I m an alcoholic

[Hello.My.Name.Is.]

It's time I came to terms with it. Again. I have a problem with alcohol. I do not respond the same as "normal" people do to beverages. I can't have just one. I do stupid selfish and reckless things while drunk and I am tired of it.

 

I was in AA on and off for two years. And a year ago was sober for five months before moving to another country. I remember how clean I felt. And how much better my life was without drinking. I miss it very much.

 

Last night I drank too much and ended up in an intimate situation with one of my male friends. I am in an open relationship but still. Sober, I never would have done that. I am using this as a kind of sobriety diary since it's hard to find meetings in my town and the surrounding area.

 

I still feel a bit drunk from last night. But tomorrow morning I will have 24 hours of sobriety. My boyfriend has promised to stop drinking with me but I know this is something only I can do.

 

If you have any ideas on staying sober and keeping busy, pleaded feel free to share them. And thanks for reading.

[denise_xo]

I stopped drinking about twelve years ago and it was really liberating. I'm sure it will be for you, too. Just focus on things that are enjoyable and keep you moving forward, and be grateful that you head is clear and your judgment is working Good luck.

[Feelin Frisky]

It is an impulse that can come at you at any time. The more you work at reminding yourself of the reasons not to drink the less likely you'll follow the impulse. Alcoholism is a cycle. The worst is the daily cycle or intra-day cycle and there are people who have a twice a year cycle or a yearly cycle or an open cycle where they don't know yet how long it is but the impulse WILL come because we are not thinking machines--we're beings that get tired, lonely, distracted and so forth. I try to concentrate on a couple of things that tell me that I've used my drinking privileges up. One is that I get "micro seizures"--an electric pulse that will wake me out of a sound sleep because it's scary like you could die if that keeps up. And once about 7 years ago after a night where I drank a liter of Myers rum, I got a whistling in my right ear where I lost about 40% of my hearing. I had to take steroids for a week to rejuvenate the cochlea and I recovered, but these things didn't happen when I was younger and felt invincible like there were no real consequences. Now there are and I don't want to find out what they are. I rarely drink and never the way I used to for effect. I might have some 15 year old single malt Scotch or something special but I won't run mass produced alcoholic piss through my precious organs. Just the sight of a case of beer turns me off.

[Fugu]

I think alcoholism has to be seen as part disease but also a controllable one. It's a series of bad decisions that leads one down the road to alcohol addiction. Deciding to go into a bar is a decision. Deciding to be around someone who drinks is a decision. Deciding to keep alcohol in your home is a decision. Taking a sip is a decision. THe more of these decisions that are wrong, the worse it gets. You don't necessarily have to change all of them, but probably some of them should be changed. Maybe make a list of all the decisions you made before you ended up drunk. Write them down and remember them. And change at least some of them. Awareness is key. Action's even more key.

[Feelin Frisky]

I think alcoholism has to be seen as part disease but also a controllable one. It's a series of bad decisions that leads one down the road to alcohol addiction. Deciding to go into a bar is a decision. Deciding to be around someone who drinks is a decision. Deciding to keep alcohol in your home is a decision. Taking a sip is a decision. THe more of these decisions that are wrong, the worse it gets. You don't necessarily have to change all of them, but probably some of them should be changed. Maybe make a list of all the decisions you made before you ended up drunk. Write them down and remember them. And change at least some of them. Awareness is key. Action's even more key.

 

Those are decisions on in theory. The human being is not a constant that always has the same objectivity, lucidity and capacity to recall all of the reasons why not to drink. That's why it gets the classification of disease--it's an orientation to a state of intoxication that had sedating properties and also stimulating properties. If we were computing thinking machines created in a factory, we could judge it all as decisions and think poorly of people who make those choices but that doesn't do anything but give the judger the go ahead to pat him or herself for making better decisions when the real truth is you aren't the same people, don't have the same affliction, don't have the same chemistry or family history. Therefore we can only talk about what's a life of good choices that keep us away from alcohol and don't get entangled on judgments. It wise not to keep alcohol in the house--but most alcoholics know that and don't. They act out on impulse and even make it hard for themselves to get at it. But they are resourceful when over-taken by impulse and there is very little that can talk them out of it. I have been there. I have it pretty well licked but it never goes away and I can have an impulse at any time. I just don't act on them any more because I no longer have the illusion of unlimited health that younger people have where it seems you'll just sleep it off and you'll be fine. No. it starts its own need. Just one outing will trigger another two or three weeks from now. I hate living in that cycle of writing off days and now know that it is only an appearance that you've slept it off. It changes your brain chemistry and take a while to like it down so that you're not in a cycle any more.

