Stone Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 As many of you already know about my b/f and his mental disorders. I have tried everything in my power to help him with his problems but he is so up and down all the time I feel like I will never get anywhere with him. He is Bipolor and is having a Manic Episode that has lasted for about a month. Last night I tried to admit him in to a mental institution and he acted like he was fine and didn't get admited. this morning he asked me to admit him after all the drama last night. I love him so much and hope the best for this man, but I cannot live like this anymore his disorder is controlling my life and he refuses to take control over it. I wish everything would just go back to normal like it was a couple months ago, i look at him now and I don't even know who he is. I can't sit around and wait for him to snap out of it bacause I have to worrry about my child. He is constantly blamming everyone for his problems, and he won't take control over his life. He blames the war he was in for everything but refuses to go to the VA and get help. He really want's to end his life.... I know he has a plan. The man I was once so madley in love with, the man I wanted to marry and live happily ever after with no longer exists.. I feel like he has died. and I am afraid to leave him now in fear he will wake up from his MANIA and kill himself.... I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Next time he is amenable to being admitted, drive him to the psych hospital yourself. Be sure to have a written record of his recent symptoms so the doctor can fully evaluate his condition. This kind of illness is so scary and painful to the loving onlookers, such as yourself. Treatment can improve his condition a lot. How about putting decisions on hold until after he has been getting adequate treatment for a while? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Leaving a relationship is difficult at the best of times but when your partner is this unstable it makes it especially hard as you feel you are responsible for their very life. You are not though, stoneheather. Never doubt it. If I were you I would plan carefully for how he will manage without you and get him as much help as you can. If he's been admitted now then talk to the health care professionals about what extra support may be available to him if he needs it. Ask his family for help too. There are support groups for carers of people with such illnesses, you may find them useful. Take care, stoneheather and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Oh gosh, I am sorry you are having to go through this, as if you don't already have enough on your plate! I know you have been agonizing about what to do about this situation for a while. I agree that you should probably put off making any drastic decisions until he gets some treatment. But, I'm not sure this is the guy for you. You already have a child that needs more than the usual amount of care, and you are that child's sole support. You need someone to support you, not someone that you will have to take care of too. But, I know it is hard when you care for somebody, and your son cares for him too. I wish I knew an easy answer for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 The best thing you can do is get your boyfriend to someplace where he can be helped (local hospital, psych ward...)- and keep your child safe. Do try to get him to admit himself, or do it against his will (threatening suicide will be an automatic in). He can probably be held involuntarily for 48-72 hours and maybe won't be able to keep up his "normal" act that long. Then the doctors can choose to keep him there and monitor him longer. When he gets out have another support system ready for him. Does he have any other family? Take care of yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 Yes he has other faimly, but he blames them for everything to and hates them. He went to see his doctor at 10:00 and I haven't heard from him, maby he is already in the psych ward... I wish the VA hospital would take him, the psych wards where we live are medication based rather than therapy based he's on med's already he needs extensive pshyco therapy Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Do people who want to kill themselves, because they have so many problems, but still refuse to get help, really want to kill themselves or is it just for blackmailing and making other people feel guilty by blaming them for their miserable life? Just curious, I don´t really know anybody who´s like that. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 You have obviously dealt with a lot. Being involved with someone who has a psychological disorder is usually something I have learned to stay far away from. If you are so unhappy, I suggest doing what would make you feel better, and leave the relationship. If he wants to go and kill himself because of that, that is his decision and you cannot be held liable. He is his own person, and you do not have to take care of him. Additionally, you should not be in a relationship in which you are not happy, and in which you feel threatened over leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
Pookette Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 I'm sorry stoneheather. I have personally been in a situation much like yours, and it was one of the worst things I've gone through. One of the best things I have done was to stay away from that relationship at the end. The hospital your boyfriend is in most likely offers a support group for family/friends of the patients. Maybe you should look into that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 28, 2004 Author Share Posted September 28, 2004 i know I should end it but I keep thinking about how wonderful our relationship was like before he was sick, I was the envy of all of my freinds because I had this mand who adored me... I am scared to let go Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 I am so sorry to hear about you going through this. Is he on alot of meds? Curious because I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar and I'm on Symbyax, which has helped me a lot. I agree with the other posters, that if he does decide to commit suicide, it is his choice, but tell his doc that he is talking like that. Good luck to you and God Bless. Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 bipolar is a cycling disorder, so he will be normal again, and he will be hypomanic again, but he will also become depressed and severely manic again. if you can't handle that-if you don't want to handle that-then DON'T. ultimately you need to look out for yourself and for your son. even if he treats you well when he is healthy, that may not be good enough. if things are only good when he is doing well and you can't control when he is doing well (and he refuses to try) then what is that? that's not a healthy relationship. it is not acceptable for you to be in a relationship where you are only happy about 1/3 of the time. you deserve more than that. it is going to be hard to get over him, but make sure you really think about the man he is, not the man you wish he were or the man he is some of the time. you need to remember all the good and all the bad to really heal after this. i'm sorry this is such a s*** situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 for you every day ordeal with this man. I've never been down that road, and I can't even begin to imagine. All I can say is hang in there and do what feels right in your heart. You will know exactly what you need to do. Have faith that you will get through this........I do Hang tough buddy........ Link to post Share on other sites
