Always Feel Like I Should Be Doing Something Else

[fiftyofsomethin]

Hey guys,

 

So I have recently had real trouble with this.

 

Right now, I have this very frustrating and worrying feeling of constantly thinking that there is something else I should be doing or that I am constantly doubting my decisions.

 

Right now, I have only 3 days left of high school. I graduate in a few weeks, but Thursday is my last day of actual school. I simply cannot get over this thought that there are other, better things that I should be doing however I have no clue what these things are. I have a few presentations and projects that are on my mind and I need to think about, but I also feel that I should be doing things like talking to certain friends about staying in touch after high school or making plans for the summer or doing some end-of-high-school lunch or something. I just don't know. I feel that there are all these things that I should be doing but I don't know what to do.

 

Not to even mention that I wish I was spending this time with my ex, but there's nothing I can do about that except ruminate.

 

But of course this isn't the only time this has happened. Whenever I find out other people are out doing things I just have this anxious feeling like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I need to be out doing things too.

 

I get so wrapped up in worry all the time that it just seems to drive me to inaction. I simply do not ever want to do something that involves even a small amount of focus until I have gone over and found a solution to whatever worry I may have in my head. It's very perfectionistic, but it is doing me no good.

 

I hope that this didn't totally confuse you guys, but I would definitely love some advice on maybe just stopping this worry and being able to just enjoy my last three days of school by living in the moment and going out with a bang.

[tman666]

First of all, congratulations on graduating high school!

 

To be honest, I wouldn't worry too much about trying to tie up any social loose ends, solidify plans to keep in touch, etc. People tend to go in so many different directions after high school that trying to keep track of everyone will just consume you, not to mention it's largely a fruitless endeavor anyways.

 

I would instead look towards your own future: career plans, college plans, military, etc. There's nothing wrong with taking a couple months to unwind and hang out with your high school friends, but after everyone goes off to their first semester of college, or starts working full time, or joins the military, things will change.

 

You'll be amazed at the differences in the people you know (and yourself) 7-8 months from now. You and your peers are in the midst of the first major transitional period of your young adult lives, and the directions that life will take you all will no doubt be highly variable.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Thanks so much for the reply!

 

I can't really argue with any of that.

 

And as much as I up-played this specific situation, I unfortunately go through this self-doubt and fear of the future very often.

 

I just seem to doubt so many of the actions and choices I make/have yet to make. I am almost perfectionistic in this way.

 

I ruminate and turn over and overthink every possible situation or course of action I can take or have taken until I find what my brain decides is the perfect course of action. I simply cannot just choose the first answer I find. My mind will be running at top speed in the background of anything else I will be doing and I will never truly be living in the moment.

 

I just have a very hard time of just accepting things how they are and letting go thoughts of worry about the future or rumination on the past. I want to be confident, in the moment, and positive, but my perfectionism and doubt always seem to make this only a dream that never seems to get accomplished. I almost fear college because if I do not fix how I am right now, I simply will not be able to survive. I can barely focus on anything right now without a thought of worry coming up and then as a result causing me to ruminate on it for the next few hours, or even sometimes day(s).

 

But again, thank you so much for the reply, every bit of advice or wisdom helps!

[fiftyofsomethin]

Okay. I had a pretty anxiety-filled and worry-filled day.

 

As the days until school ends go down, I feel my anxiety and worries rising.

 

I just feel like I am missing out on so many opportunities and yet I am doing nothing to enjoy these last few days to the fullest. I am doing nothing.

 

And hell, on top of it, my ex is still ignoring me. I just seem to rely so much on other people to be happy. I seem like I need to make sure other people who I value actually like/accept me before I can be happy which is very unhealthy but it's how I am. And now that my ex thinks that I am trying to get back with her, I don't know what to do. I want to just be friendly and civil and I don't want to leave high school with this sour taste in my mouth. I want to make sure we leave high school on a positive note and not avoid each other. But then on another note, I want to not have to rely on other's acceptance/liking of me to be happy.

 

I have just been so indecisive as to what to do lately. Do any of you have any suggestions about what I should do about my whole ex situation and/or my reliance on others to be happy? I am at a pretty low point. I literally have nothing to worry about but I am worrying about everything. I need this to stop. There is no way I will survive in college if I am still like this then.

[happydate]

Okay. I had a pretty anxiety-filled and worry-filled day.

 

As the days until school ends go down, I feel my anxiety and worries rising.

 

I just feel like I am missing out on so many opportunities and yet I am doing nothing to enjoy these last few days to the fullest. I am doing nothing.

