Broke NC

[KatZee]

Katzee, it took you SIX years to learn your lesson. You see myself in you and that is why you hate it. I'm sure people told you the same thing they are telling me when you went through it. But you had to go through it your own way.

...

 

It took me 6 years because I didn't have the tools that are available now. I wasn't on the Internet like I am today I didn't have a forum of people kicking my a.ss back to reality. I was also 8 hours away from my family and friends. I was extremely closed off and isolated in college. I even had someone tell me to my face, "we don't invite you anywhere bc you're miserable to be around and you bring us all down." That made me isolate myself more.

 

All I had was myself and that's why it took so long. No support system, just lost on an endless downward spiral. If you knew me then you would not recognize me now.

[Tree_Salmon]

Nutella is a Hazelnut Chocolate Spread of Italian origin that tastes reminiscent of an orgy of angels and horny devils. It's like a chocolate Jesus came in your mouth and not at all like what you and your uncle Rico did that he made you promise not to tell grandma when she fell off her 4-wheeler.

To describe in guy terms, basically the culinary equivalent of a getting blowjob while driving your Ferrari to Disneyland.

 

I got that somewhere from some site. But it's true!

 

Anyways, if any guy showed up at my door with Nutella, I'd lick him head to toe and then....well you don't want to know.

 

Strangely enough, I did have one girl use nutella on me in that way. It was quite the experience. My junk smelled like chocolate.

[KatZee]

I've grown up on Nutella. I guess it helps that I'm Italian? I've also had it in Italy. It's good but I wouldn't go so far as to call it chocolate Jesus cum. I myself like Belgian praline much more.

[bdizzle]

Anyways, if any guy showed up at my door with Nutella, I'd lick him head to toe and then....well you don't want to know.

 

Address? Google maps locked and loaded.

[bdizzle]

Looks like I'll be heading to the store to try this. If its not as good as you all claim, I will be deeply disappointed and discount everything you say from this point on.

[Tree_Salmon]

I've grown up on Nutella. I guess it helps that I'm Italian? I've also had it in Italy. It's good but I wouldn't go so far as to call it chocolate Jesus cum. I myself like Belgian praline much more.

 

Yeah I had it in Europe as a kid and thought it tasted better.

Anyway, if you think Nutella is good you should try Norwegien chocolate.

[KatZee]

Looks like I'll be heading to the store to try this. If its not as good as you all claim, I will be deeply disappointed and discount everything you say from this point on.

 

Don't get your hopes up. It's good but not magical. It's hazelnut spread, that's it. You also need to be eating it correctly. It's great in crepes with bananas or strawberries. Or spread on top of a waffle. Or on ice cream.

[bdizzle]

Don't get your hopes up. It's good but not magical. It's hazelnut spread, that's it. You also need to be eating it correctly. It's great in crepes with bananas or strawberries. Or spread on top of a waffle. Or on ice cream.

 

Heard of it on a toasted sandwich with banana...also on one with cream cheese, again, toasted? Truth to this?

[youngnlove89]

It took me 6 years because I didn't have the tools that are available now. I wasn't on the Internet like I am today I didn't have a forum of people kicking my a.ss back to reality. I was also 8 hours away from my family and friends. I was extremely closed off and isolated in college. I even had someone tell me to my face, "we don't invite you anywhere bc you're miserable to be around and you bring us all down." That made me isolate myself more.

 

All I had was myself and that's why it took so long. No support system, just lost on an endless downward spiral. If you knew me then you would not recognize me now.

 

I've never been told that. When I'm with friends and family, I'm a pleasure to be around. I make them laugh and we have fun. I deal with my emotions separately, usually alone. I don't show them in public that much. And I don't like talking about them too much with friends/family because I don't want to harp on it and because I don't want to feel down.

[youngnlove89]

Maybe I should go get some nutella to drown out the feelings. Nutella makes everything better. MMM.

