I'm falling apart at the seams.

[hotgurl]

Spoke with my husband. He agreed to counseling. We agreed never to mention divorce in fights because neither of us have any intention of following through. I still want to pursue IC with the therapist in addition.

You guys are helpful, thanks!

 

Moving on...

 

This thread kind of veered off into marriage issues, which isnt really what is making me so upset. I reapplied for my old full time job that i quit when

My son was born. They passed me over and hired someone else then told me they no longer needed me part time. They gave me a good reference for my current job (which i like much better). So I am so scared that I will mess up and get myself fired.

 

Lb I think you have grown a lot over the years professionally. Just be confident or at least act like you are. Take advise, don't get defensive and do your best. I am sure you'll be fine.

 

I remember when I first started my current job I was so freaked out since it was such a huge leap skill and demand wise from what I was doing. But I just did the work, listened to my bosses, asked questions, accepted their suggestions gracefully, observed and within six months I went from feeling like a fraud to being completely confident in my abilities. Just keep saying to yourself I can do it.

[TaraMaiden]

Jesus....

 

I remember the formative stages of your relationship. Lb.

And at times you resented my input because I seemed to pour cold water on your threads/posts/comments.

 

I hated then, being the wet blanket.

And I hate this now, because you sound so unhappy, for so many reasons.

 

I don't know what else I could add that would be a constructive supplement to what has already been said by others here. You've had a lot of good advice....

 

So all I will say is that I feel for you, desperately, and I hope you can achieve a positive resolution to everything going on here.

 

Be well; you're in my thoughts.

 

TM

[Nyla]

LB82, I took the time to look through your old posts about your husband when you were dating and while you were pregnant.

 

It seems like he has a pattern of saying very nasty things about your marriage, as well as comments about your body when you felt vulnerable.

 

It is sad that the only thing that is holding the two of you together is your son. That is not much of a marriage in my eyes and I think your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. You don't deserve that.

 

Sometimes when people have dysfunctional families, they recreate some of the same dynamics in their marriages and as parents.

 

Could it be that you were so excited about getting married and having kids that you overlooked some red flags?

[Lauriebell82]

LB82, I took the time to look through your old posts about your husband when you were dating and while you were pregnant.

 

It seems like he has a pattern of saying very nasty things about your marriage, as well as comments about your body when you felt vulnerable.

 

It is sad that the only thing that is holding the two of you together is your son. That is not much of a marriage in my eyes and I think your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. You don't deserve that.

 

Sometimes when people have dysfunctional families, they recreate some of the same dynamics in their marriages and as parents.

 

Could it be that you were so excited about getting married and having kids that you overlooked some red flags?

 

Yes Nyla I would agree with all of your points. He has a lot of good qualities and when we are both happy we have a great time together. I knew he was this way but accepted it because he is not always a controlling a-hole.

[xxoo]

Why do you fear getting fired? Is it a rational fear?

 

Is it related to actual finances? Or is it more directly related to your relationship, and how you husband would react if you get fired?

 

Sometimes working a problem through to the worst possible scenario, and realizing, "We could handle that" can take the edge off of anxiety. But it is harder to get to "we can handle that" if you don't trust him to handle that.

[Lauriebell82]

Why do you fear getting fired? Is it a rational fear?

 

Is it related to actual finances? Or is it more directly related to your relationship, and how you husband would react if you get fired?

 

Sometimes working a problem through to the worst possible scenario, and realizing, "We could handle that" can take the edge off of anxiety. But it is harder to get to "we can handle that" if you don't trust him to handle that.

 

My husband has been extremely supportive and helpful through the job losses. I believe that circumstantially we could handle it.

 

I feel that its more about the emotional toll it would

Take. I would be devasted and my self esteem would most certainly not improve. I just dont know if I can take another rejection from an employer.

[Nyla]

My husband has been extremely supportive and helpful through the job losses. I believe that circumstantially we could handle it.