Toph Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Originally posted by kooky Do people who want to kill themselves, because they have so many problems, but still refuse to get help, really want to kill themselves or is it just for blackmailing and making other people feel guilty by blaming them for their miserable life? Just curious, I don´t really know anybody who´s like that. Having sought help and tried many many different meds over 4 1/2 years i no longer wanted help and tried to take my own life, after such a long time and so many 'failures' i could never see a day when i would be better, also alot of bad habitual thinking is involved. Of course each person is different and only a VERY few ppl with a mental illness try to take their own life (around 1-3% so im told) Bipolar is best treated with meds, then the bad/damaging habitual behaviour and thoughts that have built up over the time scale of the illness can be treated (i favour Cognative Behavioural Therapy ove psycho dynamic but thats just me) To the original poster My wife left me about 3 weeks after my suicide attempt, in all honesty it didnt make me want to kill myself anymore than i already felt. Also my life is my responsability not hers. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 the suicide statistics for bipolar are much worse. attempted suicide is anywhere from 25-55% and 'successful' suicide is as high as 19% scary statistics indeed the highest risk is associated with type II bipolar, then type I bipolar, then unipolar depression (then I think it's schizophrenia, but don't quote me on that) the highest risk is associated with mixed moods and depressed moods Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 29, 2004 Author Share Posted September 29, 2004 Thanks so much for everybodys support I truly don't know what I would do without you guys.... Update: his sister told me his med's we not working because of his drinking alchol... and now he must start from square one... in the mean time he can have absolutly no contact with me because he gets to emotional and he needs to be on his meds when he is thinking strait... This is extreamly painful... I am ordered to have no contact when I feel he needs me the most. Is this a usual procedure or is someone not telling me something? I just wish I could hear it from him. and I don't know if I should wait around or continue with my life... I truly love him with all of my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 It will only cause him pain to be around you. You said that you don't want to be with him, so stay strong. I know what he's goign through, and he needs to heal on his own. I know that you feel bad for him, and that it's hard for you to see him hurting, but it's selfish for you to want to stay around because YOU can't stand to see HIM hurt. Just let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 29, 2004 Author Share Posted September 29, 2004 I don't know if I want to be with him all I know is this is tearing my heart up... I want to be with him the way he was 3 months ago.... I am so hurt I think it's a pretty sh*ty thing to do for him to leave me hanging like this... I have always supported him, I just don't know why I can't now. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 I don't know if I want to be with him all I know is this is tearing my heart up... I want to be with him the way he was 3 months ago.... I am so hurt I think it's a pretty sh*ty thing to do for him to leave me hanging like this... I have always supported him, I just don't know why I can't now Hon, don't be so hard on yourself. Being with someone who is bi-polar is one thing, but being with someone like your bf is another. He drained you dry. You can't be expected to pick up the pieces. He's the only one who can heal himself, and he doesn't want to. Just because someone is bi-polar doesn't give them excuses to act how ever they want to. After all, you need support, too. You have a boy to raise, and he deserves all the support you can give him. This guy is so lost. You'd be better off finding a supportive man. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 29, 2004 Author Share Posted September 29, 2004 I am going to therapy in the AM hope it will help Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 That will help for sure, stoneheather. Of course you are worried about him and feel shut out and rejected. I'm sure he still loves you, as you do him. Your relationship was at breaking point and it was not making either of you happy. He needs to be selfish right now, he is more vulnerable than you. If you doubt his sister's word then talk to the Doctors yourself or ask the therapist if they are prepared to do it for you. I know you want to help him get well, but then what? Love is not always enough. His needs and problems tested your relationship to breaking point and as well as dealing with all of that you have the responsibiity of your son, the finances etc. It was too much, you wanted out. If he is willing and able to manage his illness in such a way that he is better able to be a supportive partner for you then there may be a future for you both. I'd avoid resuming the relationship before you know there are realistic prospects for improvement. It wouldn't do either of you any good in the long run. I'm sure you'll be able to talk to him soon and start to sort things out between you when he's a little better. For now he's in the best place. This is not over yet, you may still be able to be with him again if you wish. Now is not the time to make that choice, while you are so concerned for his welfare. Look after yourself and your son until the time comes to look to the future. Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 if you really want to help him right now, then you need to stay out of his life. stick to your decision. people with bipolar have enough instability in their lives without others adding to it. i'm not saying this to be mean, but it's really really hard even for healthy people to be unsure about a relationship. trust me, in the long run (and probably even in the short) he will do much better if you trust your decision to get out of the relationship. he will never have a healthy relationship until he wants to be healthy (and maybe not even then) and you and your son deserve so much more. so very much more. thinking of you lots Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Do tell how you're doing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 30, 2004 Author Share Posted September 30, 2004 I just had my 1st therapy session after all this and $150.00 later ( ) and I learned alot of wonderful things there. The theripist told me to start going to a support group called Co Dependant No more because I tend to find men who need mothers, and not do anything with my relationship or furute realtionship's untill Jan 1st. and not to let him back if I ever do unless he is completely recovered, knowing my door is now shut, and if he ever want's to get back in he will have to prove himself before I take him back. I will no longer be talking to his faimly anymore or leaving voice mails sending my love to him... If he want's me he can chase me... I feel very good, havent felt this way in a long time Guess it was worth the friggin $150 Big ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 I'm glad you are feeling better about your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
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