 

Katzee, I'm interested did that one ex of yours ever come back? Realize what he lost?

 

Ex's always come back, but only when I'm over them. I guess it's a win win.

[KatZee]

I've never been told that. When I'm with friends and family, I'm a pleasure to be around. I make them laugh and we have fun. I deal with my emotions separately, usually alone. I don't show them in public that much. And I don't like talking about them too much with friends/family because I don't want to harp on it and because I don't want to feel down.

 

I was full of hate. I was out for blood. I sometimes can't believe what I was after my ex left me and hurt me so bad. I didn't even have justification for it because it was MY fault he left, so I was probably hateful at myself and its why I let it consume me.

 

I became your typical "male" player, in a female body. I took whatever I wanted from whoever I wanted. In one month I was juggling 4 men.

 

My ex got a new Gf and she cheated on him, so he cheated on her with me. I didn't care. I actually sprayed his bed with my perfume and left my panties and the used condom under the bed hoping she'd find it.

 

I was an animal. No remorse for anyone or anything.

 

And no. He never realized what we had and came back. Not in any real capacity anyway. Just as a booty call.

[youngnlove89]

I was full of hate. I was out for blood. I sometimes can't believe what I was after my ex left me and hurt me so bad. I didn't even have justification for it because it was MY fault he left, so I was probably hateful at myself and its why I let it consume me.

 

I became your typical "male" player, in a female body. I took whatever I wanted from whoever I wanted. In one month I was juggling 4 men.

 

My ex got a new Gf and she cheated on him, so he cheated on her with me. I didn't care. I actually sprayed his bed with my perfume and left my panties and the used condom under the bed hoping she'd find it.

 

I was an animal. No remorse for anyone or anything.

 

And no. He never realized what we had and came back. Not in any real capacity anyway. Just as a booty call.

 

WOW. I'm glad you got out of that! But that was kind of mean what you did to the gf. Oh well, we can all be vindictive. I've done it.

 

I did that before, become the typical male player...after one of my ex's cheated on me with 3 different girls. I slept around with a lot of guys, I don't know why. I didn't like doing it, but I lost respect for myself I guess. I've learned my lesson though, no more rebounds or being sleazy. I'm going to be alone for awhile and work on me first before I date anymore.

[KatZee]

WOW. I'm glad you got out of that! But that was kind of mean what you did to the gf. Oh well, we can all be vindictive. I've done it.

 

I did that before, become the typical male player...after one of my ex's cheated on me with 3 different girls. I slept around with a lot of guys, I don't know why. I didn't like doing it, but I lost respect for myself I guess. I've learned my lesson though, no more rebounds or being sleazy. I'm going to be alone for awhile and work on me first before I date anymore.

 

I didn't give a crap about her. She was filthy to me. In my eyes, she betrayed and hurt the guy I was in love with. So we did it back to her. She was also dating his best friend at the same time I was officially his gf so it's like she sniffed around and took my sloppy seconds and I didn't like her encroaching my territory.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, its not a bad thing in any form or fashion. However when she's ready to let it go she will.

 

Not making excuses for her, but we tend to overlook the age factor. Its been mentioned already shes "wasting her 20's" on this. This is true. She's still young though, and while an adult, this was a big part of her life and to be told, hey, let it go, get counseling, move on, is just a load of horse****. She's hurting and dealing with it the only way she knows how.

 

More than half the people here, probably what, 80-85%, myself included, have done the whole break NC or act like a ****ing idiot when breaking up. When everyone finally realized that the cycle was more harm than good, then and only then did they make the next step into remedying the situation for themselves and their peace of mind. She can sit through hours upon hours of a counselor who lets be honest, is out for a paycheck (edit: this is not to say they do not genuinely care, but really, its their JOB. It's a paycheck) and be told the same thing everyone here has been saying, and still chose to contact her camel dick of an ex. She has to find it in herself truly and heartfully willing to let it go.

