with a letter spilling the beans, and well havent heard a word back yet. I know he is very closed in and doesnt show feelings very well, but I figured I opened that door for him. I explained how no matter what he thought good or bad he knows he could let me know because I didnt want to ruin what we had already. I know he's had it very rough, (thats a whole other show) and I'm one of the few that knows his past growing up and all, so any opinions on the silent treatment. I figured he's either scared, confused, or waiting to get his "Beer Goggles" on haha What do ya think??

[Moose]

Give him some time. How long to you think he's had the card? You could surprise him and go see him. Then bring up the card, but I don't know if that'll go over too well....may be too soon.

[Fayebelle]

Men in general are procrastinators (don't jump me Moose you know it's true) Plus- it may have shocked him since you've never let on that you were interested before.

 

Be prepared though -If he doesn't share your feelings he may not mention it- this will spare your current relationship any dents. Try not to let this hurt your feelings as it obviously proves he appreciates your friendship.

[heatherc]

Well I left it at his house on Monday so he should have gotten it Monday night, I did call him and tell him I left something for him and I didnt want him to think any less of me when he got it. He called me back and asked if it was something bad (didnt want aunt and uncle to see it if it was haha) and I told him no it wasnt. Thats why I'm so confused. It's obvious to the both of us when we are together that there is an emotional and physical attraction, but he told me Saturday night that when we were together a few years ago that I had crushed him by dating his friend and said we both needed to shut up about that because he didnt want to talk about it anymore. I don't know, maybe he thinks the same thing will happen again. Oh and u guys are sweet, thanx for taking the time to write!!!

[Moose]

No problem, that's what we're here for!! Like I said, give him a little time and see how it goes...

 

Good Luck!!