Broke NC

[youngnlove89]

so? that doesn't mean the girl needs therapy. sometimes the other person ropes us back in. it's not always just one person's fault.

she just needs to realize that hot stoves hurt. eventually she'll get it.

 

but to each his own. i was trying to offer another perspective. good luck with this.

 

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. And yes, he has roped me in MANY times. Every time actually. Every time I really try hard to move on, he comes back. It will happen again.

 

But thanks for making me feel like human, like normal. Although, I know it isn't healthy for me, I am willing to change. It's just a process, and it will take TIME. Obviously more than some people. But that is just me. Everyone handles things differently.

[youngnlove89]

Simon, I don't want to do the same thing. I do want to change. I am trying. But I will have setbacks. He is doing me a favor by ignoring me. It's helping.

 

I feel sometimes like I have done something horrible, committed a crime. My heart is just broken.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, I don't want to do the same thing. I do want to change. I am trying. But I will have setbacks. He is doing me a favor by ignoring me. It's helping.

 

I feel sometimes like I have done something horrible, committed a crime. My heart is just broken.

 

I know you are trying, but trying isn't good enough. You have to do it. And you haven't committed a crime, you just are harming yourself over and over again for no good reason and you don't seem to want to take steps to help you along (it took a year and a half until you blocked his number). Like I said, I'm a bad cop and I don't think telling you everything is OK is helpful to you. It's not. You know that. I don't try to be unsympathetic, because what you are going through is tough. But you aren't alone and everyone here has your best intentions in mind and it's frustrating to see some keep making the same mistakes over and over.

 

If you don't want to go to therapy, don't. But don't dismiss it out of pride. Pride has gotten you nowhere. Anyway, you aren't a bad person, you aren't a criminal, but enough about trying. It's time to do.

[mtnbiker3000]

Whether I get therapy or not, the ultimate decision is up to me. It is up to me to move on and let go. Therapy can't do that. Harsh advice can't do that. Nice advice can't do that. Seeing him can't do that. Not seeing him can't do that. But my heart can and will when it's ready.

 

I'm working on it guys. I haven't said anything at all since and today I'm doing okay. I'm fine. Tomorrow might be another thing. But I'll deal with that when it arrives.

 

Obviously, I can't do therapy. I've already stated that. So it isn't even an option. I'll get it over it one day, it will happen. I know it.

 

Just try and go 10 days complete and absolute NC. Try it. Challenge yourself. I dare ya!!

 

BTW - You keep posting, so we keep responding... You post again, and we (I) will respond again. And again. And again...

[youngnlove89]

Simon, I'm really scared that the only way I will finally let go is when he decides to stop contacting me.

 

I just don't see any other way. I'm weak sometimes. And he knows it. He knows all he has to do is call. That is why I sent that text saying I met someone else, in hopes that he will believe it and give up on me.

 

I'm afraid to speak the truth because I don't want to be called names or anything...but that is really how I feel.

 

I'll be okay until he contacts me again. Then I don't know what will happen. But if he does stop contacting me, I can move on. Because I will have no choice. Pathetic huh?

[youngnlove89]

Just try and go 10 days complete and absolute NC. Try it. Challenge yourself. I dare ya!!

 

BTW - You keep posting, so we keep responding... You post again, and we (I) will respond again. And again. And again...

 

I can do that. I've done more than 10 days before. It's when he contacts me first...it's hard to ignore someone you love.

[GI_Joy]

I know you are trying, but trying isn't good enough. You have to do it. And you haven't committed a crime, you just are harming yourself over and over again for no good reason and you don't seem to want to take steps to help you along (it took a year and a half until you blocked his number). Like I said, I'm a bad cop and I don't think telling you everything is OK is helpful to you. It's not. You know that. I don't try to be unsympathetic, because what you are going through is tough. But you aren't alone and everyone here has your best intentions in mind and it's frustrating to see some keep making the same mistakes over and over.

 

If you don't want to go to therapy, don't. But don't dismiss it out of pride. Pride has gotten you nowhere. Anyway, you aren't a bad person, you aren't a criminal, but enough about trying. It's time to do.

 

So much truth in this post. I can sympathize with this. I get it. Love can make us think and act irrationally. But at some point you gotta wake up from the dream...Put forth that first step forward. And realize that the water you were drowning in was only a foot deep. The advice can only go so far, but it means nothing when there is no progress made.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, I'm really scared that the only way I will finally let go is when he decides to stop contacting me.

 

I just don't see any other way. I'm weak sometimes. And he knows it. He knows all he has to do is call. That is why I sent that text saying I met someone else, in hopes that he will believe it and give up on me.

 

I'm afraid to speak the truth because I don't want to be called names or anything...but that is really how I feel.

