How to Cope with Jealousy?

[Tk123]

Hey there. I have been in an Long Distance Relationship with this girl for almost half a year now. Although we haven't met yet we have discussed meeting for the first time in July. I love her a lot and she says she feels the same way about me.

 

I have been having a rough time lately with how she behaves with other guys. We play a number of games on the internet where the ability to meet other people is so easy.

 

She is very playful with them in the game and it almost comes across as flirtatiousness. We often Skype call while playing the game and she'll invite these other guys to talk with us. I try to ignore it but I know deep down I'm worried. I'm scared she's going to start losing interest in me as she plays more and more with these other guys online.

 

I get very anxious when I have to leave the Skype call before she logs off and she is in there alone with those guys who are hitting on her. I've brought it up in the past and she simply tells me "Don't worry about it, they're nothing more then friends." I try to trust her, I really do but as you can imagine I get extremely nervous.

 

Just recently, I started to remember what she told me when we first started dating back in December/January. She told me that her previous boyfriend broke up with her because he felt she put out to much with other guys. I'm finally starting to realize what this other guy was talking about but I don't know what to do about it.

 

I'm really just not sure if it's jealousy or fear of losing her at this point. I don't want to F anything up especially now that it's May and I'm most likely seeing her in July. I don't want things to fall apart now especially after talking to each other every day since December, I want to meet her and that is where I need your assistance. What do I do to keep this relationship from falling apart due to my jealousy or fear? Am I just overreacting or do I have a reason to feel a little anxious about this?

 

Thank you!

[Treasa]

LDRs are hard enough. However, you haven't even met her yet, and she's inviting other people into the conversations. This sounds like a very difficult, uphill battle that doesn't have much of a payoff, if any, at the end.

 

I'd say go ahead and visit her if you think you can get hold of your emotions, but please know that it may very well bring you more heartache.

 

Maybe you can work on detaching yourself from her. Or go NC. Find someone closer who won't give you cause to feel this way.

[bob the brave]

OP what you are feeling is quite normal. We've all been there. Two things:

 

You are coming off a bit weak, needy. I know that is not what you are doing, but girls like this may interpret it this way. Just relax, have fun and don't worry about her actions. You are not engaged and she can do whatever she wants. I know that is what she is thinking.

 

Girls like this are 'fun' oreinted and for that reason can be a blast to be around, but not always the best gf material. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I think her reason for telling you about her previous bf's concern was a forewarning to you that she may play around. In her mind, warning you absolves herself of guilt if you have a problem with it later.

 

Girls like this can be a lot of fun. But they have fewer rules and don't like commitment. I would say keep a very long leash, be Mr. Cool, supportive and a good friend and more if needed, but don't get too emotionally attached at this point. See where is goes. For now, just have fun.

Edited May 14, 2013 by bob the brave