youngnlove89 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 My ex hasn't contacted me at all, less than 2 weeks now. It makes me feel like a loser. It makes me feel unworthy. Not good enough. Or maybe he has met someone else? It bothers me that I don't know. Is someone capable of missing me after two years together? Does he think of me? Regret it? I'll be honest, my ego is bruised. So, with that concluded, I messed up: I haven't been doing so well with NC the fast couple days and I haven't been abiding it that well either. I did text him yesterday, and it was stupid. But I had a weak moment, an immature moment, you can add. I said that I loved him and cared for him, but am seeing someone else now. I wish him the best yada yada. No reply. Nothing. That was yesterday. I don't know why I told him I was seeing someone. I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I didn't think before I acted. I just needed to do it. Maybe because I want him to think that I'm okay without him. I have no excuse and I take full accountability for it. I set myself up. Now I'm paying the price. But, it's okay. I'm not going to let it set me back. I'm going to the gym today, I'm smiling, I'm going to take care of myself and be happy. I will move past this. I'm going out this weekend with a guy friend of mine that I was interested in before my ex. We lost touch for awhile, but we are talking again. No expectations, just going out for a beer. He knows I just want to go out as friends. I know I'm not ready to get into a relationship yet, as I still have feelings for my ex. I was a little perplexed about whether I should share that I broke NC or not, but what the heck, I'm trying to move on so I have to be honest with myself and all of you if I want the help I need. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I guess this is better than sleeping with him, but yeah, really not sure what the point of that was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 I know What was I thinking?! I don't have control over myself or the situation! I AM AN IDIOT. Do you think I made myself look dumb to him? Link to post Share on other sites
drpepper1886 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 My ex didn't contact me in over 7 months, then I got a birthday text, I said thanks the next day and went back to NC. Them not contacting you has nothing to do with your worth. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Them not contacting you has nothing to do with your worth. Why does it feel like that then? By him ignoring me, I feel defeated. I feel like a loser. Like I meant nothing. I wasn't good enough. That he can't be kind enough to reply. That he is indifferent and it doesn't phase him. That he has moved on. Met another girl and could not care less about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I know What was I thinking?! I don't have control over myself or the situation! I AM AN IDIOT. Do you think I made myself look dumb to him? When you're seeing someone else, you really don't have the desire or need to tell the ex you've moved on. It's when you need to reach out to let him know, is when he can smell your sour grapes. Probably thinks you were trying to make him jealous, or you probably were hoping he'd freak and revisit being with you. You have control, if you want it. You're just not ready. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 When you're seeing someone else, you really don't have the desire or need to tell the ex you've moved on. It's when you need to reach out to let him know, is when he can smell your sour grapes. Probably thinks you were trying to make him jealous, or you probably were hoping he'd freak and revisit being with you. You have control, if you want it. You're just not ready. I know that is exactly what I thought about after I sent it, it is SO OBVIOUS. That is why I feel lame. I wish I could take it back. But oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
mfleck91 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Why does it feel like that then? By him ignoring me, I feel defeated. I feel like a loser. Like I meant nothing. I wasn't good enough. That he can't be kind enough to reply. That he is indifferent and it doesn't phase him. That he has moved on. Met another girl and could not care less about me. I know exactly what you mean. I was with my ex for 4 years. She dumped me in February out of nowhere and hasnt tried to contact me since. Makes me feel like there is something wrong with me? How can she move on so quickly and not care? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I know that is exactly what I thought about after I sent it, it is SO OBVIOUS. That is why I feel lame. I wish I could take it back. But oh well. It's done. Keep this as a reminder the next time you want to break NC again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I know What was I thinking?! I don't have control over myself or the situation! I AM AN IDIOT. Do you think I made myself look dumb to him? This question sums up your biggest issue right now. After all this time and after all he's done to you you are still thinking about how things look to him. F--KING STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You made yourself look dumb to yourself. Who cares what he thinks? He doesn't give two s--ts about what you think, yet you pretty much worry about everything you do and how it looks to him. Until you get past this defeatist mentality, you are going to be stuck. And every time you take the easy way out and contact him, you are going to continue to be stuck. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 It's done. Keep this as a reminder the next time you want to break NC again. It doesn't matter anymore. I gave him the power and I lost my self respect. He wins. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 It doesn't matter anymore. I gave him the power and I lost my self respect. He wins. He only wins if you continue to do dumb s--t like this. If you stop now, then you'll win. And you aren't competing against him, you are competing against your own self-destructive tendencies. You aren't at war with him, you are at war with the impulses that cause you to constantly do this crap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 It doesn't matter anymore. I gave him the power and I lost my self respect. He wins. You're not a machine. It's not the end of the world. As much as you're beating yourself up about it, I am sure it's not even on his mind. He's probably not even thinking about it or casting you in a negative light. So stop worrying about who got power and where you left your self-respect. If you can learn from this, then accept that it was a lesson rather than your need to continue beating your already damaged self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 He only wins if you continue to do dumb s--t like this. If you stop now, then you'll win. And you aren't competing against him, you are competing against your own self-destructive tendencies. You aren't at war with him, you are at war with the impulses that cause you to constantly do this crap. Thanks. This helps me a little. I will stop now. No more!