A weird ending.

[fireguy1]

Hi, I stumbled upon this forum and it has a few helpful points. Although all relationships are different, I decided to post my own story and seek help from you all.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years. We met when she was 18 and I was 25. I am not 29 and she is 22. Shes not the type that loves to party and get drunk, more like a health nut, loves school etc. I am as well. The honeymoon stage went and passed and we always communicated our differences in the 1, 2, 3 year. There times when we both do the occasional thing that makes each other mad and we have communicated this before. In the 4th year we kinda stopped because in my opinion, subconsciously i was tired of saying the same things over and over again. We loved each other so much that, I guess we were selfish towards each other and we somehow cut all of our friends off and hung out with each other all the time. We've spoken about marriage and we are perfect for each other, we make each other laugh even in the 4th year. I realized that I have not been the man she fell in love with in the 4th year because I am under constant pressure with my career and that brought a lot of negativity into the relationship and even in my life, attitude etc. I was mr.negative. There were 2 times when she was mad at me and me (now that I think of it, I am such a loser) scared of losing her, threatened to break it apart. she did not want it and cried. We worked it out right after that. She would try her best to pick me up but I was always so worried about my future. In my perspective I am trying my best work get the career so that I can provide for her in the future and marry her.

 

5 months before the break up she entered a new college and are meeting a lot of new friends. I, reliazing that we have cut out all our friends decided to let her be to make a few friends and she did. She was really happy. One week she went to learn guitar with some guy it was about 3 hours and she suddenly loved guitar. I mean she has always wanted to learn how. So it was fine for me. Anyways it went on. Once a week with him. then twice. One night we decided to meet after I work at 10:00pm. she said she would come after she finished learning guitar. I had to deal with a first aid at my job and left work at 10:30 feeling that I would be late. she texted me at 10:30 "sorry we are walking at the beach, might be a little late". We met that night at 11:00. I did not say anything because I wanted her to meet new people and learn guitar like she always wanted. I asked her how it went and she said "we played guitar and walked on the beach, and bought hot dogs". Ever since she started learning from this guy or started college I felt she was a different person. Quite distant.

 

1 week after that day she told me she wanted a break. She said 2 weeks, told me everything about my negativity and about her not seeing any friends, and if we were to get married or be together in the long run she would not be very happy. She said she has been thinking of this for about 1 year now. One thing that confused me is that she said "I still love you". I said 2 weeks it not enough if you want to figure things about how about 1 month. I kept my cool and did a very mature thing. she agreed.

 

One thing that drives me crazy and confused is that she said she loves me but she wants to be alone to figure things out. So I get home and started thinking, this is the love of my life. I cannot just put it down without trying. I call her and talked to her maturely about our situation. I was sorry and ashamed i made her feel that way and told her that we still love each other why wont we try to work it out. She said "its not you, its me, I want to be alone, you met me when i was 18 and there are a lot of things i havent experienced or done." Anyways this went on for 2 more days. I started getting angry and desperate. She saw me getting hurt called it off and we officially broke up that day. I was crying and pleading....she was too. She said she still loves me but wants to be alone. I said why and she doesnt know. She wants to be friends and said to call her anytime and I said she can call me anytime as well.

 

I have a gut feeling that she is with this guitar guy. But I know her and she would not do anything like that, unless she changed in the last year.

 

the last contact we made at the break up was we agreed to meet each other for one last date. she agreed. I called the next day to say that one last date is going to hurt us more.

 

We work at the same pool. she was working that night and i went to the gym that was in the facility. I put my head down to not see her so that I would not be hurt but inside me i wanted to. I looked and saw her. she did not see me. She looked happy. it was a huge mistake for me because my friends told me not to go to the gym tonight because she was there. Now I miss her all over again.

 

I text her the same night after the gym and said "May I speak with you please?"

 

She replied "of course! i was just going to call you after. i saw you at work"

 

We talked on the phone, i kept it friendly and mature, she did as well. We asked each other how each others day was and i told her that I was back on what I was doing back then with all these interests (thats why she fell in love with me). and she said thats good. she said she is doing the same thing and that was why the relationship ended was because we dropped everything for each other. it went well. she said she wants to get back into painting and i asked her why dont you paint something for me? she said ok. I said i'll do the same and we can trade. Anyway, I ended the conversation before it went stale. How may I approach her next time in the convo? is this the right pace?

 

I want her back so much, I did not do the no contact rule because we agreed on we may contact each other and I am willing to give her time to think of whatever she needs. I am keeping my cool though. I am going to start things all over again very slowly. Right back at square one where I must show confidence and that I may provide the safety that every girl needs. I am going to start with small talks then work from there onto a friendship. Is this wrong, should I do the no contact rule and give her space?

Edited May 14, 2013 by fireguy1

[aisuru]

This is gonna hurt...

 

1st, you're both young and you're going to evolve a lot in the coming years.

2nd, you're probably at the end of your relationship.

3rd, let her go and accept that you have both changed (and will continue to change)

 

Lots of red flags here but at the end of the day... Sounds as though you're growing apart. It sucks, but it happens. Preserve your dignity and self respect. Leave some mystery. Something isn't quite right and you can tell. So don't force it.

 

Take a step back and view all of this without your heart....

[fireguy1]

Thanks for the input, you are really helpful.

 

Anybody else can help me? I want many opinions and help. Anything is helpful.