OK....so duty trumps love!

[So happy together]

Plueez. Your post (s) hit no nerve with me. I just question the things you say. Things like, the BS had to have your number because they have a child together. Lets start there. The way you posted that fact, leads me to believe the said child is young, not an adult. So, now that you've shared that this child is an adult, why in the hell does he need to be in communication with this poor drunk mother? Child is grown. Makes no sense. My son is 27, obviously an adult, I've had no occasion to speak with his father since he graduated high school. Your story sounds... Idk, fabricated. This drunken woman should have no bearing in your relationship, yet here you are, daily dogging her. I don't get it. That's all.

 

 

Actually, that is not what I said. I said that my boyfriend's stbxw has his number because they have a child and because of money issues. She has my number because she is a BS who has a 'beef' with me and my number is known to the public because I own a business.

 

I don't have to dog her, I just tell my story and she looks stupid all by herself.

 

I do not much care if you think what happened/is happening to me is fabricated. I mention something that is happening with me and some posters are on me like vultures. Do what you have to do, but I will keep posting. It's possible someone may need to hear what I have to say.

[MissBee]

He stayed in the relationship because he was afraid that if he left that he would not be there when his daughter needed him. He was afraid of what would happen when it was her time, because it is not illegal to drink. And for other reasons. CPS didn't intervene. Why would he call them on himself?

 

And it's his stbxw who calls about money. He is very close with his daughter, who was absolutely horrible when she first found out he was leaving the marriage, but is now okay with things. My boyfriend is close with his family, parents, brother etc. They know how his stbxw was and are glad he is out of that situation and they are fine with me.

 

 

As an aside, I know this question was for someone else, but it is possible for OW/OM to be in an EMR and be okay with it. It is possible that they never wanted MM/MW to leave. That the relationship is enough. I know several OW who have this arrangement and are perfectly happy. So is MM.

 

Nevermind. Don't wanna derail the thread further.

[anne1707]

And she is everything you said. What's the matter? Did this post hit a nerve?

 

I do not much care if you think what happened/is happening to me is fabricated. I mention something that is happening with me and some posters are on me like vultures. Do what you have to do, but I will keep posting. It's possible someone may need to hear what I have to say.

 

You do realise that the reason people may react strongly to your posts is because of the way you actually post. The first post quoted could be interpreted as an attempt to undermine another poster. Your second post then makes (another) comment about BS being vultures. If you actually stopped and thought about what you said a bit more, maybe you would realise that constant digs at other groups of posters would result in better discussion where posters would actually take you seriously.

[Lillyfree]

You do realise that the reason people may react strongly to your posts is because of the way you actually post. The first post quoted could be interpreted as an attempt to undermine another poster. Your second post then makes (another) comment about BS being vultures. If you actually stopped and thought about what you said a bit more, maybe you would realise that constant digs at other groups of posters would result in better discussion where posters would actually take you seriously.

 

i've been leaving this alone, but will pipe in quickly.

 

seems that some posters come along and alienate not just a particular group, but pretty much everyone.

 

if you wouldn't crash into a room full of people and start flipping the bird and poking your tongue out at them, or cross your arms and sulk when someone disagrees with you, you shouldn't do the e-version of it on a forum either.

[Summer Breeze]

i've been leaving this alone, but will pipe in quickly.

 

seems that some posters come along and alienate not just a particular group, but pretty much everyone.

 

if you wouldn't crash into a room full of people and start flipping the bird and poking your tongue out at them, or cross your arms and sulk when someone disagrees with you, you shouldn't do the e-version of it on a forum either.

 

But you don't go into a room talking about being happy and have people start pull it apart at the seams either. You don't have people rudely second guess things and put you immediately on the defensive. I haven't read every post on here so I don't know if there were any in this specific thread but I've seen it in the past with both HAL, LFH and personally as well. Obviously it's not all BS but some will go for the throat and think nothing of how they address the OW/OM. It's hard to not be defensive when you feel like you're being attacked.