 

Yeah, I did that -- when I was 18 because I didn't know any better. But I didn't let it go 18 months either. Had I known any better I wouldn't have acted like an idiot for three months like I did, much less a year-and-a-half. I agree that she has to be the one to truly let it go, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit back and watch her bumble around under the guise of "oh, that's OK, she's young". Bulls--t, she's not that young.

 

And I, and other posters here, aren't doing her favors by rationalizing the behavior and saying it's OK. It's not OK for her. It's destructive and counterproductive. It's true that you can only take a horse to water and you can't make it drink. But I'm not going to sit there and coddle the horse for not taking any water. Telling a poster what they want to hear is not helping them (just look at the likes she's giving you, she's looking for any justification to not help herself). You are basically telling her "Hey, it's OK that you've gotten 14 speeding tickets over the past year. Eventually you'll realize that you shouldn't speed in a school zone." I'd rather have her go to defensive driving.

[KatZee]

Well she liked my post too and I said the exact same thing u did.

[youngnlove89]

Thanks guy. You really have been supportive, although harsh. That's okay, I need to hear it.

 

I'm working on it. I'm okay today, we will see how tomorrow goes. Going out with girls next week to have fun and be crazy

 

I'm slowly getting my social life back...

[baRx]

I guess maybe I'm looking for the wrong thing on here? Maybe I am looking for friends and advice, but you all expect me to just magically heal and move on. It's not that easy. I'm not expecting a belly rub or a pity party, to be honest, I don't know what I'm expecting anymore.

 

I'll get back to this later...

 

you know.. i always wondered why people come to these kinds of places and the general consensus is "get therapy" .. what kind of support is that? we're here to give advice, not to tell everyone they're crazy!! if people honestly need therapy to get over an ex or a past relationship, well then they have their own issues that's far worse than just being involved with someone and getting hurt. i'm a firm believer that if you can believe it, you can achieve it and you don't need to sit on someone else's couch and give a rundown of your entire life story and get anti-depressants and all that other crap to accomplish it.

(and this is coming from a guy who drowned himself in alcohol for 2 years straight because i had no other way of 'getting over it' -- but here i am today, less than a week of seeing the girl that brought me down to that level, and i'm completely fine with it. no hard feelings. time truly does heal all wounds.)

 

i completely understand your thought process of how hard it is to just magically wake up one morning and forget be able to get over it. it takes time. time is a double edged sword. it can be great, and it can feel like it takes AGES!

 

you see, as a third party, we read threads like this and say "ah, just get over it already" like it's that easy, forgetting how hard it is in the grand scheme of things. it is SO much easier to tell someone else to do something that most of us can't even accomplish. that's the sad part about places like this.

these are the people you cannot listen to, because they don't have nearly any good advice to share.

 

now, my advice wasn't spectacular. i told you to just keep on going and soon it will heal itself... the best part about my advice is that it's true. although it's going to be extremely difficult, there WILL... let me stress that again, THERE WILL be a time you're fully over this entire ordeal. i'm a living, breathing, hell of an example.

wanna know the worst part? just a month ago i was still upset. still cursing her in my head... then all of a sudden i get a phone call, talk with her for a little bit -- and *bam*. it's over. it's healed. it's gone.

she didn't do anything spectacular, she didn't give me 'closure' -- i just told myself that i'd had enough. enough negative feelings, enough dwelling, enough arguing with myself... time to move on, and so it becomes.

now i'm able to look this girl in the eye and say "hey, it was nice to see you again."

that's SO much better than harboring negative feelings, or worrying about something silly like breaking the no contact rule.

 

you'll get there too. i promise you that.

 

and listen, we all make mistakes. we've all contacted someone we know we shouldn't. i'm probably the master at it by now... but again, life rolls on. you live, you learn, and you try again down the road -- and only when you feel like you're ready to.

 

don't beat yourself up over this, or over what everyone is saying to you. you did what you thought at the time was right. there's no reason to go soul searching for the answer.

