Let's Start From the Beginning

[mfleck91]

I started dating my ex senior year of high school. We were each other's first serious relationship and we got along great. We went to college together and moved in together our senior year. That was this past semester, so we were together almost 4 and a half years.

 

We never had sex, at first because of her beliefs, then she started to warm up to it and we tried to do it but for some reason it just never worked out. We had the occasional argument like any other couple, nothing serious. She flew me up north to meet her entire family this past new years which i thought was a big deal and I was planning on proposing this summer and I think she knew it.

 

Anyways, 2 weeks after we came back from meeting her family she broke up with me, I was completely blindsided. We continued living together for 2 weeks and for some reason I wasn't totally upset because I knew she would come around and get back with me, and she did. The reasons she gave for the breakup was that I wasn't caring enough, I didnt say I love you enough and call her beautiful enough.

 

Admittedly I may have been slightly guilty of this, after 4 years I may have started to get a bit comfortable in the relationship and took her for granted somewhat. She had brought those issues up in the past and I always made an active effort to do better. Anyways, we got back together and for those 3 weeks I was the best partner anyone could be; I said all the right words and did all the right things, even she said I was doing great. Yet, after 3 weeks she called it off (mid February), this time she couldnt give a reason, and that frustrated me. This time I knew it was serious, I was devastated. The night we broke up she left in the middle of the night and didnt come back. She continued to do this several nights in a row and I became suspicious.

 

Now if you knew my ex you would say she was a goody two shoes innocent girl and would never cheat. This is what I and all my family and friends believed. However my suspicions grew and I asked her if there was another guy, she said no and I believed her for the time being. It got to the point where I knew something was up. I knew her facebook password and logged on (I know its an invasion of privacy but I knew she was hiding something), in her messages i saw the first one to a guy i didnt recognize, it said "I think *my name* knows".

 

That was all the proof I needed but I read on to see that she was talking to this guy about me and had been sending him pictures of herself, nothing sexual, but pictures in general. She bad mouthed me to him saying I was immaturely handling the breakup and that she was lying to me about this other guy. SO the next day I told her I knew everything and that she had to be out of the apartment before I returned from Spring break, that was February 26, I havent seen her or had a conversation with her since.......She left most of her stuff in the apartment, only took the essentials and I guess is staying with a friend.

 

 

I know for a fact she is till with this other guy and it makes me sick. Now I wanted answers so I texted her asking for them but she never replied, so I got angry and sent some very nasty messages, but I think I was justified considering the circumstances. She now cites these nasty messages as the reason she wont talk to me, a very immature excuse in my book. Since the breakup she has been doing things she wouldnt normally so; excessive partying and drinking, hanging with people she normally wouldnt, and of course dating a guy that is obviously no good for her.

 

She hasnt gotten parking tickets and had a car accident and isnt welcome back to her old job, these are all things I hear from mutual friends. She is obviously losing control of her life. So I'm left here with no closure picking up the pieces of our relationship by myself. I'm lonely most days and have been seeing a therapist since the breakup but I dont know how much good it does. I'm afraid she is sleeping with this other guy based on all the other unusual stuff she has done and based on the fact that its a hard core frat boy that I'm pretty comfortable saying is a womanizer.

 

 

I just dont understand why she wants all this, why would she give up our relationship for this life. We went on vacations together, always talked about marriage, our future, starting a family. We were happy as far as I knew and I just dont understand why any of this happened. My family and friends hate her for what she has done to me, I hate her somewhat myself for the lying and betrayal; this makes it impossible for us to ever be together again. I'm afraid Ill never find someone else or someone good enough. I'm a reasonably attractive guy, most would consider me underweight and skinny but I'm one of the nicest most genuine people out there so Ive been told.

 

 

Women just dont seem interested in me though. It all adds up to being anxious and depressed all day, still hoping that Ill get an apology and explanation from my ex. I dont know what shes doing and it seems like she doesnt miss me or care about me at all despite saying she still loved me when we broke up, she just wasnt "in" love with me.

 

Nothing makes sense.

Edited May 15, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added paragraphs

[maturityassets]

If you don't mind me making a bit of a joke.... You need to watch swingers if you haven't already to make yourself feel better =)

 

Its not really clear what you want though? Hopefully it is just to learn and move on. I wouldn't advise you to ever accept this girl back into your life. She left her stuff there? Does she honestly think that she'll come back one day or is using it as insurance. You can never trust her again. She is selfish beyond recognition at this point. This is why people don't talk after break ups, it leads to all this nonsense of hurt feelings and exposing the person for what they really are. And sometimes that's better because you realize that this isn't a person who appreciated you or worthy of a commitment. She doesn't even have the integrity to explain what went wrong. In the end this is how girls cope with break up. They think about you and are reminded of you all the time. Sometimes they do things they didn't do in the relationship to try and prove they can have more fun and you were an anchor in their life. Some will have random hookups after a break up (which is honestly makes them unappealing when you find out) to try to forget your ways in turning them on. In the end they all realize what they lost if you were a good partner to them and if they treated you unfairley. Just women at this point in their life need constant intimacy (the talking kind) and if they don't receive it they reevaluate what they want and set new goals for themselves. Its part of the naivete of being a young and immature girl. So you will have your good and bad days. We all get it. Being lonely doesn't help, you need to see friends or family because the only thing that takes your mind off that person are the laughs you guys give each other. And look girls are easy, you make a few jokes, use their words against them, even make a couple of subtle jokes referring and relating to sexual topics and they get hooked on you because they just don't want you as an open ear but now someone they are invested in. Regardless rebounds won't solve your feelings, but being socially active will help with coping

[mfleck91]

If you don't mind me making a bit of a joke.... You need to watch swingers if you haven't already to make yourself feel better =)

 

Its not really clear what you want though? Hopefully it is just to learn and move on. I wouldn't advise you to ever accept this girl back into your life. She left her stuff there? Does she honestly think that she'll come back one day or is using it as insurance. You can never trust her again. She is selfish beyond recognition at this point. This is why people don't talk after break ups, it leads to all this nonsense of hurt feelings and exposing the person for what they really are. And sometimes that's better because you realize that this isn't a person who appreciated you or worthy of a commitment. She doesn't even have the integrity to explain what went wrong. In the end this is how girls cope with break up. They think about you and are reminded of you all the time. Sometimes they do things they didn't do in the relationship to try and prove they can have more fun and you were an anchor in their life. Some will have random hookups after a break up (which is honestly makes them unappealing when you find out) to try to forget your ways in turning them on. In the end they all realize what they lost if you were a good partner to them and if they treated you unfairley. Just women at this point in their life need constant intimacy (the talking kind) and if they don't receive it they reevaluate what they want and set new goals for themselves. Its part of the naivete of being a young and immature girl. So you will have your good and bad days. We all get it. Being lonely doesn't help, you need to see friends or family because the only thing that takes your mind off that person are the laughs you guys give each other. And look girls are easy, you make a few jokes, use their words against them, even make a couple of subtle jokes referring and relating to sexual topics and they get hooked on you because they just don't want you as an open ear but now someone they are invested in. Regardless rebounds won't solve your feelings, but being socially active will help with coping

I definitely know that I can never trust her again or take her back. As far as leaving her stuff in the apartment I think its because she knows that if she comes to get it then she runs the risk of seeing me, which she has avoided at all costs. I screwed up when I started dating her, she became my focus and all my friends were shoved aside and eventually disappeared. I unknowingly became dependent on her and her friends for my social life and now that she is gone I'm back to square one having to find new friends all over again which is very difficult since I just graduated college and am about to move back home.

[maturityassets]

well you must have family back at home? I know it isn't exactly going out late at night with some friends but Family can do a lot to help pass the time. And you can always try to get back in touch with old friends. I mean no one is that worth it to cut all ties with other people when being in a normal relationship. I would advise while you're building new relationships with people, go to a gym, join some kind of class (music, boxing or something), get new hobbies and etc. If anything you are bound to have some interactions. And if you believe you don't know how to interact with people why don't you just go to your local barnes and nobles and get a book on tips on flirting. Not like the books will make you ta pick up artist or anything but they do help give you a new mindset in approaching people and trying to be comfortable in interactions