 

I'll be okay until he contacts me again. Then I don't know what will happen. But if he does stop contacting me, I can move on. Because I will have no choice. Pathetic huh?

 

He gave up on you a long time ago. In fact, it's debatable whether he was into you for anything but sex in the first place. You, for whatever reason, refuse to acknowledge this. And I wouldn't use the word pathetic -- I'd go with sad. Because I think it's just sad that you willingly are wasting your life for a person who doesn't give a crap about you, that you don't have the self-respect or self-control to stop this. You realize this, and you do nothing. It's tragic.

 

One day you will look at yourself and just bang your head against the wall as you why you wasted all of this time being knowingly moronic. It's one thing to not know you are acting foolishly. It's another to know it and refuse to change it. It's the latter which frustrates people. You can do this. You just won't.

[cavalier99]

This whole thing isnt very complicated.

 

Just make a REAL decision that you will maitain NC at all costs until your over it no matter what. Even if your brain tells you otherwise. It is simple but hard. Thats it. Cav

[Simon Phoenix]

I can do that. I've done more than 10 days before. It's when he contacts me first...it's hard to ignore someone you are addicted to.

 

Fixed for accuracy. Though I'll play devil's advocate here -- why do you "love" this person who barely cares about you?

[youngnlove89]

He gave up on you a long time ago. In fact, it's debatable whether he was into you for anything but sex in the first place. You, for whatever reason, refuse to acknowledge this. And I wouldn't use the word pathetic -- I'd go with sad. Because I think it's just sad that you willingly are wasting your life for a person who doesn't give a crap about you, that you don't have the self-respect or self-control to stop this. You realize this, and you do nothing. It's tragic.

 

One day you will look at yourself and just bang your head against the wall as you why you wasted all of this time being knowingly moronic. It's one thing to not know you are acting foolishly. It's another to know it and refuse to change it. It's the latter which frustrates people. You can do this. You just won't.

 

That made me really sad and wanted to cry, but I can't because I'm at work. I think my biggest issue is denial. I really think that he loves me, cares for me and will realize what a mistake he made. But you're right, he wont, he doesn't...

 

How do I overcome this? How do I stop being so oblivious to what is right in front of me?!?! I feel like the more time that goes by, the more it hits me, and the more sad I get...

[Simon Phoenix]

This whole thing isnt very complicated.

 

Just make a REAL decision that you will maitain NC at all costs until your over it no matter what. Even if your brain tells you otherwise. It is simple but hard. Thats it. Cav

 

Yes times one million. You have to just do it. No excuses, play like a champion.

[youngnlove89]

Fixed for accuracy. Though I'll play devil's advocate here -- why do you "love" this person who barely cares about you?

 

Barely cares about me....

 

If that were the case he would have just fallen off the face of earth. But yet he continues to call, text, email, reach out, says he loves me, truly cares about me, does not use me for sex (I know this because there were many times he could have used me and didn't), was there for me when I needed him, would still be there for me if I called him right now and said I needed him, etc.

 

I understand actions speak louder, but he does care. I believe that. He is just messed up in the head. He has commitment issues, issues with his mother/childhood. I understand he also hasn't been the best...no flowers, gifts, bday cards, etc. But there have been times he has been good to me too.

 

I think the main problem here is him and his commitment issues. Not me. He will treat the next girl like this too.

 

But to say he doesn't love or care for me is rude. I hate that. Because he would be hurt to read this right now, because I know he loves me, but in his own way. Maybe not the way I want him too...Maybe not the way he is capable of..

 

Anyways, telling me he doesn't love me or care for me and uses me for sex, is NOT helping me. It makes me feel worse.

[Simon Phoenix]

That made me really sad and wanted to cry, but I can't because I'm at work. I think my biggest issue is denial. I really think that he loves me, cares for me and will realize what a mistake he made. But you're right, he wont, he doesn't...

 

How do I overcome this? How do I stop being so oblivious to what is right in front of me?!?! I feel like the more time that goes by, the more it hits me, and the more sad I get...

 

You have to fight. You don't fight, you cave. You have to fight. It sucks, it'd be a hell of a lot easier if the fairy tale was true. But this is real life. S--t happens. People wrong you. You get laid off. You get sick. People close to you get hurt. But you can't just give up or stay in a state of sadness/despair/delusion. You have to work at it. Nothing will be given to you. And by holding on to this fairy tale delusionally hoping for the happy ending with prince charming, you are preventing yourself from possibly finding the real fairy tale with the proper happy ending.

[youngnlove89]

PLUS it is over. He isn't going to contact me anymore. He won't respond to me. He is probably tired of me. He probably is long gone.

 

So I have no choice but to move on now. Happy?

