Seasons of Life

[Moose]

In our Sunday School, we have lessons for families under construction. I thought you guys would get a kick out helping me out with some of them. This one is entitled seasons of life.

 

Just as many couples do not receive adequate marriage preparation during their engagement, they also receive inadequate instruction for new seasons of life they enter. As a result, it's easy to be surprised and even overwhelmed by the unique pressures they feel.

 

Newly Married: Defining and agreeing on your new roles as "husband" and "wife"- who does what? Developing a relationship with in-laws. Learning how to get along on a daily basis. Leraning how to communicate and resolve conflicts. Adjusting to differences: values, tastes, needs, etc.

 

Direction for married life-married with preschoolers: Making major decisions concerning careers and children. Maintaining time for one another and not losing touch. Developing new roles and accepting new responsibilities as you begin raising children. Keeping the relationship fresh. Coping with growing responsibilities at work.

 

Growing marriage school-aged family: Juggling the pace of your expanding responsibilities in life. Maintaining sanity to your schedule as your children begin school, add new friends, begin activities of their own, (sports, music lessons, etc.). Handling the growing money squeeze with savings, college, retirement concerns. Adjusting to teenagers. Keeping romance alive after 10-20 years of marriage.

 

Mature married life-launching and releasing family: Mid-life crisis. Dealing with aging and ill parents. Increasing health concerns. Money pressures with children in college. Releasing children successfully into the adult world.

 

Marriage in transition-empty nest: New roles for both husband and wife after children. Refocusing on the marriage relationship. Developing a new lifestyle. Allocation resources for future needs. Changing relationship with children as they marry and begin families of their own. Defining roles as "in-laws" and even "grandparents".

 

Marriage in retirement: Dealing with health setbacks. Finding new purpose after work. Adjusting to retirement income.

 

These are the "Seasons of Life". Now, my questions are this:

 

1. What has helped you in handling the seasons of life you are in now, ( Or a season you've passed through ). What adjustments, insights, books, etd. have helped take some of the pressure off your marriage in certain seasons?

 

2. If you can, or will, share a Scripture passage you have found especially relevant and helpful when applied to a particular season of your marriage.

 

3. In what ways could you be preparing now for the next season of your married life?

 

Number 2 is optional, I know there are a lot on non-believers on this forum, but for those that do, please feel free to include Scripture.

 

I think this will open a lot of eyes to some of the pressures we endure during marriage. And how to relieve them as well. Let me know what you all think.

[Fayebelle]

#4 My BF and I aren't married yet but we are preparing and religion is a major factor in those plans. I don't know if your church has a Pre- marriage step so I guess this would go in Newlyweds category. We read the bible together, watch Dr Phil (this whole season is on Family First) and now we have a church together so we can consult w/our Priest. We also take cues from successful couples around us- Actually here on LS I have learned a lot- mostly from you and Hokey. Opposite ends of the spectrum that still make things work. Mostly it seems you have to be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to pull yourselves thru as a family while remaining true to yourself.

 

#2 Corinthians 13:4-7 and 13:13 Eph 5:22-26

 

Some woman told Dr Phil- The secret to her succsessful marriage was they never fell out of love at the same time. One of them was always working and fighting to keep the family together. - I thought that made perfect sense.

 

 

#3 is pretty much summed up by my #1 answer- but we are making it a point to examine ALL areas of marriage b/c neither of us believe in divorce. Therefore we are even discussing things and "What If's" that go on until retirement or Death. Of course you can't plan for everything and as people change so may their actions or responses to different scenarios- but this just clarifies the base level of what our morals, values, and family views are.

[Pookette]

In a nutshell, the main thing that has helped me adjust to marriage and life in general is having a great set of parents. What they've taught me has allowed me to have a good head on my shoulders, well, most of the time.

 

I suppose the next 'season' of my life would be having children. We have no children yet, but...we'll keep trying! I am already godmother to two young boys. Their mother (my best friend) is in the Nat'l Guard and is going to be deployed to Iraq by the end of the year. God forbid anything should happen to her, but she has stipulated in her will that if anything should happen, custody of her children will pass to me and my husband. The father is in jail, drinks heavily, et cetera. The paternal grandfather also drinks heavily and grandmother is working full time to support him. Maternal grandparents are bouncing back and forth between here and Alaska. My husband and I discussed this before she wrote her will that way and we both agreed that would be the best thing for the boys if anything happened. We have prepared ourselves to welcome these little guys to a certain extent - there's no real way to totally prepare for such an event though.

 

I imagine each season after that would gradually unfold. I'll take it as it comes.

 

I'm sorry I have no verses to contribute, as I rarely go to church. I have my own way of worshiping that matches my beliefs and personality. My husband is the same way, but we do have some interesting conversations about God and religion that reveal new aspects of ourselves to one another.

 

I hope my input helps you!

 

~Pookette

[quankanne]

what has helped me most in my marriage? my faith background. being raised Catholic, I learned that marriage was more than just a civil union of two people or a match made for love -- it's a very much sacrament, much like baptism and the Eucharist are sacraments.

 

So there's a bit more thinking involved whenever it gets to a point of "I just want to leave this man" or "I'm going to kill him. Really and truly kill him. Regardless of the consequences." Even though our marriage hasn't been blessed by the Church, I look at it as sacramentally valid, and try to live accordingly. That means even if it's uncomfortable for one or both of us, stuff gets dragged out and discussed until we figure out how to handle it. That means no throwing in the towel just because "it's hard." That also has meant participating in a couples' retreat offered by the Church (Marriage Encounter) and rethinking how I'd looked at my marriage up until then.

 

I'd say my mother has also been a very positive role model, especially for having put up with my dad for 50 years (personally, I'd have snuffed the guy had he been my husband, good Catholic girl or no!). You know how we hear about "dying of self" in church? That's pretty much what my mother did in her marriage: she put her marriage and husband first, even at personal cost. While I didn't agree with some of it, because my dad could be a real jackass with her, I admired her for sticking to her convictions. I think that alone has merited her entrance in to heaven ...

 

I've not really looked at my marriage as experiencing all the seasons, just honeymoon and post honeymoon (i.e., Enchanted by Him and Our Life Together, and then, Day to Day Living With Him, aka Reality Hits).

 

We've not been able to have kids, so there's no early child-teen child-empty nest syndrome, just dealing with death of parents and health issues. And we've remained pretty much consistent on that, but put that down to the Marriage Encounter weekend, where we learned to focus on what makes us tick as a couple and how to apply that to the rest of our marriage!

 

can't think of any particular Gospel passages just now, but recently I read a book about Mother Teresa, the nun who spent most of her life serving the poor in India. Several comments stick out: Do small things with great love. Be somebody to somebody. I think those remind us to look beyond ourselves to love and serve others to the point where even the smallest action has great impact. And what better place to start than in your own home, with the person you've pledged to spend your life with?

[Fayebelle]

My BFs parents have also been spectacular role models- we often say "I want us to be like them" when we leave their house. My grandparents just celebrated their 48th wedding anniversery- also good role models.

 

You see the ups and downs and realize it's OK to disagree- it's not the end of the world- but w/out each other- it wouldn't be much of a world.