 

I feel that its more about the emotional toll it would

Take. I would be devasted and my self esteem would most certainly not improve. I just dont know if I can take another rejection from an employer.

 

Maybe you can put a coping plan in place should you get fired again. What would you tell a client who had the same kind of issues?

[Krytie TV]

Yeah, it is recent. Past 2 months or so I'd say. Pretty much every argument he says it now. So maybe like past 4 arguments?

 

That there is the behavior of a man who thinks about divorce in his own time and thinks it might be what he wants. It seems he is predisposed to wanting a divorce, although it may be for reasons that have nothing to do with the current state of affairs. You know, sometimes people pick fights because they want the other person (i.e., you) to let them off the hook. You're not doing it, so the fights continue. Are they escalating?

 

He may not even be sure that he wants a divorce, but it seems like he is a bit sold on the idea. This is how I initially acted with a past live-in girlfriend when I was ready to move on. Once the divorce "seal" is broken and he starts throwing it around all the time, that is a serious problem... it means he's already one foot out the door (in his head).

[Star Gazer]

I reapplied for my old full time job that i quit when

My son was born. They passed me over and hired someone else then told me they no longer needed me part time. They gave me a good reference for my current job (which i like much better). So I am so scared that I will mess up and get myself fired.

 

Why do you say "so"? What about the prior employment situation (not getting re-hired, and not being needed part time) makes you fearful that the current employment situation will result in you being fired? They gave you a good reference, so they obviously like you!

 

Are you performing well at your current job? Are you just nervous, or are there indicators from management that they're dissatisfied?

 

I agree with xxoo that having a sort of "I can handle it" perspective will help you tremendously. You got through it before, you can get through it again - if it were to happen.

[Lauriebell82]

The fights arent escalating nor does he want a divorce. Its because he is a control freak. I am looking forward to counseling.

 

Performance at work is good although the clients are having trouble adjusting to a new counselor and my supervisor got wind of it. She was supportive but when she first told me huge alarm bells went off in head. I felt like I was going to cry. Probably not a normal reaction.

[xxoo]

Laurie, I'm having comparable work challenges this week. I cried my eyes out today once I got home.

 

Tomorrow, when I go back to work, I'll have my game face on. In private, I have a good cry! I don't think that's abnormal. At least I hope not

[Star Gazer]

The fights arent escalating nor does he want a divorce. Its because he is a control freak. I am looking forward to counseling.

 

Performance at work is good although the clients are having trouble adjusting to a new counselor and my supervisor got wind of it. She was supportive but when she first told me huge alarm bells went off in head. I felt like I was going to cry. Probably not a normal reaction.

 

Girl, I'm hard as nails in a courtroom or conference room, and I still run to the ladies' to hide in a stall and try to fight back tears (sometimes unsuccessfully) every now and again.

 

You care. That's a good thing.

[Lauriebell82]

Hmm. Take a stab at who thinks that was abnormal.

[TaraMaiden]

I can tell you for a fact I am a square peg in a round hole, when it comes to work.

 

I'm not going to say why, but take it from me please, I am definitely different to my work colleagues.

 

The customers love it, and think it to be a breath of fresh air.

The colleagues... well... one or two are still covertly hostile.

 

I have been there since October last year. I received an award from Head Office for 'outstanding Customer Service' 2 months ago, after being nominated by a customer.

 

That was gratifying.

What is more worrying, however, is that the store has been there for 7 years, and I am the first - and only - member of staff there to have ever received such an award, either through colleague or customer nomination.

The first.

That hasn't gone down entirely well...

 

To counteract this negativity and possibly demoralising aspect, I just remind myself of how very good i am at my job.

 

And there's no humorous intent there, either.

 

I suggest you do the same.

[Star Gazer]

Hmm. Take a stab at who thinks that was abnormal.

 

Your uptight, anal, controlling, condescending, doesn't-understand-emotions husband.

