Author Moemone Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 I am currently working on my self, reading a lot and I am seeing IC. Because I've made up my mind about letting him go. I need to focus on me and rebuild the broken parts of me, will alwAYS be on LS because it helped me a lot, it helped me face reality. Now I can tell my self He is committed, can't build a future with me, playing around, has no respect for me, doesn't care about my feelings etc I will soon be the confident and independent woman that I am. Ill fix the damages. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Moe, I read your post about this guy that you were involved with, you say, "he loves his gf unconditionally in one post, and in another you mention that he is committed to his gf"? My question to you is, how so? How is he giving unconditional love to this gf and how is he committed? I hope you are still being strong and loving yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 Ex ap keeps calling, I can't block him in my state, is there an app that can do that for me I want to take the calls well I have this urge to Confused! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 Ex ap text saying " it's cool i understand" I feel like saying Thank you so much! Now do not call or text! So the grieving can take its cost quickly and we both can heal and move on. I did not reply because I don't know what to say Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Ex ap text saying " it's cool i understand" I feel like saying Thank you so much! Now do not call or text! So the grieving can take its cost quickly and we both can heal and move on. I did not reply because I don't know what to say You say nothing. You do not reply at all. No contact. Let him text/call all he wants. You don't answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 It's so hard, I did loveand care for him with my whole heart have not stopped just trying hard hopefully I survive 100 days wish I was there already. Let him know... I love you I really do but I cannot be with you. Someone from LS let him know please. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Moe... Don't do it. It won't change anything. Don't text him back. Reclaim your power. Link to post Share on other sites
goneundone Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 At this point he is counting on your weakness. He wants to know that you are still his doormat... because if the doormat is gone he will have to replace it. The way you are acting, sounds like me 6 years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. I felt the need to try and get him to understand. Because it was obvious that he didn't. So I thought that if I could explain myself well enough he would understand and stop causing me pain. This was a lie. LadyGrey spoke one of the most important lessons I learned in that relationship: SILENCE IS DIGNITY AND POWER. Expect him to keep calling/texting breadcrumbs because he wants to be reassured that you will still chase him around and be his doormat. He wants to know that you still need to tell him how you feel. That you still need his understanding. Guys like these who are unresponsive to your needs, will continue to be unresponsive to your needs. If you want to continue chasing him around while he walks all over you, then keep texting him. HEALTHY, STRONG MEN are attracted to women that exhibit personal strength, confidence, self-respect, and dignity. HARMFUL, WEAK MEN are attracted to women that devalue themselves, exhibit low self-esteem, allow disrespect, and still chase after him seeking his "love" and understanding. Any man who disrespects you does not love you but is using you to fullfill his own emotional dysfunction. The first thing about repairing your low self-esteem is to be able to recognize negative self-talk. The thoughts in your head. Replace the negative thoughts with opposite, positive thoughts. Example: Turn "i'm fat and ugly" to "i'm skinny and beautiful." It doesn't matter how you feel.. eventually your feelings will follow. Stop negative self-talk immediately. The second thing about repairing your low self-esteem is to ACT confident even if you're not. Like I said.. your feelings will follow. No matter how hard it is. DON'T TEXT HIM ANYTHING. Let him text whatever he wants. Even if he accuses you of something you do not feel or did not do. DO NOT RESPOND. Let him call you, let him leave a message. DO NOT RESPOND. You do not even need to tell him that you're done with him. If you don't respond, he will get the point. The only way to claim back your power and dignity is with SILENCE. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Thank you ever so much. A total of 26 calls I don't think he has anything to say to me. I am staying true to this cause as I am the one who will benefit will spend more time on here your post helped I felt better after reading it I was actually feeling sorry etc Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 At this point he is counting on your weakness. He wants to know that you are still his doormat... because if the doormat is gone he will have to replace it. The way you are acting, sounds like me 6 years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. I felt the need to try and get him to understand. Because it was obvious that he didn't. So I thought that if I could explain myself well enough he would understand and stop causing me pain. This was a lie. LadyGrey spoke one of the most important lessons I learned in that relationship: SILENCE IS DIGNITY AND POWER. Expect him to keep calling/texting breadcrumbs because he wants to be reassured that you will still chase him around and be his doormat. He wants to know that you still need to tell him how you feel. That you still need his understanding. Guys like these who are unresponsive to your needs, will continue to be unresponsive to your needs. If you want to continue chasing him around while he walks all over you, then keep texting him. HEALTHY, STRONG MEN are attracted to women that exhibit personal strength, confidence, self-respect, and dignity. HARMFUL, WEAK MEN are attracted to women that devalue themselves, exhibit low self-esteem, allow disrespect, and still chase after him seeking his "love" and understanding. Any man who disrespects you does not love you but is using you to fullfill his own emotional dysfunction. The first thing about repairing your low self-esteem is to be able to recognize negative self-talk. The thoughts in your head. Replace the negative thoughts with opposite, positive thoughts. Example: Turn "i'm fat and ugly" to "i'm skinny and beautiful." It doesn't matter how you feel.. eventually your feelings will follow. Stop negative self-talk immediately. The second thing about repairing your low self-esteem is to ACT confident even if you're not. Like I said.. your feelings will follow. No matter how hard it is. DON'T TEXT HIM ANYTHING. Let him text whatever he wants. Even if he accuses you of something you do not feel or did not do. DO NOT RESPOND. Let him call you, let him leave a message. DO NOT RESPOND. You do not even need to tell him that you're done with him. If you don't respond, he will get the point. The only way to claim back your power and dignity is with SILENCE. Even after 100 days NC I need to read this....and commit it to memory. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 At this point he is counting on your weakness. He wants to know that you are still his doormat... because if the doormat is gone he will have to replace it. The way you are acting, sounds like me 6 years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. I felt the need to try and get him to understand. Because it was obvious that he didn't. So I thought that if I could explain myself well enough he would understand and stop causing me pain. This was a lie. LadyGrey spoke one of the most important lessons I learned in that relationship: SILENCE IS DIGNITY AND POWER. Expect him to keep calling/texting breadcrumbs because he wants to be reassured that you will still chase him around and be his doormat. He wants to know that you still need to tell him how you feel. That you still need his understanding. Guys like these who are unresponsive to your needs, will continue to be unresponsive to your needs. If you want to continue chasing him around while he walks all over you, then keep texting him. HEALTHY, STRONG MEN are attracted to women that exhibit personal strength, confidence, self-respect, and dignity. HARMFUL, WEAK MEN are attracted to women that devalue themselves, exhibit low self-esteem, allow disrespect, and still chase after him seeking his "love" and understanding. Any man who disrespects you does not love you but is using you to fullfill his own emotional dysfunction. The first thing about repairing your low self-esteem is to be able to recognize negative self-talk. The thoughts in your head. Replace the negative thoughts with opposite, positive thoughts. Example: Turn "i'm fat and ugly" to "i'm skinny and beautiful." It doesn't matter how you feel.. eventually your feelings will follow. Stop negative self-talk immediately. The second thing about repairing your low self-esteem is to ACT confident even if you're not. Like I said.. your feelings will follow. No matter how hard it is. DON'T TEXT HIM ANYTHING. Let him text whatever he wants. Even if he accuses you of something you do not feel or did not do. DO NOT RESPOND. Let him call you, let him leave a message. DO NOT RESPOND. You do not even need to tell him that you're done with him. If you don't respond, he will get the point. The only way to claim back your power and dignity is with SILENCE. What an awesome post. Don't try and show him how much you love HIM. Show him how much you love YOU. See the difference? People will treat you the way you feel about yourself. He shouldn't dare to call you if he isn't single...thats the message you need to send about loving yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Good morning, thank you all! Right now I'm fighting every urge. He isn't worth it, I've played my part in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Was going to send this to exAP but to scratch off my hands ill post it here I remember laying in your bed and I ask you " if you we're to be in a serious relationship with me would you or would you consider marrying me if you didn't have a gf and you said no". I appreciate your honest answer it had me thinking a lot like: why am I with this guy? Why waste more years when I have the potential of being more valuable to someone else? What are my benefits? Is this really how I want to spend my younger years? If this guy and his gf ever fall out ( not that I am asking for it) he wouldn't consider