How to deal with being inherently unattractive physically?

[tbf]

I don't even remember showing you what I look like.. How would you remember? Never mind, your honest opinion will not re-wire my brain to think as you do, I wish I could, believe me. Sending strangers unrepresentative cherry-picked photos is only lying to one's self. It can even be disputed that the face you'd seen was even attractive.

 

Mark my words.. I'll probably hit on a lass from love shack some day. I won't know that they've posted on here, of course.. Same for them. Sure, I'll see them, think they're cute.. I'll make my way over to them, they'll throw up in their mouth and swallow it before looking at me with disgust as they simultaneously burst out laughing at the balls that I have to even act in such an arrogant manner.

 

Any ugly guy you see could be a screaming tree, ladies. The sad part is, I'm not joking.

You sent me a pic a long time ago and to prove it, you're a blond with short hair. I don't recall your exact features but I do recall complimenting you and that the general impression was favourable.

 

If you honestly believe yourself to be so ugly that women would vomit, consider body dysmorph. You're so not ugly.

[ScreamingTrees]

You sent me a pic a long time ago and to prove it, you're a blond with short hair. I don't recall your exact features but I do recall complimenting you and that the general impression was favourable.

 

If you honestly believe yourself to be so ugly that women would vomit, consider body dysmorph. You're so not ugly.

 

Yes, and it was a waste. I'm basically an insecure attention whore, and what good did it do me anyway? I was better off not asking a dozen random people who can see that I'm a few fries short of a happy meal..

 

Unfortunately, I'm most likely going to have to force myself out of my extremely limited comfort zone to get help on my own. I ask for help, and I get procrastination.. Whatever. I guess this can either be positive, or a painful, uncomfortable process.

[CarrieT]

Unfortunately, I'm most likely going to have to force myself out of my extremely limited comfort zone to get help on my own.

Bravo on acknowledging that YOU are going to have to make the necessary changes and that it will be difficult.

 

I ask for help, and I get procrastination.. Whatever. I guess this can either be positive, or a painful, uncomfortable process.

It can be a positive process. How uncomfortable it is will be up to you -- know that you are making changes to better your life and take solace in that regard, and the "uncomfortable factor" will be far less than you may realize.

[ScreamingTrees]

Bravo on acknowledging that YOU are going to have to make the necessary changes and that it will be difficult.

 

 

It can be a positive process. How uncomfortable it is will be up to you -- know that you are making changes to better your life and take solace in that regard, and the "uncomfortable factor" will be far less than you may realize.

 

I don't know, having what can be comparable to physical panic attacks because I'm around a lot of people and getting all paranoid about it is not really going to help me, or else I would've stopped having them a long time ago after being exposed to so many unpleasant situations.

 

Being intensely self conscious of every movement that I make or what someone else is thinking of me as they look at me is not something that has gotten easier to take, like getting needles for some people would be, or having a colonoscopy.

 

I don't mean to be derailing this guy's thread.. Perhaps the OP can relate to some of my troubles? IDK..

[Inflikted]

lol Uh, hey guys, remember me? I feel like I've kinda gotten lost in the shuffle, here, in my own topic.

 

Truth is, I'm not necessarily sure how much I relate to ScreamingTrees' issues. I don't really consider myself "insecure" or whatever about this stuff, I don't think of myself as "hideous" or "repulsive", I just think women are generally completely uninterested in dating me because they perceive me to be a "little boy" based on some fairly shallow traits.

 

Honestly, I'm not "skittish" around people because of this stuff. In fact, lately, my temper when it comes to people is starting to get smaller and smaller. All my life, I've been a pretty laid back person that tries to just "play nice" with everyone, but for whatever reason, I just find myself becoming less patient with people. The other day, a random customer at work made a comment about me looking like a little boy (which prompted me to make this topic), and normally, I just laugh it off and feel bummed about it, but I seriously almost snapped at this person. I, of course, held back, because I was at work, but like I said, I'm just becoming less patient with people these days in general.

[KungFuJoe]

lol Uh, hey guys, remember me? I feel like I've kinda gotten lost in the shuffle, here, in my own topic.