 

And hell, on top of it, my ex is still ignoring me. I just seem to rely so much on other people to be happy. I seem like I need to make sure other people who I value actually like/accept me before I can be happy which is very unhealthy but it's how I am. And now that my ex thinks that I am trying to get back with her, I don't know what to do. I want to just be friendly and civil and I don't want to leave high school with this sour taste in my mouth. I want to make sure we leave high school on a positive note and not avoid each other. But then on another note, I want to not have to rely on other's acceptance/liking of me to be happy.

 

I have just been so indecisive as to what to do lately. Do any of you have any suggestions about what I should do about my whole ex situation and/or my reliance on others to be happy? I am at a pretty low point. I literally have nothing to worry about but I am worrying about everything. I need this to stop. There is no way I will survive in college if I am still like this then.

 

It is normal for your spiritual development to yearn for external sources of love. Even as a youngster myself many many years ago, I struggled so much with myself and needed external sources of love like SEX and lots of SEX to get me satisfied. As you get older, you get wiser and you rely less on external sources of love to make you happy.

 

I would suggest that you let the course of your life unfold. Self-doubt and fear are a product of self-perfection. Probably a parental influence maybe?

I struggled with self-perfection myself all my life and always lied or cheated to get the top As, even today. What I realize now is that, I am only human and I have limits. I can not be perfect. Once I accept that, life becomes more fulfilling!

 

I am very ashamed of what I've done in the past where lying and cheating got the girls and what I wanted but they didn't last nor they were any more fulfilling long term. It's all very shallow, but may I suggest that you relax and chill out. I know college and higher education is stressful. All I can suggest is for you to listen to your heart and pray to the lord if you can.

 

You can at night pray to the lord and ask him to show you your higher purpose in your dreams and make it a lucid dream. This way, you can remember it when you wake up. Write a journal about it and then google the net to decode the images you saw in the dreams. They will become your guide. And from now on, be your authentic self. You are a human being and you have limits. Please do not beat yourself up for no reasons whatsoever.

 

Loosing an ex is painful, but you need to get used to it. This isn't the first nor will it be the last. The main thing is the lessons you learn from your date is what you need to improve self-wise. The lessons need to be mastered and until they are, you will be presented with the same dating scenario; like jumping from one frying pan into another. One day, you will meet a lady that you never thought would be for you and you thought you could never have the class to date and win over her. And you will, but you must learn how to become a positive self-confident person before you unlock the master keys to reveal her. Until then, you will be mired in dating challenges like the rest of us. Relationships are a gift from god and as soon as you accept this as the truth, the faster you appreciate the gift and won't make yourself as a victim or the breakup or dumper.

 

Take care.. :laugh:

[fiftyofsomethin]

So today went a bit better today, but again that's only because I feel like I was being more accepted/liked so I want to definitely move away from that.

 

I had a bit of a revelation that whenever I feel that I have no other people to hang out with/spend time with, I cling onto the friends I have and try to spend as much time with them as possible. But then at the same time, like when I was with my ex, I sort of moved away from my friends because I had this other person who could make me happy. And now that that is gone, I am back to the old tricks as they say.

 

When someone doesn't like me it makes me feel trapped. Hopeless. Depressed.

 

Like ever since my ex and I broke up, I have felt this. Every time she ignores me in the halls, every time I see her being happy and having a good time, I just get this sinking feeling like "Why can we not just be friendly?!" And then the question that shortly follows is "Why do I care". Because seriously, why does it matter what she is doing? It doesn't. But at the same time, I know she is avoiding me because she thinks that I am still trying to get back with her and I most definitely am not. I wish I could just have a friendly talk with her, clear it up, and just be civil and not leave high school with this bad taste in my mouth.

 

I just care too much what she thinks of me. There are certain people who's opinions I care about much more than others and hers is one.

 

I of course have moments where I just forget about her, but every time I think about her having fun in the future or something I get this fear of how I will react then. "How will I feel when I see she gets a new boyfriend?"

 

Again. I get these awesome sparks of happiness when I feel that I don't care about her anymore and I am just moving on with my life as she has, but at the same time, I just simply cannot let it go that someone out there will always remember me as that overly-attached person.

 

I guess I just have this need for constant praise and approval from others. If I am not spending time with people, all I seem to do is worry about what everyone else is doing and what I should be doing. This approval-seeking habit needs to stop. I need to be able to find happiness on my own and to like myself first but I simply do not know how.

 

I want to be my own person and live in the moment. I don't want to allow myself to bring me down whenever I don't get approval. It's all in my head, and I want to be able to stop.