Stressed-out Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I've been in a LDR for a few months and it's been awesome. We talk on the phone everyday and we've met once as well. We've been missing each other a lot since we met...and it's beginning to be really hard not being physically together. Since the last few days, I've been getting really strange feelings. I keep thinking of the worst of situations. I'll be moving in with him some time next year, and all these negative feelings I'm having aren't helping the process much. I wouldn't say it's something really serious, but I'm just worried at why I've been so gloomy lately. Even he's noticed it and has been asking me. All these weird questions pop up in my head about how it would be when we're living together. What if he's lied about things, what if things don't end up being the way we've imagined, how would his family be towards me, etc.? I know I have trust issues because of past relationships, and I need to learn to deal with it on my own. But I'm so freaked out and scared. I hate being like this. I know I'm hurting him as well cuz he keeps asking me what's wrong and I have no answer for him. I don't want him to get hurt cuz of my dumb fears. People have told me that LDR are very hard, and I've automatically started assuming the worst. I keep thinking what if things change between us over the next few months. I feel like I've built a wall around my emotions so I don't get hurt in case that happens. Last few days I've felt like I've been lying to him whenever I say "I love you too". I know I love him dearly and I can't even imagine not being with him. So why is that I feel like something's died inside me? Please tell me it's a temporary thing and it'll be ok 'cuz I can't imagine a life without him. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 You are having a long distance relationship with someone you've met only ONCE & have decided to live with him? I don't think that is very wise. Your fears are justified. Pay attention to them. The answers you are seeking are a discovery that you go through when you're seeing someone on a regular basis. You don't move in with someone & then find the answers to these questions. Please tell me it's a temporary thing and it'll be ok 'cuz I can't imagine a life without him. Nope, sorry can't tell you that. What you need to do is somehow see each other way more often. Get to know his family & his friends. You say that YOU'LL be moving in with him. Does this mean that YOU are actually doing the moving? Leaving your job or school behind and leaving your friends & family behind? To live with a man that you've only met once? Maybe I'm a hopeless UNromantic, but I don't care how many times you email each other or talk on the phone. You can't really know someone until you've spent some real face-to-face time with them. There are so many things you can't find out about a person through emails & telephone conversations. His relationship with his family and friends, the way he behaves in social situations, his personal habits, etc..... A picture is worth a thousand words & really all you two have had so far is words. what if things don't end up being the way we've imagined, Things very rarely end up being what we've imagined. Link to post Share on other sites
Wellnowuknow Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 It's not normal..you think only meeting him once your going to get along moving in together... When you move into together it's going to be getting to know each other all over again. There will be fights so wear a helmet! Link to post Share on other sites
Stressed-out Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 bluechocolate, Thanks for taking out the time to reply. I forgot to mention, we live in two different countries. We're 10,000+ km apart, so seeing each other more often is pretty hard. He came to see me and we spent about 10 days together. We've known each other for about 3 years, but it's true, we can't know each other a 100% until we live together. I don't know if this was enough time or not, but in the 10 days we were together, I did learn a lot about the way he is...and it wasn't much different than what he's told me. If anything, we only got closer in the time we spent together. I got to see the way he behaves in social situations (ie. dealing with people around him), his personal habits (good and bad), etc. I didn't find this LDR so difficult before meeting him though. Now I just feel like we need to spend more time together. I really miss him a lot. And I keep fearing to lose him if we stay like this. About me doing the move has sort of been my own decision. He said he's willing to move here himself, but I personally wouldn't mind moving, even if it's for a year or so. We could alway move back here. That is, IF things work out the way we'd planned. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I agree with Blue, and nowuknow.... You've been in this relationship with this person for a few months and have only met one time.... of course you feel uncertain, you don't really know this person. I would advice you to take a huge step back, and really get to know them BEFORE you make any decision(s) as big as moving in together. Link to post Share on other sites
Stressed-out Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Wellnowuknow and Merin2, Thanks for your replies. Please see my post above for some more explanation. The reason why I'm so stressed out about this is because up until now, I've been very certain of this relationship. Even now, I know in my heart that this is right for me. I just don't know why I've been so gloomy though. Link to post Share on other sites
sk0r3 Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 Even now, I know in my heart that this is right for me. I just don't know why I've been so gloomy though maybe because in your Head you know it won't work out. ? I'm having similar feelings that you are (over at this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t48556/ ) and i can relate to your 'gloom' and i TOO feel as though that i'm not being completely honest when i say "i love you too" ...in fact i dont remember initiating the "i love you" in such a long time. that cant be a good sign. And i think she's starting to notice too.. we're supposed to have a 'talk' as soon as our schedules permit. I don't have any answers for you because i'm looking for answers myself. Can't imagine being w/ anybody else. but lately, my brain's been feeding me these "we're not right for each other" messages that just won't seem to go away. I'm really hoping it's a phase. But your case might be a little different. You have to spend more time together. Gradually. I think moving in like that is nuts. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Majik45 Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 Hey stressed, I think you need to just take it a day at a time. I'm in a similar situation right now, been talking to this awesome girl for a couple months now over the computer and phone, and we've been together twice now (our 2nd date was over the weekend). It was awesome, and I can't tell you how excited I am about her, and yet the doubts are there for me too. Our schedules don't work out right now to see each other very often, and I just wish she lived closer so we could spend time together. The kicker is she might be moving over to China for a year sometime in the next 9-12 months which really worries me. You're not alone in thinking that things won't work out, I'm in the same boat right now, but I've decided that I'm just going to take it a day at a time and see where it goes. You really just need to look into your heart and see if you think it feels right, and if it does, then you'll know what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
pinkbreeze Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 hey there. i am in a somewhat similar situation. unlike u though i havent known my guy for that long. this is just my two cents, but i think since uve managed to maintain this relationship for 3 years its definately worthwhile. whether it be friendship or otherwise, obviously u guys have some sort of connection for it to last so long. i agree that the moving in thing sounds a bit drastic. only because, if things dont work out...which i sincerly hope they do, u could be screwed not having ne resources besides him to depend on. your fears are justified. the trust issues i struggle with myself. i think thats whats really stopping u. i think ur just so close to getting what uve been wanting that it almost seems unreal. also, it could b the fact that ur parents dont approve that makes u so apprehensive. i tend to let others opinions affect how i really feel about a person sometimes, dont know if thats the case with u. neway, i say give urself some time to really think about whats bothering u and then go from there. dont make ne decisions until ur sure about what u really want. take care Link to post Share on other sites
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