 

Truth is, I'm not necessarily sure how much I relate to ScreamingTrees' issues. I don't really consider myself "insecure" or whatever about this stuff, I don't think of myself as "hideous" or "repulsive", I just think women are generally completely uninterested in dating me because they perceive me to be a "little boy" based on some fairly shallow traits.

 

Honestly, I'm not "skittish" around people because of this stuff. In fact, lately, my temper when it comes to people is starting to get smaller and smaller. All my life, I've been a pretty laid back person that tries to just "play nice" with everyone, but for whatever reason, I just find myself becoming less patient with people. The other day, a random customer at work made a comment about me looking like a little boy (which prompted me to make this topic), and normally, I just laugh it off and feel bummed about it, but I seriously almost snapped at this person. I, of course, held back, because I was at work, but like I said, I'm just becoming less patient with people these days in general.

 

How old are you? Sounds like you are pretty young. Trust me, you'll enjoy looking younger when you get into your 30s.

 

When I was 15, people thought I was 18 (cuz I was tall). When I was 25, people still thought I was 18, because of my baby face. It used to bug the hell out of me. When I first started seeing my now wife...she took me to a place where she used to work and I met some of her old coworkers. And of course, they're going to talk about her new guy...she told me afterwards that they all said to her, "So who's the boy toy?". She was 23 at the time and I was 25. Two years older than her and they all thought she was robbing the cradle.

 

Anyways...that was then. I'm going to be 39 in a week...and I could easily pass for 29. If I shaved...25. So I don't have to worry about looking like the old guy at a club (I'm going to Vegas for my 39th birthday and we're hitting the Encore Beach Club) and I can still act a fool!

 

Enjoy your youthful look.

[Inflikted]

How old are you? Sounds like you are pretty young. Trust me, you'll enjoy looking younger when you get into your 30s.

 

I'm 24, turning 25 by the end of the year. People always say "It'll be a good thing when you're older!", but what good does it do me now, though? My 20s are passing me by, and it sucks that I don't get to experience dating and love and romance and all of that when I'm in this age range. I don't want to be the guy that never gets to experience any of that stuff until he's in his 40s, 50s, etc., yanno?

[ScreamingTrees]

Honestly, I'm not "skittish" around people because of this stuff. In fact, lately, my temper when it comes to people is starting to get smaller and smaller. All my life, I've been a pretty laid back person that tries to just "play nice" with everyone, but for whatever reason, I just find myself becoming less patient with people. The other day, a random customer at work made a comment about me looking like a little boy (which prompted me to make this topic), and normally, I just laugh it off and feel bummed about it, but I seriously almost snapped at this person. I, of course, held back, because I was at work, but like I said, I'm just becoming less patient with people these days in general.

 

I feel ya, man, and I apologize for sort of derailing the thread unintentionally.. I've also got more of a couldn't give a f&*k attitude, although it's less of an aggressive, snapping sort of attitude, just indifference.. There are no easy answers. Have you tried just going with someone a bit younger, but within reason?

[Inflikted]

I feel ya, man, and I apologize for sort of derailing the thread unintentionally.. I've also got more of a couldn't give a f&*k attitude, although it's less of an aggressive, snapping sort of attitude, t indifference..

 

Yeah, I mean, indifference has been my typical stance on things for the longest time. I'm not really sure what's up with me lately, I've just been... Well, like I said, for whatever reason, lately I've just been feeling less and less patient with people. I'm becoming more and more annoyed with people and the world around me, and I'm not sure where that's leading for me.

 

Have you tried just going with someone a bit younger, but within reason?

 

Eh, well... Seems like a shaky line to walk. Kinda hard to specifically find a younger girl that's not too young. Besides, I'm more attracted to girls that are smart and mature and more grown up, which doesn't describe very many girls in the 18-20 range. Not to mention, even younger girls might think I look too young.

[pteromom]

You know I know what you look like, as you've sent me your pictures behind closed doors.

 

You don't need plastic surgery or leg lengthening or anything else of the sort. You're a good looking guy. What you need is a self-esteem.