[Simon Phoenix]

Barely cares about me....

 

If that were the case he would have just fallen off the face of earth. But yet he continues to call, text, email, reach out, says he loves me, truly cares about me, does not use me for sex (I know this because there were many times he could have used me and didn't), was there for me when I needed him, would still be there for me if I called him right now and said I needed him, etc.

 

I understand actions speak louder, but he does care. I believe that. He is just messed up in the head. He has commitment issues, issues with his mother/childhood. I understand he also hasn't been the best...no flowers, gifts, bday cards, etc. But there have been times he has been good to me too.

 

I think the main problem here is him and his commitment issues. Not me. He will treat the next girl like this too.

 

But to say he doesn't love or care for me is rude. I hate that. Because he would be hurt to read this right now, because I know he loves me, but in his own way. Maybe not the way I want him too...Maybe not the way he is capable of..

 

Anyways, telling me he doesn't love me or care for me and uses me for sex, is NOT helping me. It makes me feel worse.

 

You didn't answer the question.

[youngnlove89]

You didn't answer the question.

 

Yes I did. Re-read what I wrote.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes I did. Re-read what I wrote.

 

It was a justification for why you think he loves you and you getting pissed at me. It says nothing about why you love him, unless him calling you is your reasoning.

[mtnbiker3000]

I can do that. I've done more than 10 days before. It's when he contacts me first...it's hard to ignore someone you love.

 

Then block him or change your number. I don't understand. If your main problem is him contacting you, that is easy to remedy.

[youngnlove89]

It was a justification for why you think he loves you. It says nothing about why you love him, unless him calling you is your reasoning.

 

I love him because:

 

1. His smile

2. How he makes me laugh

3. How he tickles me when I'm mad at him just so I can produce a smile

4. His arms and how he cuddles me tightly

5. When he kisses my hand or my forehead

6. When he looks deep into my eyes and just smiles

7. His sexy body

8. How he is witty

9. How he is sarcastic

10. Intelligent, always carries a conversation well

11. How he was there for me the minute I needed him and held my hand the whole way

12. How he calls to just say or share something so random

13. His annoying laugh that I used to make fun of

14. His OCD, even though he hated how I couldn't clean up after myself

15. His ambition in life, his goals, his excitement to achieve

16. How he is so detail oriented and exams everything with a close eye

17. How he hates that I jump around the corner and scare him because it makes him look like a pussy

18. How he loves classic rock

19. How he plays the guitar and tries really hard to impress me, he always did

20. How he used to rub my feet, my back, my head until I fell asleep

 

Want me to continue?

[youngnlove89]

Then block him or change your number. I don't understand. If your main problem is him contacting you, that is easy to remedy.

 

No, my main problem is letting him go. If I block him then I wonder, what if all the time...

[mtnbiker3000]

I love him because:

 

1. His smile

2. How he makes me laugh

3. How he tickles me when I'm mad at him just so I can produce a smile

4. His arms and how he cuddles me tightly

5. When he kisses my hand or my forehead

6. When he looks deep into my eyes and just smiles

7. His sexy body

8. How he is witty

9. How he is sarcastic

10. Intelligent, always carries a conversation well

11. How he was there for me the minute I needed him and held my hand the whole way

12. How he calls to just say or share something so random

13. His annoying laugh that I used to make fun of

14. His OCD, even though he hated how I couldn't clean up after myself

15. His ambition in life, his goals, his excitement to achieve

16. How he is so detail oriented and exams everything with a close eye

17. How he hates that I jump around the corner and scare him because it makes him look like a pussy

18. How he loves classic rock

19. How he plays the guitar and tries really hard to impress me, he always did

20. How he used to rub my feet, my back, my head until I fell asleep

 

Want me to continue?

 

None of this matters now. He decided to leave you out of his life. These are just painful reminders of what once was. I have a very similar list.

 

How about a list of all the BS, pain and misery he has caused you. That's what you should focus on now!!

[na49]

I blocked my ex and it was a huge episode on this forum for a month+. When my ex wanted to ask me about getting back together, she didn't give up after she found out I blocked her. She messaged my brother, and tried to barge the door down anyway she could until she got through.

 

Block him for your own sake. Seriously...

[mtnbiker3000]

No, my main problem is letting him go. If I block him then I wonder, what if all the time...

 

OK, I get this, I experience this. I can relate to this. BUT, wondering is BETTER than what you are going through now. It is manageable!!

[youngnlove89]

None of this matters now. He decided to leave you out of his life. These are just painful reminders of what once was. I have a very similar list.

 

How about a list of all the BS, pain and misery he has caused you. That's what you should focus on now!!

 

Hey, Simon says, I do.

 

I know, I have that list also.