 

keep on keepin' on. seriously.

Edited May 15, 2013 by baRx

[FlockaFlex]

Younglove,

I just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely ****ing gorgeous and that you won't have a problem finding a guy better than this dickhead. If I lived by you I know I'd want to take you to dinner

[Tree_Salmon]

you know.. i always wondered why people come to these kinds of places and the general consensus is "get therapy" .. what kind of support is that? we're here to give advice, not to tell everyone they're crazy!! if people honestly need therapy to get over an ex or a past relationship, well then they have their own issues that's far worse than just being involved with someone and getting hurt. i'm a firm believer that if you can believe it, you can achieve it and you don't need to sit on someone else's couch and give a rundown of your entire life story and get anti-depressants and all that other crap to accomplish it.

(and this is coming from a guy who drowned himself in alcohol for 2 years straight because i had no other way of 'getting over it' -- but here i am today, less than a week of seeing the girl that brought me down to that level, and i'm completely fine with it. no hard feelings. time truly does heal all wounds.)

 

i completely understand your thought process of how hard it is to just magically wake up one morning and forget be able to get over it. it takes time. time is a double edged sword. it can be great, and it can feel like it takes AGES!

 

you see, as a third party, we read threads like this and say "ah, just get over it already" like it's that easy, forgetting how hard it is in the grand scheme of things. it is SO much easier to tell someone else to do something that most of us can't even accomplish. that's the sad part about places like this.

these are the people you cannot listen to, because they don't have nearly any good advice to share.

 

now, my advice wasn't spectacular. i told you to just keep on going and soon it will heal itself... the best part about my advice is that it's true. although it's going to be extremely difficult, there WILL... let me stress that again, THERE WILL be a time you're fully over this entire ordeal. i'm a living, breathing, hell of an example.

wanna know the worst part? just a month ago i was still upset. still cursing her in my head... then all of a sudden i get a phone call, talk with her for a little bit -- and *bam*. it's over. it's healed. it's gone.

she didn't do anything spectacular, she didn't give me 'closure' -- i just told myself that i'd had enough. enough negative feelings, enough dwelling, enough arguing with myself... time to move on, and so it becomes.

now i'm able to look this girl in the eye and say "hey, it was nice to see you again."

that's SO much better than harboring negative feelings, or worrying about something silly like breaking the no contact rule.

 

you'll get there too. i promise you that.

 

and listen, we all make mistakes. we've all contacted someone we know we shouldn't. i'm probably the master at it by now... but again, life rolls on. you live, you learn, and you try again down the road -- and only when you feel like you're ready to.

 

don't beat yourself up over this, or over what everyone is saying to you. you did what you thought at the time was right. there's no reason to go soul searching for the answer.

 

keep on keepin' on. seriously.

 

post like this will only allow her to rationalize the destructive behavior shes been displaying.

this does NOT work.

 

And we are recommending therapy because she needs a higher degree of specialization than what we can provide on an internet forum. Seriously, "keep on keepin on" is what kills people.

 

That's bullsh**t advice.

I know where youre coming from but people on here have to stop projecting their reaction to life onto the poster. She's not you. She clearly has an issue with "keepin on" the way you would.

 

This is EXACTLY the place where people tell you that you need to change your strategy for getting better.

[KatZee]

BarX I think you completely missed the part where myself and everyone else said that going to therapy doesn't mean you're crazy.

[baRx]

BarX I think you completely missed the part where myself and everyone else said that going to therapy doesn't mean you're crazy.

 

honestly, i did not read all of that. i just saw a comment from the OP about choosing a gym over therapy and it got me thinking about how many times people say "get therapy" in threads similar to these. i wasn't directing my comments at anyone in this thread.

 

post like this will only allow her to rationalize the destructive behavior shes been displaying.

this does NOT work.

 

And we are recommending therapy because she needs a higher degree of specialization than what we can provide on an internet forum. Seriously, "keep on keepin on" is what kills people.