 

Ditto - this is what I was going to say too. You are quite good looking, ST, and there is no reason you can't date. You are cute, smart, talented, and funny. All you have to do is take a deep breath and TRY. Let yourself fail a few times so you can learn. Keep moving forward.

[pteromom]

Kinda hard to specifically find a younger girl that's not too young. Besides, I'm more attracted to girls that are smart and mature and more grown up, which doesn't describe very many girls in the 18-20 range. Not to mention, even younger girls might think I look too young.

 

Being very short *will* limit your pool of potentials. No doubt about that. But that doesn't mean there are no women who would find you attractive.

 

Since you look very young, you need to do what you can to offset that. Grow some facial scruff. Wear very polished tailored clothing that makes you look successful and older. When you wear casual clothing, make sure it is well-fitting and is not a teenage brand. Wear nice shoes, a nice watch, etc. Walk like a confident man, straight and proud, and don't schlump like a teenage boy.

 

And smile. Smiling at people takes no real courage, and makes a huge difference as to how people see you.

[pteromom]

This is a pretty good article:

 

Are You A Grown Man With A Baby Face? 14 Style Tips To Dress Older

[carhill]

How to deal with being inherently unattractive physically?

 

Spend less time looking in the mirror and more time living life.

[KungFuJoe]

I'm 24, turning 25 by the end of the year. People always say "It'll be a good thing when you're older!", but what good does it do me now, though? My 20s are passing me by, and it sucks that I don't get to experience dating and love and romance and all of that when I'm in this age range. I don't want to be the guy that never gets to experience any of that stuff until he's in his 40s, 50s, etc., yanno?

 

Well...pics would help, but looking young is not a "bad" thing. It never kept me from attracting women.

[Inflikted]

This is a pretty good article:

 

Are You A Grown Man With A Baby Face? 14 Style Tips To Dress Older

 

I'll give that a look.

 

Well...pics would help, but looking young is not a "bad" thing. It never kept me from attracting women.

 

Eh. I mean, I guess I can post a pic or two tomorrow when I'm at my computer, but whenever I do that, everyone just says I look okay and not to worry about it. But clearly my experiences don't reflect that. And of course, nobody here is actually going to say "You're pretty ugly, you're ****ed...", and with good reason, because, well, that would be kinda mean.

[William]

Let's not post any personally identifiable pictures please. Thanks.

[FitChick]

Men who can't get women now should put all their energy into making money. Then they can be like Harvey Weinstein and land a wife like Georgina Chapman. I've met him in person and he looks even worse. Of course you will have to accept that a woman will only marry you for your money but so what?

[Inflikted]

Let's not post any personally identifiable pictures please. Thanks.

 

Oh, uh, okay. Sorry.

 

Men who can't get women now should put all their energy into making money. Then they can be like I've met him in person and he looks even worse. Of course you will have to accept that a woman will only marry you for your money but so what?

 

Eh, I guess, but I don't really have enough marketable skills or talents, or whatever, to do something that will make me very wealthy. I don't really care about "landing a hottie", though. I just want a girl with an awesome personality that I get along with better than anyone else.

 

I do wonder how realistic that is, though. I've been wondering, do people ever really "fall in love" with each other, or does everyone just kinda find someone they can tolerate and put up with and stick with them? I feel like the latter is probably my best case scenario, and that just seems so bleak and depressing.

[KungFuJoe]

Oh, uh, okay. Sorry.

 

 

 

Eh, I guess, but I don't really have enough marketable skills or talents, or whatever, to do something that will make me very wealthy. I don't really care about "landing a hottie", though. I just want a girl with an awesome personality that I get along with better than anyone else.

 

I do wonder how realistic that is, though. I've been wondering, do people ever really "fall in love" with each other, or does everyone just kinda find someone they can tolerate and put up with and stick with them? I feel like the latter is probably my best case scenario, and that just seems so bleak and depressing.

 

People fall in love all the time. Just go take a look at candie's "so are you in love" thread.

[ThaWholigan]

exactly teens and twenties are the prime years I agree with you so those who say it is never too late and you have plenty of time it is nothing but b*******

Everybody's prime years are different.