 

LF I'm not saying you've been that way at all. I honestly can't remember but wanted to do what you did and chime in quickly to try and give it a little balance from this side.

[Summer Breeze]

( I'm using a man in this response, but it could just as easily apply to a wayward wife)

 

really, all this speculation is pointless. even though both sides would like to believe they know the married person best, the truth is, nether one really knows for sure why he does what he does.

 

It really sounds as if both sides are doing " he loves me more"...the betrayed spouse ' he loves me more because he dumped you and stayed with me " and the other woman" he loves me more because he cheated on you to be with me, and he only left me because of duty, onbligation, the kids, the dog, the house, the lawn mower, his Boston fern, whatever"...

 

If he leaves, the other woman feels it's because he loves her more and so he chose to end his marriage, and the betrayed spouse feels it's because she kicked him out and he had no where else to go...

 

all that is speculation, and the reality is something only the married man really knows for sure...and I have a sneaking suspicion that he isn't giving the full and complete story to anyone, not even himself...and if he doesn't even know for sure why he;s doing what he does, then how can anyone else?

 

It may be pointless FS but we see it here time and time again. Both BS and OW/OM trying to figure it out and sort through it. It's absolutely pointless to me now whether or not Joey loved me when he dumped me when I was 17 (150 years ago) but then it wasn't. Then it was the focal point of my whole being. Like it is with both OW and BS in here trying to make sense of it all. I know that's not the same as choosing between love and duty but it's still part and parcel of trying to work through things.

[Lillyfree]

But you don't go into a room talking about being happy and have people start pull it apart at the seams either. You don't have people rudely second guess things and put you immediately on the defensive. I haven't read every post on here so I don't know if there were any in this specific thread but I've seen it in the past with both HAL, LFH and personally as well. Obviously it's not all BS but some will go for the throat and think nothing of how they address the OW/OM. It's hard to not be defensive when you feel like you're being attacked.

 

LF I'm not saying you've been that way at all. I honestly can't remember but wanted to do what you did and chime in quickly to try and give it a little balance from this side.

 

actually, you'd be surprised at which side i'm on

 

i'm very much against a lynch mob, but i've never felt attacked here. i've been on the receiving end of some fairly full-on posts as well...maybe i can tolerate more and take it on the chin *shrug*

 

getting defensive is usually counter-productive.

[Summer Breeze]

actually, you'd be surprised at which side i'm on

 

i'm very much against a lynch mob, but i've never felt attacked here. i've been on the receiving end of some fairly full-on posts as well...maybe i can tolerate more and take it on the chin *shrug*

 

getting defensive is usually counter-productive.

 

I respect what you're saying and I admit I'm going to have to do some snooping on your backstory! Many OW aren't either happy in the A or haven't ended up with their MM. I think when they are it does hit nerves with some posters who may be in very painful stages of their situations. So it might be that your story is different from hers and you get different responses. I'm guessing here now! Getting defensive is absolutely counter productive but it's also very much a way a whole lot of us respond.

 

Thanks LF.

[anne1707]

actually, you'd be surprised at which side i'm on

 

i'm very much against a lynch mob, but i've never felt attacked here. i've been on the receiving end of some fairly full-on posts as well...maybe i can tolerate more and take it on the chin *shrug*

 

getting defensive is usually counter-productive.

 

 

I totally agree. When I came to this site I came in for far more abuse than I see some complaining about here. Yet I never felt the need to snap back or assume that all BS were this or all OW were that. I just get so frustrated by the attempts to undermine whole groups of posters whether that be calling them haters, vultures, damaged, sluts, etc. If people have problems with particular posts or posters than they should use the ignore button or the report facility. I can think of several AP and BS posters who have been banned because of their behaviour so moderation is applied fairly to all sides.

[William]

Noting some off-topic and cross-talk between members on the last page, moderation will review this for conformance. No need to send in any alerts. Thanks.