[Lauriebell82]

Your uptight, anal, controlling, condescending, doesn't-understand-emotions husband.

 

Lets hope he listens when the therapist points those things out.

[TaraMaiden]

Let's hope the therapist points it out!!

[Lauriebell82]

Haha, oops I tried to act like a therapist and he wasn't too thrilled about. He said he wanted to "be alone." I'm sure he'll get over it.

[whichwayisup]

I have a beautiful baby boy. He is the only good thing in my life. I like my job, but I am terrified of screwing up and getting fired. My parents are a mess. My husband is tired of me and my issues and wants to leave. I have no friends. I feel like things are just crumbling. I am trying not to whine or feel sorry for myself. I just feel upset and depressed. I would like someone to talk to so I posted this thread. Please help me.

 

((LB)) I am so sorry for all that you're going through. I'm glad you posted and I hope we're all able to get you through this rough time.

 

Join a mothers group so you can make friends. Connect with others who have young little ones.

 

Why is your H being an ass.hole?? I need to read on in your thread but I wanted to reply to you first.

[amaysngrace]

It's a tough time when your baby is only one. They are so demanding and require so much attention and because they are your primary focus sometimes others fall behind in a distant second and everything else can become strained as a result.

 

I think that is common.

 

Make time for yourself. Get a break and go relax. You're over stressed right now. Who watches your baby when you work? Get them to babysit on your days off too for a few hours and make time for you.

 

This is only temporary though. Things will get better.

[tbf]

The fights arent escalating nor does he want a divorce. Its because he is a control freak. I am looking forward to counseling.

 

Performance at work is good although the clients are having trouble adjusting to a new counselor and my supervisor got wind of it. She was supportive but when she first told me huge alarm bells went off in head. I felt like I was going to cry. Probably not a normal reaction.

That's because the constant criticism at home and the demands of working and being a mother, are wearing you down. This isn't just a matter of self-esteem. It's about working as a cohesive and supportive family unit.

 

The minute you get home, who takes care of your son the majority of time?

[Lauriebell82]

I am not at multiquoting so I will try to answer everyone as best I can. At the ped office i saw a flyer for a working mothers support group (thats free!) the 4th Wed of every month so I am going to check. I am tired of my husband having tons of friends and me having nobody. Its so depressing. I dont have anyone to talk to. I feel like I need someone to gab to.

 

My husband takes care of our son in the morning, he gets him up feeds him, dresses him, and drives him to daycare. I get out of work at 2:30 so I pick him up and get to see him all afternoon which is great. Flipside is that I cant really relax until my husband gets home at 5:30 pm and plays with him. I am responsible for his care in the evening, we alternate giving him a bath and dressing him for bed. On the weekends my hisband takes care of him from 6:00 am-1:00 pm, I take care of him from 1:00pm-8:00 pm (bath depends on whose night it is.

 

The schedule works well, we have equal responsibilities. Only complain is that i cant relax when I first get home.

 

My husband is being an a-hole because he is a control freak and needs to chill out. He keeps saying he is going to divorce me during fights then recants the statements the next day. Very frustrating and annoying and it leaves me devasted and confused. He agreed not to do it anymore but he has said that before so I dont have a lot of faith in his claim unfortunately.

[TaraMaiden]

Could I ask, why do you still have fixed schedules at the weekend? Why don't you 'jointly' take care of him, instead of dividing the times up as during the week?

[carhill]

It sounds like their division of childcare on the weekend would be a perfect opportunity for the OP to resolve an issue she identified, that being that she feels she has no friends and no one to talk to. She can schedule activities/interests during those periods to do alone and build relationships with other women.

[Star Gazer]

Flipside is that I cant really relax until my husband gets home at 5:30 pm and plays with him.

 

...

 

The schedule works well, we have equal responsibilities. Only complain is that i cant relax when I first get home.

 

FWIW, I don't know any parents of young children who get to relax when they first get home. It's kinda part of the job.