[KungFuJoe]

I'm turning 39 in a few days and I'm in my prime right now!

 

Well...aesthetically at least.

 

Athletically...not so much.

[memos_quasar]

As someone in his mid-20s that's never dated, I find myself wondering just how important physical attraction really is. I know I'm not the best looking guy, but I always figured if I could connect with a girl on a mental/ emotional level, I'd still be okay. Unfortunately, from my experience, this has not proven to be the case.

 

I'm flat out unattractive, physically. Thing is, it has a lot to do with qualities I have no control over. The biggest problem I run into is, everyone seems to think I'm much younger than I am (often around the age of 12...) just by looking at me. I'm short (5'1"), and I have a naturally young looking face. I can't really do anything about either of those things...

 

Even the last girl I was totally in love with recently made a backhanded comment about me looking young. I don't know if that's the reason she didn't want to go out with me, but it sure hurt my feelings all the same. It's not like I chase after super hot "model" types; heck, this last girl isn't traditionally "attractive", in my opinion, but I was still crazy about her.

 

It's an incredibly frustrating place to be in. I don't know how much my looks really hold me back, or if it's all in my head, but I feel like it must play some part in my lack of success. So many random strangers feel the incessant need to go "Oh, I thought you were a child!", so I can understand girls probably don't want to date someone they perceive to be a little boy.

 

So what the heck am I supposed to do?

 

 

What the heck are you supposed to do?

 

 

As cliched as it sounds: Man Up.

The universe has given me a similar biological body: just a bit over 5', young looking, and with a very fast metabolism. Stopped growing when I was probably 15. Still have the same body frame. Myopia. Almost 30, looking like a high school, or a freshman in college, and I get ID'ed all the time. Yet... it always leads to a conversation, and a smile, and a possibility of getting a phone number. That's how I see it.

 

Anyways... read this. Carefully:

 

***Warning, it contains ego-stroking anecdotes***

 

Have I heard the "You look so young" comments? Sure I have!

Do sometimes people mistake me as some of my coworkers kid? Sure they do!

And even phrases like "You'd be the perfect guy if you were just taller than me".

 

But I don't let it "phaze" me. Both of my parents are short as well, yet, in their hey-days, intelligence, diligence and a smart way of approaching problems is what made them succeed. I caught onto these clues since I was a kid. You know... like last week?

 

Years, and years ago I was in the same position, wondering, why, oh why, I was not "successful" with women. Did I say the wrong thing? was I acting too "weird"? All those doubts clouded my head. But I never, EVER, EVER, let the thought that I, as a human being, was being unsuccessful with the ladies due to my literal shortcoming. It was all in my APPROACH.

 

I fixed it. Took lots of trial and errors, and man... I'm still learning! Last year my ex and I broke up after 6 wonderful years. She is extremely attractive, cute, smart, and in many ways, everything I looked for in a girl. But things happen and people change. Truth is, I've been lurking these forums because of it! I'm still dealing with the break-up after 6 months, and I feel like I'm finding my true SELF once again. It's not easy, but sooner or later, things turn around. The universe balances itself.

 

I dated. A LOT. I've rejected and been rejected. By all kinds of women. Yet, they seemed to be intrigued by me. I noticed this and I played with it. They noticed the little brain and engine (you know, the one who can and does!) and that attracted them.

 

From experience, this is what I've understood: Yes, short males may be considered less biologically fit to be a "partner in crime". You've probably read the articles, scientific studies, etc, etc, etc. But who gives a flying **** about that? If you do, then you will see yourself as that. That's an instant and unattractive #FAIL. Women can read through you. You portray what you internalize.

 

The other day I was at my coworkers wedding, and started talking with the girl next to me, and she was with her husband. Just friendly conversation, with subliminal flirts. Fair and square, with no intentions. My coworker comes back from the honeymoon, and tells me that her friend loved me, and despite me being short, she said that my confidence made me look over 6 feet tall and the way I walked around the room as if I owned it, made me extremely attractive.

