jackstanton Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I have been dating a girl for three months and I am worried that I have to break up with her because of a lack of trust. Before we started dating she had been involved with two men, but we got serious about each other very quickly and decided to be exclusive. One-week into our relationship she met up with one of these two men to break it off and she was drunk and supposedly he kissed her. She claimed this was prompted by him and would not have happened if we had been a little slower to formalize our relationship. It took some work but I was able to eventually get by this early break in trust. We really love each other However since then we have had a series of issues. She told me early on that she didnt believe in the value of fidelity as central to a relationship, but because she understood it was crucial to me and that she loved me she was willing to adopt it. This obviously made me worry, but I do believe she was genuine in her love for me. Two weeks ago I picked up her phone and flipped through her text messages with a man I was suspicious of and I found an exchange I thought was inappropriate. We had an argument where she rightly got very upset at me for violating her privacy. And I conceded that perhaps I overreacted. However, recently she told me that she has residual feelings for her ex-boyfriend. But she tells me I am the one she wants to be with. She tells me she loves me. She tells me the feelings are irrational. She says that the problem is that I am controlling and overbearing and that if I believed her I wouldnt worry. As you can imagine though all this has made me worry even more though and I am finding it hard to trust her. My question is, should I break off the relationship or stick it out and try to learn to trust that she does in fact want to be with me? Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Joy Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I personally think she's just rationalizing her behavior by making you look like the psycho, when really, your concerns seem legitimate. I take words with a grain of salt. If her actions aren't following what she's telling you, then I would not even give her the satisfaction of being understanding and accepting of her behavior. Red flags: -not believing that fidelity is central to the relationship (Really? Because I thought trust and respect are fundamental to that bond!) -inappropriate text convo (while you definitely were in the wrong for snooping, i mean, you wouldn't have snooped in the first place if she didn't give you reasons to) -having residual feelings for the ex. Irrational or not, you shouldn't have to put up with someone's bull of being one foot in and one foot out. If she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't be so wishy washy and suspicious in the first place. She sounds really fishy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 One-week into our relationship she met up with one of these two men to break it off and she was drunk and supposedly he kissed her. She claimed this was prompted by him and would not have happened if we had been a little slower to formalize our relationship. So she is blaming you for her being unfaithful. That's what I'm seeing here. She is an attention whore, get out while you can. Trust me I have lived through this. She won't stop talking to other guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 She told me early on that she didnt believe in the value of fidelity as central to a relationship, but [...] she was willing to adopt it. When someone tells you who they really are, believe them. This girl has no ability or desire to focus on you exclusively. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, and it will be at your expense. Get out while the gettin's good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackstanton Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 I honestly have felt like the psycho. We love each other and are compatible, but I dont know if we can resolve the trust issue. It wouldnt take much for her to prove I can trust her, but I dont feel like she is making the effort. And sometimes I feel like she believes that not cheating is proof enough, but it seems often like she is playing with fire. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Well, if she says that you're jealous and controlling; yet, she tells you that she's still harboring feeling for an Ex. Well, what does she expect?!?! What she's telling you is that she loves you; but isn't 100% dedicated to you if she still has feelings for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 So she is blaming you for her being unfaithful. That's what I'm seeing here. She is an attention whore, get out while you can. Trust me I have lived through this. She won't stop talking to other guys. Thats all you need to say to answer your question right there. Can't add more. Dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
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