reassurance too much to ask for?

[nycgirl]

My bf of almost 3 months told me that he plays the "yes/no" game, and at the time, it didn't really bother me. That is, not until yesterday when I couldn't help but wonder to which girls he'd say "yes/no" and it drove me up the wall.

 

I told him this, and he said that all guys did this. Ok, so all guys do this. but what really pissed me off was that when I asked for reassurance, he didn't give it to me. Rather, he brought up the fact that he'd done nothing wrong by looking, that he knew plenty of men (in relationships/happily married) who did this, and that basically, he wasn't going to give into my desires for him to stop.

 

ok, so I can learn to live with this revelation, that the guy I love and who I know loves me, will do this. but I still feel like I should've received that reassurance, those few words that would communicate to me that I mattered.

 

Am I being unreasonable? too sensitive? too high maintanence, emotionally?

 

Guys, I'd be very interested in your opinion.

 

and yes, I have read about the Coolidge Effect. Doesn't make me think more highly of the male species, frankly.

[savethedrama4allama]

The "yes/no" game? I don't think that all guys do this. Mine looks at me and says "yes" and looks at others and says "no" because he made his choice and doesn't waste time considering other choices.

 

I think its lame when people say "all guys" or "all girls" do xyz. Its an overgeneralization. Decide if this is enough to make you want to find a guy who doesn't play the yes/no game, because they do exist.

[FolderWife]

I don't think your dimwit, er uh, excuse me, MAN understood what you were looking for. Your man, like my man automatically assumed that you wanted him to stop playing the game. He was being open and honest with you, and flat out told you that he's not going to stop. He could've lied to you, like my man often does, to spare your feelings, but what would you rather have, him lie, or him be honest, even though the truth hurts.

 

Play the yes/no game yourself. Even if the guy says yes to a girl that walks by, it doesn't mean that he'd actually do anything if she approached him. In fact, he'd probably pee his pants. Anyhoo, I think it's a fun game!!! If I were out with the girls, I'd like to do that game Just to see how my opinion compares to that of my friends. We can laugh at each others choices

 

So your boyfriend was honest, that he wasn't going to stop, because he enjoyed that game. He probably didn't realize however, that he does it to compare opinions of attrativness with his buddies, rather than to satisfy some sexual need. You probably didn't realize this either.

 

So your boyfriend was honest. He didn't tell you that he wouldn't do anything with these girls, though, so you're worried? He didn't tell you that it's just for fun? Do you want him to stop? Does this make you insecure for some reason? To be quite honest, I would be MAD if my husband played this game with me around. I wouldn't like to hear about it. But since I'd enjoy it, I have to accept in my head that he probably does this when he's with the guys. :roll:

 

Why did your guy tell you this? Did you ask? Was he being too honest?

 

What did you WANT your boyfriend to say? Did you want him to stop? What did you want to hear? That you're at the top of his yes list? Tell me what he should've said, so I can tell you why he didn't. I think he misunderstood your need. You asked him why he does it, and rather than think that it's bothering you, and you're feeling insecure, and that he needs to say something to make you feel better, he thought you wanted him to stop.

 

This sounds like a minor misunderstanding, but could you go into better detail about the conversation?

[Merin]

Originally posted by nycgirl

My bf of almost 3 months told me that he plays the "yes/no" game, and at the time, it didn't really bother me. That is, not until yesterday when I couldn't help but wonder to which girls he'd say "yes/no" and it drove me up the wall.

 

I told him this, and he said that all guys did this. Ok, so all guys do this. but what really pissed me off was that when I asked for reassurance, he didn't give it to me. Rather, he brought up the fact that he'd done nothing wrong by looking, that he knew plenty of men (in relationships/happily married) who did this, and that basically, he wasn't going to give into my desires for him to stop.

 

ok, so I can learn to live with this revelation, that the guy I love and who I know loves me, will do this. but I still feel like I should've received that reassurance, those few words that would communicate to me that I mattered.

 

Am I being unreasonable? too sensitive? too high maintanence, emotionally?

 

Guys, I'd be very interested in your opinion.

 

and yes, I have read about the Coolidge Effect. Doesn't make me think more highly of the male species, frankly.

 

Well, yeah I can see your point that you would like some reassurance that he would ONLY say YES IF he was single....

 

However, know this..... even IF he said YES, the possibility that the woman in question would say NO is always there