[carhill]

If you have any ideas on staying sober and keeping busy, pleaded feel free to share them. And thanks for reading

 

Welcome to LS and best wishes in your recovery

 

Having loved a few female alcoholics, my first suggestion is to realign your social associations to better match your commitment to sobriety. You alluded to this when discussing your BF supporting you in your sobriety by not drinking himself.

 

Second, I suggest recommitting to AA and settling on a sponsor to assist you in your recovery. This facilitates the 'burden' of recovery being borne by those most knowledgeable about both alcoholism, that being the alcoholic themselves and the recovering alcoholic who is their sponsor, and the recovery process. A 'regular' person, like your boyfriend, while having sincere and loving attentions, operates from a different perspective. Also, having independent support lessens the 'burden' on your boyfriend and facilitates more positive interactions.

 

Remember, one day at a time. 'Today I choose not to drink.'

[soccerrprp]

Hello,

 

My father passed away a few years ago from cirrhosis of the the liver from alcohol. He went from a loving, jovial man to estranged....I watched my father's gradual deterioration and no matter what and how we pleaded, he refused to (admit) get help. I am certain that my father was also depressed. My relationship with my father was very close. Very close, but my love for him wasn't enough. Even the gravity of his ailments, disease wasn't enough to get my father to stop drinking.

 

He eventually and disappointingly divorced the only woman that really loved and supported him. My mother was devastated when he asked for a divorce and simply drove off to another women a thousand miles away. It was tragic and sad. Needless to say, my mother had the full support of all her children....we knew exactly what was going on.

 

We kept in touch and visited him when we could with his new family. Well, unfortunately, his new wife also drank. Not an alcoholic, but drank and the presence of alcohol in the house was a death sentence for him.

 

You're BF says that he will not drink with you again...does that mean that there is not a drop of alcohol in the house? If there is, you will always be tempted. The house needs to be DRY! Your bf, needs to be DRY when around you. I just can't emphasize this enough.....the road to recovery is NC with alcohol.

 

AND YES Alcoholics Anonymous!!!!

 

Good luck. I am thinking of you.

Edited May 19, 2013 by soccerrprp

[peppermintpaddy]

It's time I came to terms with it. Again. I have a problem with alcohol. I do not respond the same as "normal" people do to beverages. I can't have just one. I do stupid selfish and reckless things while drunk and I am tired of it.

 

AA oI was in n and off for two years. And a year ago was sober for five months before moving to another country. I remember how clean I felt. And how much better my life was without drinking. I miss it very much.

 

Last night I drank too much and ended up in an intimate situation with one of my male friends. I am in an open relationship but still. Sober, I never would have done that. I am using this as a kind of sobriety diary since it's hard to find meetings in my town and the surrounding area.

 

I still feel a bit drunk from last night. But tomorrow morning I will have 24 hours of sobriety. My boyfriend has promised to stop drinking with me but I know this is something only I can do.

 

If you have any ideas on staying sober and keeping busy, pleaded feel free to share them. And thanks for reading.

So why dont you just go back to AA,you know it works.Don't be looking for excuses....YOU are responsible....accept you have a problem and do something about it.

[Goodbye]

Have you tried <SmartRecovery.org>? Very helpful.

Edited June 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted direct link

[Jon Tenzo]

Alcoholism is caused by a physical dependency on the substance. What you need to do is 3 things:

 

1) Repair the damage. The liver has been assaulted and also malfunctions to a certain degree when too much alcohol is consumed on the regular basis. It produces incorrect concentrations of hormone levels which make your alcoholic tendencies worse. Repair the liver and your cravings will go down significantly. Same for the kidneys.

 

2) Improve circulation. Detoxification of the blood is necessary. Once this begins then you will begin to feel better without the addictive substance.

 

3) Heal the brain. Your brain chemistry changes with alcohol and needs to be changed literally. The physical structure of your brain needs to be changed which requires the first 2 steps before this can occur.

 

Substances that will help you with the above (corresponds to the number):

 

1) Milk Thistle, Reishi (Ganoderma Lucidum), Cordyceps, L-Gluthaione

 

2) Hawthorn Berry, Celery seed, Astragalus

 

3) Omega-3 (Fish Oil), L-Glutamine, GABA, L-Tyrosine

 

If you need specific brands or dosaging just contact me.

[Yadhan95]

I can't really out do these guys up here...but my dad is an alcoholic and he turns into literally a different person when he drinks. It's sad cause I remember hiding under the bed because he would yell at my mom. I just wanna say good luck and the only person who can change this bad habit/lifestyle is YOU. And of course with the help of your family/friends

[Forever Learning]

Have you tried <SmartRecovery.org>? Very helpful.

 

 

I looked at this website but could not tell if it is a free group or not. I had not heard of it but it looks interesting.

 

 

How are you doing OP? You got alot of very caring advice here. Some people here at Love Shack are just absolutely fantastic and amazing!

 

OP, I hope you will try to find a support group in whatever country you are in - keep looking. What country are you in?

 

Also, I thought there are virtual support groups online. I know there are for other addictions, I've seen them, you can log in at a certain time and take turns talking, just like in a real group meeting. Google it! Good luck.

Edited June 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[skydiveaddict]

It's time I came to terms with it. Again. I have a problem with alcohol. I do not respond the same as "normal" people do to beverages. I can't have just one.

 

I don't buy into the twelve step bull**** of aa. But if you do I respect that. Just know that most addiction problems are handled man to man. I mean the man confronting himself. That's how you handle it if you're serious about kick'n it.

[Feelin Frisky]

Alcoholism is an ancient affliction that has dogged us human beings for so long we tend to call it things like "drinking" and not even look at it as consumption of the one substance that has that effect on us. So many of us fall into it so well before we have sorted out who we are individually, how we perceive ourselves and our standing in our peer groups much less what we come to believe possible of our individual selves as unique minds as good as anyone else who has ever lived and what we believe possible of ourselves if fortune smiles upon us where for whatever reason potential falls to us as to make an impact on history. When you're young and all the messages seem to be that you're just a number--a unit to be processed by an uncaring system be it in school or even where your family considers you acceptable if you are simply not a problem, you can take up this pass time that people around you accept within limits they don't spell out. Then you can overstep those limits and it's not unusual to find no one who sees enough in you to risk the discomfort of alienating you to tell you you're blowing your chance to matter. Alcohol and alcoholism is an insidious cultural nebulizer that unfortunately neutralizes so many a leader--we all get defeatist messages as children, adolescents and post adolescents, and when reality smacks you in the face that some kind of vacuum calls your number to be a world changer, you have a double or triple whammy of having people dismiss you for your excesses, the tendency to dismiss yourself, and the continuing urge to drink and deny that you and only you could have answered the call in some special moment that could make you a star and perhaps a historic figure that answered the bell. I look at it so differently as a mature man--knowing like the tobacco industry there has been money under the table to to plant cigarette smoking as continued normal routine we shouldn't question that alcohol is just as crookedly pushed on generations of youth as something to not question and just join in because you're nothing particularly unique or special or capable of making a big difference when circumstances call for someone to stand for something. There is no doubt that this is one of those industries whose corrupt influence on youth sustains that market for their products and god only knows how many really potentially good influences have been taken out over the years by this major drug pusher and enabler of continued primitive society. I'll have one 40 year old Scotch and call it a night. Pumping a case of Miller light through my brain is an embarrassing truth I wonder about.