 

If you see yourself as an unattractive, as incapable of reproducing, as a small fry of a human being. People will see that. Embrace your shortness, and own it. To me is the perfect disguise. People usually miscalculate and underestimate what you are CAPABLE of because of the "little man" stigma, whether it's guys or girls. So great qualities, manners, assertiveness will definitely AMPLIFY your outward persona once they hear you speak, or see you in "action".

 

I'm far from perfect. I consider my imperfections to be "internal". My attitudes, the over-thinking, the mood swings, and the doubts. It's a work in progress, it always is. I'm still dealing with personal issues, but being short is not one of them. I don't pretend to have an exploit-free personality, because I don't. I do know, however, that I can survive, adapt and succeed, because I've done it before.

 

These are just clues, small insights, and gems I've gathered over the years. Find your strengths. All beings have one. Use them.

 

"There's no gene for the human spirit"

 

TL;DR?

 

- Same biological/physical situation as OP. (5'/~100lbs/myopic)

- Learned that internal confidence will project outward confidence.

- Become the Big Small Fry on Campus

- Learn more about life and people from relationships and dating

- Become "successful" and achieve goals

- **** hits the fan

- Grow as a Man

- PROFIT!

[nickkelly9]

For what it's worth I watched a TV show about a drug dealer/murderer tonight that was 5'1. It was a real documentary, they interviewed him, he was completely arrogant and crazy, but they did say he always had a girl on his arm. When he was 51 he had a 21 year old girlfriend.

 

Not saying to deal drugs or be a crazy killer, but I'm saying damn, if this dumb as dirt psychopath can get girls at 5'1, height is probably not an issue lol.

 

I do feel you, but I live in a state populated by beautiful Latina women and I can't seem to win their attention away from the men they prefer, who are usually bald and nearly a foot shorter than me.

 

Height has advantages for sure but in attraction it is overrated. Probably the equivalent of breast size for a woman. Yes most men love big breasts but if you don't have them it doesn't mean you can't find a mate.

[Inflikted]

Well, again, it has a lot more to do with just the height. The truth is, I just... I don't understand why I'm not "attractive", I don't understand how I can be almost 25 and never have dated.

 

I consider myself to be pretty smart (albeit, a bit naive about a lot of things), and very mature for my age. I take care of myself, and don't rely on others to do so for me. I'm very gentlemanly, but I don't bend over for backwards and be a "doormat" for people to take advantage of me. I'm trustworthy and dependable, and I never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. I may be a bit on the quiet and reserved side, but on the rare occasions I find people I actually connect with, I ease up on that.

 

I mean, I'm not trying to make myself sound like this great, amazing person, or anything like that, but I just don't see any major red flags in my personality that should deem me "unattractive". This leads me to the conclusion that maybe it really is all about my looks. Maybe girls really completely ignore any and all of my good qualities simply because I don't look like a "man".

[nickkelly9]

I share many of your qualities and have never had a date.

 

Personality has nothing to do with attraction. A woman does not want to **** your personality. And that is what attraction is- wanting to **** someone.

 

When you see a pretty girl, do you immediately think in your head, "Wow, I bet we could have a lot of fun discussing the new season of Arrested Development on Netflix".?

 

No.

 

You think, "Doggy style, blowjob, cowgirl, boobs!!"

 

Right?

 

We're in the same boat. If any woman could spend days with us, not worry about whatever physical trait is repulsing them so but instead getting to know us for who we are, the same way they get to know these thugs and criminals and "see a different side of them" haha, I think we'd beat out those guys any day of the week.

 

But we don't get that luxury. Because they aren't going to waste a week of their life going to the movies, eating out, and cuddling on the couch with a guy they have no desire to ****.

 

And why should they?

 

You can't fix your height, get over it. But you can take testosterone suppliments and work out to add muscle and improve hair growth. I can attest that I couldn't do the 5 o'clock shadow until I started producing more test.

 

You can follow those websites with style tips for childish looking men.

 

You're going to have to attack this head on because yes, your instincts are right. Despite what you will hear, if you have a major physical defect then you will be treated as a pariah.

 

You can be the second coming of Jesus Christ, and if you're "un-****-able", then hopefully you can find your own Peter, Paul, and John to hang out with.