DelusionalOne Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I just miss him. I know we can't ever be friends... Trust me, I know that and I am positive I don't want to be his friend. But it doesn't make me miss him any less. I miss the person I thought he was... And he was my friend much longer than my EAP. There is just so much going on in my life with work, home, family... And he was very supportive and my cheerleader. I miss that...every day. Will that ever go away??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bellasue Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I wonder the same thing. You and I are in similar situations......me and xAP were best friends for years before anything happened. I miss the casual conversation over a beer, hanging out doing activities, everything that was good about our relationship. In my case, I doubt I will ever get over the loss of my friend. I keep expecting to see him show up at my door or his name on my caller ID. I've even made excuses as for why he hasn't (he's on vacation and since he had to delete everything, he wouldn't know my number--it was programmed in the phone for so many years he wouldn't know it by heart) And I hate that I'm even thinking these things! Like you, I know it would be nearly impossible for us to regain our "friend status." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Do yourself a favor, and if you are going to miss him, miss the real him. I have much more problems getting over the anger. It comes and goes, but it comes back. For the missing part, my attitude is that if he chose to not have me in his life, I will not reciprocate with more interest/ feelings/ regrets. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
tryingto Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I miss ex-MM too. For three years he was the person I shared everything with. I definitely missed that terribly at first but it is lessening over time. I have found that establishing new routines has helped me miss him less. Because we were long distance, we used to text all day and talked for at least an hour every evening. At first, evenings were the worst and they only started getting better when I changed things up! Now I have developed new routines. I spend time during the day refocusing on work and not being distracted by our communications. I spend most evenings going to the gym or spending time with friends or hiking in the woods behind my house. It has helped tremendously. Maybe that is something you can do if you haven't already? Overall, time is what has worked best for me. Moving forward. Having new experiences that aren't shared with him and are shared with others instead. I had felt towards the end that I was on the sidelines of his life and now he is also on the periphery of mine as I'm slowly moving him out. I look forward to when I no longer miss him and you will get there too!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I just miss him. I know we can't ever be friends... Trust me, I know that and I am positive I don't want to be his friend. But it doesn't make me miss him any less. I miss the person I thought he was... And he was my friend much longer than my EAP. There is just so much going on in my life with work, home, family... And he was very supportive and my cheerleader. I miss that...every day. Will that ever go away??? Hard to let go of that fantasy of who you thought he was.. You rely on other people for your support. It will go away over time. Space and NC, it'll just get less and less as you move on and your heart heals. You won't want to think and remember him one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Do yourself a favor, and if you are going to miss him, miss the real him. I have much more problems getting over the anger. It comes and goes, but it comes back. For the missing part, my attitude is that if he chose to not have me in his life, I will not reciprocate with more interest/ feelings/ regrets. Well, then you are a much stronger person than I am...although I do wrestle with the anger as well. Unfortunately, I have the ability to multi-task being pissed at him and missing him at the same time. Hard to let go of that fantasy of who you thought he was.. You rely on other people for your support. It will go away over time. Space and NC, it'll just get less and less as you move on and your heart heals. You won't want to think and remember him one day. Yep. Hmmmm. If there were other people in my life I could count on for support, I probably wouldn't have found myself in an EA....Just sayin. NC...3.5months down....life to go. I look forward to when I no longer miss him and you will get there too!! Amen. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Over three years later and I still miss my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I just miss him. I know we can't ever be friends... Trust me, I know that and I am positive I don't want to be his friend. But it doesn't make me miss him any less. I miss the person I thought he was... And he was my friend much longer than my EAP. There is just so much going on in my life with work, home, family... And he was very supportive and my cheerleader. I miss that...every day. Will that ever go away??? In short, yes. You didn't get attached to him overnight, you don't detach overnight either. It gradually fades. Unfortunately, the attachment process is easier than the detachment process which is often painful and feels like terrible withdrawal. But no, you will not go through all of the rest of your life missing him. You will move on and love again, as most people do, and as I'm sure you did with prior relationships. I missed my AP as a friend, but it wasn't a debilitating pain. Eventually we did become friends again, some years after the A and after he had ended that relationship and we'd both had enough time and space to heal. But if we had never become friends, I would have been fine. (((hugs))) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
who_am_i Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) NC...3.5months down....life to go. You can't let yourself look at it this way...it will eat you alive. I am at just 3 months (tomorrow actually) and as much as I miss him I just have to keep reminding myself that the man I spent time with doesn't really exist. Ever see the movie Multiplicity? He was like "Doug #3"...the sensitive, well mannered, well dressed version of the real "Doug". Edited May 14, 2013 by who_am_i 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 You can't let yourself look at it this way...it will eat you alive. I am at just 3 months (tomorrow actually) and as much as I miss him I just have to keep reminding myself that the man I spent time with doesn't really exist. Ever see the movie Multiplicity? He was like "Doug #3"...the sensitive, well mannered, well dressed version of the real "Doug". I understand what you are saying... I just meant in the respect that I have no intention of ever breaking NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I understand what you are saying... I just meant in the respect that I have no intention of ever breaking NC. TRUST ME Delusional....It does and will get easier! You need to get to the "Land of Indifference", such a nice place to be! I was attached for 7 years.....and now.....nothing. I find him to be quite sad honestly! Hang in There..... Hugs, Lost.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NPP10 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 As much as I do miss my XMM, I think about the bright side. I'm not wondering when or if he'll call, I'm not wondering when he'll fit me in his schedule, where he is able to go, how much time he is able to spend with me, etc. Thinking of these aspects helps me get over him pretty quickly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Will that ever go away??? No ____________ Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I was missing my xMM this morning too. Read an article I really wanted to share with him, then remembered that we don't do that anymore. Hope you're having a less wistful day today DO Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 If a person has an addictive personality the grieving can last for a very long time. If a person is an idealist the grieving can last a long time. If the break up was due to external causes the grief can last a long time. Check Check Check Well, doesn't this just suck for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 At least you know. This was not a typical break up. These type of break ups hurt much more. Pierre... I think that's the most sensitive thing you've said to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 And Pierre is right on all three counts. It sucks and it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
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