me?! Theres really nothing there for me to get. Dont i deserve better?! am i not worth more?! Just imagine I stayed with you for let's say 5 years and **** happens you and your gf fall out, I would be 29 and you'd just walk out of my life. There are millions of reasons why we need an end to us. There's an old saying " if something makes you more sad than happy let it go". That's us. Affairs are more fun when it's new that's why you search and look around like the one on your what's app and the one on bbm. You love the newness and if it so happen that you end up screwing around with them for 2 years you'll eventually seek attention from new ones. I realize that it's a pattern in your life or not just you but any affair and if you don't let the truth hurt , you to can admit that this is true. I want to move on, I choose to move on, I choose to get to know me and love me. Being with you was an amazing painful experience we both learned. I need you to look out of your emotions and agree to the truth I deserve more and I am worth more than just being in an affair where I am committed to someone who isn't and will never be committed to me, I bring life, love, care and loads of crazy. It just means that there's life. Lets do what's right you've tried to do it so many times and I kept coming back because I didn't understand but now that I understand how much I'm gonna benefit from it and so will you ( no more crazy) l am strong and willing to end it. There really isn't any space in your life for me your attention is scattered it isn't something that I can accept with the " I wanna know what it's like to be first mentality or since I settle for second and I want to be treated like I'm first". We insult each other, we have no respect for each other and we don't really care about each others feeling with that said I believe that you don't care for me or my feelings at all if you did you wouldn't bring the three other women in the picture and flash them in my face. I am hurt but I've accepted that it would eventually get down to this I think this is what needs to be done if you feel hurt like I do we will heal in time and move on remembering that I genuinely loved and cared for you. As time passes reality will hit you and you'll confront yourself. I don't know what to say anymore, I've said it all and I've even begged you to treat me better, begged you to see that I was there for you. But whatever, your re in a relationship and its just time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Pandy13 Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 I also have a question regarding breaking NC. Here is my situation. I have done NC for 2 weeks now. I know it's wayyy too early to even think about breaking it. However, I know that in a week or 2, my ex bf will contact me about sending some of my stuff back. We went over this already during out breakup conversation but I feel like for some reason, he'll just talk to me again about this and just to small talk. Should I just ignore him then or what? I don't feel like I'm ready to talk to him at all, yet. But I don't want to be rude when he asks these questions. And I do want my stuff back. But really the thought of having to talk to him makes me feel sick and uneasy and I feel like I would probably collapse and go back to where I was 2 weeks ago... Thought? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 19, 2013 Author Share Posted May 19, 2013 Thank you! I did not send it but I'm glad I post it on here. Pandy13 I'm sorry I don't know what to say I'm struggling with no contact been only 4 days. I guess if you have to take it and you don't want to break NC you ask someone to take it for you Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 I also have a question regarding breaking NC. Here is my situation. I have done NC for 2 weeks now. I know it's wayyy too early to even think about breaking it. However, I know that in a week or 2, my ex bf will contact me about sending some of my stuff back. We went over this already during out breakup conversation but I feel like for some reason, he'll just talk to me again about this and just to small talk. Should I just ignore him then or what? I don't feel like I'm ready to talk to him at all, yet. But I don't want to be rude when he asks these questions. And I do want my stuff back. But really the thought of having to talk to him makes me feel sick and uneasy and I feel like I would probably collapse and go back to where I was 2 weeks ago... Thought? Hi Pandy, 1. You should probably post your own thread. 2. Are you or your Ex BF married? 3. Stay NC. Take control. Don't be passive and wait for him. Send a trusted friend to get your things from him. You broke up. You are not required to talk to him, answer any of his questions or even respond to him. Don't let him friend-zone you...that's all about him and not about you. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Thank you! I did not send it but I'm glad I post it on here. YEAH!!!! That's great. Keep up the great work. It does get easier... you just have to wallow thru the crap first. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moemone Posted May 19, 2013 Author Share Posted May 19, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated-8.html#post4817358 A link to NC guide Link to post Share on other sites
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