 

That's bullsh**t advice.

I know where youre coming from but people on here have to stop projecting their reaction to life onto the poster. She's not you. She clearly has an issue with "keepin on" the way you would.

 

This is EXACTLY the place where people tell you that you need to change your strategy for getting better.

 

since when does finding your own way to move on kill people? bullsh-t advice? excuse me? i've done it. i've lived this. i'm pretty sure i know what the hell i'm talking about. i'm not going to just spew sh-t at her for no reason.

i'm not projecting anything onto her, i'm giving her another idea instead of therapy or something else that's useless. the girl doesn't need therapy. half the people that are IN therapy don't need it, but people tell them to go anyway - and guess what? they go. in the end, if you can't figure out how to move on by yourself - you have other issues. that's my point.

 

what destructive behavior is she portraying? she contacted someone she shouldn't have.... ooohhhhhh, she must REALLY need professional help.

oh yeah, a "higher level of specialization"...

please. everyone does it. she's normal. what she's displayed in her OP is 100% normal. she just has to learn from it and not do it again. if you place your hand on a hot stove, it burns. wanna get burned? place your hand back on that stove. if you don't, then find somewhere else for your hand.

Edited May 15, 2013 by baRx

[Simon Phoenix]

honestly, i did not read all of that. i just saw a comment from the OP about choosing a gym over therapy and it got me thinking about how many times people say "get therapy" in threads similar to these. i wasn't directing my comments at anyone in this thread.

 

 

 

since when does finding your own way to move on kill people? bullsh-t advice? excuse me? i've done it. i've lived this. i'm pretty sure i know what the hell i'm talking about. i'm not going to just spew sh-t at her for no reason.

i'm not projecting anything onto her, i'm giving her another idea instead of therapy or something else that's useless. the girl doesn't need therapy. half the people that are IN therapy don't need it, but people tell them to go anyway - and guess what? they go. in the end, if you can't figure out how to move on by yourself - you have other issues. that's my point.

 

what destructive behavior is she portraying? she contacted someone she shouldn't have.... ooohhhhhh, she must REALLY need professional help.

oh yeah, a "higher level of specialization"...

please. everyone does it. she's normal. what she's displayed in her OP is 100% normal. she just has to learn from it and not do it again. if you place your hand on a hot stove, it burns. wanna get burned? place your hand back on that stove. if you don't, then find somewhere else for your hand.

 

She's been doing this for 18 months. This isn't a one-time slip up.

[baRx]

She's been doing this for 18 months. This isn't a one-time slip up.

 

so? that doesn't mean the girl needs therapy. sometimes the other person ropes us back in. it's not always just one person's fault.

she just needs to realize that hot stoves hurt. eventually she'll get it.

 

but to each his own. i was trying to offer another perspective. good luck with this.

[youngnlove89]

Whether I get therapy or not, the ultimate decision is up to me. It is up to me to move on and let go. Therapy can't do that. Harsh advice can't do that. Nice advice can't do that. Seeing him can't do that. Not seeing him can't do that. But my heart can and will when it's ready.

 

I'm working on it guys. I haven't said anything at all since and today I'm doing okay. I'm fine. Tomorrow might be another thing. But I'll deal with that when it arrives.

 

Obviously, I can't do therapy. I've already stated that. So it isn't even an option. I'll get it over it one day, it will happen. I know it.

[Simon Phoenix]

so? that doesn't mean the girl needs therapy. sometimes the other person ropes us back in. it's not always just one person's fault.

she just needs to realize that hot stoves hurt. eventually she'll get it.

 

but to each his own. i was trying to offer another perspective. good luck with this.

 

Why do people think that counseling is a bad thing? This is just an awful, archaic mentality. And using your stove analogy, she has third-degree burns all over her body by now. But yeah, maybe she should just keep doing exactly what she's doing. It's been working wonderfully thus far.