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 You're not a machine. It's not the end of the world. As much as you're beating yourself up about it, I am sure it's not even on his mind. He's probably not even thinking about it or casting you in a negative light. So stop worrying about who got power and where you left your self-respect. If you can learn from this, then accept that it was a lesson rather than your need to continue beating your already damaged self-esteem. You are right. He probably is just living his life and I'm no where in his thoughts. Even though that hurts to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 You are right. He probably is just living his life and I'm no where in his thoughts. Even though that hurts to hear. I said that in reference to him not putting that much judgment into what you said so you need to stop worrying and beating yourself up about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 He didn't win anything. You don't know what he's thinking. And it doesn't matter. Look, I think I'm awesome. I'm extremely happy with myself and with my life. I sure as hell did NOT get there by being wonderful all along. No, I did it by ****ing up a lot, falling down and getting back up countless times, making multiple mistakes, often repeatedly...and by breaking no contact. A lot. You're young. This will become a learning opportunity for you. I promise. Beat yourself up, but then let it go once you've learned the lesson. <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Just remember these feelings of shame and letting him win the next time that little voice in your head says, "only he can validate me". That way it will be a useful thing. It's crystal clear to the rest of us that this guy had major issues. And because of your own issues and self esteem, he was able to get you to make all his problems into your problems. I think you can see that. But I don't think you really feel it yet. Only time will do that, sadly. Time and realising how many more normal and important people (not just dates) value you as you should be valued. I do sympathise. I can see exactly the same thing with my ex: his obsession with being stick thin is all about him, not about me. His fear of love and intimacy mean he's happy to go with the shallow. What he's done is pretty bad, and he I know he cares. He cares so much that he cried when we said goodbye. But.... He doesn't care enough or in the right way that I need, and your tool is exactly the same. It's remembering this that will help us stay strong and get through it. We can't change them. We can only stop their grip on us! Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 YNL - In all seriousness, and no disrespect intended. But, you need serious counseling. You really do. You are unable to control yourself and causing yourself serious damage which may stick with you for a long time to come if you do not get help! Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Whoopsie daisies! You made a mistake. You are paying the price for it by feeling like *****. Back to NC, and now you'll know better the next time you think about breaking NC. Don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Whoopsie daisies! You made a mistake. You are paying the price for it by feeling like *****. Back to NC, and now you'll know better the next time you think about breaking NC. Don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us. Yep, it's all a part of the learning and healing process. It takes self-control to maintain NC and of course a healthy sense of self-worth. It's tough too because it is so easy to find your self-worth in someone else's validation - but finding it within is far more powerful and useful in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I know What was I thinking?! I don't have control over myself or the situation! I AM AN IDIOT. Do you think I made myself look dumb to him? Honestly, yes, you did. First of all, he's the one that keeps dumping you. The one who keeps leaving you. The one who keeps using you. The one who continues treating you horribly. He's also not the one who's reaching out to you in any sort of capacity right now. And your intentions for that text message are so crystal clear. You want to try to "hurt" him as much as he's hurt you. I mean, you guys broke up AGAIN, he's not reached out once, OBVIOUSLY this shows he doesn't care at all, and then out of no where you feel the need to tell him you're seeing someone? Why? He's not in your life, interfering with anything... so why did you even need to say it? It comes off as a very desperate move to try and talk to him, evoke emotion, SOMETHING. Unfortunately, you can't make someone care if they don't, and you can't hurt them if they don't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0620 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 13 days w/o seeing him I thought I was strong enough to block him today. Let me remind you he calls me everyday, so today he tried to call and saw his number was blocked. He called me from a different number after he left work and questioned why his number was blocked he tried to call and text several times and received an error. I am such a coward, my response was there must be something wrong with my line. Oh it gets better He asked if we can get together when he gets off work of course to have sex (boy after the stressful week I could use it and actually thought about it because I miss him) I told him maybe another day. I will let you know when or if I would like to have sex with you under these terms. Is that ok with you? He responded:You know that's ok, I don't want you to do something you don't want to do. The end... Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 13 days w/o seeing him I thought I was strong enough to block him today. Let me remind you he calls me everyday, so today he tried to call and saw his number was blocked. He called me from a different number after he left work and questioned why his number was blocked he tried to call and text several times and received an error. I am such a coward, my response was there must be something wrong with my line. Oh it gets better He asked if we can get together when he gets off work of course to have sex (boy after the stressful week I could use it and actually thought about it because I miss him) I told him maybe another day. I will let you know when or if I would like to have sex with you under these terms. Is that ok with you? He responded:You know that's ok, I don't want you to do something you don't want to do. The end... OK but YnL HAS gone back for sex with this guy. What was all this about: "My ex gave me nothing to miss. Nothing. Maybe that's why it's so easy? LS is the reason I got through it" If you're going to post fine, but I don't see the point in lying in your posts anymore. I agree weekly therapy will be good for you. You need to learn how to cope with things in life without feeling so powerless. You'll gain control of yourself when you finally and truly understand how to love yourself first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0620 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Katz I think you have me mixed up with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts