Fear of Loss - Follow up to Kylie's post - 9/12

[chris]

After reading Kylie's post about her boyfriend leaving her when everything was great, I just thought I'd write to let you know (you too Kylie), that I completely understand where your ex is coming from.

 

You see, I was with a girl for almost a year myself. We both developed genuine feelings for each other, quite early on in the piece. She was (still is) a wonderful person. We were very much in love, and had everything you could want in a relationship, and more. She was incredible, we were incredible. I'd never loved someone so much and never felt so afraid of losing it.

 

I can understand your boyfriends feelings of insecurity. My ex is a very attractive girl. I'd feel insecure when guys would look at her in the street, especially when it was obvious she was with me. She used to always tell me not to worry aout it, but it still used to get under my skin. She also has a very outgoing, friendly personality. She's the type of girl who attracts guys easily. I too have been told I'm good looking. We're so very alike with our personalities, but I still used ot feel insecure about it. I too felt insecure that she'd had a lot more experience than me. But that's my own problem. It was not fair to make it hers or for her to feel it.

 

It reached the point where I used to think, "this is too good to be true". I'd never been abandoned by anyone in my family or anyone else. It was more of a case of having something that I had always wanted, yet it was better than I expected. I don't know how or when it happened, but I started to develop a fear of "what if I lost this, what if I don't have this all of a sudden oneday." The thought that she might leave me for someone better, or that she might not want me anymore, really scared me. I didn't know how I would handle it if she left me. I think the more I fell in love with her, the more scared I became of her walking away for some reason and losing it all.

 

I too had met somebody, who was not half the girl my ex was. I knew my insecurities were gettign too much for me to handle, so I thought I could go straight to this other girl so I wouldn't have to get too upset about things. She could take my mind off her. I suppose in a way I thought it would help my insecurities - another girl paying attention to me, yet at the same time, a distraction from the one person I did not want to get hurt from. I don't know. It's a bit hard to explain. mY ex was the best thing to ever happen to me, but I was so afraid of losing her, so I walked out first. I didn't want my insecurities to upset her, or affect her love for me. I don't know how I would have hanlded that, so I walked. I think it was selfish of me in a way, but she did not deserve to be with someone who has these insecurities.

 

But it is my insecurities, whihc I have to deal with. I feel terrible that I hurt her. I really do. But I don't think that someone as great as her needs someone like me. It's not fair. It wouldn't have been fair if my problems had of put a huge strain on our relationship. I just wouldn't have been able to bear that or cause problems.

 

I hurt so much when I broke it off with her, but in my mind, it would of hurt more if she had of broke it off with me oneday. I'm gutless.

 

It is a character flaw of mine that I really need to work on. I don't think I will get back with her, because it may be a part of my make up. And if it is, she is the last person I want to cause trouble for. She needs to get on with her life without me. She deserves that.

 

As Tony said, it is a big problem. It is my problem that I knew what I had, but got too scared. It is my problem that I couldn't just go with these wonderful feelings of love without letting something get in the way of it. It is my problem I feel insecure and afraid of getting hurt. But i was not about to make it her problem too. she does not need someone who can't deal with anything. I know it's my loss. She's the most amazing person I've met. And I think that's why I got scared.

 

I'm sure there are people out there who have gone throught the same thing. But I think in teh long run, it was the best thing - mainly for her.